Chapter Forty-Four
The tattoo is finally complete and properly healed. I’ve seen it in the mirror, but Braden is at my flat, taking photos of it so I can see it all properly. It really is something – a real work of art.
“It’s wonderful Braden. It’s like she’s holding me,” I whisper, looking at the images of the phoenix on my back.
I trace the image with my fingertips, as I study the intricacies of the design. The flames erupt out of my lower back as the phoenix rises, with its beak open as it calls out over my right shoulder, its wings outstretched. One wing reaches up over my left shoulder and the other, down around to my ribs on the right. It’s as if it’s hugging itself around me protectively. The phoenix's tail feathers fan out near the flames, curving around my body until they reach my hip bone in swirls of yellow, orange and red.
“I love it. It’s better than I imagined,” I tell him in a whisper, still focusing on the images.
“Will you tell me about her? About your daughter?” Braden asks as he moves to sit beside me.
I continue to stare at the pictures as tears drop quietly from my eyes, then I clear my throat. I’m ready. “She um, didn’t even to get to breathe. I didn’t know I was pregnant. I was just so caught up in the drugs and that stupid lifestyle he gave us. I didn’t even notice.”
“Was she Reggie’s?”
“Who knows? But she was mine, and I didn’t protect her. I was even worse than my own mother. I ruined her before she was even born. She didn’t have a chance.”
“What was her name?”
“Phoenix. Her name was Phoenix,” I tell him wiping at my eyes and taking a deep breath. “That’s the whole meaning of the tattoo. I want to remember her always. I want to carry her with me.”
“Like your cross to bear.”
“Exactly. She was innocent. She was perfect. And I destroyed her.”
Chapter Forty-Five
FOUR YEARS LATER
“How does it feel to be a fully-fledged hairdresser?” Tina asks me, when my apprenticeship is finally complete. She’s taking me out to dinner to celebrate.
“It feels great. I’m actually really proud of myself,” I tell her, leaning forward to sip on my coke through the red straw. I haven’t gone to that many restaurants in the past few years, so it’s kind of nice to be in one.
“You should be proud Paige. You’re wonderful at our job.”
I smile proudly and think about how much my life has changed since my stay in rehab. Without the encouragement and support of my boss, Tina, and my caseworker, Justine. I don’t know that I would have made it this far.
I’m proud to say that I’m what’s called a ‘functioning member of society’. I have a job. I have a handful of friends, and I have a home. It’s a rented one, but I got it off my own merits, it’s not a government subsidised one anymore.
I moved out of the flat in Lemongrove, and into a new one in Westmead. I needed a change of scenery, and I needed to move away from Braden. While spending time with him when he did my tattoo was very therapeutic, the best I could do was not hate him. I still can’t be his friend.
A waiter brings our food to the table and places four dishes between us, each containing different types of Malaysian cuisine. The scent of exotic spices fills my nose and makes my mouth water, as I help myself to some rice, and a beef curry.
“I’ll miss seeing you every day though,” I say after a while.