Killing Me Softly(A Broken Souls Series)

A tapping on the door brings me back to reality.

“Holland? Is it safe to enter?” Tate asks.

“Oh yeah, come in.” Holy cheeseballs! It is, in my opinion, unlawful to sleep with guys who look like Tate. He should be worshipped from afar, or the panties might fall off. Who cares about a damn bra! He walks in wearing a pair of gym shorts and nothing else. NOTHING ELSE! OH THOSE ABS! “I’m not having sex with you,” I blurt out.

“Good, because I’m not having sex with you,” he replies.

“No, you can’t say that, because I’m not even thinking about having sex with you,” I retort.

“Fine, because I haven’t thought about having sex with you either,” he smirks.

“I guess we won’t have a problem.”

“I guess not,” he says as he closes the gap between us and takes my face in both hands and kisses me. “You’re safe tonight, Holland. We’re going to go slow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a bald-faced liar about not thinking about sex with you, but I don’t want it to be here. When it happens, and it will happen, eventually, it will be perfect.”

He’s good. I can’t talk for fear I’ll say something that will give away what I’d like to do with him right now. Instead, I kiss him in reply. We stand there toe to toe and kiss until our hands are no longer satisfied with being still. I find myself gripping onto him as he kisses me up and down my throat. My body is responding to him and my heart is beating frantically in my chest. Before I can gather my composure, he scoops me up in his arms, I can’t stop him, my body won’t let me. He walks me over to the edge of the bed and pulls the blankets back before he drops me down. To my surprise, he takes the covers and tucks them around me.

“I’m going to go get some cold water, you want anything?” He asks abruptly.

“What just happened? One minute we’re tongue tied and the next you’re tucking the blankets around me like a shield.”

“Nothing and we’re keeping it that way tonight, remember?”

“Ugh.”

“I feel ya kid. There’s a toothbrush and washcloth for you on the bathroom vanity.”

“I hate you,” I say with a laugh.

“Me too, but we really should wait.” He kisses me on the nose.

“I know… I don’t really hate you,” I smile up at him and run my hand through my ponytail.

“I know.”

***



Chapter Nine. His Song

I shut my laptop with a satisfied thrust and close my eyes. That was by far my hardest final and thank God it was my last final. Now I have to go to the hospital to find out if there was any improvement with my dad’s condition. He’s been in the hospital six days. The therapist invited me to one of his sessions yesterday, my dad just sat and cried. The doctor suggested my father stay longer. I agreed. Today I’m going to another session to see if my dad can keep it together long enough to talk.

I make my way into the kitchen to grab a slice of cold pizza and a Coke. I’ve realized one pizza lasts me three days. It’s from a local pizzeria, they’re cheap and deliver up until midnight every day of the week. Tate has been busy with work since they’re hosting an airshow for the public. He told me that the AWACS planes will be in the air monitoring air traffic as the other planes perform. When you drive down Sooner Road to my house, you can see the big AWACS planes with their spaceship looking domes on the top of them. Tate told me how the airmen will go to bars and tell civilians that they’re dome pilots on an AWACS. Girls fall for the word pilot and never question their story.

Tate’s grandma will be here tonight, they’re going to have a late dinner before going back to the hotel. He told me he’ll be staying at her hotel with her. He was able to use his leave so he wouldn’t have to work tomorrow or Monday. I’m excited and scared at the same time. We went to the park last night and practiced a song to sing at his gig this weekend. Since we’ve had a chance to practice in person, I’m not as afraid to sing, or so I tell myself. I sit.. back and let my mind wander back to last night’s goodnight kiss.

His mouth was crushed to mine as I was leaned back against the hood of my car. No one was in the park since it officially closes at dark and it was after ten. The way I feel about him is getting stronger every day. With every touch and late night phone call I get the warm fuzzies and can’t wait to see him again. Even though I think about Andy every day? I don’t find myself obsessing about her being gone anymore. Sometimes I feel guilty for being happy, but inside I know it’s okay. Per the grief pamphlet, there are five stages of grief, I’m at the acceptance stage. It isn’t like I have a choice but to accept it, so to me that is a stupid stage.

***

Dad’s resting his elbows on his knees as I walk into the doctor’s office. He looks at me, waiting for me to greet him. I say hello to the doctor and my dad. He stays slumped on the couch holding his head up with his hands and knees.

“Good afternoon, Holland. Your dad and I have been talking and we think we’ve come to a conclusion as to why he’s so worried about you dating a military guy,” Dr. Jones says.

My dad looks at me sheepishly and nods his head. “I’m sorry baby, I don’t mean to be the way I am. You’re so good to me and I’m a bastard.”

“Daddy, you’re not a bastard!” My heart breaks a little as I see this broken man who I call father.

“Yes I am. I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never shared with anyone, not even my doctors.” He clears his throat and takes a sip of his water. “Before me, your mother dated a guy in the military. She was sixteen and he was twenty-two. After three months, her mom gave her permission to marry him. Within six months, he got orders to Florida, and they moved away. It wasn’t long before she was pregnant,” he pauses and looks at me. “He didn’t want a baby, so he forced her to get an abortion. After that, he was cruel to her and started beating her if she didn’t do things right. After a year of being beat, raped, and shot at, the military police came to their base housing and arrested him. She filed for divorce and a restraining order. He was put in military jail for fifteen years and dishonorably discharged from the Army. He promised that he’d find her wherever she went and kill her. To avoid him being able to find her, she moved to Oklahoma. Your mom is from Iowa.”

My stomach lurches and turns as he’s telling me this horrible story that happened to my own mother. I let out a loud sigh, not realizing I’d been holding my breath. I’m rocking back and forth as I register that my mom was married to a monster.

“There’s more Holly,” Dad says.

I wipe a tear off my cheek with the back of my hand. Dr. Jones hands me a box of tissue. “Just spit it out!”

“Your mother didn’t abandon us, we agreed it was safer for you if she left. Her ex-husband comes from money and has the means to hire private investigators to find her. He had made a promise to kill her and anyone else she loves. A year before he got out of prison is when your mom left. She loves you so much she sacrificed your love for her and moved away. I’ve talked to her a few times, she’s safe and loves you very much. I never wanted you to fall into the same rouse and fall for a guy in the military. It would be impossible to live without you, I’d worry myself sick about your safety.”