Love Realized (The Real Love Series)

chapter NINETEEN

Jake couldn’t contain his excitement. Gillian was all his tonight and he couldn’t wait. She had texted him while he was at work saying that the kids were all gone for the evening, and she would love to make him dinner. Well, there just weren’t words to describe how he felt knowing that she wanted to feed him and spend time with him—only him. The speed of his shift today slowed to crawl once she texted him, and it didn’t matter what he did, it wouldn’t speed up. When there was a request for assistance on the radio about ten minutes before shift change he cringed at the thought it was going to prevent him from getting off on time. His partner, Eddie, knew Jake was eager to leave and gave him a knowing look—it sucked, but that they had to respond. He was just reaching for the radio when the voice of another rig came through claiming the call. He felt bad for not wanting to take the call, but was glad they didn’t have to. Eddie just shook his head and gave a small laugh at Jake as he said, “You got it bad, man.”

What could Jake say to that? He knew damn well he had it bad for Gillian, but he really couldn’t give a shit about how that might look to others. He certainly wasn’t going to deny it. It had taken almost two decades to get her, and he was going to embrace it tightly. “Sure do.”

And being the great partner that Eddie was, he even offered to complete the shift paperwork for Jake so he could get to Gillian sooner. He made a mental note on his drive that he needed to send Eddie some steaks or something to thank him. After a quick run home to shower and wash off his workday, he was finally pulling up to her place. He made sure he didn’t run to the door and make himself look like a fool. As he climbed the steps of the porch, he could hear music blaring from inside, which made him smile. Gillian loved to blare her music.

Knowing she wouldn’t hear him if he knocked, not that he wasn’t accustomed to walking right in anyway, he made his way inside. Following the sound to the kitchen, he found Gillian looking adorable in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. Her long brown hair was piled on top of her head in a messy concoction of curls and swirled colors, exposing her bare neck to him. He could smell the scent of food baking in the oven, and it filled him with warmth knowing that she prepared it for him. Since her back was to him, she still hadn’t noticed he was there as she worked at washing vegetables in the sink. He was about to make his presence known when she started moving her hips in time with the music she was blaring, and Jake’s body jumped in awareness.

He stood there for moment and absorbed the sight of her dancing in the kitchen. It was sweet, and sexy, and a complete turn on. Hell, lately, just seeing her breathe was a turn on. He wanted to just press his body against hers and envelope her in his arms, but didn’t want to scare her since she hadn’t noticed his presence. Reaching over, he turned down the music, slowly, so as not to surprise her, but just enough to get her to notice and turn around. This had the desired effect because she glanced over her shoulder at the radio to see what was wrong. Her eyes landed on him, and she startled a bit before a big smile spread across her face at the sight of him. Seeing her reaction to him was like a drug to his system, and the warmth and heady sensation of her excitement spread. Oh, he knew she had always enjoyed his company, but now he could see the difference. He could see that he had moved past friends with her, and he was definitely okay with that.

He didn’t want to wait another second, and he smiled back and made his way toward her. She was still busy in the sink as his hands found her waist, and his lips found her cheek. “Hey there sexy. I’m sorry if I startled you,” he said while his hands ventured forward from her waist to gently pull her body against his. She went willingly and sighed as her body relaxed against him, like it was the only place in the world she wanted to be. Again that heady feeling of satisfaction spread through him. He knew for certain there was no other place in the world he wanted to be either.

“It’s okay. I'm just wondering how long you were standing there and if you happened to bear witness to my horrible singing skills?” she said a little breathlessly as he pressed soft kisses to her bare shoulder and neck. His need was rising, and the desire to make her completely his was a living, breathing being inside of him. He was about to tell her that he unfortunately missed that part of the show when he suddenly felt his body pulled away from hers—flying backward. Jake felt his ass hit the ground with a thud as he tried to shake the confusion that surrounded him at what was going on. He saw Gillian spin around and surprise register on her face. Jake looked up only to see Logan standing over him, red faced and furious.

It took Jake a moment to gather what was going on as Logan proceeded to reach down and grab Jake’s shirt to yank him back off the ground while growling at him, “Get your f*cking hands off of my wife!” The adrenaline started to pump through Jake’s body when he heard Logan say my wife, because that certainly wasn’t the case anymore.

Jake’s feet hit the ground, and his hands grabbed onto Logan’s wrists to rip them from his shirt. He stood there for a moment just glaring at his longtime friend, knowing that this was the moment he knew was going to happen. Logan’s chest was heaving from restrained anger that Jake could see playing across his features. Yet there they stood, just watching each other. He wasn’t sure if it was the fact that they had been friends all this time, and Logan was trying to control his actions, but Jake knew it was time to test their friendship. This was when he stood up and staked his claim on Gillian, to Logan, instead of conceding to him as he did so many years ago.

“She’s not your wife anymore, Logan,” Jake said in a low, menacing tone. He needed to make it clear that he wasn’t going to back down, but his words only seemed to fuel the anger that Logan was restraining.

“I should have known you would try and pull something like this, Jake! I should have known you would make a move for my girl!” Logan barked at him. Before Jake could say anything in response to that, Logan was lunging toward him with his fist in the air. He was preparing to defend himself when Gillian flung herself in their direction. She somehow managed to wrap her arms around Logan’s arm and used all of her body weight to drop to the ground and pull him off balance. If Jake weren’t so riled up from the whole situation, he would’ve found it funny to watch. Logan lost his balance and stumbled a bit then made a grab for Gillian to prevent her from hitting the ground as he grumbled, “What the f*ck, Gillian!”

She immediately sprung to her feet in front of Logan, and Jake gritted his teeth as he watched his longtime friend put his hands on her waist, right where Jake’s hands had been not two minutes ago. Jealousy, strong and abrupt, reared its ugly head as Jake readied himself to take out the threat. Logan had no business touching her there—she wasn’t his anymore. Moving forward, Jake placed his hands on Gillian’s sides, above Logan’s, and started to pull her away from him, when she muttered words he wasn’t expecting, “Get out of here, Jake.”

Taken up short by that demand, it took him a moment to back off. He didn’t want his hands to leave her body. It was almost like if he broke contact with her now, he wouldn’t be able to get it back. When he didn’t make the move to leave she repeated herself, and it stung a little bit more the second time he heard it. She hadn’t made an attempt to break her eye contact with Logan, so she was still facing away from Jake. He didn’t like it, but he knew that he should do what she asked him to do. He tried to convince himself that he wasn’t conceding to Logan, but was doing as Gillian wished. He was unsure what this meant for him and her, and made moving one of the hardest things he’d done to date, but he did it anyway.

Jake took one step back, another step away from Gillian. It was difficult and painful to do. Still feeling the desire to beat the shit out of Logan for having his hands on her, he glared at him as he backed away. The smug look on Logan’s face told Jake he thought he had won, and that didn’t make leaving any easier. With all of his power, he took in a deep breath, turned around, and made his way out of the house. Away from Gillian … Gillian and Logan.

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~

Gillian knew the moment Jake had left, and she didn’t like how it felt one little bit. She had to tell him to leave the room, because as much as Logan deserved humiliation, she wasn’t one who dished that out. But she was going to put her ex-husband in his place, and she was going to make sure he knew that his place was not with her anymore. Reaching down, she placed both of her hands around each of Logan’s wrists, and dug her nails into them, deep. Logan quickly retracted them in pain. “Ow, Gillian, what the hell?”

“You seem to be under some misconception that you have any right to touch my body, Logan Baxter! In fact, you seem to be delusional since you just called me your wife and your girl! Get it through your head, Logan … I am not yours anymore!” She finished off her statement by giving him a good shove into the counter behind him as she moved in the opposite direction. Knowing that the more space there was between them, the less likely she would be to inflict bodily harm. But Logan attempted to eliminate that space and advanced on her, so she quickly put her arm straight out in front of her, halting his progress. He looked as if he was taking a moment to process his thoughts and formulate a plan. She needed him the hell out of there, and she needed it now. She refused to let him take any of her time away with Jake. “Why are you here, Logan?”

Logan ignored her question and instead demanded answers from her. “What the hell is going on with you and Jake? How long has it been going on?” The tone of his voice was more than irritation or anger; there was clear implication in his question. He actually thought she was seeing Jake while she was still committed to him? She was certain that Logan having that impression was solely so he could feel better about himself, but that wasn’t going to happen. He was the cheater here, not her.

Gillian stepped forward and got right in his face before growling at him, “I'm not sure I like what you are implying, Logan, but to answer your questions, one week! Whatever the hell is going on between Jake and me has only been going on for one week!” He visibly deflated, like the information was the exact opposite of what he had hoped for. It was clear he had developed some hope that she was as guilty as him. Not in this lifetime! She wanted to avoid discussing her and Jake with Logan, since she hadn’t even spoken with Jake about it, so she asked in an exasperated tone, “Why are you even here, Logan? You’re supposed to be with the kids.”

“The kids went to dinner with my parents. I thought I would use the opportunity to come by and talk to you. Beg you even … to consider giving us another chance.” The last part came out barely above a whisper. Her heart clenched at the sound of it because this man had been one of the main focuses in her life for so long. She knew she would always be connected to him, and she wanted him to be part of her life, but she knew he was no longer the man that her world revolved around. And for the first time in months, she was confident in that realization. Sure, she knew she was moving on, but now she knew with whom she wanted to move on. She had to make sure he understood that there were no more chances for them.

Feeling suddenly deflated herself, she leaned back against the counter next to the man who was supposed to be her forever and folded her arms over her chest. Glancing over at him, standing next to her with a resolved look on his face, he knew what was coming—she didn’t have to voice it. He had finally let her words sink in. Logan let out a little huff and shook his head slightly before saying, “There really isn’t ever going to be another chance for us, is there?”

Gillian gently shook her head before giving him a sad smile and confirming it for him, “No Logan, you already used up that chance. There is nothing left for us … it’s time for you to accept that and move on, too.”

The two of them stood there silently for a few minutes. The music was still playing, so Gillian moved away from her spot next to Logan to turn it off, before turning around and looking at him. She wasn’t really sure what to do or say next, but she was anxious to get back to Jake. The timer on the stove went off and startled her a little bit before she quickly retrieved the contents from the oven. Once again, she turned and gave Logan a questioning look. He sighed and stood up straight, looked her directly in the eye and said, “I'm not sure I like the idea of you and Jake together.”

Gillian snorted a laugh at him while saying, “Not that I care what you think about the topic of me being with any man … but you know that Jake would never do anything to hurt me.” Raising her eyebrows at him, she dared him to refute that information. He didn’t, because he couldn’t. He knew what Jake was made of, and there was no argument he could make about her being with him.

Logan gave her a slight nod and started to make his way toward the front of the house. Gillian followed closely behind him, not wanting him distracted by anything that would give him an idea to stick around. She wasn’t sure where Jake was at the moment, but she assumed that he wasn’t anywhere in the path from the kitchen to the front door. When they made it to the front door, he turned around and faced her. He looked as though he was trying to find words to convey what he was feeling, so she figured she would help him along. “Go see our kids, Logan. Hang out with them … be with them. They always make me feel better.” She gave him a smile and patted him on his arm. His answering smile was forced and pathetic, but it was still there. After another nod and no words, Logan turned and quietly left.

Thankful that was over, she made a hasty path through her house in search of Jake. She came up short when she found the poolroom empty. There wasn’t even a light on, which meant he was never in there. Confused as to where he might be, she peeked out in the yard, her room, even the bathrooms. Jake wasn’t anywhere. She began to get nervous and anxious. Did he leave? Oh God, was he mad? Thinking back at what she said to him, she realized it sounded bad, but she only meant for him to leave the room, not the house. She had to find him, hoping she didn’t hurt him and ruin what was just starting between them. A pressure started to build in her chest as worry and panic took root. When she saw that his jeep was nowhere to be seen either, the pressure got stronger. “Oh no! Jake where are you?” she whispered desperately to herself.

Quickly retrieving her cell phone, she dialed him … no answer. Her panic began to rise as she tried to figure out what to do. She hoped she didn’t hurt him and knew she needed to talk to him to set things straight. As her mind started whirling with fear and concern, she texted him.

Gillian: Where are you … why did you leave?

She stood there and stared at her phone, willing him to respond to her, waiting for it to vibrate in her hand. But nothing came. So she sent a second one …

Gillian: Jake … please come back.

She didn’t know exactly how long she stood there staring at her phone, but when it finally vibrated and Jake’s name appeared on her screen. Gillian let out a long sigh of relief as she parked herself in front of the window to wait for him.

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~

Pulling his Jeep out of Gillian’s driveway was a very difficult task. He didn’t want to leave, and he didn’t like the anxiety that it caused him. While driving to his place, he fought his inner demons as they clawed their way to the surface and plagued him with horrible thoughts. What if she picked Logan? What if he was able to plead his case successfully this time? She must not want to be with you since she told you to get out of there!

They were cruel thoughts to have, and he knew he was torturing himself as panic started to bubble its way through his body. He pulled into his own driveway and sat there, trying to control the fear and panic he was experiencing. Pulling his keys from the ignition, he attempted to get out, but couldn’t. This was not where he wanted to be—where he planned to be—tonight. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to relax or calm down at home, so he started the car again and backed out of his driveway. Unsure where to go, but knowing he needed to drive, he turned toward the freeway. A long drive up the coast would help, he thought.

As he pulled up to the light for the freeway entrance, he felt his phone vibrating in the depths of his pocket, but couldn’t take the time to pull it out since the light had turned green. Wanting and hoping it would be Gillian, he quickly pulled over so he could maneuver his body up to reach his phone. He felt it vibrate again as he finally got it out, but fumbled with it, causing it to fall to the floorboard. “Damn it.”

Blindly reaching around under his legs he finally retrieved it and tried to focus on the screen, praying it was Gillian. Relief poured over him, and his tense body relaxed as he saw that it was her … Gillian was looking for him. He didn’t want to take the time to process her question, so he just quickly pulled back into traffic to make his way back to her. His relief was strong and palpable, and his need to get to her was stronger than ever. He felt his phone vibrate again, and glanced at it, seeing a second text from her, making him realize he hadn’t even responded to her first one in his haste. Once he pulled safely up to a light, he texted her back.

Jake: I’m on my way.

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~

Relieved that Jake was coming back but still anxious to see him, she paced a small path in her living room while she waited. He was coming back, but the need to comfort him—and even herself—by touching him was staggering. She couldn’t help but wonder if she should be worried about this immense connection she now had with Jake. This was Jake, one of her best friends, there had always been a connection … it was just more intimate now. Jake had always been important, but she realized now that her need for him was physical—visceral. Gillian had to know that he was okay, and she knew that he would be able to ease her anxiety with his arrival. She shook her head and gave a little snort at the thought that this must be what an addict feels like.

She knew what it was like to be connected to another person, being married to Logan for so many years, but she had never felt this kind of need for anyone else, never felt the need like this hit her so strong in such a short period of time. Then again, Jake wasn’t new in her life, just this role was. While lost in thought, headlights illuminated her front window, startling her. This filled her with more need. The need to get to him had her rushing out the front door, the need to touch him mounting in her system. She pushed open the screen door and practically jumped down the front steps to get there. She met him halfway, where she found him rushing to get to her, too. He opened his arms in time to catch her as she flung her body at him. When his arms clamped down tightly around her, she nestled her face and nose firmly at the base of his neck. She sighed a deep breath of relief as his scent enveloped her, calmed her … home. After feeling a little lost for months, she felt she was home again.

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~

Jake knew this was where she belonged, in his arms, safe, warm, and his. She had her face buried in his neck, and he could feel her rapid heartbeat against his chest, her breath on the skin of his neck, and his body reacted to her closeness. The need to make her completely his was so strong, and he didn’t want to fight it anymore. He squeezed her a little tighter and turned to kiss her forehead, taking in a deep breath of her scent. “Why did you leave?” she asked in a timid voice buried against his neck.

“I thought you wanted me to leave. You told me to get out of there,” he said while rubbing circles with his hands up and down her back, comforting her, and him.

She snorted adorably at his comment before saying, “I only meant out of the room, Jake. I wouldn’t send you away like that.”

Pulling her face away from his neck and looking up at him, she lifted a hand to his cheek and gently caressed it as she repeated herself, “I wouldn’t send you away like that, Jake.” The certainty in her eyes was trying to convey more than her words—he wasn’t sure what just yet—but the relief that swamped him at that very moment was almost staggering as he fought his body’s reaction. The look in her eyes, the worried expression on her face, she had to love him, he just knew it.

“I'm sorry if I worried you, but I thought you wanted me to go. I would never leave like that unless you told me to, and it was extremely difficult to do,” he said as he leaned down to place a gentle kiss to her lips. Just the contact of their lips, however so slight it was, set Jake’s body on fire—elevating his need, if that were even possible.

He felt her breath across his face, soft and husky, as she said, “I only wanted you to leave the room so I could put Logan in his place. I needed to remind him that the claim he thought he had on me didn’t exist.” She paused and tilted her head up to look him in the eye. “I didn’t think it was appropriate to yell at him in front you.” He should have known that, because she was always thinking of others. A feeling of calm settled over him as he looked at the beautiful, thoughtful person in his arms. Standing there in the driveway, he knew she was his. She was his, and it was about time he had her all to himself.

His hands around her waist tightened their grip allowing him to lift her up. Gillian wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, just like he wanted her to. She looked down at him and must have seen the lust, and intent, in his eyes. She gave him a shy smile before burying her face in his neck again. He thought it was the most wonderful feeling in the world as he made his way into her house. Closing the door, and locking it behind him, he made a mental note to put a chain on her door to prevent being walked in on like that again.

Jake made his way to the couch where he sat down with her securely in his lap, both knees at his sides. Her face was still buried in his neck as he ran his hand up her back to the soft skin of her neck. His fingers buried themselves in the thick hair at the base of her neck and gently kneaded the area. When he felt her body relax to his hands ministrations, he moved her head so he could see her face. Placing his other hand on her cheek, enjoying the feel of her skin against his hand, he looked her in the eyes and gently asked, “Can I have you, Gillian?”