Keeping Secrets in Seattle

chapter Sixteen


September 7, 2003

I heard the doorbell ring after I was out of the shower tonight. I was sitting on my bed in a towel, staring at the back of Gabe’s house while I cried, wondering when he would arrive. My mom said that I shouldn’t call Gabe to tell him what happened, but I knew that he would show up eventually. I just knew it. We’d been friends for too long, we were so in love…and I’d ditched him at Cameron’s an hour ago. It was just a matter of time.

“Hello?”

I closed my eyes and did a happy dance. Getting Gabe on the phone these days was a daunting task. We needed to meet. It was time for Gabe to know my secret and the dirt I had on Alicia. Of course, calling his office at work helped my chances. Score one for me.

“Hey, it’s me. How’s it going?”

“Vi, I was just thinking about you.”

I pretended that my head didn’t whirl when he said that. “You were? Well, I’m calling because we didn’t really get a chance to talk after your party.”

“No, I suppose we didn’t.” His voice had lost some of its enthusiasm.

“Would it be all right if you took the afternoon off from wedding planning, so we could meet for some coffee?”

“Ugh, I’m sorry. I can’t. We’ve got a menu tasting for the reception.”

I thought for a moment. “Hmm. How about tomorrow morning? I don’t work until eleven. We could meet at Harold’s for doughnuts.”

I heard Gabe shuffling some papers. “Crap. No can do. I’ve got a seven a.m. meeting.”

“Okay, then.” I rubbed my eyes. “Why don’t you tell me when you have the time?”

“I hope you aren’t upset with me. I’m just really swamped right now.”

I leaned against my hydraulic chair and motioned for Lizzy to stop singing Lady Gaga falsetto. “I’m not upset, no. But…it’s just that a few months ago, all I had to say was Harold’s, and you’d have been in your car before we hung up.”

He sighed. “I know.”

“Everything is changing,” I said.

There was a pause. A long pause in which I heard Gabe’s other lines ringing. Finally, he said, “Listen—” at the same time I blurted out, “Well, how about Friday night?”

“I can’t,” he said.

“Oh, give me a break!” I groaned. “Are you avoiding me?”

“No. Of course not. I—”

“Gabe, I really need to talk to you. This is getting ridiculous. I don’t care if you don’t want to hear what I have to say.” I ran a hand through my hair, exasperated.

“Whoa, okay, okay.”

“It’s not okay!” My voice cracked, and I scooted out of the salon to the sidewalk. “I won’t relax until you sit down for ten minutes and listen to me. Friday night. Meet me at my place. Agreed?”

He sighed. “Alicia got tickets for the Seattle Philharmonic on Friday night. I…I’m so sorry.”

I would have laughed if I weren’t so pissed off. “The philharmonic? You told me that instrumental music gives you a stomachache.”

“Alicia got tickets in the same private box as the mayor,” he said. “She’s really psyched about it. She says it will be good for our reputation to make friends with him.”

The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and I fought the urge to punch a hole in the window of The Funky Fox. “Who the hell cares if you’re friends with the damned mayor?”

“Well, she wants to do charity work someday, and—”

“I just threw up in my mouth.” My voice was low and defeated. “Fine, Gabe. Whatever.”

“No, Vi, listen to me—”

Lizzy tapped on the glass and motioned for me to get back onto the salon floor. “Gotta go. Have a great time at the philharmonic.”

I hung up before he could say another word.

…

“I’ll miss you tonight.” Landon’s voice came through the phone and wrapped around me like a warm blanket.

I smiled lazily. “I’ll miss you, too.”

“Will you call me when you get in?”

“Of course. I can’t wait until tomorrow morning.”

He laughed. The sound was deep and crackly, and it made my heart squeeze. “I can’t, either. Victoria is beautiful in spring.”

I sighed contentedly. “You are too good to me.”

“Only because I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too.”

I hung up my cell phone and stood in place, relishing in the warm fuzzy that talking to Landon gave me.

The day after our fight in the Indian restaurant, he’d taken the day off work and brought flowers and a picnic into The Funky Fox for me. We’d spent my lunch hour on the top of the building looking out over Capitol Hill while we ate gourmet cheeses and a baguette. The notion of loving someone and someone loving me back fit me like a toasty sweater. Landon was just what I needed.

Kim knocked on my bedroom door. “Are you ready?”

I scooted off the edge of my bed and opened my door. “Yup. Ready.”

Kim and Betsy were standing there, all gussied up.

“Lookin’ good, Violet,” Kim said.

I put on my earrings as I shuffled past them in my vintage dark-purple dress. “You two look great.”

“Well, it’s not every night we’re invited to the philharmonic.” Betsy smoothed down her blouse.

I swallowed back the wad of guilt that was rapidly expanding in my throat and ducked into the kitchen to hide.

Okay. So Kim and Betsy didn’t exactly know why I suddenly asked them to go with me to a Seattle philharmonic performance. And well, Landon didn’t know the real reason I told him that I needed a girls’ night with my roomies. So I was technically lying to three of my favorite people in the world, and I totally realized how horrible that made me. I intended to tell Kim and Betsy the truth after I had a chance to speak to Gabe. I knew that I was asking for it, but I simply couldn’t help myself. Gabe needed to know everything about Alicia before he made the biggest mistake of his life. And my secret about Cameron needed to come out once and for all. No more p-ssyfooting around.

“So are we going or what?” Kim’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Let’s go,” I said. “Our tickets are waiting for us at the box office.”

“I’m so excited. This is going to be fun,” Betsy squealed as we bounded down the stairs. “It’s time for a little culture. You sure you don’t want us to pay you back for the tickets?”

Shaking my head, I said, “No way. It’s my treat.” I excluded the fact that I’d had to put it on my credit card—the same credit card that my overpriced bridesmaid dress went on.

Kim laughed. “Well, thank you. I just hope the three of us can keep it civilized for two hours.”

“I’m sure we can.” I followed them out of our building. “We’ll have to go to The Lotus afterward to act like our normal wild selves.”

Betsy gave me a sideways glance. “You just want to cut loose with the girls before Landon whisks you away for the romantic weekend.”

I grinned contentedly. “Maybe.”

Kim looped her arms through both of ours. “You guys are getting serious, huh?”

I swallowed. “You could say that.”

“He’s a good guy. This is so much better than sitting around pining for Mr. Playa Gabe Parker.” Betsy scoffed, her vintage heels clicking on the sidewalk.

“Well, I guess, but—”

Betsy gave me a pointed look. “But nothing. This is good. Let it ride.”

“She’s gonna let it ride all over their hotel room.” Kim winked at me.

My cheeks blazed. “Good grief.”

“Landon is a catch. This is a good thing. Let it happen.” Betsy bumped me on my other side. “Go away with him this weekend and forget about everything…and everyone. Including You Know Who.”

I looked down. I didn’t want to discuss my romantic weekend getaway with Landon just before I saw Gabe. It didn’t feel right. We approached Betsy’s car, and I hopped into the backseat, tuning out the sound of Kim’s chatter.

The performance hall was overflowing with people when we arrived and retrieved our tickets from the box office. We found our seats with just moments to spare before the lights went down, and a hush fell over the audience.

I scanned the crowd in the dark for a sign of either Gabe or Alicia, examining the back of each head for Gabe. The orchestra struck up its opening number, and I decided that I wasn’t going to find him sitting down, so I whispered to Kim that I needed to use the restroom and stood.

“What?” She grabbed my hand. “It’s just starting. You’re going to miss it.”

I squeezed her fingers to reassure her. “Bathroom emergency. I’ll be back.”

The bathroom emergency excuse always worked at keeping curious friends at bay. It was a trick Kim herself had taught me when we were in cosmetology school.

I tiptoed to the exit, examining each and every face as I went. The music rose, the crowd applauded appreciatively, and I stepped back in the shadows to clap. Straining my eyes to find Gabe amongst the sea of faces, I tried my very best to stay in the darkness as much as I could, in case it was Alicia I spotted first.

I quietly slipped up toward the balconies and private boxes to search, still using my lost excuse as I popped my head into small groups of patrons that were seated in private sections. When a third usher asked me if I needed help locating my seat, my phone buzzed in my purse. It was a text from Kim.

WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?? DID YOU FALL IN? YOU’RE MISSING EVERYTHING.

I smiled at the usher, who was eyeballing me curiously, and slunk around a corner to type out a response.

SORRY. THINK MY CHINESE FOOD CAME BACK TO HAUNT ME. BE BACK IN A JIFF.

I crossed to the upper level, where the posh boxes were. Leave it to Alicia to get tickets for the expensive seats. I peeked into the first section, only to be glared at by a woman wearing a fur. With every section I examined, it became clearer and clearer just how insane this plan was. What the hell was I going to say when I actually found Gabe?

Um, I realize that I just hunted you down like a dog at the philharmonic, but I have some serious gossip about your fiancée. Oh, and you know that groomsman in your wedding? Yeah, he’s actually Satan disguised as a sports writer. Say, are they playing Oberan Overture?

My palms sweated as I approached the last box. What if their plans changed, and they weren’t at the philharmonic at all? Or worse yet, what if he’d just given me a random excuse in order to avoid me? Maybe I’d just dropped ninety bucks for no reason.

I rubbed my temples. This was classic Violet Murphy. Acting without thinking. Leaping without looking. I was standing outside a VIP box at the philharmonic looking for my opportunity to spill my guts and possibly ruin Gabe’s wedding. When the fact was, I had a loving boyfriend packing for our first weekend getaway together.

My phone buzzed again, and I turned on the backlight with an exasperated sigh. It was an e-mail from Landon:

Hello, Beautiful

Wanted to tell you how much I miss you tonight, and how I hope you’re having a great time with your friends. I love you and can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

—Landon

That was it. The confirmation I needed. I dropped my phone into my purse and closed it with a snap. I had to return to my seat. I would ambush Gabe at his apartment next week and force him to hear me out. In the meantime, it was time to stop sneaking around like some sort of overdressed super sleuth.

A tiny old woman emerged from the box and walked headfirst into my boobs. “Oh, excuse me, dear.”

“Sorry.” I jumped out of her way and into the view of the open curtain.

I caught Gabe’s attention, and his eyes widened. Just as the curtain fell closed again, he cast a nervous glance to his right, where Alicia was sitting, leaning in close to an older gentleman. And holy crap, they really were sitting with the mayor of Seattle.

My cheeks grew hot, and I darted around the old woman toward the stairs. I took the stairs two at a time in my heels, slipping and sliding on the polished tiles. Gripping the railing as tightly as I could, I prayed that Gabe would assume he’d mistaken someone else for me.

“Violet?” Gabe called out behind me.

I froze with my hand poised over the handle.

His shoes squeaked on the marble floors as he approached. “Is that you?”

Cringing, I turned around. Totally busted. “Uh…yeah. Hi.”

Gabe’s face broke into a grin. “What are you doing here?”

I gestured at the door I was about to go through. “I’m here with Kim and Betsy.”

He shook his head, still smiling. “I took them for rock and roll people.”

“W-well.” I shifted between my feet. “Betsy enjoys it. But Kim just likes an excuse to dress up.”

He eyed me up and down. “You look great.”

I was glad I’d chosen to wear the retro fishnets. “Listen, it was good to see you. But I should go. I’ve missed enough of the show already.”

I started to pull the door open, but Gabe’s warm hand touched my arm, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “What were you doing on the upper level? Were you looking for me?”

I shook my head. “What? No.”

He frowned. “You sure?”

I cringed. “Okay, I was. I’m sorry. I knew that you guys were here, too, and I came to say hi.”

He laughed, his eyes twinkling. “By sticking your head in VIP seating?”

“Well, I didn’t realize that you were hanging with the mayor. You might want to keep an eye on your fiancée. She looked like she was getting cozy with him.”

Gabe smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. That. Alicia really gets into the whole elbow-rubbing thing.”

“So…” I fidgeted with my purse.

His hand slid down my arm. “Why are you really here?”

“I told you. I’m here with Kim and Betsy.”

“Give me a break. You were looking for me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I’m here with friends. Friends who are probably missing me by now.” I grabbed the door again. “It was good to see you.”

“Wait.” Contrition filled his eyes. “Listen, I know I’ve been unavailable lately. But I’m here now. Let’s talk.”

I shrugged. “You’re freaked by what happened at the bachelor party, just admit it.”

His nostrils flared. “I’m not freaked.”

I pointed at his face. “Your nostrils are flaring. They only flare like that when you’re lying.”

He touched his nose absently. “They do not.”

“Yes, they do. I’ve been your best friend for twenty years.” When he looked away, I knew that I’d won.

“I don’t mean to avoid you.”

“Yes, you do. Ignoring me isn’t cool.”

He looked up, chagrined. “I’m sorry, Vi.”

I couldn’t help it when my voice shook. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I just don’t want to be ditched by my best friend.”

He looked over his shoulder. “Hey, shh.”

My voice was rising. I didn’t care if I made a scene. Whatever it took to make Gabe listen to me. “I know that my timing on this sucks, but there are some things you need to know about her.”

“Come on, let’s not do this,” Gabe said, gently guiding me through the front doors of the building.

I followed Gabe around a corner, where we stood by a brick wall. “You don’t have a clue what kind of woman you’re marrying.”

“Of course I know who I’m marrying, Vi.” Gabe’s frown pulled his features down. “She’s my fiancée.”

I looked into his eyes. “Even though she’s a liar?”

“Where is this coming from? I thought you and Alicia got along?”

“We did before. Sort of.” I folded my arms across my chest.

“Before what? Before we almost kissed?” He lowered his voice. “That was—”

“A giant mistake? Yes. I realize that.”

“It wasn’t a mistake.” He put his hands in his pockets, and shifted between his feet a few times. “It…”

I folded my arms across my chest. “What, Gabe? Spit it out.”

He looked around nervously, even though there was nobody around. After a few beats, he just shook his head without saying a word.

“Fine.” I put my palms out. “Fine. I get it. It was an awful mistake.”

His features softened. “I was going to say amazing.”

My anger fizzled, but confusion flared. “Oh…I guess.”

“I haven’t been returning your calls this week because it seemed safer not to.”

I shook my head. “Are you really that afraid of being alone with me?”

Gabe’s eyes darkened. “Yes.”

“So you’re going to avoid me for the rest of our lives?”

His cheeks flushed. “That’s the plan, yes.”

I pushed his chest. “What the hell? I’m in your wedding. I go to every holiday at your parents’ house. How will you avoid me forever?”

He rubbed his eyes. “Things are changing, Violet.”

There was nothing being said, but the air between us was thick with everything unsaid. I started to release his hand, but he laced his fingers through mine. My gut twisted. “I’m sorry that it happened.”

“My Vi.” He sighed and stepped closer to me.

A vision of Landon in his apartment, cheerfully dropping folded shirts into a suitcase, popped into my head, but I quickly shoved it to the back of my mind. “I have some things to tell you, Gabe.”

He looked down. “Every time I’m around you, I can’t keep my hands off you. What’s wrong with me?”

I could feel that all-too familiar magnetic pull between us, and my resolve started to crack. If Gabe kept touching me, I wasn’t going to be capable of fighting my desire much longer, and I was going to suggest making out in the parking lot soon. I had to get everything out that I’d come here to say before he came any closer. When I put my palms on his chest, I noticed his pulse thudding through his shirt. I took hold of his wrists and stepped back. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?” he asked.

“Touching me like that.” I still felt tingles where his palms had been.

“Like that?” He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Like we’re more than friends.”

Gabe glared at me. “I’m engaged, Violet.”

“That’s what makes this so wrong.” I gestured between the two of us. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you, and we can’t stay off each other!”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

I jutted my chin out at him. “Your fiancée is a liar and a phony. And her parents aren’t rich. They’re normal middle class people. With a normal middle class house, and a normal middle class grandma living with them.”

A long line appeared across Gabe’s forehead. “What? How did you find this out?”

“I…looked into her background a little bit.” I glanced away, embarrassed.

“You did what?” His brows knit together.

“I did it for you.”

“You snooped into Alicia’s background for my sake?” Gabe’s eyes had glazed over, and his jaw locked into place.

“Yes. You have no idea what kind of a person you’re engaged to. Do you know what she was like in high school?”

“I’m supposed to care what she was like in high school?” He ran his hand over his head.

“You should care about some of the things I heard.” I took a step closer to him. “She’s a gold digger. A girl she went to school with said that she—”

“You know, I never took you for the jealous type. All these years, and you never acted at all envious.”

I was taken aback. “Well, you haven’t been engaged to any of them.”

“So it’s the engagement that has you acting so crazy?”

I wanted to scream. “This isn’t crazy. Why do I have to keep explaining that to everyone?”

“This is ridiculous.” Gabe’s jaw twitched, and a muscle in his neck bulged. I was in the weeds now. “You followed me here so that you could tell me what Alicia was like in high school?”

“You aren’t listening. I know that this all seems weird, but I have a point.” I was shouting now.

He looked at his watch. “Alicia is going to wonder where I’m at.”

I sighed. “You’re being too stubborn for your own damn good. It doesn’t even matter that Alicia is completely wrong for you, because on paper, it all works.”

“Listen.” Gabe took hold of my shoulders. “I know this is hard for you. All this change is hard for me, too.”

“You can’t marry her.” My quavering voice was almost drowned out by a passing car.

Gabe’s eyes softened. “Vi, don’t say that.”

“Please don’t marry her.” My eyes moistened, and I stared at him with every ounce of intensity burning inside me. “She will hurt you worse than I ever did. I can promise you that. She doesn’t want kids. Did you know that?”

His mouth opened and closed without a sound.

I couldn’t stop there. “Ask her the name of the nursing home where her grandma lives.”

“Please stop,” he said tiredly.

“Just ask her about her policy on men.” My voice shook, and it was clear by the defeated expression in his eyes that he’d stopped listening to me minutes ago, but I pressed forth. If nothing came from this conversation at all, I knew that I had at least tried. “Ask her what her policy is on upgrades, Gabe. Just ask.”

Gabe pushed a strand of my hair away from my forehead, making a shiver tiptoe town my back. My breath caught in my throat. “Vi…”

He stepped closer to me, and my heart thudded in my chest so hard that I swear he could see it through my dress. Alicia, Cameron, and all of my anger and frustration slid to the back of my mind, and all I could focus on were those eyes I’d loved since I was six years old. He touched my cheek, and I shuddered.

Fingers trembling against my face, Gabe took a shaky breath before whispering, “You need to go home now.”

His words hit me like a punch in the gut, just as the doors to the concert hall swung open with a bang. We pulled apart, almost in slow motion, as Gabe’s eyes deadlocked on mine. “Intermission…”

“Please.” I tried to catch my breath. “Just listen.”

His voice was strained when he spoke again. “You’ve got to stop trying to dig up dirt on Alicia. I appreciate your concern. I know that you’re doing this because you care about me. I get it.”

“Just let me finish—” I reached for him, but he ducked away.

His face was stoic. “You will always be my best friend.”

“I-I…” I closed my mouth and held my breath. I’d just been rejected at point-blank range. He just looked me dead in the eye and told me that he chose Alicia over me. And worse yet, I still hadn’t told him my secret about Cameron.

Anger churned in my belly like the rolling waves of Puget Sound, tossing and turning like there was a storm brewing inside of me. My natural reaction in any other circumstance would have been to open my mouth and unleash the fury of Violet Murphy on him. Under any other circumstances, and with any other man in the world, that would have been exactly what I’d done.

If Gabe was willing to flush his life down the toilet for a marriage based on lies, was I really comfortable with sacrificing our friendship to try to save him? I pressed a hand to my aching chest. The dull, silent pain I’d gotten so used to when we were sixteen years old had returned.

I locked my jaw in place and stood at my full height. “Your decision has obviously been made.”

He released a long breath through his clenched teeth. “I hope you’ll still be my best man.”

I put up a hand to stop him. If he explained how much he loved Alicia, I was going to throw up. “You’ve got to be kidding me. There’s no way.”

Gabe ran his hand arm, and I shuddered. “I’m so sorry, Vi.”

This time it was me who ducked away from the contact. “Don’t. I have to go.”

He looked at me intensely, his mouth turning downward. “I wish…” Gabe’s voice petered out, fading into the sound of the nearby crowd.

“You wish what?” I pressed a hand to my roiling stomach.

“I wish things had worked out differently between us.”

“Well, it didn’t, did it?”

I took off for the front of the building. I needed to find Kim and Betsy so we could get the hell out of there. The ache inside was ripping me open, and I was afraid that my soul was going to spill out all over the sidewalk, tearing open the scars that had slowly healed over the last nine years. I wondered how many times I was going to be able to withstand my heart being broken because of Gabe Parker before it stopped beating altogether.

“There you are,” Betsy called over the roar of the crowd. She and Kim came weaving through the clump of people. “You missed the whole first half.”

“It was beautiful.” Kim sucked on a cigarette. “Are you better? Did you get it all out of your system?” She blew a long plume of smoke out of the side of her mouth.

“You’re coming back in now, right?” Betsy applied a fresh coat of lip gloss.

“Do you want me to run to the pharmacy for some Pepto?” Kim reached up to smooth down my hair, which had been mussed by Gabe’s fingers just a few minutes before. “Good grief, what happened to your hair?”

At that moment, Gabe emerged from around the corner, his hands back in his pockets, and his face pointed down. Nodding curtly at my roommates, he stalked past us, ducked into the building, and was submerged in the crowds of people.

Kim’s mouth dropped open. “Gabe is here?”

I nodded pitifully.

She frowned at me. “Were you two talking just now?”

I cringed. “Yes.”

Her eyebrows pulled down low on her forehead. “Oh geez, is that why you brought us here?”

Betsy scowled. “No way, Vi. Really?”

I felt moronic. “You guys, I am so incredibly sorry. I thought this was the only way to get him to listen to me, and I didn’t want to come by myself, in case…” I covered my face. “In case this happened.”

Kim groaned. “Did you two get into an argument?”

“Yes.”

She tapped her toe on the pavement. “Did he even listen to anything you had to say?”

“No,” I said dully.

“Well, that’s Gabe Parker for you.”

Betsy sighed. “I hope you learned your lesson.”

Wiping at the sweat on my forehead, I tried to level my voice. “I…I guess I did. Do we have to finish this thing? Can we get out of here now?”

“Aww, come on,” Betsy whined.

Kim looked at me closely. “What else is wrong?”

Another flash of Cameron walking up the stairs, buckling his belt, flashed in my mind, and my head throbbed. “I…” I gulped. There was that ball of broken glass again. “I have something I need to tell you guys.”

Betsy took my hand. “Hey, are you all right?”

“No.” I tucked my hair behind my ears and shook my head. “I’m not.”

They exchanged a glance, then linked their arms with mine. “Let’s go home,” Kim said softly.

I let them lead me away from the concert hall, tears streaming down my face as we went, leaving our seats and the second half of the performance behind. I was done with Gabe. Done trying to force him to listen to me. Done trying to save him from making the mistake of his life. I needed to get home, get changed, and call Landon. He needed to know my secret, too. If we had any sort of future at all, it had to come out.

…

Landon’s eyes were wide when he entered my apartment. He’d never seen me cry before, and when I called to ask him to come over, I’d been sobbing. “What’s the matter? Are you all right?”

I looked at him through swollen eyes. “Come in.”

“Why are you crying?” He followed me into the living room, where Betsy and Kim were sitting on the couch stoically.

“Technically, I’m not crying anymore.” My stuffy nose made my voice sound cartoonish.

Landon looked at the girls. “Hey, guys.”

“Hi.” Betsy dabbed at her own eyes as Kim looked down at her hands.

His gaze moved from them to me. “Violet, what’s going on?”

Kim rose off the couch and pulled Betsy up by her side. “Come on, babe. Let’s go to bed.”

“Thanks.” My voice cracked, and Kim scooped me into a hug.

“Love you,” she whispered.

“You, too.” I watched as they padded out of the room, then faced Landon, whose face was pale. It looked like he was waiting to hear who’d died. “Come on. Let’s sit down.”

We sat down on the couch, and Landon’s mouth stretched into a thin line.

“I’ve got something I need you to know about me before we go any further with this relationship. Something that might change the way you feel about me.”

He gathered me close to his chest. “Nothing could change the way I feel about you. But you’re kind of freaking me out.”

I drew a long, shaky breath. “I’m kind of freaking out myself.”

Landon’s callused thumb rolled from one knuckle on my hand to the next. “Why?”

The ball of broken glass appeared in my throat and started to expand. I’d encountered the same thing when I sat down to tell Kim and Betsy my secret and managed to muscle my way past it. I just have to do it one more time…just one more time, I told myself. I couldn’t keep seeing Landon with a giant, iceberg-sized secret between us. I fanned myself with my hand. “Is it warm in here?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s not. What the hell is going on?”

I looked into Landon’s chocolate-brown eyes and choked down the lump. It hurt and scratched going down, but once I did, I was able to open my mouth and speak. My words started off quietly but built in speed and volume as they poured out of me.