“Aye, ye are a lovely dancer. After I’ve had ye, mayhap ye will dance with me?”
I smiled as I leaned toward his ear to whisper, “I hope to not have the energy.”
“Ach, lass.” He pulled me from underneath the blankets so he could undo my laces. “Ye are hungry for me, aye?”
“Yes.”
His fingers moved quickly, untying the dress until it hung loosely on my shoulders. I could tell he was about to push it onto the floor when he paused.
“Give me an answer first, Jane.”
I didn’t mean to ignore him; I thought my answer was assumed.
“Yes, but,” I hesitated, unsure of how to say what I meant without making it seem like I wanted a proposal. If he offered it, I’d say yes, but marriage had never been all that important to me. I truly just wondered about the expectations of his role. “Would it be acceptable for me to live here, as your lover, if we aren’t married?”
“No.” He kissed my neck as he stood behind me. I melted into him, twisting to elongate my neck to give him more space to trail his kisses. “I want ye to be my wife, lass, but I doona wish to ask ye such a question while I bed ye. If ’tis acceptable, I’d like to put more thought into the occasion than that.”
I exhaled a shaky breath, my breasts rising and falling quickly as my need for him escalated. I nodded against his chest, and he reached around to thumb and pull at my nipples. I moaned and turned to face him, reaching to undress him before the other half of his first statement reentered my mind. I placed a hand on his chest to stop him.
“Wait. What happened with Isobel? You said she was no longer angry with you.”
“Jane.” He leaned forward so that his forehead rested on my shoulder. “Could ye no wait until after to ask me that?”
I laughed and removed his shirt. “No. I’m curious. She’s not spoken to you in days.”
“I doona wish to be vulgar, lass, but if the rosiness in her cheeks and the lightness of her step this morning gave any clue, I’d say that Gregor tupped her well and happy last evening, and it made her realize that there is many a reason to be grateful for good health.”
I chuckled. Isobel had hinted more than once that she missed that part of their marriage while being sick. “Yes, I suppose that would do it. She didn’t tell you that though surely?”
“No. She just came to me and said that she’d found enough peace in her heart to forgive me.” Adwen laughed and pushed me backward onto the bed. “I canna talk any more, Jane.”
I moved myself so that I lay open in front of him, spread out and ready for him to take me. He climbed over slowly, pressing his body flat against my own as he kissed me with so much passion that I feared I might weep from the emotions it pulled at within me.
I cried out as we came together, our movements synced in a way that I couldn’t tell the difference between his body and my own. It was not hurried or necessary like the times before. I could sense with his every movement that he meant to worship my body, to show me with every kiss and every touch, every deliciously slow trail of his tongue, that he loved me.
It seemed like we made love for hours. When we climaxed together, he claimed my scream with his mouth, and we kissed until he collapsed on top of me. Once we pulled away, he turned and scooted me into him so that my back curved with the front of his body. His fingertips trailed gently down the side of my body while we both worked to catch our breath.
I closed my eyes and allowed him to feel me, relishing in the delicious tickle of his movement against my skin. I’d never thought of sex as such an emotional experience, but we were now closer in a way that neither of us could explain, but I knew we both felt it.
When our breathing slowed and the edges of sleep began to pull at us both, he moved his hand downward and cupped the lower part of my stomach with his palm.
“What are you doing?” I smiled as I reached down to lay my own hand over his.
“I canna wait to put babes inside ye, Jane.” Tears filled my eyes even before he finished. “I wouldna be surprised if I just did. I felt as if I couldna be deeper inside ye, like we were the same person, Jane. Did ye feel it as well?”
I couldn’t speak. If I did, I knew he would hear the quiver in my voice. Instead, I nodded as he relaxed beside me. Everything precious about the moments we had just spent together suddenly felt tainted.
I had allowed him to tell him he loved me, agreed to stay here with him, all the while neglecting to tell him my truth. I’d not meant to. It just had not been at the forefront of my mind until he uttered those words.
I took a breath and rolled over to tell him. He was already sound asleep, the smallest trace of a smile still hanging on his lips. I bent to kiss him and moved to blow out the candles.
Covered by darkness, I cried as I crawled back into bed with him. Sleep now seemed far away. I spent the night struggling with which would be more cruel—to wake him and break his heart or let him sleep peacefully wishing for something I could never give him?