Need You Tonight

TWENTY





1996

“I’m starting to think this magazine just rewords everything each month and prints the same stories,” Tessa said with a huff. She was flopped across her bed in gym shorts and a tank top, flipping through some chick magazine and chewing her thumbnail.

Meanwhile, Kaden was sitting on Tess’s pink beanbag chair on the floor, contemplating if he’d lost his mind. He wondered would someone who had actually lost his mind even be able to contemplate that? But surely something had to be wrong in the universe because he was in Tessa McAllen’s bedroom alone at ten at night and there was no tutoring going on. “You should read Rolling Stone instead.”

“Maybe.” She glanced over at the darkened window then over to him. “I’m sorry about this, by the way. Now I feel like a dork for calling you. But I really did think I heard something outside.”

“It’s not a b-b-big deal,” he said, trying to sound casual but the stutter giving him away as usual. “I was heading out when you called anyway.”

“Yeah?” she said, her tone hopeful. “Where to?”

He shrugged. “Just out. My mom’s working overnight shifts all weekend, and my stepdad really goes full throttle when she’s away. I’m sure he’s halfway through the vodka supply by now, and I’d rather not be in his path. Even Gib is staying at a friend’s house.”

She frowned. “That sucks. Doesn’t your mom realize how he is?”

He sighed and looked up at her ceiling, which had posters of country singers and bands he’d never be caught dead listening to taped to it. “I don’t think she knows how bad it gets. He puts on a decent show for her, but she’s got her own issues. When she’s not working, she’s mostly in bed, zoned out on her pills for her back. I think she’s too depressed to bother doing anything about him.”

“My real mom was into pills, too,” she said quietly, drawing his attention from the ceiling back to her. She never talked about her birthparents, at least not to him. “She had mental problems or whatever and was supposed to take medication. But it made her feel crappy. Or, at least that’s what she said. She started doing the nonprescription stuff instead and kind of forgot she had a kid to take care of.”

He frowned, not knowing what to say to that. That sucks didn’t seem like the right response. “What happened after that?”

She looked down at the magazine and started flipping pages again, but he could tell she wasn’t seeing them. “One day she just didn’t come home. I slept in the closet with my Glo Worm toy because I was scared when it got dark. The neighborhood wasn’t great so there were lots of noises at night. I lasted two weeks at home alone until I had to go to a neighbor and ask if they had anything to eat. I’d run out of Captain Crunch and stuff to make cheese sandwiches. They called child services.”

“Jesus.” Kaden sat up, his heart dropping to his stomach. “How old were you?”


“Six.” She closed the magazine and tossed it onto the floor. “That was the last time I ever stayed home alone.”

God, no wonder she’d called him in a panic earlier tonight, begging him to come over and check the house when she’d heard something outside. Being alone like this probably terrified her. “When are you foster p-p-parents getting back into town?”

She was chewing her nails again and had to lower her hand to respond. “Not ’til Monday. Apparently, they decided I was trustworthy enough to stay on my own while they went to some work conference.”

“And now you have a guy in your room,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “Breaking rules already.”

She gave him a little smile. “Not technically. They said it was okay for you to come over if we needed to study. I doubt they meant at night, but whatever.”

“What about Doug?”

She sniffed and the drawn look she’d been wearing lifted a bit. “Of course he can’t come over. I mean, they think he’s a nice guy and all, but they know we’re dating. So you know, high risk of shenanigans or whatever. Can you believe they actually use words like shenanigans?”

Doug was high risk. Kaden was no risk. Even her parents saw him that way. How frigging comforting. “Words like that were created to f*ck with p-p-people who stutter.”

She grinned. “Right? I can barely say it. Stupid word.”

Her retort settled some of the tension strumming through the room. Over the last few months, they’d gotten to the point where they could joke about sensitive things without it being a big deal. It was nice to have that ease between them. “So are you going to break that rule—about Doug?”

She sat her chin on her hand. “No. I’ve learned not to break rules. It’s not worth it.”

The concept was so foreign to Kaden, he could barely put together a response. “Seriously?”

She laughed at what must have been his stricken expression. “If you break the rules, your parents get pissed off. I break the rules, the parents can give me back. What I have here is way better than what I’ve had in the past, so I’m not going to screw it up.”

“Damn, that kind of sucks.”

She gave a little shoulder scrunch as if it was no big thing. “It’s not that bad. I kind of like knowing what’s expected of me. If I obey curfew, go to church on Sundays, and help around the house, they’re happy. That’s way better than trying to figure out what the hell someone wants from you. The last place I was at, the rules were on like some sliding scale with each kid getting different versions. Half the time I got in trouble, I didn’t know what the heck I’d done wrong.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of how my house is. My stepdad changes rules all the time, and it’s always the opposite of whatever I’m doing. I’ve given up trying and just stay out of his way as much as possible.”

“Thank God you have only a few months before you go to college.”

He wanted to say the same back to her, but he refused to acknowledge that her following Doug to Georgia after they graduated was a good plan.

She sat up and he tried—not very successfully—to ignore how thin her tank top was. “So, now that we’ve established that parents suck, and I’ve completely embarrassed myself by dragging you out here for no reason, I should probably let you get back to whatever it was you were going to do tonight.”

Her tone was bright but he didn’t buy her bullshit. The fact that she kept glancing out the window told him everything he needed to know. “Well, I did have b-b-big plans to skateboard in the parking lot of the Ace Hardware tonight, but I could be persuaded to hang around a while if you agree to give me control over the r-r-remote.”

A smile crept onto her face. “Really?”

“And I expect popcorn.”

She laughed. “Done.”

“Then we have a deal.” He pushed up from the floor and she scooted off the bed.

Before he could take a step forward, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. The feel of her body against his was like an electric current plugging into his grid, lighting up all parts of him. He returned the embrace, wishing he could freeze the moment, bottle the scent of her.

“Thanks, Kaden,” she said against his chest. “I know this is probably the last way you wanted to spend a Friday night.”

He pulled back from the hug and looked down at her. God, how many times had he ached to be this close to her? Before he could let the nerves interfere, he pushed her hair behind her ears and let his hands linger on her shoulders. “Then you don’t know me very well because there’s no place I’d rather b-b-be.”

She stiffened briefly, like she always did when he crossed that invisible line. After their initial kiss that day in the cabin, he’d managed to keep things distant for a while. But as the months went on and they opened up about their lives to each other, the barriers had fallen down and more and more they were slipping up and touching each other with a familiarity that should be reserved for a couple. But he’d never taken it quite this far or admitted anything out loud.

“Kaden . . .” Her voice was barely audible in the quiet room.

“Why did you call me tonight instead of Doug? I know it’s not just because of the rule thing.”

Her gaze slid away. “You live closer, and he’s at a guys-only thing tonight.”

“Bullshit. That’s not why.”

She rolled her lips inward but still wouldn’t look at him. “Don’t make me say it.”

He sensed in that moment that it was now or never. He’d never get a better opportunity to make a stand and tell her exactly how he felt. “You called me because you knew you could trust me to t-t-take care of you. You called me because you’d rather spend time with m-me than him.”

She shook her head, but he could see she was blinking fast, fighting tears. “That’s not true.”

“Then look at me and tell me that. Look at me and tell me you don’t feel anything but friendship toward me. Tell me you l-l-love Doug, that it’s not about the money or his fancy family. That even if I had what he had, you’d choose him anyway.”

She lifted her gaze to him, a forlorn look in her eyes. “I love Doug and I’d choose him anyway.”

But he saw the truth there on her face as plain as it’d ever been. She was lying and it was killing her. He slid his hands up from her shoulders and cupped her face in the way he’d imagined so many times since that first kiss. “Then if that’s the case, t-t-tell me to stop.”

He gave her a beat of a moment then lowered his mouth to hers. She didn’t turn away, she didn’t stiffen, and she didn’t say stop. Instead, she whimpered into the connection and stepped closer to him, grabbing his waist. When he tried to deepen the kiss, her lips parted as if they’d been waiting for this moment as long as he had. His tongue touched hers and everything inside him went white hot and urgent. His fingers slid into her hair, and he kissed her like this would be the last girl he’d ever kiss in his life.

A soft moan slipped from her and it went straight to his groin. But he wasn’t going to worry about his body’s obvious reaction to her or be embarrassed. He wanted her to know what she did to him, how badly he wanted to touch her. He breathed her name into the kiss, and her hands slipped beneath the edge of his T-shirt, the soft touch of her fingers against his bare skin making his stomach clench in anticipation.

Without realizing it, they drifted the few steps toward the bed, hands and lips exploring each other with a kind of stunned wonder. Her touch grew more bold, her fingers tracking along his back beneath his shirt. She moved the fabric upward, as if trying to push it over his head. A brief moment of panic went through him. He didn’t go without his shirt even to swim. His pudgy years had scared him off of that. But when she made another breathy sound, he shoved the anxiety aside and pulled back from the kiss to tug his T-shirt up and off. If she wanted to touch him skin to skin, he’d be a f*cking idiot not to let her.

She sat down on the bed and looked at him, really looked at him. And what he saw there soothed any remaining self-consciousness. If she cared that he didn’t have a six-pack, she sure didn’t show it. And, God, what a sight she was—wet lips and flushed cheeks. He was going to die if she told him to stop now. But even though he was afraid talking would break the moment, he also needed to be sure. “Tell me you want me to keep kissing you, Tess.”

He braced for her to run like last time, but she held out her hand to him, inviting him onto the bed. “I want you to keep kissing me.”

Thank you, God. He’d take that earlier threat of atheism back.

He climbed onto the bed and laid her against the pillows, then lowered in for another kiss. This time she wrapped her arms around his neck and they rolled to their sides. Everything inside Kade was flying. Nothing could be or ever would be better than this. Somehow he knew that. This was it for him. The way she smelled, the softness of her. And Lord, her taste—toothpaste and girl and lip gloss that had faded. He’d never forget it.


To his relief, she seemed just as eager for him. Each stroke of their tongues built his confidence and made him bolder. Following her lead from earlier, he let his fingers move beneath the bottom edge of her tank top, the smooth skin of her hip and belly like hallowed ground beneath his fingertips. He kept his touch easy, unsure of how far she wanted this to go. He wasn’t exactly experienced in determining the signs. He’d barely made it to second base with anyone before and none of his meager experience had been like this.

Tessa broke from the kiss with a gasp, her eyes searching his. “What are we doing?”

“Whatever we want,” he said, pushing her hair back from her face and praying she wasn’t going to shut down on him. “What d-d-do you want, Tess?”

She stared at him for a long moment, then shifted position. He thought she was going to climb off the bed, but instead she reached for the hem of her tank top and pulled it over her head, revealing a purple cotton bra and an eyeful of flesh. Kaden’s brain nearly melted right out of his ears, and all his blood rushed straight south. “You don’t h-h-have t-t-to, there’s no p-p-pressure . . .”

F*ck, he couldn’t speak on a normal day, but this might short out his system for good.

She met his gaze and reached to the spot holding the two bra cups together. With a flick of her fingers, she unhooked it and let it fall open. “I’m not doing this because I feel pressured.”

Yeah, he had no shot at speaking now, so he wasn’t going to even try. Plus, he had to put all his energy into not coming right this very second.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m not ready to become horror movie bait yet. But I also know I don’t want to stop yet.”

The words nearly caused wings to sprout from his back he was so damn happy. “C-c-come here. I d-d-don’t know what I’m d-d-doing either.”

But he was damn sure going to figure out how to make her feel good.

She moved back into his arms and the press of her bare breasts against his chest nearly undid any hope at controlling his body. But he breathed through it and focused on her eyes. There was so much there??want, curiosity, fear, and a little sadness. He knew why that last one was there. He wasn’t under the impression this would change anything long-term. He still didn’t have what Doug had to offer her. But maybe, just maybe, he could show her that he had more and better.

He slipped his hand behind her thigh and drew her leg over his, letting her feel how much he wanted her. Her eyes went a little wide, but he kissed her before she could think too much. As soon as their mouths melded again, the tension drained from her body and she sank into his touch. Seconds turned into minutes as they kissed and explored with hands and mouths. When he put his lips over one of her nipples and sucked, the sound she made reverberated through him like a siren call. God, yes. That. Whatever that was, he wanted to give her more of it. Encouraged by her reaction, he let his hand drift to the band of her shorts.

He stayed there a moment, stroking her belly and kissing her breasts, but when she whimpered beneath him, he gathered the guts to move his hand lower. When his fingertips grazed hair, he looked up at her. “Is this okay?”

She bit her lip and nodded.

After a deep breath to calm himself, he let his hand slide downward, feeling her most private of parts. Heat touched his fingers, then wetness. He groaned, the silky feel of her almost too much to process. He stroked along the outside of her folds, listening to the noises she made to guide him. She was so soft and delicate there. He wanted to taste her. But he knew that’d probably be too big of a step for them both.

Instead, he moved his hand lower, finding her opening, and carefully inserted the tip of his finger. He wasn’t sure if he could hurt her by doing this, but she made a soft sound—pure pleasure. He groaned and his dick pushed against his zipper. God, he’d never imagined that a girl would feel this hot. He could only imagine what that wet heat would feel like around him. With gentle movements, he moved his fingers back along the folds of her skin, stroking her in a way that he hoped to hell felt good.

She tilted her hips upward. “Oh, right there . . .”

The hard little nub beneath his fingertips swelled against his touch. He’d read enough dirty books and seen enough internet porn to know this was a good spot, the *oris. He circled it again, and Tessa grabbed his hair. Man, he could do this all day to see her react like this. He lowered his mouth back to her breast and kept his fingers moving.

Her grip tightened against his scalp and she lifted her hips in a little rhythm until she was doing most of the work, rubbing against him like she needed. He figured out quickly that he better not change anything up. He sensed she was building to something and didn’t want to ruin it.

“Oh, God, I think I’m going to—” But she didn’t finish the thought. Instead, she made the sexiest damn sound he’d ever heard in his life. It was nothing like what was in the movies. No screeching sounds—just these soft, gasping breaths and a moan that made her body shake.

It was more than he could take. With his free hand, he reached for his dick, hoping to do something to hold back the inevitable. But as soon as he wrapped his hand around it, he exploded.

“F*ck,” he ground out, rolling back on the bed and letting what he couldn’t stop overtake him. He let out a strained groan, and the orgasm happened before he could even unbutton his fly—ruining his cargo shorts and his pride.

F*ck. Me. Way to go, Fowler.

Half an hour later, he walked back into Tessa’s room with wet hair and pajama pants that were too short for him. He hadn’t quite found his pride yet. It was probably still in shreds somewhere on the side of the bed. She peered up from the same magazine she’d been flipping through earlier that night. She gave him a shy smile. “So, hey.”

“Your foster dad is too short.”

She glanced at the pants. “Maybe you’re just too tall.”

He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, embarrassment burning a path to his face. “Sorry about . . . well, y-y-you know.”

“Hey,” she said, reaching for his hand and giving it a squeeze, “don’t be. You made me feel so, I can’t even really describe it. If anyone should be blushing, it’s me. I can’t believe we just did what we did.”

“That makes t-t-two of us,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the top of her knuckles.

She chewed her lip as if considering what she was going to say next, but the shrill ring of the phone interrupted the moment, making them both jump.

She pulled her hand from his and leaned toward her bedside table. “Dammit.”

“What’s wrong?”

She picked up the phone and turned away from him. “Hello? Yeah . . . no, I’m just about to go to sleep . . . Did you have fun?”

Kaden’s teeth clenched when he heard the male voice on the other end.

“Um, right, sure, we can still do that. You can pick me up here. Can we figure out the rest in the morning? I’m really wiped out.”

Tessa exchanged her good-byes with Doug, which involved a “you, too” that meant that prick had said love you or miss you or some bullshit to her. All when he’d probably spent the night fooling around on her. Guy’s night out, his ass. He’d overheard enough of Doug’s and his friend’s locker room chats to know what happened on guy’s night.

When Tess hung up the phone and turned back to him, all the light had gone from her eyes. Fat, ugly guilt sat there instead. And the bitch of it was that he didn’t know what the guilt was over. He hoped it stemmed from what she was going to have to tell Doug when she broke it off with him. But Kaden had a feeling it was directed toward him. He could feel the hammer about to fall.

When she didn’t say anything, his hope plummeted further. “Are you going to t-tell him what happened? End things?”

She looked down at her hands, her shoulders slumped. “Kaden, I, I don’t know what to say. It’s just confusing and there’s so much . . . you know I can’t . . .”

Icy cold moved through him. “No, you’re wrong. It’s not confusing. It’s about as c-c-clear as it gets.”

She shook her head, a tear moving across her formerly flushed cheeks. “Maybe if things were different . . .”

Maybe if things were different, maybe if things were different . . . The thought circled his head like an ugly buzzard. Crazy ideas brewed. “You really mean that, Tess?”

She peeked up at him, blue eyes shiny with tears. “Yes.”

He gave a terse nod and stood. “I’m going to sleep on the couch downstairs so you won’t be alone. I’ll make sure and be out before Doug gets here to p-p-pick you up for whatever.”

She looked stricken. “Kaden—”

“Get some rest. And don’t make any plans for tomorrow night. We’re going to t-t-talk.”

And hopefully by tomorrow night, he could show her how things could be different.

When he told her good night, he didn’t stutter at all.