I felt a little deflated at his answer. I wanted to hear what he had to say, how he planned on explaining away his guilt. “How long do you expect the trial to last?”
“Depends on a number of factors. If the evidence is presented concisely and the defense is prepared, we could wrap up the first part of the trial today. What could take the longest is the jury’s deliberation. It’s really anyone’s guess when it comes to jurors.”
I must have looked worried because he placed a hand on my shoulder and gave it a short squeeze before dropping it. “Once both sides have rested, you won’t be needed any more. After you’ve been questioned by the defense you will be free to go. But you’re welcome to stay if you’d like.”
“I suppose I’ll wait and see how I feel.” I leaned closer in to him, dropping my voice to a whisper, not wanting everyone in the hallway of the busy courtroom hallway to hear my next question. “How do you suggest I deal with pumping?” I tapped the black bag hanging from my shoulder containing my breast pump. I would give up nursing my daughter for the day to be here, but I wouldn’t risk losing the ability to nurse all together.
Mr. Donaldson didn’t miss a beat and answered my question with the same professionalism, which I couldn’t have been more thankful for.
“I’ve made the judge aware of your needs and she’s agreed to recess the court every two hours to allow you the time you need.”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I looked to Megan and Kalli and they were smiling back at me. So far, this was all sounding doable. Mr. Donaldson excused himself from us, promising to return closer to nine. I turned to the girls and we stood in the hallway chatting, waiting for the trial to begin. I pulled my phone from my purse, hoping to check in with Porter before I was unavailable for who knew how long. I saw I had a few messages from him and I immediately panicked, furiously clicking on the screen to get to the messages that I was sure were going to inform me that something terrible had happened in my absence.
Hey Hot Momma ;)
His response to my picture made me smile and blush a little, finding myself a little more than glad that he found me attractive. The other messages were simply pictures and if I were being honest with myself, they were the most adorable pictures that would not have ever been taken had I not left Mattie alone with her daddy. The first was Mattie wearing the University of Oregon baseball cap that Porter sometimes wore to work when it was hot outside. It was huge on her, obviously, but ridiculously cute. The next photo was of her, still wearing the baseball cap, with the television remote rigged to look like she was holding it. It came with the text,
Taking after Daddy already.
I laughed at the picture and the caption, mostly because it was funny, but also because the implication that Porter ever really just sat around and watched TV was laughable.
Adorable. Enjoy your daddy and daughter bonding time. Mr. Donaldson thinks I could be done with the trial today if everything goes well. I’ll keep you updated.
Kalli and Megan did their best to keep me occupied until it was time to go into the courtroom, but I was too anxious to appreciate their efforts or laugh at their jokes. I gave them a few smiles when I thought it was appropriate, but my mind was meandering between my testimony and my family back at the hospital.
When it was finally time to head into the courtroom, Mr. Donaldson indicated for me to take a seat behind his table to the left of the aisle. I was flanked by support, Megan on my right and Kalli on my left. The courtroom was surprisingly empty. I don’t know who I expected to be there, but it definitely wasn’t the media filled circus that my overactive imagination had whipped up. A few minutes later, Dr. Andrews from OHSU and Dr. Evans, my psychiatrist, both came in, and a moment after that Detective Dillard entered, talking with the head investigator from Lincoln City. All four took seats on the same side of the room as me. It was weird seeing them all together like this, as if my life for the last two years was sitting here, getting ready for a replay. Although, the most important people, Porter and Mattie, were noticeably absent.
On the other side of the aisle sat a woman and a man, both who looked to be in their forties. There was one other person there, seated behind the couple, a man who appeared to be in his twenties and seemed like being there was in inconvenience to him. He kept checking his phone and bouncing his leg up and down.
Suddenly the doors opened again in the back of the room and the men who had deposed me walked in. I recognized them as Jason Ramie’s defense team. My pulse spiked and my breath caught in my throat. This experience was quickly becoming all too real. I had wanted my chance to do my part, my chance to defend myself, my opportunity to prove to myself and Jason Ramie that he couldn’t take everything from me. But now I felt as if maybe I had been too careless in my evaluation of my abilities.