“Then why wasn’t I enough?” Tears stream down her face and I feel my eyes starting to burn.
“I wasn’t enough for you.” I stand so we’re eye to eye. “I wouldn’t have treated you right if you were here with me. I needed to grow up. I’m selfish, Josie. I wanted the whole fucking world and I couldn’t have it. I wanted to be with you, Mason and Katelyn, but I was fucking stuck. My best friend ditched out on me and I didn’t want to look like a fucking loser, so I came here because my grandma offered me a different life. A life where no one had any expectations of me, and if I failed no one would give a fuck.”
I look away, pinching the bridge of my nose. Inhaling deeply, I skip the part about meeting Sam and how if I hadn’t, I would’ve come home that week. Instead, I tell her when the downfall started. “After my grandma died I started drinking heavily. I partied every night and took women home because I could. No one cared about what I did, except for Sam, and she only cared because it wasn’t with her. I was too far gone to come home and, if I had, I wouldn’t have stayed.”
It’s a long moment in time before I’m standing in front of her again, cupping her face. I press my forehead against hers, letting her tears wet my hand. “Please don’t let those years I was gone haunt us.”
“But they are.”
“How?”
Josie clutches my wrist as she closes her eyes. “Because I read that book. I broke your trust and now I’m questioning everything about our lives. There are things in Sam’s journal that hurt us.”
“Like what?”
“Like Mason… he came here for you, right after you signed with your agent. He waited at her office for two days looking for you.” I drop my hand and step away.
“I didn’t know.” If Sam weren’t dead, I’d be strangling her right now. The fact that she kept so much from me, kept me from knowing I had people who cared about me, burns me on the inside. This is just one more reason why I can’t be a part of Moreno’s plan. He raised that bitch, and he’s just like her.
“Would you have come home?”
I nod. “He would’ve kicked my ass first, before telling me you were pregnant. I would’ve come back for you, but I know you would’ve ended up hating me. I had a dream coming true and nothing was going to stop me. I would’ve asked you to marry me, and I would’ve brought you back here whether you liked it or not.”
“She came to Beaumont and saw me, pregnant. She’s done so much to us and can’t even pay for the hurt. She lied to you, and you didn’t even know it.”
“Sam was a manipulator, and she was good at it.”
Josie moves to the small sofa and sits down. I sit across from her, next to the window. “I can’t change the past, Josie. I can only promise you that the things I did, I’ll never do again. I would never disrespect you or our marriage.”
“You did it tonight, though, and you know it.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t. You saw an act. It’s no different than a music video or a movie. I put on a good show, but you’re always the one on my mind. When I was singing with Layla tonight, I was picturing you. It’s how I get through my days. Hell, it’s always been like that.”
I crawl over to her, determined to hold her. I part her knees and settle in between them. “You’re my life, Jojo. You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved. I told you that I’d marry you some day; I just never specified how long it would take for that day to arrive. But, clearly, I’m good for my word. You know that.”
Josie leans forward and places her lips on top of my head. I should tell her not to since I’ve sweated like a pig on stage, but I can’t interrupt the moment.
“I have a few things to tell you.”
“As long as you’re not asking me for a divorce, you can tell me anything.”
Her fingers trail down the side of my face, a look of apprehension on her face. Right now all I want to do is pick her up and comfort her and then make love to her.
“Sam never sold your grandmother’s house. I believe you still own it.”
This should shock me, but it doesn’t. I kiss the palm of her hand and smile. “I had a feeling. I went by there the other day and the neighbor said the same family still owns the house. Can I take you there tomorrow?”
“Maybe. Have you ever taken anyone else there?”
I shake my head. “Just Harrison and Yvie.”
“Okay. The next thing I have to tell you – and this one is hard, so bear with me – is that Aubrey called the other night to inform us that Meredith is keeping the baby. I thought I’d be sad, but I wasn’t. The more I thought about it, the more I saw it as a sign as we weren’t ready to adopt.”
I try not to let my pain show on face. I know how badly she wanted this baby... hell, I did too... and for him to be ripped away from us is hard to grasp. “We can try another agency, or do that drug shit your doctor was talking about.”
“No, we can’t, because tomorrow I have an appointment at the hospital for an ultrasound. According to my doctor, I’m eighteen weeks pregnant!”