“What if I’m not?”
She laughs and sits up straight. “Then Xander has a lot of work to do.”
Katelyn is ducking before my hand even starts flying. I smack her good before I get up and walk away. I know she’s wrong, and I refuse to get my hopes up, but now she has me wondering.
I’ve been here before, many times. There’s a small bandage on my arm from where my blood has been drawn. I’ve peed in a cup and I’ve stripped down and put on a hospital gown. I’ve calculated my last period to the best of my ability, realizing as I was giving my information to the nurse that I am, indeed, late. Now, I wait. Everything in this room is a focal point for me. The ugly border that someone thought would be appealing. The years old magazines that never get replaced even hold my attention. If my ass wasn’t hanging out of the back of my gown, I’d rummage through the cabinets just to see what they keep in there. But I’m not moving.
I refuse to get my hopes up. I shouldn’t even be here, but Katelyn’s right, I have gained weight. Weight loss I could attribute to stress, but not gain.
The soft knock on the door tells me my doctor is about to come in. She smiles at me, which is no indication that I’m pregnant.
“How are you feeling, Josie?”
“Fine, nothing out of the ordinary.” She notes something in my chart and asks me to lie back. I cringe when I hear the snapping of her latex gloves. I put my feet in the stir-ups and close my eyes. This is the most uncomfortable feeling ever.
My doctor makes it quick and painless, telling me I can sit up. Her back is to me, as she writes in my chart again. She turns and sits in her stool, holding my life in her hands.
“You’ve been trying for a long time to get pregnant, Josie.”
I knew not to get my hopes up. I nod in confirmation. No words are needed.
“With that said, let me be the first to say congratulations!”
My mouth drops open and I know for sure I didn’t hear her correctly. “What’d you say?”
“Congratulations, Josie, you’re pregnant.”
“I…wh… are you sure?”
“All your lab work, your urine tests and the check I’ve just completed confirms it. You have a baby growing inside of you.”
I cover my mouth in shock and tell her thank you.
“Don’t thank me, thank your husband.”
“Oh, I plan to.”
She laughs because she knows our history and has been trying to help us conceive for a while.
“When am I due?”
“Well, that’s the thing, Josie. According to your records, you indicated that you’re last cycle was last month, but you’re measuring at about eighteen weeks.”
I don’t tell her that I’m not very accurate on that date. It’s like a test question you didn’t study for and it catches you off-guard. I clearly failed this test.
Her words sound muffled, as if I’m underwater. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“You’re eighteen weeks. Baby Westbury is due in November.”
I put my hand up, and she pauses. “If I’m eighteen weeks, that means I’ve missed multiple periods and you know I’ve been meticulous about keeping track. How can I be this far along?”
She sets her folder down and clasps her hands. “Your body has been going through a lot of stress. Between your attempts at conceiving and the adoption process, your body has simply been functioning. It’s not uncommon for women in this case to miss two periods and not give it a second thought. Once you and Liam stopped trying, your body relaxed, but you didn’t. And in rare cases, the human body doesn’t recognize that there’s a life growing inside of it. I’m going to schedule an ultrasound for later this afternoon.”
“I can’t,” I say, shaking my head. “Liam isn’t home and I can’t do that without him.”
“When will he be back?”
I sigh and bite the inside of my cheek. “I don’t know. He’s working in LA right now. I need to go to him, though, and tell him. Is there a doctor out there that can do the ultrasound?”
She nods and goes back to my folder. “I’ll have it set up for you.” She walks out, closing the door behind her and just like that, the brief happy moment is marred by what ifs. The biggest what if I’m facing is what if this pregnancy isn’t viable. What if, because I was so wrapped up in conceiving, I ignored my body and have hurt my chance at having another baby?
If that’s the case, Liam is going to hate me.