“Just let go, Baby. I’m here.”
I felt his hands grasp my cheeks, my forehead being pulled down to meet with his, and his ragged breath upon my face. I whimpered loudly as he braced his arms against my back, putting more pressure against me, and my orgasm burst through me. Mouth gaping open, foreheads still touching, fingers curling against his biceps, I found my release and floated like a feather back to reality.
My eyes were still closed and his hands were trailing down my back, waiting for me to return to him. When I finally blinked and pulled back to look at him, he wore a concerned look on his ruggedly beautiful face.
“Are you ok? Did I hurt you?”
My hands came up to cradle his face. “That was anything but painful.” I tried to reassure him by kissing him gently, but when I pulled back he was still wearing the same face. “I promise. It was wonderful. Thank you.” I moved just a little, trying to climb off of him, and felt his hardness still beneath me. “Do you, um, need me to . . .”
“No.” He said curtly.
“No?” My insecurities came racing back. He’d never denied me before. What man turns down a blow job? Was it because he wasn’t attracted to me anymore?
“Hey,” he said, a little softer this time with less edge to his voice. “This was for you. I’m not expecting anything in return.” He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, then pulled back to stare at me some more. I tried to take his words for their value, tried not to read into them too much, but my insecure mind was racing around with thoughts of stretch marks and pregnant bellies. Obviously, my mind concluded, he wasn’t attracted to me sexually anymore.
“Hey,” he said again, only this time he sounded angry. My eyes darted back to his at the new emotion I heard in his voice. “Don’t do that, Ella. Don’t let your mind wander off with your thoughts. I can see it all over your face and you’re wrong.” His thumb came up and traced a line down the edge of my jaw, starting at my chin and working back towards my ear.
“Watching your body change to carry my baby was the sexiest thing I have ever seen, and the way you look now,” his hand that was just gentle at my jaw had moved back into my hair and gripped me firmly. “I could never stop loving this body, Ella. This body gave me the most beautiful creature in the world, and I want to worship you, I do.” He pulled my face towards him, so close that his mouth was right next to my ear. He breathed his words against my skin, making me shiver against him as new waves of pleasure rolled over me. “But the next time I come, I want to be buried deep inside of you. I want to enjoy your new body to its fullest.” His teeth nipped at my earlobe and my breath caught in my throat.
“Ok, then,” I managed to mumble, even with his mouth on my neck.
“And Ella?” He said, again, his mouth still sending goose bumps along my neck.
“Yes?”
“I can’t wait to be buried inside you again.”
“Ok.”
Porter took a leave from work for two weeks after Mattie was born, and those were two glorious weeks filled with both of us learning how to tread these new and rough waters of parenthood. Of course, all our families came to visit, but mostly it was just Porter, Mattie, and me trying to make it through another day. We had many tumultuous moments that involved crying, and many more beautiful moments, like coming across your gorgeous husband sleeping on the couch with your even more gorgeous baby girl asleep on his chest. The sight of Porter with Mattie nearly did me in every time.
But when Porter went back to work, it was a whole new ballgame for us girls. We had to adjust all over again to doing things on our own and sometimes Mattie wasn’t fully cooperative. The first time I ventured out to the grocery store, just Mattie and me, I only came home with one third of what I needed because right in the middle of the store Mattie decided to get hungry and I didn’t have the patience or experience to nurse her while I shopped. So we went home without our groceries, Mattie screaming the entire way.
Even though Porter worked more than a full day, he would always come home and help me. This was both incredibly helpful but also not surprising in the least. He had always been one to go the extra mile; he never did anything half way. So, when he would come home and simply take Mattie from me and tell me to go to bed, I always would, and I always told him ‘thank you.’