Nodding my head, I sigh contentedly as I sit back against the couch. Quietly, I contemplate my life right now as I watch Jeff walk from the bedroom to the kitchen. The private grin he gives me starts my heart beating wildly in my chest.
In my mind, l can actually see a way out of this state of homelessness that I’ve found myself in. I can feel a sense of hope start to blossom inside me - a hope that I might have some sort of normal future after all.
Tahlia leans in close and whispers in my ear. “Don’t get too attached OK? Have your fun and move on.”
“What are you two whispering about?” Jeff asks as he wanders into the lounge room carrying a mug of coffee for each of us.
“I was just telling her to watch out for the likes of you. You’re a known heartbreaker,” Tahlia informs him.
He laughs as he sets the mugs on the side tables and takes the single seat to my right.
“I’m not going to break her heart Tahlia, because I’m never going to lie to her. Paige will always know where she stands with me. I give you my word on that.”
“Hmmm” is the only response she gives him.
We all sit together and sip our coffees quietly until Jeff suggests that he drive me and Tahlia home, so we can pick up my things.
“I don’t really have much,” I tell him. “I got rid of a lot of things months ago. It was easier to travel light. I didn’t look so much like a teenage runaway with just a backpack.”
He reaches over and tucks some of my hair behind my ear, causing my eyes to flutter closed. “That’s no problem. I’ll take care of you for a while.”
“Alright Jeff. Stop filling her head with so much hope. It’s not good for her.”
Jeff’s response is to wink at me and kiss me on top of the head as he stands to collect our now empty mugs.
Despite Tahlia’s warnings, I still feel giddy about coming to stay with Jeff. Even if my time staying with him doesn’t last long. I feel as though now that I’m sixteen, I can finally take my life into my own hands.
Now, I can get a job, and in a year I can get my provisional license. I won’t be dependent upon the kindness of others for much longer. How can I not have hope?
***
We stay at Tahlia’s house until after lunch while Jeff and Tahlia’s dad, Ron, catch up and have a laugh.
I thank them all profusely for helping me and giving me somewhere to stay, and they tell me that it was no trouble. Although, I’m still not convinced that they actually realised I was living there.
“Just remember, you can come back anytime, and I’ll see you soon,” Tahlia tells me as I leave with Jeff. She hugs me tightly as I’m about to get into the car and stands in her front yard, waving as we drive off.
Jeff reaches over and takes my hand, bringing it to his lips before returning it to my lap. “Are you ready?” he asks, glancing at me briefly as he focuses on the road.
“Yes. I think I am,” I tell him confidently. In that moment, I farewell any innocence I have left in me. Knowing full well that I’m being taken as a play thing, and that I’m doing it willingly.
Perhaps when I’m older, I’ll look back on this moment and wonder why the hell I did it. But right now, he’s the only person who makes me feel like more than a homeless teen, and I want to feel. I want to feel so badly.
Chapter Eleven
Last night, I lost my virginity. I don’t know how to feel about it. I thought that it would be better than it actually was. Especially after orgasming the night before. But it was just…ok.
The whole thing didn’t take very long. Jeff took me back to his house, and we sat and talked for a while. He made me some dinner, and afterwards, he took me by the hand and led me to his room.
Slowly, he undressed me, unwrapping me like a birthday present. Touching me gently, kissing me. Tasting me, preparing me.
Without the ecstasy in my system, like it was the night before, I was nervous. My breathing was shaky and my mind was racing, telling me all the reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this.