Let it Snow(The Hope Falls Series)

Chapter Six


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Tessa stood in front of an unmarked door in the darkened hall at the back of the firehouse. Her entire body was trembling, and for some reason she instinctively knew that it was a very distinct possibility that she was on the verge of hyperventilating. She wasn’t sure how she knew that since she’d never experienced that before, but she did.

Why had she thought it would be a good idea to come see Jake? It wasn’t. That much was clear to her now. What could she possibly gain by this little drop-by?

She wasn’t even dressed for the occasion. She just had on jeans, Uggs, and a blue thermal. Not exactly va-va-voom. Not that she needed to be. It shouldn’t matter what Jake thought about how she looked. He wasn’t her boyfriend anymore. And he had a girlfriend.

Her fingers flexed at that thought, and she realized she was gripping his jacket so hard she was scared she was going to ruin it. She needed to simultaneously get a grip and relax her grip. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she took a step back from the door and tried to assess her options.

Biting down on her bottom lip, she shifted the weight of her feet and listed the pros and cons of just setting the jacket down in front of his door or leaving it with one of the guys who had pointed her in this direction and then hightailing it out of there. Yes, Jake would know she had stopped by, but he would just think it was to return his jacket. Sure, maybe the guys she’d spoken to when she had come in would think her behavior was a little odd. But she could just say that he hadn’t answered the door. It was just a white lie. No harm, no foul.

Decision made. When she stepped forward to set the jacket down, something caught Tessa’s eye from her peripheral vision.

“Sometimes he falls asleep in there. Just knock louder,” the young blond-haired guy she thought had introduced himself as Chris when she’d arrived at the fire station fifteen or so minutes earlier appeared beside her. Then, like something out of a bad dream, before she could stop him, he hit his knuckles against the door three times. Hard.

“What?” she heard Jake’s voice on the other side of the wooden barrier yell and her stomach dropped to the floor. He did not sound happy.

Yep. Definitely time to abort the mission.

She pivoted on her heels to turn and leave, because at this point she didn’t care what anyone thought—she just wanted to get the heck out of there—when Mr. Blond-Super-Helper-Man aka Chris opened the door and announced, “You have a visitor.” Then he turned and walked down the hall, leaving her standing there. Alone.

The door swung open before she could escape. Her heart skipped so many beats it felt like it was playing hopscotch in her chest.

Jake sat behind his desk, typing at his computer. He was wearing a plain white short-sleeved t-shirt that was just snug enough that you could see the definition in his biceps and shoulders. Tingles spread from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Tessa’s mouth went dry. She didn’t move.

After several moments of silence, Jake glanced up with a distracted-slash-irritated expression on his face. Until his eyes met hers. Then his stare hardened and his face went oddly…blank.

Oh boy, not good. She really shouldn’t have come.

Words started pouring out of her mouth before she could stop them. “Um, here’s your jacket. Thanks for letting me borrow it. I was going to get it dry cleaned since it got it wet”—Tess let out a forced laugh—“but…then I thought…that was silly. I mean, it’s meant to be out in the rain. But if you want I can—”

“Tessa,” Jake said, interrupting her inane ramblings. “Come in.”

A shiver ran down her spine at his tone. His voice held so much authority and strength. He’d never sounded like that when they were teenagers. But they weren’t teenagers anymore.

Her body responded before she had a chance to conference in her mind and her heart—who she was sure would have objected to “coming in.” She took one small step just over the threshold of his office door. Jake’s expressive eyes stared at her like she was being ridiculous—probably because she was!

Fine. You want me in. There. With this, she took two more steps until she was all the way in the office.

“Shut the door.”

Jake’s low voice might not have been intentionally sexy but holy-smokes-good-golly-Miss-Molly, it was. Those three words zipped and zinged a trail of tingly goodness all the way to her core. “Okay, okay, okay,” she whispered under her breath as she turned and closed the door behind her.

She could do this. It was just Jake.

Oh come on, a little voice piped up in her head with a sarcastic note. Just Jake? That’s like saying Louis Vuittons were “just shoes.”

Tessa made the executive decision to ignore that annoying little bugger though and stick to her original thought. Just. Jake. She could do this.

When she turned back around, she was surprised to find Jake’s expression and demeanor looking much more relaxed. He had a small, knowing smile on his face and his eyes looked softer.

“What?” she asked, confused at his quick turnaround.

Her mind started spinning with reasons that he had looked so cold but now looked like Joe Cool. Maybe he hated being interrupted at work? No, that’s stupid. Maybe he just didn’t want anyone to overhear him being nice to her because of his girlfriend? No, that didn’t sound like Jake.

“Nothing.” He shook his head slightly and leaned back, motioning towards a green chair beside her. “Sit down.”

She was having a really hard time concentrating on anything except his tingle-inducing shirt that fit tight in all the right places, but she did take note of the new level of bossiness he’d adopted. Last night it was “Take the coat.” Today it was “Come in,” “Shut the door,” “‘Sit down.” Okay, she wasn’t gonna lie, it was kind of hot, but would a “please” have killed him?

Tessa decided that, instead of pointing that out, she would take the high road. So she laid his coat on his desk and took her seat in the leather chair. This whole experience felt a little too surreal for her to process.

She was in Hope Falls. Sitting in Jake’s office. And they were alone.

Having no flippin’ idea what else to say, she simply said, “Hi.”

“Hi.”

A slowly building, wide smile broke out on Jake’s face, revealing perfectly straight white teeth. And that’s when it happened. Her heart, that was already broken in a million pieces, broke into a million more.

All because of that smile, the one that felt like it had been made just for her. That was the smile he’d had the first day they met, the first time he’d kissed her, the first time they’d made love, and the first time he’d asked her to marry him.

It was the smile she never thought she’d see again and the one she didn’t know how she’d survived without the last thirteen years.

She really should not have come.

*

Jake could tell that Tessa was about two seconds from bolting. Something in the atmosphere of the room had shifted between them. He wasn’t sure why she’d come by. But he did know it hadn’t been to bring him his jacket.

He still couldn’t quite get over how beautiful she was. She had a little more color to her cheeks today. And last night, when her hair had been wet, it had looked a little darker, but now it shimmered a light shade of golden blond. His hands itched to reach out and touch it, like he had when she used to lay her head in his lap and he would run his fingers through its soft strands, his fingertips grazing her head.


Her eyes looked an even more brilliant and bright blue than they had the night before. They always popped whenever she wore the color blue. And her lips. Damn, they were the star of so many of his fantasies. Soft yet firm, plump and supple. He remembered the first time he’d kissed her. He’d thought he’d died and gone to heaven. He was by no means a virgin when they’d gotten together, but their first kiss had been the most erotic experience he’d had in his seventeen years.

When he’d looked up from his desk she’d looked terrified. He’d even heard her whispering her “okays” when she’d closed the door, which she only did when she was trying to calm down. So he knew that, even though she’d come here, this visit wasn’t easy for her.

When he’d first seen her standing perfectly framed in the doorway he’d thought he was dreaming. That he’d fallen asleep again and dreamt of her coming to his office. It wasn’t until she started rambling that he’d realized that she wasn’t just a dream or some figment of his overactive imagination. She’d really been standing there, in the flesh.

Sitting here now, across from Tessa, he knew he had a lot to say, but Jake was at a loss of where to begin. He wasn’t quite sure how to break the ice with her. What do you say to your soul mate after they’ve torn your heart out, chewed it up, spit on it, and disappeared for over a decade?

“How have you been?” he asked. He knew it was lame, but his natural charm was failing him at the moment.

“Fine.” She shrugged her shoulders noncommittally but looked relieved that he’d spoken. Jake knew how much she hated awkward silences. “What about you? I heard you just got a promotion. I’m so happy for you. Congratulations,” she said with genuine happiness and pride shining through her eyes.

“Thanks.” He cleared his throat, trying not to let her words affect him. He had to remind himself that whether she was proud of him or not made absolutely zero difference. Even if that was a lie, he had to tell himself that out of pure self-preservation. “What about you? Still taking pictures? Traveling around the world?”

Tessa was an amazing photographer. He had bought every Time magazine that her pictures had been featured in. But nothing from her had been printed in them for the last five years. He Googled her every once in a while—daily—to see if she’d moved to another publication, if she was freelance, any information at all really, but always came up empty-handed.

Tessa fidgeted in her seat. Her eyes were downcast, looking at her hands, which were folded in her lap. “No, not anymore. Just local stuff now.”

“And where’s local?” Jake asked. Maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe it would just make things worse if he knew where she lived. But there wasn’t a day, an hour that went by that she didn’t cross his mind, and she was sitting here, in front of him, now.

He had to know.

“San Diego,” she said as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ears.

“How long have you been there?” Jake felt his body tensing. He tried to temper his tone but he could hear a distinct hardness in it.

“Um, about eight years. Six of them full time.”

Six years. She’d lived in the same state as him for six years and she hadn’t tried to contact him?! After she’d left to “see the world,” he knew that her first stop had been New York. Then he’d heard that she’d spent some time in Paris and Italy. He’d gotten her postcards. But she’d settled down—in California—and hadn’t even bothered to pick up the phone?

Was she with someone? Is that why?

He looked down at her left hand. There was no ring, but maybe she just didn’t wear one. “So are you married? Kids?”

A look of pain flashed in her baby blue eyes. Before he could ask if she was okay, it was gone. It happened so fast that he wondered if he’d actually seen it.

“Nope. On both counts.” She smiled weakly. “What about you? Are you and Courtney serious? Do you have any kids?”

“Courtney?” Jake had no idea who she was talking about.

“Your girlfriend.” When he didn’t respond, she continued with a twinge of irritation in her voice. “The redhead. At the bar last night. You couldn’t have missed her. She was the one attached at your hip.”

“Oh, her.” Jake tried to suppress his smile. If he wasn’t mistaken, Tessa sounded jealous. It shouldn’t make him feel like he’d just won a gold medal, but it did. As much as he enjoyed that feeling, this wasn’t a game, so he set the record straight. “She’s not my girlfriend. And no, I don’t have any kids.”

“Oh.” Tessa brow’s knitted in confusion as she sucked in a breath.

A small wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows. Jake’s heart squeezed in his chest. He loved that little wrinkle. Whenever she’d been worried or concentrating way too hard, he used to softly brush his thumb over it and her whole body would relax at his touch. He’d always loved how responsive she was to him.

No. He couldn’t think about that. Nothing good could come from thinking like that.

Pushing those thoughts from his head, he asked bluntly, “So why are you back?”

“Oh, um. I’m here to clear up some stuff with Gran’s house,” she explained.

“How long will you be here?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed, shaking her head slightly back and forth. Her hair brushed across her shoulders and the sweet scent of her shampoo made its way across the desk.

The room was silent except for the wind whipping against the window that sat behind Jake and looked out over the vast pines at the base of the mountain.

Conflicting emotions rioted through him. Anger. Happiness. Love. Hate. Fear. Joy. Pain. Pleasure.

He was so confused that he didn’t know which way was up. So he decided to grab on to two absolute truths. She left. And she was leaving again.

That’s what Jake needed to remember. Nothing would change those facts. No feelings. No words. No actions would change or stop those things. He knew that from experience.

Standing, he quickly moved towards the door and opened it. “Thanks for dropping off the jacket.”

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him, seemingly taken aback by his sudden dismissal. She stood to her feet and smiled self-consciously. “Oh, no problem.”

Looking down at the ground, she came around the chair and stepped towards the doorway. Just before she reached it, Jake closed the door, moving in front of her.

Her head snapped up and her eyes locked with his. Their bodies were mere inches apart. A flush rose up her cheeks, eyes dilating as she whispered, “Jake?”

“Why did you come here?” His tone held a dangerous edge to it.

“I told you, to go over my grandm—”

“Here,” he snapped, “to see me.”

Her lip quivered, either at his harsh tone or the question itself. Tears began filling her eyes. She stared up at him and she looked…lost. The sight of her vulnerability and pain melted some of the solid ice that encased his heart that she herself had caused.

“Never mind.” He opened the door. It didn’t matter anyways. Nothing she could say would change the last thirteen years.

She stayed where she ways. Looking down to the ground, she took in a quivering breath and swallowed hard. A sad smile appeared on her face, and when she looked back at him, she shrugged as a single tear fell down her soft, smooth cheek. “I just… I just felt… I needed to… I thought…I wanted to…”

She was killing him. Watching her like this felt like someone was twisting a knife in his stomach. He wanted so badly to reach out and wrap his arms around her. Pull her close to him and hold her there. Forever. His jaw clenched and his hands fisted at his sides. “Just forget it.”

Shaking her head, she wiped the tears from underneath her eyes and took in a deep breath. As she looked up at him with a renewed sense of determination, Jake felt like he could see all the way to her soul. “For a really long time, nothing in my life has made any sense. And then today…I just”—she sniffed and her breath caught in her throat—“wanted to come see you…to look in your eyes. You’re what makes sense to me.”

Jake saw more tears falling down her face before she turned and hurried out the door. He stood motionless, staring in front of him at the spot she’d just stood moments before.

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Her words filled his mind, causing a fog of confusion and frustration to settle over him.

He was what made sense to her?! What the f*ck does that mean?

Raking his hands through his hair, he stalked back over to his desk. He sat down and closed his eyes. Whatever was going on with Tessa—why she was here, why her life hadn’t made sense, the pain in her eyes—none of it had anything to do with Jake.

They weren’t together. They weren’t even friends. She wasn’t his. Even if it still felt like she was.