“Why? What’s so bad about working there? Do you have vibrator anxiety? I thought we went over this on your eighteenth birthday when I bought you that starter kit,” Mom says with concern in her voice.
Both an upside AND a downside to having a mother who owns a sex toy store: she always wants to talk to you about sex and buys you vibrators for every holiday. And usually whips them out at the dinner table when you have guests over.
“Mom, I am not afraid of vibrators. If I’m not mistaken, you used to put a vibrator under my crib mattress to get me to sleep when I was a baby. You’re lucky I don’t turn narcoleptic every time I hear one buzzing.”
“Well, if that’s not the problem, what is? Seduction and Snacks is a very good company to work for. There are so many options for you to choose from with a degree in Communications,” she tells me.
“I think you should be more concerned with the fact that you and Dad forked over ninety-thousand dollars in tuition for this fuckernutter to get a degree in talking when she can’t even manage to say three little words to a certain someone.” Ava crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me smugly.
“AVA!”
“WHAT?!” Mom and I both shout at the same time.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Charlotte. This is getting annoying. Mom, Charlotte is in love with Gavin,” Ava states, crossing her arms in front of her.
“WHAT?!” Mom shouts again, looking back and forth between us with wide eyes.
“I am going to reach down your throat and rip out your ovaries, you fat cow!” I yell at her.
“Oh, I’m sorry, was that a secret?” Ava asks me, batting her eyelashes.
“AVA HAD SEX WITH TYLER!” I scream, pointing my finger at her.
“WHAT?!”
Either Mom’s head is about to explode or she’s having a stroke and can only speak one word. Whatever it is, I’m not about to let Ava win this shit. I’m small, but I’m scrappy. Even when we were little and she would get pissed at me and pull my hair, I always finished the fights and had her screaming for mom within seconds.
“You fucking HAG!” Ava screams at me. “Charlotte tried to give Gavin a pearl necklace!”
“Ava likes it when Tyler shouts My Little Pony names instead of hers!”
Before I can come up with another insult, Ava launches herself at me and grabs onto my hair. She yanks it hard and I scream in pain, reaching my own hand up and clutching onto a chunk of her dark brown locks. We’re smacking, pulling, biting, screaming, and kicking for only a few seconds before Mom dives on top of us, trying to pull us apart.
“GIRLS! That’s enough!” she yells, grabbing onto both of our arms as they flail all around, trying to gain purchase.
“Hey, sweet thing, I think I dropped my wallet under the-”
All three of us immediately stop screaming and fighting and turn our heads to the door as Tyler stands there with his bottom lip quivering.
“Mom AND daughters … I never thought this day would come. God does exist.”
“Seriously, Charlotte. You need to watch this. It’s goats screaming like humans,” Molly tells me in a fit of giggles as she stares at her iPhone.
Molly is nineteen and the youngest out of the three of us girls. Where Ava and I take after our dad with dark hair and dark eyes, Molly is the spitting image of my mom with her long blonde hair and spitfire personality.
“I don’t have time for that shit right now, Molls. I need a sharp object that will poke a hole in a tire,” I tell her distractedly as I look through all of the cupboards in the kitchen.
After our catfight a few days ago, Ava and I called a truce and she suggested I go with the whole flat tire item on the list next. Guys like a damsel in distress. Rocco assured me that it would be a good way to make Gavin feel like a man. He’s under the impression that Gavin is probably more embarrassed about what happened last week than I am. I find that hard to believe, but whatever. He hasn’t called or sent me a text since it happened and it’s freaking me out.
“No, really. Come here and watch this. It’s a Taylor Swift video and during the chorus, goats scream. Oh my God, this is the best thing I’ve ever seen,” Molly says in between hysterical laughter.
Opening the silverware drawer, I pull out the largest butcher knife I can find.
“Jesus, put the knife away. I’ll stop playing goat screaming videos,” Molly says in a panic as she comes up behind me, staring nervously at the knife in my hand.
Rolling my eyes at her, I close the drawer with my hip and grab my purse off of the counter.
“I swear to God you never listen to anything that goes on in this house.”
Molly follows behind me as I make my way to the front door.
“Oh, I heard all about you trying to beat the shit out of Ava. Why do I miss all of the good stuff?” Molly complains.
“Because you’re in school. Or you’re supposed to be. Why aren’t you at school right now?”