I slide in and shut the door, telling the cabbie where to go. Josie is staring out the window and when I try to pull her closer, she takes her hand away from me. Fuck! I lean my head back and close my eyes. How did something as simple as coming to play a few shows end up in such a cluster fuck? I don’t know if it’s Moreno or that fucking book, but things with Josie haven’t been right since I mentioned coming back to LA. I know what this town means to her maybe I shouldn’t have come back at all.
The bellhop is there to open the door when we arrive. Josie gets out while I toss some twenties at the driver. I grab her hand and pull her through the lobby. People stop and look, but only long enough to see who we are before they go about their business.
Thankfully, the elevator is already at the lobby; the only problem is that it takes forever to get to my floor. When the doors open, I don’t take her hand. The show’s over and we’re clearly fighting. Her footsteps are quick behind mine as she follows me down the hall. I open the door, holding it for her as she steps in. If this were any other time I’d have her pinned against the wall, but right now she doesn’t want me to touch her. I let her look around, hoping she remembers the first time we were here, in a room similar to this one, while I put her suitcase in my room. I glance at the bed, imagining her spread out on the white comforter while I ravish her. It would mean no more lonely hand jobs. If only I could be so lucky.
Josie is looking out the window when I come back into the room. I click the stereo on and open the playlist of songs I wrote about her. I did this the last time she was here, too. Using this moment to my advantage, I step up behind her, my lips ghosting along the exposed skin on her back.
“For years I stood there and looked out the window wondering if you were down there, looking for me.” I move her hair aside and kiss her neck. “I wrote song after song about you, hoping you’d show up at a concert, praying I’d see you in the front row. I knew if I did, I’d never let you go again.”
My fingers slide under her shirt and dance along her waistband. I know she’s pissed at me, but I also know she loves me.
“I’m not perfect. I never claim to be. I’ve made so many mistakes, but the last few years have been the best of my life. You and Noah, you’re my world. I would never to anything to ruin that.”
Josie turns in my hands and meets my eyes. Hers are glassy with unshed tears. “How long after you left me did you sleep with Layla?”
I step back and drop my hands. “How do you even know about that?”
“Why would you keep it from me?”
I rub my hands over my face and groan. “Because it’s my past, Josie. We both have one. In fact, yours doesn’t go the fuck away and is still helping to raise our son. Speaking of Noah, where is he?”
“With Nick,” she mutters.
“That’s what I’m fucking talking about!”
“That’s not fair.”
“Yeah, well, neither is this,” I say, throwing my hands out. “You want to know about my life when we weren’t together, ask away, but don’t get pissed at me when you don’t like the answers.”
Josie slides down the window to sit. I shake my head and wish I hadn’t gotten rid of the booze. I lean my head back and look at the ceiling. I can’t even believe I’m about to tell her this shit. I might as well sign my divorce papers tonight as well.
“How long?”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I’m unable to look at her so I stand next to her and look out the window again.
“It was… fuck!” I roar and slam my hand against the glass pane. “It was days, Josie. It was fucking days later. I met her at the club and we went dancing. I was in a bad place that night and she gave me some Ecstasy and I went back to her place.”
I can hear her crying and want to comfort her, but I know she won’t let me.
“Did you use a condom?”
“Come on, Josie.”
“Answer me.”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, shaking my head.
“She has a daughter who is a few months younger than Noah.”
“I know. She told me the other day when she got to town –”
“She’s yours?”
I laugh. “No, she’s not. Layla was… Layla was easy. She was into a lot of E and a lot of men. I’m not gonna lie, I liked her because she was so different from you, but I wasn’t ready for anything then and by the time I was, she was married.”
“Her husband isn’t the father of her daughter.”
“Jesus, how the hell do you know this… it’s in that book, isn’t it? Did you read that fucking book?”
I step in front of her and crouch down, pulling her chin up so she has to look at me. I search her eyes for my answer. It’s there. Plain as day. “You did. You read the one thing I asked you not to read.”
“I had to. I had to know if you loved her!” she screams at me, pushing me away. I fall back onto my ass and she stands over me. I know who the ‘her’ is, and it’s not Layla. “Why did Sam have such a hold on you that you couldn’t come back? What did she have that I didn’t?”
“Nothing.”