Lost to You (Take This Regret 0.5)

chapter Eleven

Elizabeth





The knock at my door jerked me to my feet. My thoughts raced everywhere, and my nerves only skyrocketed knowing who awaited me on the other side of the door.

I hurried across the room, sidestepping my purse. I’d dropped it in the middle of the floor when I came in last night and rushed to the window to catch another glimpse of Christian before he walked away. I guess I’d needed an affirmation. Something to prove what had just transpired between us had been real. And it was, there in his expression, the same thing I felt reflected back at me.

Of course I’d known I was in love with him before, though the realization had gutted me. Rather than joy, I’d felt only pain, my feelings for him nothing more than a millstone around my neck.

But last night had changed everything, and peering down at him had revealed something greater to me. Joy had firmly taken root in my heart as a future unfolded before my eyes, snapped into place like the jagged pieces of a puzzle, ones that didn’t seem to fit but always belonged together.

We’d been raised so differently. Maybe it was those differences that made us so perfect for each other.

I opened the door to Christian standing there with his hands shoved deep in his coat pockets. That mass of hair on his head was mussed, framing his face. A clean shave had erased any trace of the shadow that usually had set by this time of day. It accentuated every sharp line and contour of his jaw. The curve of a gentle smile lifted one side of his mouth.

“Hey,” he said, his head tilting to the side. He drew his shoulders up as his face bled into a timid grin.

“Hey.” I could feel the flush make its way up my neck to tint my cheeks. Being around Christian had never been easy. It’d always been a feat of wills, brute strength and iron-clad resolve. I’d become almost accustomed to it until I stood before him now.

With all of our reservations out of way, I felt like a different girl.

Blue eyes gleamed as they traveled along my face and kissed along the length of my body.

Thick laughter jutted from his throat as he took me in.

I bit back a smile as another rush of heat flared on my face.

This morning when I’d talked to him on the phone, he asked me to wear the same thing I’d worn to the party last Friday. I knew under his coat he’d be wearing the same tight black T-shirt, and that his dark jeans would be a taunting me from where they hung low on his hips

He wanted a redo.

I wanted one, too.

“Come here,” he said under his breath, one hand reaching out to beckon me forward. I didn’t hesitate to nestle into his chest. He wrapped both arms around me, rocked me as he hugged me close. Gentle lips pressed to the top of my head. “You look amazing.” I felt his laughter rather than heard it. “Why didn’t I just tell you before?” His voice dropped as he burrowed his mouth farther into my hair. “Why couldn’t I just tell you I wanted to make love to you?”

Tingles shot down my spine with his words, and I nuzzled my nose deeper into his chest.

“Why didn’t I tell you I was confused and scared by everything you made me feel instead of running away from you?”

Shaking my head, I looked at him. “I don’t regret it at all, Christian. I’m mean, don’t get me wrong...last week hurt...and I hate having spent those days without you, but I have to believe it finally forced us to admit things we were too scared to see. If it hadn’t have happened, I’d probably be sitting on your couch instead of standing here like this with you.” I clung to him and whispered, “And this is really where I want to be.”

Christian’s hands came up to cup my jaw, gently prodding. I lifted my eyes to his. Emotion softened every hard angle of his face, and that place reserved for him fluttered inside. He dipped his head and pressed a sweet kiss to the edge of my mouth.

“This is the only place I want to be, Elizabeth...with you.”

My forehead fell back to his chest to hide the heat that rushed to my cheeks. I breathed him in, loved the way he smelled, loved everything about him.

There was no more holding back, no more questioning what we were or where we were going.

“Are you ready to get out of here?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I stepped back.

“Be sure to grab a warm coat and a scarf. It’s freezing out there.”

I nodded and turned back into my studio to gather my things. Christian followed right behind and stood in the middle of my apartment. Just watching me. I kept glancing up at him, and each time it was the same. I’d catch him with the same expression on his face, the one that fluttered my pulse and sent a tumult of butterflies tipping through my stomach.

Hands shaking, I struggled to pull my heavy coat over my sweatshirt.

He stepped to me, his voice all breathy and matching everything I felt inside. “Here...let me help you with that.”

He slipped the coat over my shoulders and tugged at the collar to straighten it, grinning when it caused me to stumble forward into him. Leaning in close, he reached behind me to free the hair trapped in the confines of my coat, and ran his long fingers through the length with a satisfied smile coming over his face.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve imagined my hands in your hair.” He lifted a handful and slowly let each piece fall away, the strands tickling at my neck as his sweet breath trickled over my face.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I buttoned my coat, my brow cinching with a playful scowl. “Oh, I distinctly remember them being there before. Have you forgotten so easily?” I was surprised by the tease that found its way from my mouth.

But I didn’t want that night to be remembered as an obstacle, when in reality, it’d been our launching pad.

A throaty chuckle seeped into the room, and Christian shook his head as he placed his hands on my hips. “No, Elizabeth, I haven’t forgotten. That night has been ingrained in my mind as one of the best and worst nights of my life...the night I first kissed you and was foolish enough to lose you in the same heartbeat.” All pretenses fell from his face, and his hands tightened their hold. “I promise you—that will never happen again.”

I believed it—I wouldn’t accept him any other way.

Something like distress darkened his eyes. “I mean it, Elizabeth. This is it for me.”

My fingers came up to coax his worry lines away from his brow. “I know, Christian.” My palm slid down his cheek to rest on the steady tick of his pulse in his neck. I wet my lips, and made my own promise. “I trust you.”

Relief flooded him, loosening his tense muscles and chasing the storm from his eyes, my words the cure for whatever vestiges of doubt that still remained.

Taking one step back, he grabbed my hand and brought the back to his lips. The heavy moment was gone. In its place, I sensed his thrill. It spilled over onto me.

“Come on.” He hauled me toward the door. “I want to take you out. You denied me this before, you know.”

A smirk arched his brow, this playful ease coming over us, one we’d shared so many times, but with our barriers still set firmly in place.

This was liberating.

I squeezed his hand and worked to keep up as I followed him out the door. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He tossed a grin back at me, and I pulled the door shut behind us.

He led me out and down the hall, didn’t let go as he dragged me into the stairwell. As always, it was dim, the walls seemingly compressed, the air instantly tight. Just being in its confines, alone with him, escalated my heart rate.

I gasped when Christian abruptly turned and pushed me up against the wall. His mouth crashed into mine as he covered me with his body. This kiss was hot, demanding, filled with every ounce of the desire we’d kept restrained for far too long. My fingers dug into his neck as his fingers dug into my backside.

And I loved it, every second. God, I loved him.

When he pulled away, much too soon, he was panting, his blue eyes wild and his mouth dancing with a smug, satisfied smile. “Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to do that? This f*cking stairwell has been the bane of my existence for the last four months.”

A strained laugh fluttered from my mouth, doing nothing to disguise the intense need that tightened my voice. “You felt that, too, huh?”

He laughed and shook his head, his posture softening as he drew me closer and completely wrapped me up in his secure arms. “You don’t even understand, Elizabeth. You’ve pretty much made me think I was losing my mind since the moment I met you.”

My head dropped to his chest, my fingers playing along the buttons of his coat as I averted my gaze. I loved hearing him voice it, to touch me and tell me he had felt the same way I did. “I’m pretty sure I do.”

I risked peeking up at him. God, he was beautiful. Every inch, angle, and curve.

“How did we manage to stay away from each other for this long?”

My hands fisted in his jacket. “Honestly, I have no clue.”

Grabbing my hand again, he guided me down the rest of the steps and out into the cold. The sun had set a couple hours earlier and the city had come alive. Cars and taxis filled the streets, the lights glowing overhead in the frosty air.

I shivered, and Christian wrapped an arm around my waist. I cuddled into the warmth of his side. He planted a kiss on my temple.

I exhaled and snuggled closer.

This was nothing short of perfection.

We walked down to the intersection where it was easier to find a cab. I hopped in the first we could find, Christian laughing as he climbed in behind me. He pulled me right to his side, sloppily kissing me under my jaw.

Everything soared, a sensation of weightlessness washing me in joy.

“Where to?” the cabbie asked.

Wide eyed and teasing, I jerked my head to face him. “Yeah, where to?”

Christian rambled off the address as he draped his arm over my shoulder.

Downtown.

The ride was short, and I was laughing outright by the time Christian was pulling me from the cab and running us in the direction of The Rink at Rockefeller Center.

“We’re going ice skating? Are you serious?” I yelled at the back of his gorgeous head as he twisted us through the crowd, his hand firm on mine, never letting go.

He looked back at me, so carefree.

My best friend.

His hands were in my hair, pressed to the sides of my head when he whirled around to kiss me in the middle of the roving crowd. “Where else would I take my girl except where she wants to go?”

He paid for our tickets and skates, both of us fumbling, cracking up as we put on our skates and tentatively ventured out onto the ice. His hands were never far, his mouth at my neck, at my ear, and at my mouth. Our words were flirty, easy, exactly what I wanted us to be.

My best friend.

He kissed me against the railing, when I fell and he helped me up, when we returned our skates and wandered hand-in-hand back out into the city.

He stopped in front of a large window at a little pizza place. Candles glowed from each round table crammed into the small space. “How’s this?”

“Looks good.”

We were seated toward the back. It was quaint inside, nothing fancy, just the two of us and a natural flow of conversation. Effortless.

We ordered a pizza to share, neither of us hesitating to dig in as soon as it was served.

Under the table, his hand rested on my knee, his thumb a constant caress.

He took a bite of pizza and glanced up at me with affection swimming in his eyes.

Never had I imagined ending up with someone like him. What I had pictured, I wasn’t quite sure. Safe, I supposed. Simple and plain. Someone who worked hard and loved just because he should. Someone who wanted a family and an easy life. Someone who I’d meet years in the future.

But Christian was none of those things. He was complicated, both selfish and kind, thoughtful and mindless, generous with a tendency toward greed.

And he was anything but plain. This beautiful man stole my breath with a simple look and had me shaking with the mere brush of his hand.

Once, Christian had been a mistake I couldn’t afford. Now, he’d become someone I didn’t want to live without. My pulse stuttered as I looked at him.

He looked so much like the type of guy I’d sworn never to give myself to. My heart recognized the risk. He could so easily crush me, but Christian had become my welcomed complication.

Black hair brushed over his forehead as he cocked his head to the side in a silent question, obviously wondering where my thoughts had wandered.

“It’s nothing,” I mumbled low, dragging a napkin over my mouth to cover the emotion building there.

Crinkles lighted at the corners of his eyes as he mildly frowned, and he only squeezed my knee.

Christian chatted on as if we’d been together for years. Plans for our future were made without thought, where he would take me and the different things he wanted us to experience together. How different school would be now that we didn’t have to pretend, how our lives seemed fated as they had finally aligned.

The waitress brought our check and Christian set a credit card on the tray. After he paid, he silently rose and extended his hand.

My chair squeaked on the tile floor as I pushed back from the table and accepted Christian’s waiting hand. He said nothing as he helped me back into my coat and wrapped my scarf around my neck, the gesture quietly intimate.

All traces of the light mood from earlier had evaporated, a charge igniting the air.

“Ready?”

Swallowing, I intertwined my fingers with his. “Yes.”

In silence, we snaked between the tiny tables filling the dark restaurant. Christian held the door open for me, and I stepped out. Cold increased its hold on the city. A chill slid down my spine, and I hugged my arms across my chest.

From behind, Christian cocooned himself around me. Covering my hands with his, he drew me tight against him and hooked his jaw over my shoulder. His breath washed over me, so thick and warm—sweet and kind—his nose nuzzling behind my ear, his lips sending shivers down the sensitive skin.

Then he pressed his cheek against mine.

“I love you, Elizabeth.”

It was said so easily, bled so naturally. I harbored no questions of its truth.

“I love you, Christian, so much.” The words filtered out ahead of us and mingled with the night air.

Christian had stolen my heart and held it in his hand.

Without letting go, he edged us forward, said nothing as he lifted his hand to hail a cab. He opened the door and gently eased me down into the back seat. Soundlessly, he slipped in and wrapped me back in his arms.

He murmured my address into the darkened cab.

The driver pulled into traffic.

Turned to the side, I rested my cheek over the beat of his heart. One of his arms held me close, his fingers playing in my hair, his other hand gripping mine on his lap.

I could feel it, the strained ripples of need coursing between us, this new uncertainty, another question.

Tension ricocheted between us. His hand tightened in mine, and he turned to whisper in my ear. “Come home with me, Elizabeth. I don’t want to take you home.”

“I never said I wanted you to.”

The spat of air he released from his nose rustled through my hair at the top of my head. The sound reflected the moment, relief and tension and building anticipation.

Christian shifted me so he could lean forward. “Excuse me. We’ve had a change of plans.” Christian gave him his address. The driver nodded and turned down the next street in the direction of Christian’s apartment.

We settled back into silence.

Waiting.

Wanting.

The short ride felt too long. Christian paid the fare and climbed from the backseat, never once losing the hold he had on me. He glanced back over his shoulder as he lightly tugged at my hand. Slowly, he led us inside his building and up the three long flights of stairs. Expectation swelled between us, echoed in our footsteps and in the heavy breaths we forced in and out of our lungs.

I clung to him, my hand tight in his, the other wrapped around his wrist as he walked a step ahead of me.

I was nervous. Excited. Terrified. Not of this, but of what I didn’t know, of all my inadequacies and deficiencies.

He stopped at his door and fumbled through his pockets to withdraw his keys. Metal scraped as the key was inserted in the keyhole, the sound piercing in the hush of the hall.

Christian pushed the door open wide, pulled me in behind him, and spun to close it in the same movement he edged me up against it. Cold fingertips brushed over my cheeks and down my jaw. He began to slowly unwind the scarf from my neck. Christian’s eyes were all ablaze, smoldering as he stared me down. He slipped the scarf from my neck and dropped it to the floor. He palmed the heated flesh there, sent chills flying through my system.

“You’re shaking,” he said.

My tongue darted out to wet my lips, and I looked up at him and answered in all honesty. “I’m a little nervous.”

Okay. Maybe not completely honest. I was really nervous, so out of my element. My body quaked uncontrollably, these long rolls of trembles that I couldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried. They vibrated between us. Palpable. Clear.

Sex had left a rancid taste in my mouth, a bitter mark on my soul.

But I wanted this. I had for so long. I wanted to explore what Christian had created in me.

The arc of his mouth was tender. “Elizabeth, whatever happens tonight is totally up to you. I’m not going to lie. I’ve been dying to make love to you since the first time I met you, and whenever you let me, I will cherish it. But I don’t want it until you’re ready.”

“It’s not that. I just don’t want to disappoint you.”

“God, Elizabeth.” He blinked hard and his hold intensified on either side of my neck. Raging blue eyes opened to me. “You couldn’t. It’s not even possible. Is that really what you’re worried about?”

Chewing on the inside of my lip, I nodded.

This anxious sound seeped from the back of his throat, and he dropped his arms. “I’ve never been so nervous in my life.”

“What? Why?” The words tripped from my mouth as one.

“Because it’s you, and I don’t want to mess this up. When I touch you”—he reached up to trace a straight line from my chin to the hollow at the base of my neck—“I don’t want to leave behind any question of how much I love you.” His low laugh was almost pained. “And what I want most is to wipe the memory of anyone else touching you from your mind.”

Again, our distinct differences made us the same.

“All I want is you, Christian.” With my gaze pinned on him, I fumbled to let the first button of his coat free. “For us to forget everything and everyone else, because none of that matters anymore.”

I was still shaking as I worked through the rest of his buttons. Christian just stood there, watching me. When I finally released them, I pressed my palms to his chest and ran them up to push his coat off his shoulders.

Christian’s muscles twitched, jerked at the contact. Shrugging the rest of the way out of his coat, Christian tossed it to his couch, turned and slowly unbuttoned mine. He threw it on top of his.

Then he stepped back and took me in. His gaze slid softly from my face, his eyes flicking to the exposed skin at my shoulder, to my breasts, caressed down my jeans, and back up again.

He took my hand. “Come here.”

His room was down the short hall. It was dark inside, and I could only make out the subtle silhouette of his bed in the backdrop of night. He pulled me behind him as he went to his desk along the opposite wall. He flicked on the small lamp resting at the far corner of the desk, clicking through to the lowest setting. It cast the room in a faint glow, illuminated his beautiful face with subdued light.

I reached out to trace his face, the sharp angles, the bold lines. My fingertips smoothed against his strong brow, played along his soft lips.

Christian just barely kissed them, his lips parting as I freely explored.

I felt the smile on my mouth. “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered.

Christian laughed quietly, as if what I’d spoken was absurd. “Look at you, Elizabeth.” His fingers tickled along my collarbone. “You are perfect.”

His mouth caressed along mine as one of his hands twisted in the mass of my hair. The other burned into the small of my back.

I snaked my hands under his shirt. My touch was fevered as I splayed my hands and ran them up his stomach, to his shoulders, and tore his shirt over his head.

What hid under Christian’s shirt was glorious.

Lean, taut muscles jumped beneath my hands. Christian sucked in a desperate breath. “One touch, and you’re killing me already, Elizabeth.”

A smile twitched on his flirty mouth, but his expression spoke of so much more than that. This was a need that had captured us, a love that had left us completely undone.

His mouth went to my shoulder. “Do you remember that night?” He tugged my collar farther off my shoulder and pressed his teeth into my skin.

My breath caught.

It wasn’t enough to hurt, just enough to weaken my knees. I clung to his arms. I knew he wouldn’t let me fall.

“This right here is what finally threw me over the edge.” He kissed along my flesh, drawing in a shaky breath as his hands made their way under my sweatshirt. Heated palms grazed my sides.

Slowly he dragged my shirt over my head, his gaze drifting down over the black lace of my strapless bra. With a single finger, he traced over the lace ridges of the cup. His face was painfully close when he reached around with both hands to unclasp its hold.

It fell away, and goosebumps flashed across my flesh. I swallowed the thick knot that formed in my throat when Christian stepped back and brazenly contemplated me in nothing but my jeans, his eyes roaming, memorizing.

And it wasn’t awkward or any of the things I worried it might be.

Christian reached out and dragged his knuckles over the bud of my breast. “You are perfect,” he said again.

One hand slipped to the back of my neck and the other grasped my side, his mouth urgent on mine as our bare chests met.

I caught fire. “Christian,” I begged through a whimper.

“I know, baby, I know,” he mumbled between kisses, nudging me back toward his bed. He eased me down onto it, and I grasped at him when he didn’t follow.

He caught my hands, climbed to his knees on the bed as he pinned them over my head, left them there as he traveled down my body and kissed me on my belly as he slowly unbuttoned my jeans.

I was gasping for air.

He got back to his feet, pulled them from my legs, and dropped them to the floor.

He stood at the end of his bed where he’d left me in only my panties, my knees twisted to one side and my arms draped over my head.

I felt exposed. Vulnerable.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to be.

He was so beautiful as he stood there soaking up every inch of my body. My eyes wandered and did the same, watching as he slowly released each button on his jeans. He pushed them down, stepped out, and kicked them aside.

Heat flooded my face as I took in Christian in nothing but a pair of tight boxer briefs. My heart beat fast, spurred on by this insane desire to touch him and for him to touch me.

Kneeling on the edge of his bed, he gently spread my knees apart with both hands. He dipped his head, dropped a kiss to my inner thigh, and crawled the rest of the way up my body to settle between my legs.

I gripped his shoulders, and Christian brushed his fingers along my cheek, smiled down at me before he kissed me long and slow. He rained those kisses along my jaw, pressed them to my chest, captured my breast in his mouth.

I was adrift, my fingers in his hair as Christian’s skimmed up and down my sides. My body vibrated, resonating with emotion.

He rose to his hands and abruptly his shoulders dropped as he dove down to press his mouth to my hipbone.

I sucked in a sharp breath as my hips jerked from the bed.

He rocked back up on his hands, his eyes chaotic as he stared at me. He didn’t look away as he wrapped his hands around my waist, his fingers sliding down to gather the edges of my panties. He wound his fingers through, palmed my backside.

I was half exposed.

A suppressed moan broke from his mouth. “You have the sweetest ass, Elizabeth.” He squeezed once before he shimmied my panties down, for one second shifting to my side to pull them off.

I was squirming, this unknown need Christian had created in me knotting my every muscle.

Kneeling between my legs, Christian stared at me as he grazed the back of his hand up my inner thigh. “I’m going to touch you, okay?” His voice was hoarse, his attention flicking down between my legs then back up to me.

Somewhere inside, I searched for embarrassment, to find a reason to be ashamed.

But it was nowhere to be found.

This wasn’t like the few second fumbles I’d had with Ryan. This wouldn’t leave me feeling dirty and used, and Christian would not send me away disappointed.

“Please.”

Christian watched over me as I looked up at him. His fingers found me. My mouth went dry.

In seconds, I was breathless, couldn’t fathom how free I felt, this need to experience with Christian everything I’d never experienced before.

My back arched as pleasure built.

And I was saying his name, begging, pleading, because he was driving something in me no one had ever managed to reach before.

It twisted tighter, wound higher.

Then broke.

I cried out, my heels digging into his bed. Christian braced himself with one hand, dipped down to kiss my stomach as he led me through my release.

My entire being slumped to the bed, overflowing with satisfaction that oozed and bled, shone as sweat across my body and contented every crevice in my heart.

“Oh my God,” I breathed.

A low rumble echoed from Christian’s chest as he crawled back over me and pressed his mouth against mine.

“You are amazing,” he mumbled between kisses.

“Pretty sure that was all you. And yeah, amazing.” I kissed him hard.

I felt him smiling against my mouth, his fingers winding in my hair. “Yeah?”

“Uh, yeah.”

He pushed up on his hands. A look of adoration crossed over his face, this softness that radiated from his spirit while every inch of his body remained hard, twitching as he held himself in restraint.

I stared up at him as he caged me, my hands shaking as I reached between us to push his underwear from his hips.

“Elizabeth...baby...” His voice came in a harsh whisper as he tucked his chin to look between us where I struggled to get them down past his thighs. He moaned, twisting out of them while he continued to hover over me, and kicked them off his feet.

He turned his face back to me. He clenched his jaw when I wrapped one hand around him and the other around the back of his neck. A shudder traveled from his pelvis, over the ridges of his perfect stomach and up his chest, emitted as a stuttered breath from his lips that spread across my face. “Elizabeth,” he rasped, blue eyes boring into mine as his tongue darted out to wet his lips.

Lust flared in his eyes, and he clutched the sheets on either side of me. He rocked into my hand, muscles rippling along his back, bunching over his shoulders.

Fragmented tremors rolled through my body as I surrendered to this abandon. I’d never understood what it felt like to both desire and feel desired. I sucked in a strained breath as I explored him, my eyes never leaving his face, feasting on the pleasure I brought him.

He reached down and covered my hand with his. “Elizabeth, baby...I think you need to stop. That feels way too good and this is not how I imagined ending this night.”

Christian kept a hand on my hip as he rushed to sit up, tore open his side drawer, and rummaged around inside. He pulled out a little foil packet and ripped it between his teeth.

My legs shook as he knelt on his knees between my thighs. Air heaved in and out of my lungs as unbridled need spun with a loose thread of apprehension. It coiled as a hunger deep in my stomach, throbbed between my legs. Christian quickly covered himself, his hands coming down to run up the underside of my thighs as he tugged me closer to him. My legs dropped open to make him room.

Fire singed the fibers of my skin as Christian slid his palms up my body and down my arms to lace his fingers with mine, then brought them between on chests. His elbows hit the bed, bracketing my body, his weight propped by the easy bend of his knees. Our hands were tied between us, our chests rising and falling in spastic quakes.

Christian nudged the side of my face with his nose. I felt him breathe me in, felt an impossible connection with this man who hovered above me. His mouth grazed the side of my face, his voice soft in my ear. “I love you so much, Elizabeth.”

His nose traveled my cheek until he brought us face to face. His expression was severe, twisted lines of devotion and lust.

So beautiful.

He swallowed deeply and shifted. I felt him at my center. He barely marked me, the slightest penetration as he searched for air and his hands tightened on mine. But he didn’t look away. Searching. Longing. Loving.

“I love you,” I whispered, the words a promise, an encouragement that I wanted this as much as he did.

There was no turning back, nothing I could do to win back my heart.

Christian swept a gentle kiss across my lips before he pulled back an inch to look down on me. He tightened his hold as he gathered me closer.

Then he slowly filled me.

His elbows dug farther into the bed and his mouth dropped open with a ragged grunt.

An overdose of sensations hastened through my nerves as Christian took all of me. He seared into my body as he stretched me, the burn the most exquisite kind of pain. It was a branding. A seal. And I’d never be the same.

Now Christian held me whole. This was a bond we could not break.

For a few seconds, we both lay still and listened to the short gasps heaving from our lungs and the blood pounding through our veins. Nose to nose, we stared.

Christian unwound our hands, shifted to bring one to my face. Tender fingers brushed back the hair clinging to my damp forehead.

And he smiled. This stomach-flipping, heart-lurching, earth-shattering smile. But it no longer was a smile of manipulation, not one to bend me to his way. This one was genuine, filled with love and adoration and everything I wanted us to be.

This smile was only for me.

“Are you okay?” he murmured. He splayed his hand wide, his fingers supporting the back of my head while his thumb caressed over my cheek.

I wet my lips, taking in the man above me, the only one I would ever love. My fingertips fluttered over his lips, and I whispered, “Perfect.”

I tilted my chin and lifted my mouth to his. The kiss started slow, soft and tender, flicks of tongue and grazes of teeth, as tender and slow as the movements of his body as he cautiously began to move within me.

Pressed together, he kissed me deeper, our mouths filled with longing as I opened to him, body and soul. I ran my hands over his shoulders and down his back. The muscles were rigid and strained as they bowed and twisted as he worked over me.

Tentatively I moved, lifting my hips to meet him.

Christian slipped one hand down my side, his fingertips digging into the ridges between my ribs. A smooth palm cupped my bottom before he flattened it over my hip and ran it down to my knee. He tucked me closer and hooked my leg over his hip.

Pulling back, he filled me, deliberate and strong.

I gasped and clung to his shoulders as I began to match him move for move.

“Oh, God, Elizabeth.” His fingers dug deep into my thigh. Incoherent mutterings of pleasure slipped from his mouth to mine, and I devoured them while he devoured me.

That feeling built again.

Everything was frantic, the love that solidified this bond between us, the sounds that filled his room, mumbled words of devotion, every desperate touch.

I knew he was getting close. His movements were quick, jerky, his breaths clipped and labored. “Elizabeth...uh...you feel so good. So...good.”

This time he was begging and I was clinging because I needed more.

His hand slipped between us because Christian knew.

I curved my arm around his head, and he buried his face in the crook of my neck.

And I was lost.

Lost to him.

Pleasure rushed, surged and crashed, saturated every inch of my body.

Christian jerked and cried out in my neck, held himself rigid before all the strength left him and he collapsed on me.

We lay like that for countless minutes, our worlds shaken.

Christian rolled to his side, taking me with him. He placed his palm on my cheek, caressed this thumb over the edge of my lips. He gazed at me as if I were the center of his world. There was nothing I could have done to stop this when I realized he’d become mine. “I’m going to love you forever, Elizabeth Ayers.”

I looked up at the man who now held everything, my trust, my future, the nature of my heart. Reaching up, I ran my fingers through the thickness of his black hair. “Don’t ever leave me, Christian.”

Christian frowned, his blue eyes sincere as he leaned forward to whisper at my forehead. “I couldn’t.”