As I watched him work, I felt a slight swell in my chest. No one in my life has ever taken care of me like that before. It all seems a little too good to be true, but I’m willing to give it a chance.
After a full night’s sleep, I now feel a little sore, but I’m okay. I actually feel better than I have a long time after spending my second night in a real bed. I’ve been sitting watching television while Jeff is out running some errands. I don’t actually know what he does for a job but judging by the quality of his furnishings and car, I’m willing to bet that he is in a similar game to Tahlia’s parents.
I don’t think he deals pot though, I’m pretty sure he deals in ecstasy and maybe some other things. I don’t know. I haven’t seen anything, and he hasn’t told me anything yet.
As I sit, I think about how he told me that I could stay while he teaches me something different every night. I wonder how many different sex acts there are and try to guess how many days he’s going to let me stay. Maybe if I’m a really willing pupil, he’ll want me to stay longer. Maybe I could be so good to him, that he’ll start to care about me and won’t want to let me go. Maybe I can help him with his work in some way…
There are a lot of maybes. The biggest ones being - maybe I should have stayed put. Maybe I’m in over my head. I made the decision to come and stay here while still feeling the effects of ecstasy tablets. Maybe if I was sober, I would have chosen Tahlia’s couch.
Sitting on my own all I can do is question myself. I’m starting to worry that I’m walking down a road I never imagined I’d travel, and that I might never find my way back. No matter how hard I try.
Chapter Twelve
When Jeff gets home, he’s smiling brightly. “Hey gorgeous, just wait there. I’ll be back in a minute” he says, disappearing into his room briefly before returning, holding a small package in his hand.
“What’ve you got there?” I ask, nodding at his hand.
“A gift,” he says, grinning with only half his mouth, his eyes darkening slightly as he moves towards me.
“What kind of gift?” I sit up straighter and look at his hand intently, as if my eyes have the power to open it.
He sits next to me. “It’s something that will make you feel amazing,” he tells me, opening his hand to reveal a small bag of white powder.
I suck my breath back sharply. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Uh huh.” He opens the draw from the side table next to the couch, pulls out a leather binder and places it on the coffee table in front of us. I sit by quietly, curiosity getting the better of me as I chew my lip and watch him prepare our lines.
The old me, the girl who used to try hard at school and did everything she could to be accepted, would be horrified at what I’m becoming, at what I’m sitting here ready to do.
But the current me wants this. I know it going to make me feel something more than the desolation that’s constantly lurking beneath the surface of my mind, constantly telling me that I’m not wanted, that no one cares.
The old me left months ago, and I don’t even want to think about her anymore.
Jeff leans forward, and with his finger pressed against one side of his nose, and a small glass tube held up to the other, he lets out a loud sniff as the line of white powder shoots up into his nostril. He sits back and continues to inhale, his eyes closed slightly as he shakes his head, quickly, from side to side.
“Oh, that’s good,” he says as he blows out a long steady breath and hands me the tube. “Your turn.”
I can’t pretend that I’m not nervous right now. I’ve never done coke before, and I don’t feel very confident about taking it. I reach out and take the tube, holding on to it firmly as I’m afraid that I might drop it and break the glass on the hard wood floors.