Killing Me Softly(A Broken Souls Series)

Tears are streaming down my face for the mother I’ve been so angry with, and to know she left to protect me. I turn and glare at my dad, how dare him judge Tate.

“You mean to tell me that you don’t like military men because of one asshat? Who the hell are you to decide every single guy in the military is the same? You and my mother decided to sacrifice my love? This is BULLSHIT!” I stand up because I’m shaking too bad trying to control my outburst. “My own mother walked out without saying good-bye! She calls you and no one thought that maybe I would want to hear her voice. To be told she’s okay? I graduated high school and my mother wasn’t there. Prom is the time a mom helps get you ready and takes tons of pictures to share with everyone. I DIDN’T get that! Instead I got stuck with a mentally ill barely functioning father! I can’t even begin to process this here in this room. How long do we have, forty-five more minutes? Do you think I can seriously come to terms with this right now?”

Dr. Jones takes a sip of whatever is in his coffee cup and clears his throat. “Holland, I understand this is a lot to deal with at the moment. It’s a shame that you had to find out this way,”

“A shame, wow, what an understatement. Don’t patronize me. Whatever! I’m done. How much longer is he going to be hospitalized? I have to manage my schedule around your unknown day by day treatment. I’m tired of living my life, revolving it around a man who is nothing more than a mentally ill liar. Tell me a date, I’ll be here to pick him up.” I shove my hands in my front pockets of my pants to keep them from shaking.

“Your father is trying to communicate with you, don’t you think you should hear him out?” Dr. Jones takes his pen and scribbles something in it. I can imagine he’s writing down that I’m the problem.

“Great, he’s communicated with me. I’m leaving so give me a date or call me with a date, but I’m not staying in here to listen to anymore secretive bullshit.”

“Let her go doc, she deserves a chance to say what she wants. I’ve been unfair to her and I can’t continue this farce,” my dad says defeated.

Don’t feel sorry for him! I pick up my purse and as I put my hand on the knob the doctor says he will be released the following Monday before lunch. Fan-freakin-tastic!

I walk through the door and I don’t stop until I’m safely in my car. My mom is alive and running from her ex-husband. My dad has let me sit up and cry myself to sleep worrying about her. She has family, she isn’t an orphan like they said. My life is nothing but a big fat lie.

For the last few years I’ve been the grown-up while dealing with a mentally ill man why has never once told me anything about my mom. She’s out there somewhere and I’m here dealing with her husband, the man she loved.

Damn!

***

ARE YOU READY TO SEE MY HANDSOME FACE? 3:03 pm

ALWAYS! 3:07 pm

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR UNDERWEAR? 3:07 pm

WHAT UNDERWEAR? 3:08 pm

YOU’RE KILLING ME! 3:09 pm

TATE? 3:10 pm

YES MY DEAR 3:10 pm

I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU 3:11 pm

ARE YOU PINING? 3:12 pm

MOST DEFINITELY PINING. I NEED TO GET DRESSED. SEE YOU IN A WHILE. 3:12 pm

YOU’RE NAKED? DEF KILLING ME! 3:14 pm

NAKED AND STREAKING AROUND THE HOUSE 3:14 pm

WHAT WAS YOUR ADDRESS? 3:15 pm

LOL! GOTTA GO. MISS ME! 3:16 pm

I’M MISSING YOU AND THOSE PERFECT LIPS. SEE YOU! 3:18 pm

He mentions my lips almost every time he texts me. Ever since Dad has been in the hospital, I’ve been able to go through Andy’s stuff and rearrange my room. Since I’m working all the time, finding the chance to do a deep clean in the house seems impossible. I’ve scrubbed the walls and baseboards with lemon smelling pine cleaner, vacuumed and cleaned the windows. I found all of Dad’s dirty clothes and piled my trunk with laundry and went to the laundromat. Tate brought his laundry and we made a date of it. You know a guy likes you if he’s willing to sit in a smelly Laundromat. As I was folding my clothes and shoving my underwear under my yoga pants, I dropped one of my thongs on the floor. Tate bent over, grabbing it before I could. The expression on his face went from playful to one of desire. I almost died from embarrassment as he handed them to me.

For lunch, he ran and picked up some burgers for us and we picnicked at a folding table. He had to leave early to pick his grandma up from the airport. I packed my trunk and went home to my empty house. I haven’t told Tate what my dad revealed to me in the session. It will take me some time to absorb the fact that my mom is running for her life. Reflecting back, I’ve replayed the scene over and over in my head. The only conclusion I come to is I need to find my mom.

***

I’ve decided Tate is the hardest person to shop for in the history of shopping. Buying him clothes is silly, he wears stuff I can’t afford to buy. His cologne is so good, I don’t want him to change the scent. Last night I sat up until four in the morning working on his present. If I knew how to play it on the guitar, I would have, instead, I bought the track without words. Tonight, when we get up and sing together, I’m going to dedicate the song and sing it to him.

Bethany and Sam are sitting on their porch as I pull up. They’re coming out to the club to see the show, so are Tracy and Don. Witch-Crafts Brew has made a big deal out of Tate coming out this week. Even though the place is full of bitches and a*sholes, I can’t deny Tate his chance to make a name for himself.

“Holy sweaty balls! You look smoking Holland! You’re gettin’ laid tonight!” Sam shouts for the neighborhood to hear. Bethany reaches over and grabs his ear and pinches it between her fingernails. “Fuuu, dammit Beth that hurts!” He yells as he swats her hand away.

“Why does everything have to be so crass?” Bethany shouts at Sam. “You look great Holland. That peach color is beautiful with your big brown eyes. Come on, let’s get that hair fixed up. Where did you find your maxi dress at? I’ve looked everywhere for one that’s a halter like that one,” Bethany gushes.

“It was in the stuff that Andy’s mom gave me. She probably bought it out of a catalog. She never wore this one, she said it wasn’t a good color for her,” I admit. We go to the kitchen table, which has been set up with her straightening iron and a curling iron.

“You want some booze to loosen up? You’re meeting a parental unit. That can be tough.”

“Thanks Beth, I’ll pass. Are you drinking tonight?”

“Oh hell no. I’m not wrecking that beautiful car of yours.”

She’s dropping me off at the restaurant and keeping my car. Tate will drop me off to get my car after we’re done tonight. “Good, you had me worried for a minute.”

Bethany is growing on me. I told her about Tracy’s talk and about Tate and I agreeing not to have sex. It’s been nice having someone I can tell those types of things to, but Tate is more like a best friend. He’s smart and likes to talk about the stars and point out constellations to me. He dreams of doing missionary work and putting a scholarship together in his grandfather’s name. He never says anything mean spirited to me and always acts like a gentleman.

“Holland, you spend too much time being a grown up, stop worrying. What did you buy Mr. Wonderful for his birthday, other than the eye candy?” She says and points to my dress.

“I can’t tell you. Oh man, we need to go. I don’t want his grandma thinking I’m a slacker,” I say looking down at my watch.