“No.” Orick shook his head in clarification. “I’m no saying that he is weak. Only that he thinks he is. He’s far more patient with others than himself. We all carry wounds from our childhood, doona we? Some of us come through the pain stronger for it, while others come out more fearful.
“When Adwen found me, he showed me unwavering patience, and I came through the darkness no longer fearful of anything. I lost everyone I cared for, and my life went on. When Adwen lost his mother, he dinna think it should have broken him as it did, even though he was closer to her than any of his brothers, or even his Da. His struggle made him believe himself weak. When he came out of his grief, he thought his strength had come from me rather than himself. I did nothing but show him the same patience and allow him the same time and space that he’d allowed me.
“Coming out of that believing that he dinna heal on his own strength changed him in a way. It made him fearful rather than fearless, always moving through life determined to no lose another again. He doesna think he could bear the pain. ’Tis why he became so loose with lassies; he dinna ever have to love anyone. Now, he’s more frightened than he’s ever been—for loving ye has brought a whole circle of people around him that have managed to grab hold of his heart.”
I leaned back against the cold stones. I recognized the truth in Orick’s words. “Why are you telling me this? He’s not going to lose me—not unless he wants to.”
“I know, lass. I can see the way ye feel for him in yer eyes. I only tell ye for I believe ’twill be ye by his side from now on. While Isobel may be well, and I am glad of it, loss will find him. ’Tis inevitable in life, and he willna think he can bear it when it comes. Doona believe the weakness ye will see in him. Mayhap, doona allow him to lean on ye either. He should learn his own strength. ’Tis the only way he will lose the fear that plagues him. Only then will his heart be free to hold ye and everything else that life will bring the two of ye.”
I smiled and reached over to pat Orick’s leg. “From the way you talk, I would think you were a very old man. You have too much wisdom for someone so young.”
He laughed and stood, and we made our way down from the tower.
“I told ye, lass, I was born verra old, I feel. Just like wee Cooper. ’Tis why we get along so well. I can hear him calling for me down below. I best be on my way.”
CHAPTER 39
I moved back into Adwen’s bedchamber the day Isobel attacked him in the sitting room. Seeing her so feisty had been enough to convince me she was well on her way to recovery so I was no longer so weepy and in need of solitude.
The days following my return to his room were fine. We talked and cuddled and fell asleep in each other’s arms, but Adwen had been guarded, anxious over Isobel’s hostility toward him.
But this night, a full week later, was different. I knew it from the moment Adwen walked through his bedchamber door. His posture was relaxed, his eyes were playful, and his smile was infectious.
“You look happy.”
“Aye, I am. I shall make love to the woman I love tonight without worrying that Isobel may come into the room to murder me in my sleep.”
My mouth hung open as I struggled with which part of his sentence to respond to. Evidently, something had happened to make him believe that Isobel was no longer angry with him and that was great; but he’d also said that he loved me, and that had never happened before.
“You…you love me, huh?”
He smiled and walked over to me, sitting on the edge of the bed as he leaned in to kiss me until I was breathless and weak with need of him.
“Aye, I do, Jane. I love ye in a way I dinna know possible. And I want ye to stay here with me.”
“Stay?” I hadn’t thought much about where things with Adwen and I would go, but the thought of being anywhere with him, whether in this castle or beneath a blanket under the stars, thrilled me to no end. I’d pushed away any thoughts of our return home because I didn’t want to think about leaving his side.
“Aye, please do. I want ye here. I doona think I can bring myself to be laird without ye. I need to find ye in my bed each night to keep me from suffocating inside these walls.”
“Why do you have to be laird? You have two other brothers.” I hated that he was stuck in a situation he despised so much. It reminded me of my father, and I didn’t want Adwen to become like him.
“Mayhap I willna have to be forever, but my brothers are no ready, and I am the eldest. Ye dinna say if ye would stay, nor have ye spoken of love for me.”
I smiled, reaching for his shoulders as I pulled him toward me. “You know that I love you. I have ever since our horse ride toward McMillan Castle that first cold and infuriating night.”
“’Twas even before that for me, lass. I saw ye as Orick and I passed through the village. Ye stood with yer broom in one hand and ye looked mad. Yer hair flung about as ye danced and sang. It stopped me still.”
My eyes widened as memories of my one-woman show for the chairs at the inn flashed through my mind.
“You saw that?”