“Since you decided to be a slut for the cause, tell me you at least got some information out of Tyler,” I beg, taking a seat next to her.
“Tyler shouts the names of My Little Ponies when he comes. And he makes horse noises with his lips when he’s going down on me.”
My mouth opens and I gag.
“I know. It’s weird. But it was kind of hot. If you ever tell anyone I said that I will smother you in your sleep,” she warns.
“Can we get back to more pressing matters please? What did he say about Gavin?”
Ava sighs and leans back into the couch. “He didn’t say much. That boy is loyal; I’ll give him that. Every time I asked him about Gavin he would just say, ‘Well, what does Charlotte think?’ It was annoying. I even tried asking him when his penis was in my mouth, figuring it would distract him.”
Eeew, I really don’t want to picture Tyler’s penis in ANYONE’S mouth, especially my sister’s. He’s a good-looking guy I guess. Around six feet tall with surfer blonde hair and blue eyes, but as soon as he opens his mouth it ruins everything.
“How do you talk with a penis in your mouth?” I question.
“It takes some practice. You have to know how to roll your r’s and really enunciate. I’m pretty good, but he still thought when I asked if Gavin liked you I said, ‘Muff diving dike harlot.’ He thought I was telling him I’m a slutty lesbian. It took me fifteen minutes to get him to focus after that.”
Fuck! How in the hell am I going to find out how Gavin feels about what happened between us? Tyler was my last hope.
“I have a great idea. How about you find some balls and just tell Gavin how you really feel?” Ava suggests with a glare at me.
“Yeah, because that would go over really well. ‘Oh hey, Gavin. So, I know we grew up together and we’ve been best friends since we were little. We usually tell each other everything but here’s something new. Every time I’m around you I want to climb your face like a tree. Oh and you know how all my friends dared me to kiss you at the bar last week? Yeah, totally false. I just made that up because I’ve been dying to stick my tongue down your throat since I was twelve. No, please, stop laughing so hard. I’m serious.’”
I end my tirade and stare back at Ava.
“Yeah, that’s probably pretty accurate. Okay, so what’s left on Rocco’s list?” she asks.
I heave out a sigh and throw my head back against the couch. “Dress up like a slutty school girl, get a flat tire and call him for help, take him to a sporting event and pretend like I know what’s going on, and take naked pictures of him. But obviously that suggestion was for Rocco’s benefit.”
Ava shakes her head sadly at me. “Rocco isn’t going to be able to keep his gayness contained for much longer. Did you know he called Dad the other day and asked him if he wanted to go to a game? Dad thought maybe he’d misjudged him and felt bad. Then Rocco told him the game was drag queen bingo. I think Dad put a hit out on him.”
I hear the front door open and a few seconds later my mom walks into the living room.
“Why does it smell like sex in here? Ava, shouldn’t you be at work?” she asks with her hands on her hips.
“I’m on my lunch break,” Ava says casually.
Mom looks at her watch. “It’s four o’clock.”
“Snack break?” Ava replies with a shrug.
“AVA!”
“Um, I’m sick,” she says, adding in a cough for good measure.
“I swear to Christ if you left work to come home and have sex in my house, I will stop paying your cell phone bill,” Mom threatens.
“Oooooh, not the cell phone bill!” I reply in mock seriousness. “Careful, Ava. Mom’s got her stern face on.”
Ava and I both giggle while Mom stands there tapping her foot angrily.
“You two are both adults, so I have no problem saying this to you right now. You’re a bunch of dicks.”
“Mom, you said that to us when we were eight,” I remind her.
“Well, now I really mean it. Charlotte, how’s the job search coming along?” she asks as she takes her shoes off and moves into the room to sit in the chair across from us.
“Lousy. No one is hiring,” I complain.
“You know you can always come and work for Seduction and Snacks,” she reminds me.
My mom has been asking me to work for her ever since I was old enough to know what sex toys were. A part of me would love to go into the family business. I love my family and it would be awesome to work with them. The only thing holding me back right now is Gavin. It’s bad enough that our families are close and we see each other a lot. If whatever this is between us completely implodes, not only would I have to see him at family get-togethers, I’d have to work side-by-side with him every day. What if he marries Brooklyn and I have to watch her coming into the office every day for a quickie? I can’t work under those conditions. It would be best if I just find a job elsewhere.
“Mom, I can’t work at Seduction and Snacks,” I tell her.