Make Me Bad(Private Lessons)

Chapter Twenty-Six




Luc





I shake hands with the director of the study abroad program, and say goodbye to my fellow advisors and professors in Paris. I gather up my papers and briefcase, and leave the Paris NYU campus for the last time.

It’s hard to believe that in three days I will be on a plane back to New York. I’m not sure where the time went while I was here in Paris, but I know the time flew by because of Maddie.

Madison Evans.

How could one young woman change me so much in such a short amount of time?

Eight weeks ago I came to Paris without any expectations, just wanting a change of scenery. I found Maddie to be attractive and vibrant, and I couldn’t keep myself from staring at her during our first days in Paris. And then spurned on by a little too much alcohol, I beckoned her to follow me to a bathroom.

And she did.

Nothing was the same after that.

What I thought would just be a tryst with a young, beautiful student turned into so much more than I could have expected. Or even knew I wanted.

I know that I’m not good enough for Maddie. I know that deep in my bones, as sure as anything. But for some reason, Maddie wants to be with me. Even though I tried to push her away, tried to convince her that I was no good for her, that getting involved with me would be foolish, she didn’t give up on me.

And I’m only so strong.

How could I resist her?

So I finally gave in, told her we would take it day by day. And I know I won’t allow our relationship to ruin her amazing career before it’s even started.

I take the Metro back to my apartment, wondering what Maddie is doing. I know that she and Cleo were planning on spending the day packing.

Later on, I’ll swing by and take Maddie out to dinner. I wanted to do something special. I’m not a usually romantic person, but Maddie has brought out my softer side and I’ve been more romantic for her than I’ve ever been with any woman.

Our last few days in Paris have been busy with wrap up activities, finals and making preparations to leave. Tomorrow evening the entire group of us from NYU will be going out to celebrate the end of our semester abroad. The following afternoon, we’ll board a plane headed back over the Atlantic.

I get back to my small one bedroom, thinking of Maddie’s and Cleo’s lavish apartment, wondering what her famous parents would think if they knew their daughter was in a relationship with me. I can’t imagine they would be pleased.

Although my apartment looks the same, it feels empty. My laptop no longer sits on the side table, and my phone cords are now rolled up and tucked in the side of my suitcase. Papers have been cleared off the small desk, and the kitchen cupboards are bare besides one or two items.

My phone goes off and I answer it without looking, assuming it’s Maddie.

“Hey,” I greet, my voice warm.

“Bonjour!” the sophisticated, heavily-accent French voice chirps back.

Shit. I pull the phone away to look at the name, and sure enough, it’s Juliette.

“Juliette,” I say, my voice now more guarded, “How are you?” I’m trying to be polite, though Juliette and I haven’t spoken in weeks. We didn’t exactly part on good terms.

“Oh,” she says, slightly confused by the change in my tone. “I – I – wasn’t sure you would pick up. I was just calling to wish you farewell. I remembered this was your last week in town.”

Of course she remembered.

“Yes. I leave in a few days. That was kind of you to call.” Kind, or desperate, I’m not sure which.

I’m actually very surprised that she called after she throwing herself at me and blurting out that she gave amazing blow jobs as a last ditch effort to get me to stay.

“Well, I just felt that I owed you an apology after my deplorable behavior. I shouldn’t have acted in such a way, especially around an old friend. I think it’s important to remember that we spent childhoods together. I’ve lost touch with so many childhood friends.”

Hmm. I’m not really sure where this is going.

“It’s fine, Juliette, and I appreciate the gesture. It was nice bumping into you as well. I wish you and your girls all the best. You have a lovely family.”

“Yes, thank you.” She pauses, and I sense that I’m about to hear the real reason why she’s called. “Do you have any plans to return to Paris? Now that you’ve spent time in the city, perhaps you’ve discovered you’ve missed it?”

I try to figure the best way to answer. I decide to be honest without giving away too much information. “Yes, I realized that I missed it very much. As for returning, I would like to someday. I don’t have any immediate plans. My work comes first.”

“Ahh, yes, your beautiful music. That keeps you very busy in New York, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, it does.”

“That’s the other thing. I have a few contacts in New York for my jewelry. I’ve been meaning to make a business trip over there,” she hesitates, “perhaps you would be willing to show me around? You could let me know when would be a good time for me to make the trip?”

Oh boy.

“I can’t really say when would be a good time for you to make your trip,” I say slowly. Juliette just doesn’t give up, does she? “New York is lovely during all times of the year.”

She lets out her tinkling laugh. “No, silly! What time would be good for you? I can plan my trip around your schedule!”

Of course.

“Juliette, I’m usually very busy with my music and teaching. I’m afraid I don’t have the kind of leisure time that would allow me to spend time showing others around the city. And my schedule can change so quickly.” This is partially true. “If you happen to come to New York, you can let me know, and I’ll see what my schedule looks like at the time.”

There’s silence on the other end and I can tell Juliette isn’t too pleased with my response. Oh well.

“Ah, I see. Well, perhaps that’s what I’ll do then. I will ring you if I’m in the city, and hopefully you can make time for your poor, lonely French friend, Juliette.” She’s teasing and her voice has taken on a little pout, but I’m no fool. She’s still playing her games.

“Well, it was good speaking with you Juliette, and I appreciate the call. I have to go now.”

“Alright. Au revoir, Jean-Luc. Safe travels.”

We hang up and I breathe a sigh of relief. Hopefully that New York visit will never happen.

I find that doubtful, though.

I busy myself around the apartment, until it’s time for me to get ready and then go get Maddie.

We have always taken the Metro when we have gone out in the city, but I’ve decided we’ll travel by taxi tonight. I walk to her apartment, planning on having the taxi pick us up there.

When Maddie pulls the door open, I find myself speechless. She always looks beautiful, but tonight she’s outdone herself. She’s dressed in a deep red sheath dress, trimmed in tasteful black leather. It hugs her body without being too much. She’s wearing simple heels, and her chestnut hair is hanging in loose, thick curls down her back.

“Damn, Maddie. You look amazing.”

She blushes. “Stop.” She opens the door wider. “Come on in. I just have to grab my bag and coat.”

I step into the apartment, and notice that her apartment has the same empty feel that mine has. While it still looks the same at first glance, I notice Maddie’s books and guitar are no longer strewn across the coffee table and rug, and the numerous pairs of shoes that previously lined the wall by the door are now gone.

Maddie comes back with a glittery black clutch, and a long black coat wrapped around her.

“Where’s Cleo?” I ask, lowering my voice.

Maddie frowns. “She’s out with Philippe. I think Philippe heads back to his family’s home tomorrow.”

I nod. Ever since Maddie and Cleo’s night out drinking, things had been strained between the two of them. And I hadn’t bothered to hide my disgust with Cleo’s obvious lack of concern for her friend.

“Let’s get out of here,” I say, wrapping my arm around Maddie’s waist. I lead her downstairs, and sure enough our taxi is waiting. Maddie goes to walk in the direction of the Metro, but I pull her hand and lead her towards the taxi, pulling the door open for her.

“A taxi?” she asks, unable to hide her surprise.

“It’s a special night,” I explain, “Let’s stay above ground.”

She laughs and slides into the warm car.

“So where are we going?” she can’t help asking.

I take her hand and give her a mysterious smile. “I thought we would do something a little different. And a little touristy.”


“Ooh, now I’m intrigued.”

The car speeds through the streets and we soak in the sights. It’s a comfortable silence.

Maddie sighs. “I can’t believe we’re leaving here so soon.”

“I know. The semester went by quickly, didn’t it?”

She nods, still quiet. “I miss my family, but I’m going to miss you while I’m home.”

I squeeze her hand. “I’ll miss you, too. But January will be here before we know it, and you’ll be back in the city.” I didn’t have Maddie for any classes this semester – she actually doesn’t have many classes for the Spring semester. Most of her course load would involve practical application. However, I was going to continue her private lessons. I knew there was no one else as qualified as myself to help her.

The taxi makes it way towards the Eiffel Tower and I can tell that Maddie is confused by where we’re going. The taxi stops by the Eiffel Tower and we get out among the throngs of people, but instead of leading Maddie towards the tower, we turn in the opposite direction and head down towards the Seine.

“No Eiffel Tower?” she asks, and then the river cruises come into view. “A river cruise?” she asks excitedly.

I nod. “It’s going to be a little chilly, but you can’t beat the beautiful buildings lit up at night.”

“Oh, Luc! It’s perfect! I can’t believe I didn’t think about doing this earlier!”

I grin and lead her down the hill towards the dock. The boats are enclosed, but if memory serves right, they are still pretty cold during this time of year. Regardless, the views will be stunning.

We don’t have to wait long before our boat is ready to board, and we climb on along with a number of other tourists. We hear snippets of conversations in various languages, and I pull Maddie into one of the first rows and place her next to the window.

The tour begins, and we settle in and listen as the sights are pointed out to us.

“You’re not going to change your mind about me again when I’m back in Nashville, are you?” Maddie asks, pulling nervously at one of her curls.

I know what she means and it makes me feel terrible that she has to ask the question.

“No,” I tell her honestly. “As much as I know you shouldn’t be with me and that I’m no good for you, I can’t do it.”

A small smile crosses her face. “Good.”

“Don’t be so happy about it,” I warn her. “I told you before that I’m not good for you.”

“I don’t care.” Her tone is familiar and stubborn. “And I disagree. You are good for me. No one else understands me the way you do.”

“I doubt that.”

“It’s true. The way you understand my music… I’ve never had that before. Even my parents who are gifted musically; they’ve never been able to relate to my music or understand it on a deep level.”

I understand what Maddie is saying, and I agree that it’s nice to have someone on my musical level that I can connect with. And it’s nice that we can connect in other ways as well.

Instead of arguing with her, I kiss her softly and she responds, kissing me back. She begins to wrap herself around me and I hear someone behind us clear their throat.

I chuckle and pull away. “Better not do this now.”

She flushes crimson and we spend the rest of the cruise holding hands and admiring the city.

After the cruise we catch another taxi to a low-key, but lovely restaurant. I want this night to be special for Maddie, and I try hard not to worry about what will happen when we leave Paris.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” Maddie says after our bottle of wine arrives at the table.

“Yes, I did. You deserve this. You deserve more than I can even give you.”

Maddie’s sharp look doesn’t need explaining. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Please. I’m sure you grew up with all kinds of nice things.”

“This again, Luc? I really didn’t, and it was drilled into my head to appreciate the nice things that I did have. I’m not some spoiled rich girl.”

No. She’s definitely not. I know that. My own insecurities are surfacing again.

“We have something special together, Luc. I was always afraid to say it because I thought it would scare you away. But I’m not going to hold back what I feel anymore. I may be young and inexperienced, and I may not be the girl with the most street-smarts, but I know what I feel deep inside.”

“Oh, Maddie,” I sigh.

“You know I’m right,” she says fiercely and her blue eyes flash with such conviction that I wonder how I could have ever considered walking away from her.

I reach across the table and take her hand.

“Yes, you’re right. There is something between us that I can’t describe. It’s something I’ve never felt with anyone else before.”

“I love you,” she whispers.

“You’re crazy.”

“I don’t care.”

“I’m too old for you.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’ve got too many hang ups.”

“No, you don’t. You can’t push me away.”

“I know. And that’s why I love you too.”

We settle in and enjoy our last night in Paris, which turns out to be more romantic than I could have hoped for. We live completely in the present moment, not worrying about our group dinner tomorrow night, or our flight the following day. I don’t think about my crazy, lonely Christmas holidays in the city, or Maddie flying to Nashville once we return to New York. There are no more thoughts or discussions about the Spring semester and graduation.

All that matters right now is Maddie and I spending this last night together.

We’ll worry about everything else later.





THE END



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The following is an excerpt from my book Damaged But Not Broken (Available on Amazon):





ONE

Paige

Summer 2000



Blake kisses me, and I melt into his arms, swooning as his lips brush against me. He tastes of sweat and lemonade, and I lick his lips again unable to get enough.

Blake is my entire world. My whole summer has revolved around him, and I know my life will continue to revolve around him... I can't imagine any differently.

Sweet Blake who came into my life just when I needed him, as my whole world was crumbling around me.

I run my fingers through Blake’s messy brown hair, feeling the silky strands in my fingers, and I tighten my grip, wanting to hold onto Blake forever. Is it possible to love someone this much at fifteen? I know people think I’m crazy, they would never understand how much Blake and I love each other.

“I love you,” Blake whispers, as if reading my mind.

“I love you too,” I whisper back, feeling the hot sun beating down on my back.

“Can I come over again later?” he pleads. I know I should be one of those girls who doesn’t spend all her free time with her boyfriend, but since I’ve given myself to Blake, my need for him is insatiable.

“Yes. My dad is going out with his friends tonight. The house will be empty.”

Blake lets out a happy sigh, and his hands graze against my thighs.

We hear a car pull up in the driveway, and we quickly shuffle away from each other...

I hear click-clacking heels, and then a few moments later, Blake’s Momma appears around the back of the house. I see a quick flicker of annoyance cross her face, and then she masks it with a chipper smile.

“Paige! So lovely to see you.” She pauses. “Again.”

“Good afternoon Mrs. Evans.”

“Will you be staying for dinner?”

“No, ma'am. I’ve promised to have dinner with my Daddy tonight.”

“How nice. I’m sure he loves having you home for the summer.”

I nod because I know my Daddy does love having me home for summers. I’m sure he would love it even more if he weren’t drunk half the time. I know my mom hates me spending the summers back in Nashville, and I fib and tell her Daddy isn’t as bad as he was before the divorce, but he’s still just as bad.

But Blake makes it worth it.

I think about that first day of seventh grade – I transplanted from my private school to the local middle school because my mom and dad were talking about the D-word. And if they were going to pull me out of school mid-year, they weren’t going to pull me out of an expensive private school and lose the year’s tuition.

The girls had all eyed me warily at my new school; I couldn’t help the fact that I had been genetically blessed. Even in seventh grade, I was thin and leggy, had long blonde hair the color of silk and bright blue eyes.

But Blake had been just like me – a newbie. He had recently moved to Nashville thanks to his father’s new job.

We had bonded right away, first as friends, but soon Blake and I became an item and it was like we were one and the same. Everything was “Blake and Paige” “Blake and Paige.” Everyone knew one of us wouldn’t be somewhere without the other.

Blake helped me deal with the pain of my parents fighting and the threats of my mom taking me back to where her family lived in Bristol. I knew I couldn’t stay in Nashville with my dad. He worked way too much and his rock and roll production company, Lawson, was just starting to take off. Which meant he would be working even more. And honestly, I loved my mom more.


And then, just after Christmas, my world imploded.

My parents came into my room over Christmas break and sat me down. I remember knowing in my gut, the tears started flowing before they even started talking. Through my choked sobs, my parents told me they couldn’t do it anymore. They both loved me very much, but they couldn’t stay together and it would be better for me in the long run.

My Daddy admitted he drank too much and he promised he would get help so I could come spend summers with him in Nashville.

It was all so matter of fact, as if explaining a business deal. I was just a piece of collateral damage. I would live with my mom during the school year and then spend summers in Nashville. It was that easy they said.

As if.

My Momma said we still had some time left in Nashville. My dad would sleep in the guest room (which he pretty much did all the time anyway). She wanted to go back and forth to Bristol and try to get our new life situated before we moved. She began cashing in her vacation time, and spending long weekends in Bristol, looking for houses with my Grandma’s help and interviewing for new jobs.

I remember crying so hard when I told Blake. He hugged me and stroked my hair and we had our first real kiss.

In March, my mom was finally ready for our move. So three-quarters into the school year, I packed up the only life I'd ever known in Nashville and followed my Momma three hours to the Tennessee-Virginia line.

I didn’t realize how lucky I had been in Nashville. The house my Momma and I moved into was nice and quaint, but small. Bristol was quiet; not lively like Nashville. As much as I loved my mom, I resented her. I counted down the weeks until I could return to Nashville for the summer.

Until I could return to Blake for the summer.

“What are you thinking?” Blake asks, taking my hand and running the pad of his thumb along one of my freckles.

I sigh. “Just thinking about when we first met.”

Blake grins. “You were hot then and you’re still hot now.”

I giggle. Blake always makes me laugh.

I wiggle my toes, which are hanging over into his pool, and turn my face up to the sky. It’s one of those perfectly blue-sky summer days that you can only find in Nashville. I can tell that it’s getting late, and I check my chunky new cell phone; a lavish present from my dad. He says it’s so he can keep in touch with me, but he barely calls and I think he just gave it to me because he feels guilty all the time.

“You’re so lucky to have a phone,” Blake says wistfully.

I smile and then frown. It’s just after five o’clock, which I should have known when Mrs. Evans returned from work. I need to get home so I can meet my dad for dinner.

“I have to go,” I say sadly.

“But at least I get to see you later,” Blake says nuzzling me.

“I have condoms at my house,” I whisper, even though I know we can’t be overheard.

Blake’s eyes light up and I know he’s excited by my preparations. We had only been having sex for two weeks, but I quickly set up my own stash in a shoebox under my bed because that’s how much I loved Blake.

I wisely covered the condoms with pads and tampons. My dad never went in my room, but if he ever did, he would quickly slam the lid down on any box filled with feminine products; they scared the crap out of him.

I gave Blake one last hug and kiss before I trotted around to the front of his house and got on my bike.

The ride is only two miles, which isn’t bad. When I arrive back at my house, or should I say my dad’s house, because really it isn’t my house anymore, he's just getting home.

“Hey baby,” he says, smiling. When my dad is sober, he's great. I know he loves having me home. It makes my heart ache in a pitiful kind of way.

This has been our life for the past three years – I come home in the summers, he buys me fancy presents and then feels guilty as he tries to make it up to me for the divorce and the drinking.

“Hi Daddy. How are you?”

“Good. I picked up your favorite,” he says, waving the bag in my face.

Yum! He picked up burgers from my favorite place downtown. I walk my bike into the garage and follow him inside. I can’t wait until next summer when I can drive.

My dad places the burgers and milkshakes down on the kitchen table.

“Let me go change. I’ll be right back.” He says.

I begin to unwrap our meal. We almost always eat in the kitchen because it's so much more casual than the dining room. My dad reappears a few minutes later dressed in shorts and a t-shirt.

“So, what are your plans tonight?” I ask, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Not too much. Billy and Riff are coming by and we’re going to go out for a few drinks.”

I can’t help it; I make a face at him.

“What is it, Paige?” he asks, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“I just don’t know why you hang out with them,” I complain.

I certainly don’t want my dad to cancel his plans since Blake is coming over, but I can never understand why he spends so much time with his two loser friends from high school. Even though my dad is a drinker, he’s made a good life for himself and done exceptionally well.

Billy and Riff have never managed to hold steady jobs and they both live in run-down houses on the edge of town. I sometimes think they only hang out with my dad because he buys the beer.

My dad gives me a patient look. “I know we seem different,” he explains, “but they’re my oldest friends.”

I want to add that they also can drink like my father, but I hold my tongue.

I nod, as if I understand and we continue eating our burgers.

“I’m going to go into the office and do some work. You okay for a bit?” He asks.

“Sure thing. I’ll clean up from dinner.” I offer.

“Thanks.”

My dad closes himself in his office and I start to tidy up the kitchen. I don’t mind cleaning up after my dad. He has a cleaning lady come in twice a month, but I think he got used to my mom picking up after him. Once the kitchen is clean, I make my way back to my room.

Another of my dad’s I-feel-guilty presents is located in my room – my very own computer. I sit down in front of it, and wait for the slow dial up. I sign on to AOL and see if anyone is on Instant Messenger.

I don’t see anyone that I feel like talking to, so I check my email. There’s a short email from my mom telling me that she misses me.

I type back a quick email, making a mental note to call her tomorrow and then I turn the computer off. I’m bored and restless; Blake isn’t coming over until after eight. I pick up a magazine and start flipping through it. I lose track of time and my dad’s knock on the door pulls me out of the glossy magazine pages.

“I’m heading out, honey. We’ll be late, so don’t wait up.”

Like I would.

“Sure thing, Dad.”

Suddenly I hear the front door open.

“Kenny! Where the f*ck are you, man?” A gruff voice hollers down the hallway.

I roll my eyes. Billy and Riff have obviously arrived.

My dad gives me a sheepish grin and disappears.

I close my door as I hear my dad and his buddies cursing and joking. Once my dad is gone, I hurry into the shower and shave my legs and wash my hair. I make sure that my legs are super smooth, and then I blow dry my hair out.

I dress in a sundress that Blake loves, and go into the kitchen to pour us two Cokes. It isn’t long before I hear Blake’s knock at the door.

“Hi!” I cry, throwing myself into his arms.

It’s only been a few hours but I missed him like crazy.

Blake follows me into the kitchen and we sit on two stools as we drink our Cokes. I’m feeling shy all of a sudden; Blake and I have only made love a few times – it’s hard to find time alone. Plus, we waited until I had visited Planned Parenthood and got birth control pills. Just to be safe.

As we quietly sip our Cokes, I think of the last few summers that I had spent in Nashville. Every year when I returned, Daddy had done more work to the house, making it nicer and more lavish. And there were always new presents to make up for the divorce.

And then there was Blake. Getting taller and more handsome each summer, but still looking boyish in his own special way. Sometimes I get all freaked out and start worrying about what will happen when we go to college, but then I have to tell myself to stop acting like a nut job.

Blake drains his Coke and looks at me, his eyes hooded in that kind of way that lets me know he's in the mood.

“Let’s go back to your room,” he husks.

I nod silently, and take his hand as we walk back to my room.

I quietly shut the door and turn off the lights.

It's dusk outside which gives off just enough light that we can see, but not so much that I’m self-conscious. Very gently, Blake pulls me towards him, and slowly, slowly he pulls down each of the straps on my sundress.

I sigh and lean in towards him.



~~~



I nestle closer to Blake, inhaling his woodsy scent mingled with sweat. I smile against his neck and then I realize that I’m lying next to him in my bed and it’s dark.

“Crap!” I whisper, sitting up. I check the clock by my bed and see that it’s almost ten-thirty.

“Blake!” I say loudly, shaking him. “You have to go. I’m not sure when my dad will be back.”

“Huh?” he asks groggily.


“Wake up! You have to go!”

He bolts upright, his eyes wide and confused. I jump out of bed, pulling the blanket with me and flip the light switch on. This seems to wake him up, and he quickly jumps out of bed and starts pulling his jeans back on. While his back is turned, I quickly yank my sundress over my head.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he apologizes.

“Me either. Sorry to have to kick you out. My dad would freak if he found you here.”

“S’okay.”

We hurry down the hallway and I’m relieved to see my dad’s car is still gone and Billy and Riff’s pieces of junk still parked out front.

I walk Blake outside to where he stowed his bike. I give him a long kiss, pulling him towards me, because I can’t get enough of him.

“I love you Paige.” He says.

“I love you, too.”

I watch Blake get on his bike and pedal away, his hair ruffling in the wind.

For some reason, I feel a pang of sadness and longing that I don’t quite understand.

I go back inside the house, flicking on lights as I go, and start to clean up the kitchen. I rinse out our two Coke cans and toss them in the trash and then rinse out and dry the two glasses. I don’t think my dad would ask any questions, but I don’t take the risk. Once I dry the glasses, I stow them away in the cupboard.

I’m too keyed up to go back to bed and I’m feeling awake from my late nap. I go into the den and flip on the gigantic TV my dad bought at some point during the year. Another purchase he proudly showed off to me, trying to convince me that summers in Nashville were great.

Summers in Nashville were great. But not because of my dad's toys.

I watch a couple reruns of the Real World and just as an episode is ending, I hear my dad’s car squeal into the driveway. I sigh, I know he’s drunk. Sometimes I take care of him by helping take his shoes off and making sure he finds his bed. I don’t really want to see Billy or Riff though, so I turn off the TV and start turning off lights.

Then the door slams open.

“Paige!” my dad slurs, and I hear Billy and Riff laughing behind him.

Crap.

“Hi Daddy. I’m just going to bed,” I say pointedly.

“Hey Paige,” Billy leers. “You got bigger.”

“Look at my little girl,” my dad crows drunkenly, “she’s all grown up.”

I don’t like the way Billy and Riff are staring at me.

“I’m going to bed,” I repeat, walking towards the hallway.

“We’re going to have a pool party,” my dad chuckles, “Come swim!”

“Daddy, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think you should go to bed.”

My dad gives me a lazy grin, his eyes half shut. I wonder how the heck he drove home. He pulls open the sliding door to the back yard and just before I’m about to go after him, he collapses into a lawn chair. I wait a few seconds, and then it becomes clear that he’s passed out.

Great.

Billy and Riff look around the kitchen and then look at me.

“You are all grow’d up and so dang pretty,” Billy says, his voice gruff.

“Good night,” I say curtly and turn away.

“Paige, wait,” Riff slurs. “Come have a drink with us.”

“I’m fifteen. No thank you.”

“Hey, hey, hey. That’s no way to act. We’re you’re guests and you should entertain us.” Billy is getting belligerent now.

My heart is pounding, and I turn quickly and start down the hall towards my bedroom. I want to get into my room and lock the door.

“Not so fast!”

I shriek as I feel Billy’s rough hand on my wrist.

“Let go!” I scream.

“Feisty,” he murmurs. He’s close enough that I can smell the stench of beer seeping from his pores. I gag.

Billy starts dragging me towards the living room and I kick him in the shins, but he’s too strong. He nods to Riff who quietly pulls the sliding glass door shut.

“Now be a good little girl and stay quiet,” Billy says.

“F*ck you!” I spit, which only angers Billy as he tosses me onto the couch.

“Daddy!” I scream, “Daddy!”

But the slider is closed and he’s passed out cold.

“Stop!” I shriek, kicking and fighting as Billy climbs on top of me and holds my arms down over my head.

“Christ, Riff. Hold her down for f*ck’s sake.”

“No!” I scream again, my heart pounding as I try to fight the two men but they’re too big for me.

Terror seizes me; real, cold terror that I’ve never known before. This will not end well. I am completely and utterly helpless.

I don’t give up; I still fight and kick the best I can, I continue screaming but my voice goes hoarse quickly.

The next half hour is a blur of words, sounds and pain.

The sound of Billy’s fly unzipping, the metal teeth dragging.

Riff’s deep chuckle.

Billy’s gasp of pleasure as he invades me.

My choked cries of pain and utter despair.

Billy’s thick voice moaning, “Oh f*ck, she’s already wet.”

My wrists aching from Riff’s vice-like grip.

Then shuffling and more holding down as Riff repeats the process and Billy restrains me.

They leave me there on the couch, my sundress torn and bruises blooming across my skin.

My dignity, self-respect, and naive innocence gone.

I’m not sure how long I lay on the couch, but when I finally sit up I notice that my dad is still passed out on the chair outside.

Overwhelming hate and rage well up inside me.

He was there the whole time. He was supposed to protect me. I never want to lay eyes on him again.

I begin sobbing uncontrollably and run blindly into my room, the area between my legs throbbing with pain. I find a sweater to throw over my torn dress, grab my purse and stuff my cell phone and two fifty-dollar bills from my cash box inside.

Staggering, I rush out to the garage and get on my bike. It’s only a ten-minute bike ride to the train station and somehow I make it even though I’m crying the whole way, barely able to see past my tears.

I have to sit in the station until nearly five am to get a bus to Bristol. It's the longest five hours of my entire life.

As I leave the Nashville city limits, I vow that I’m never coming back to this f*cked up place.