Your virginity is a gift, it told me. Don’t just give it away to a man you’ve only known for a day.
I mentally told my mind to shut up. I needed to do this. Jeff could make my life better. My mind tried to tell me that he could make it much worse, but I wasn’t willing to listen. He was already poised between my legs.
“Are you ready?” he asked, nudging his tip at my opening.
I didn’t trust my voice to come out with the right answer, so I nodded my head instead, and took a deep breath as I readied myself for his intrusion.
“Relax,” he whispered. “Relax.”
He pushed in. Little bit, by little bit. I felt myself stretching around him. Tearing. Stinging. Burning.
It hurt.
“Stop. Stop,” I told him breathlessly. “I just need a minute.”
“It’s ok. We’re going slow,” he whispered, kissing my forehead, my cheek and, then my mouth. “I’m going to push just a little, ok?”
I nodded again. I wanted to say ‘No. Get out’, but I knew that I’d gone too far. I needed to see it through.
“Tell me when to stop,” he instructed as he pressed himself deeper. I could feel a warmth, like it was burning. But I breathed through it, and let him move on.
Eventually, he paused. “I’m all the way in. Are you ok?” he asked, concern in his voice and in his eyes.
“It hurts. But, I’m ok,” I told him, my voice quiet and shaky as I wished for this all to be over.
“Can I move?”
“Just a little,” I whispered. I was trying so hard to relax, but the burning sensation between my legs as I stretched around him, was starting to control my senses.
“I won’t last long,” he assured me. “You are just so, so tight.” He clenched his jaw and moved inside me. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to focus more on my breathing.
Within a few strokes, he shuddered, emptying himself inside me. “Mmmm,” he hummed, pressing his forehead against mine as he calmed himself, whispering, “It will be better next time. I promise,” as he kissed me softly.
Slowly, he withdrew from me, and I felt red-raw as he vacated my depths. I’m having trouble believing that this will feel better in time. It was uncomfortable, painful, and well – just not nice.
I don’t think it was anything Jeff did. He took time to make sure that I was more than ready before he pushed inside me. However, it just didn’t feel anywhere near as nice as the touching and fondling did beforehand.
“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, holding his hand out to me. I looked down between my legs, and while I knew it was possible. I'm ashamed to say that I freaked out slightly when I saw the blood.
“It’s ok,” Jeff told me soothingly, as he wrapped me in his arms and brushed my hair back gently, whispering to me that it was all normal. Everything was alright.
Scooping me up in his arms, he carried me into the bathroom. Where he sat me down, and ran a bath for me. Lifting me again, to lower me into the water and carefully wash my skin, planting soft kisses over my face and shoulders as he did.
Suddenly, my eyes pricked with tears. “I’m sorry I wasn’t any good. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much,” I whispered to him, overcome with everything that had just happened.
He shushed me gently. “Don’t talk like that. You were perfect. Tomorrow, it will be so much nicer for you. I promise you that. It’s only the first time that it hurts.”
I feel doubtful that could ever feel nice. But so many people talk like sex is amazing, so I’m willing to give it another shot. He tells me there’s a lot more things we can do that will feel nice. I suppose I just have to trust him. He knows a lot more about this stuff than I do.
After the bath, he dried me off, and carried me back to the bedroom. Where he sat me on a chair, while he changed the sheets on the bed, so we could get some sleep.