If ever there is a moment that I needed to capture – this is it. Unfortunately, pulling out my cell phone to take his picture doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.
This is the expression I’ve been waiting for. There’s a gleam in his eyes that lights up his entire face. He looks shocked but elated, maybe even proud of himself. His eyes roam all over me, from my face to my stomach and back up again, even stopping to check out my boobs.
He grips my sides as a wide smile of understanding slowly appears on his face. “Say it again.”
“Which part?” I ask, knowing full well what he’s referring to.
“The part where you said I finally knocked you up.”
“I don’t think those were my exact words. I think I said something along the lines of: I’m eighteen weeks pregnant according to my doctor.”
When you know someone as long as I’ve known Liam, you can tell when he or she thinking hard. Case in point was when I was with Katelyn at the park. She was telling me I’m pregnant, while I was simultaneously denying it and calculating in my head when my last cycle was. Katelyn knew exactly what I was doing, just as I know exactly that Liam is thinking now.
“How is this possible?”
“Well, when a man and woman have unprotected –”
He silences me with his lips, then his tongue. He deepens the kiss, pulling me to the edge of the sofa. “I know how, Jojo. I was a very willing participant. What I mean is, months ago we stopped trying and started looking into adoption. This means you were already pregnant, which also means that the last round of pregnancy tests were wrong. And don’t take this the wrong way, but why aren’t you puking your guts out like Jenna was?”
“I never had morning sickness with Noah. As for the tests, I’m not sure. I saw my doctor earlier today, and she said sometimes, with stress, the body doesn’t send the normal indicators.”
“If you didn’t know you were pregnant, is the baby okay?”
One night, I caught Liam reading one of my pregnancy books. He was on the chapter about miscarriages and stillborn babies. We didn’t talk about it, but I knew it had touched him profoundly.
“I don’t know. In my heart, I feel like the baby is fine. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I feel pregnant. Katelyn even told me I was fat. This morning at the park, my best friend looked me in the eyes and told me I’m either pregnant or Xander has a lot of work to do.” I laugh and cry at the same time because while I love Katelyn, she was mean today, but in a good way.
“You’re not fat.”
“I will be.”
Liam shakes his head. “I read in one of your books that you can still work out and do yoga to stay in shape and that it’s healthy for you and the baby. If you’re thinking about how I’ll see you - because I know you’re comparing yourself to those women you saw tonight – then you have nothing to worry about. From the time I was fifteen I’ve thought you to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. The fact that you’re carrying our child only intensifies that thought. Tell me what happens tomorrow.”
He pushes a few pieces of fallen hair behind my ear and lets his hand fall down the front of my shirt, palming my boob in the process. He makes no bones about the groping action, just smiles like it’s no big deal.
“In the morning I have to go to the hospital to have an ultrasound done. The doctor wanted to do it right away, but I couldn’t do it without you.”
“Thank you for waiting.” He leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. It’s too soon when he pulls away, leaving me longing for more.
“We have a lot more to talk about, like how you went against my wishes and read that book, as well as what happened with Meredith.”
“Like how I saw you smoking on stage?”
“Touché. In my defense, I was pretty drunk because I had to perform with Layla. I didn’t want to do it because I didn’t know how to explain it to you. You also have a voicemail from me that probably doesn’t make sense.”
“It didn’t, but I get it now... sort of,” I pause, giving some thought to what I’m going to say. “Liam, we need to find a happy medium. I don’t want to be one of those wives who question everything that she sees or hears. It’s not fair to you. I’m having trouble letting go of the past even though for most of it, I wasn’t even involved. I’m afraid I’m not enough for you and that’s not because of something you’re doing wrong –”
“Jojo, you’ve got to trust me,” he says, cutting me off. “You’ve got to accept that I’m not walking away from you or Noah, ever.” He pleads with me. He’s right. I need to get over whatever it is that I’m feeling. I shouldn’t be insecure in my relationship with him.
“I’m sorry for making things harder.” I realize it’s too late to take back what I just said. His expression has changed.