“Me too.” And I was. Not only that we’d returned safely, but I was genuinely happy to be back. I’d not known how badly I needed to see what I thought I missed to realize that I was right where I belonged. “How are you feeling? Is the blood still coming?”
Isobel’s smile dropped, and she patted her chest lightly. “Aye, it comes with every cough now. Though some days I doona feel so bad, I know that I’ve not much time.”
“Isobel.” I gathered her hands in my own. “I’ve got something to show you and then you must make a decision.”
“A decision, Jane? Oh, doona let Gregor hear ye. He doesna think I’m capable of making those myself.”
She laughed at herself, and I smiled. It was good that her humor remained.
“I know, and that’s why I’m not telling him. I know he’d think he had every right to help you in the decision, and there’s no question about how he would decide. Here.” I placed the vial in her hands.
She picked it up and tilted it from side to side, examining the violet colored contents with suspicious eyes. “Is it an herb?”
I shrugged. “There might be a few herbs in it. I don’t really know.”
“Jane.” She placed the vial back in my hand, closing my fingers around it. “I have seen things during the days that ye’ve been away—figures of women in the halls or amongst the stairs, voices in the air. There is magic in this place. Is that what this is, Jane? Did ye go to find the person whom Cagair’s magic springs from?”
“Not exactly, but that’s close enough. Does it really matter where we went or what this is? It has the power to heal you.”
“Aye, I doona doubt that, lass, but what did it cost ye?”
She wasn’t going to take it; I could see the denial of my offer in her eyes. I had believed it would give her hope when instead resignation seemed to cloud over her eyes.
“It cost me nothing. It will cost you nothing to take it.”
“There is naught in the world that comes without cost—no love, nor hate, nor war, nor peace. If it comes without cost now, a time will come later when the price will have to be paid, and the cost will be much higher than the price of my life then.”
“No.” Tears filled my eyes, and she reached to brush them away. My voice shook as I spoke to her. “I don’t believe that. Isobel, your life is precious. We all love you. None of us want to say goodbye.”
“There is a natural order to things. I can feel death coming for me. ’Tis no as frightening as I imagined it would be.”
“Well, tell it to go away. Death can come for someone else.”
“No.” Her voice was harsh, her eyes disapproving. “Doona say that, Jane. ’Tis what would happen if I drank from this vial. I willna take it, though I thank ye for loving me so.”
“Isobel, that’s not the way the world works. There’ll be no punishment for your healing.”
“If ye believed that, you wouldna give me the choice. Ye canna know and neither can I. I willna risk the life of another, no when I have led a full life full of love and friendship and, now with our journey here, adventure. I’ve made my peace with it. ’Tis time for the rest of ye to do the same.”
*
Isobel didn’t see him as he stood in the doorway of the bedchamber, and Adwen took the moment to watch her rather than make his presence known. With each cough, more blood smattered the worn piece of cloth she held to her mouth. She had only weeks left, if that.
Isobel’s spirit still shined so brightly. Her body was failing, but the essence of her clung on to life so tightly. In a way, he thought it would make the last days of her life even harder for all those who loved her.
It had been difficult enough to watch his mother pass, and she’d given up her fight a fortnight before passing; Isobel wouldn’t be that way. She’d stay the same until the end. He didn’t think he could watch such a light be wiped from this earth.
Jane told him everything shortly after their return through the portal. Never for a moment did he believe Isobel would choose to save her own life. The vial sat untouched next to her bed just as he knew it would. For Isobel to drink it would have been for her to defy the woman she was. Adwen believed strongly that Jane and Orick were wrong to give her the choice. It was no better than never having the potion at all.
Jane and Orick’s hearts were too pure. They only saw love as kindness and understanding and holding the other’s hand, but Adwen was selfish enough to see that love was often more than that. Sometimes, love meant making decisions the other isn’t brave enough to make. Sometimes, love meant being selfish.
He loved Isobel. He valued her friendship. He valued her life, and if no one else could see sense, Adwen would do what was needed.
He waited until Isobel slept soundly, waiting to make sure he couldn’t hear Gregor’s footsteps approaching. When all lay quiet, he slipped inside, taking the vial from its resting place. Adwen would make breakfast come morning, and Isobel’s food would be prepared especially for her.
CHAPTER 37