Keeping Secrets in Seattle

chapter Fourteen


September 16, 2003

Flashes of those ugly twenty minutes haunt me. While I have breakfast with Curtis before he leaves for work. While my mother is on the phone with her clients. While I watch for Gabe to walk past my house on his way home from school. I start to shake. My knees buckle, and I break out in a cold sweat. My mom and Curtis would stay up all night, arguing about whether or not I should see a shrink. That pisses me off. I don’t need one. I need my life back. I need to sleep a full night without waking up screaming. Hell, maybe I do need a shrink…

Gabe let all of my calls go to voice mail for a full week after the almost-kiss at his apartment.

Beep.

“Hi, it’s me. Gimme a call back. Later.”

Beep.

“Hi, it’s Violet. Hey, I need to talk to you. Call me.”

Beep.

“Me again. I need to speak to you. Gimme a call as soon as you get this message.”

Beep.

“It’s me. Call me, all right?”

Beep.

“Dude. You never ignore my calls. Call me back; it’s important.”

Beep.

“Call me back. There’s been a terrible accident. Please…”

Beep.

“Okay, okay, there was no accident. But I really do need you to call me. It’s important.”

Beep.

“Seriously. Call me back. I’m not calling about what you think I’m calling about, okay? That almost-kiss in your kitchen is already forgotten. So…call me back. Soon.”

Beep.

“You suck. You suck suck, suck, and then suck some more.”

Frankly put, by the time seven days passed, I was spitting fire. The fact that we almost kissed shouldn’t have shaken him up. It wasn’t like Gabe to be so rattled by something like that. He’d kissed more than his fair share of women over the years.

My frustration with him was starting to leak into other aspects of my life. Lizzy, my boss at The Funky Fox, sent me home early when I mistakenly gave a client eggplant lowlights instead of royal blue. When I tried to explain my way out of the mistake, Lizzy had just patted my head. “Go home and cry it out, kiddo. No man is worth this much thought.”

Kim and Betsy tried to cheer me up as best they could, but no amount of pedicures and reality TV could perk me up. It was impossible for me to forget everything that was weighing on my mind: Gabe’s fast approaching wedding; the fact that I would soon be seeing Cameron Hakes again; that delicious almost-kiss in Gabe’s kitchen; my relationship with Landon that seemed to be on hyperspeed; and, of course, all of Alicia’s lies and deceit. I was completely overwhelmed.

Even the ever-cheerful Landon took notice of my darkening mood as we sat across from each other at an Indian restaurant.

“What’s your deal?” he asked. “You’ve been sort of distracted the last few days.”

“No deal.” I popped another bite of naan, the Indian flatbread we were dipping in sauce, into my mouth.

He just laughed. “You’re a terrible liar.”

My cheeks burned. I thought I was doing a much better job than that. “Whatever. How’s your paneer?”

He held out a bite for me to try. “You’ve been this way since that day you hung out with Gabe. What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

I put down my fork and looked at Landon. “Okay…so you know that Gabe and I have been best friends for years and years, right?”

“Right.” He smiled pleasantly. “Hey, when am I going to get to meet this Gabe?”

I swallowed my mouthful of food. “Why?”

Landon’s mouth pulled down. “I want to get to know this guy you spend so much time with. I need to know if I should let you keep hanging out with him.”

Red flag, red flag. “I…um…what?”

“He’s obviously important to you. I should get to know him.”

“Well, I guess you’ll have to get to know him soon, then.” It felt weird to talk about Landon and Gabe meeting. Talk about a collision of two worlds that I purposefully kept separate.

His brows lifted. “Well, since I’m in love with his BFF, maybe we should all go to dinner sometime?”

“Right.” My voice was weary.

“We could make it a double date. You and me, Gabe and…what’s her name?”

I choked on my bite. “Alicia.”

“That’s it.” Landon took a swig of his drink. “We could all get to know each other better.”

“Sure.” I was getting nauseated.

He looked at me strangely. “What’s up?”

“I’m not exactly his fiancée’s biggest fan. And I don’t think she’s a fan of me, either.”

“Why’s that?”

I took a deep breath. “Um, well, I don’t like her for a multitude of reasons, but I think she dislikes me because she’s jealous.”

Landon just chuckled. “Jealous of what?”

“Of Gabe and me.”

“But, you and Gabe are just buddies.” He tore off a piece of naan.

“Right. Exactly.” I glanced down. “Except that we were more than just friends at one time.”

Landon froze, mid-bite. “Huh?”

I was having a hard time looking him in the eye. “Um, yeah. We, you know, dated for a while.”

Landon’s tone deepened. “Gabe? The one who’s wedding you’re going to be in?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re going to be the best man for your ex-boyfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“And that’s why this Alicia chick hates you?”

“Well, I’m assuming so.”

“And you don’t find this at all strange?”

“What, that she hates me? Yes, it’s strange.”

“No, that you’re the best man in your ex-boyfriend’s wedding.”

“Um, no. Well, it’s a little unorthodox, but I think the simple black dress will look good, and…”

“No, I mean that you are this close to your ex. Close enough to be his best man.”

“He was my friend long before we ever tried to date.”

“So you’ve said.” Landon looked down at his plate for a minute.

“It’s not strange. We met when we were six years old. Our families are neighbors. We grew up together.”

He wiped his mouth with a napkin, his movements jerky. “But you also dated?”

I nodded.

“So when did you two date?”

It felt like I was confessing to something dark and wrong. “When we were sixteen.”

He looked relieved. “I was afraid it was recently.”

I let a burst of air out of my lungs. “No. It was when we were teenagers.”

“Well…” Landon watched me for a second, then went on. “How serious was it?”

I grappled for a beat. I didn’t want to lie to Landon, but I also didn’t want to scare him away. I didn’t want to rock the boat any more than I already had.

“I guess…somewhat semi-serious…but not really serious at all…kind of.” I rubbed my eyes and sighed.

Landon’s face wrinkled up. “What the heck does that mean?”

“It means…” My mind whirled. “…it was kid stuff. And, it ended. Then we stayed friends. Well, we weren’t friends for a while, but then gradually repaired our friendship, and now here we are.”

“And Alicia is jealous of this for no reason?” He looked unconvinced.

“Guess so.” I decided to leave out the fact that Gabe and I were three seconds from having our tongues down each other’s throats when she let herself into his apartment the other day. That might have been contributing to her jealousy issues as well.

Landon thought for a moment. Then, as if a lightbulb went off above his head, he scowled. “So you’re going to be his best man, even though you’ve slept together?”

“What?” My voice came out entirely too loud, and a couple at a neighboring table frowned at me. I dropped my voice. “Geez, no, we never slept together.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” He picked up his fork and speared a piece of chicken. “I can see how Alicia would have been sort of uncomfortable with that. So, why did you two break up?”

Now we were treading into dangerous territory. This was a subject I was not prepared to discuss over beers and Indian food. I took a long pull of my ice water before I could speak.

“It got weird.” My voice came out flat.

Landon looked up from his chicken curiously. “Well, you’re over it now, though.”

I nodded, praying I was acting convincingly enough for him.

No such luck.

“You are over him, right?” His deep-brown eyes pleaded with me, and he reached over to lace his fingers through mine.

“Of course I am.” My throat tightened. “Gabe’s my friend. Nothing more.”

“I wish you would have told me about this earlier.” Landon slid across the booth so that he was closer to me. “I feel like you kept this from me for some reason. That makes it seem wrong.”

I nodded stiffly. “I know. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable around Gabe.”

“Why would I be uncomfortable?” Landon’s all-too-familiar grin returned to his face, and he slid his plate in front of him. “It’s not like you guys were making out while you were at his apartment the other day. I think Gabe’s fiancée should just chill out.”

Oh, good Lord, I was going to Hell.

“Right.” I faked a laugh, which came out slightly squeaky and maniacal sounding, causing the woman at the next table to jump.

“I think we just need to do a double date sometime soon.” He stopped his munching for just a second to place a warm kiss on the top of my head. “Maybe we can get you and Alicia to be friends after all.”

I grimaced. “Well…okay. I mean, I’ve got good reason not to like her, but I’ll try anything at least once.”

“What’s your reason?” Landon motioned to the waitress for our check.

“Well, for starters, she’s a liar.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, one of her bridesmaids told me some questionable things about Alicia at the dress fitting. When I did some snooping, I found out—”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Landon took his hand off mine. “You did what?”

“Kim, Betsy, and I went on an undercover mission.” I looked at him sheepishly. “We went to Portland to dig up some dirt on Alicia.”

He threw his napkin down. “You’re telling me that you drove clear to Portland to stalk this poor girl?”

“Alicia is no poor girl, she’s a monster. And I didn’t stalk her. She lives in Seattle.”

“But you went to Portland to find out information about her?”

“I went to Portland for a job interview. But yeah. That’s where she grew up.”

“A job interview?”

I bit my lip. “Yeah.”

The corners of Landon’s mouth pulled down. “You didn’t tell me that you were interviewing. I just thought you were thinking about it.”

I tried to smile brightly. “I am just thinking about it. Besides, I mostly went to dig up some dirt on Alicia. Listen to what we found out—”

“Tell me you’re joking.”

“Of course I’m not joking. She’s a liar. And a gold digger. Listen—”

“That’s crazy. Who does stuff like that?”

My face went hot. “It’s not crazy. I was doing Gabe a favor.”

“Did he ask you to do that?”

“No, but—”

Landon slid out of the booth and stood up. “You want me to believe that you’re not still hung up on this guy, and yet you’re drudging up garbage about his fiancée? What did you plan to do with this information once you got it?”

I looked up at him pitifully. “Tell Gabe what I know.”

Landon’s face was void of any amusement. “Why?”

Irritation boiled up in my chest. Why was Landon treating me like I’d done something wrong? I was only watching out for my best friend.

“Are you kidding? My best friend is marrying a woman who has openly admitted that she wants to marry a rich guy, and when he isn’t cutting it anymore, she’s going to upgrade. Did you hear me? She’s planning on upgrading. This isn’t a computer she’s talking about. It’s my best friend. And she uses a fake name. What kind of a person uses a fake name? I can’t let Gabe marry someone like this.”

His mouth turned down. “What are you going to do if you tell him all of this, and he still marries Alicia? Are you going to be okay with that?”

“I…of course I am. I just want him to make an informed decision.”

“Right.” He dropped some money onto the table. “So what is going to happen if you tell Gabe what all of your so-called research turned up, and he decides not to marry Alicia? What then?”

He stared down at me. “Are you going to dump me so you can have him?”

I paused. I shouldn’t have paused, but I did.

Without a word, he scooped his coat off the bench and walked out, his shoulders slumping as he wove his way toward the door.

“Hey, wait.” I squirmed my way out of the booth after him.

I followed his trail through the restaurant, but a voice called from behind me right as I grabbed the handle. “Miss. You forgot your purse.”

I looked down at my empty hands and groaned. Sure enough, I left my purse sitting on the table, where a bus boy was waiting for me. I went back to get it, thanking the young man, then charged out to the parking lot where Landon was leaning against the side of his bike, waiting for me with a frown set deep on his face.

I drew a long, ragged breath as I walked, releasing it slowly. Sure, I could have stomped away mad, called a cab, and headed home by myself, but the truth was, I didn’t want to. I enjoyed being with Landon. He made me laugh and was sexy as hell. It’d been a long time since I found anyone who made me do that…besides Gabe.

I walked up to him with my arms out defensively. “You left without letting me answer.”

“You paused,” he grunted. “That seemed like enough of an answer to me.”

I walked right up close to Landon, so that we were just inches apart. “You’re reading too much into all of this. What you didn’t hear me say, was: no. I am not going to be with Gabe. Not now, not ever. We’re done. We’re friends. Period.”

Those words gave me a stomachache.

He looked down at me sadly. “I don’t want you to be with me just because Gabe is taken. I want you to be with me because you love me.”

“I’m with you because…” I bit my lip. “I care about you.”

His face dropped. “I’m such a fool when I’m with you. I fell so hard and fast for you, and you don’t even love me back. This is nuts.”

I rested my purse on the seat of his bike and looped my arms around his waist underneath his leather coat. “I am with you because you make me happy. I am with you because you are handsome and kind and wonderful. Just because I am slow to use that word doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.”

“Do you really mean that?” The mood shifted as he brushed my hair back, and his brown eyes began to shine.

I nodded. “Of course I mean it. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

Landon leaned down and kissed me, his lips pulling into a smile against mine. “You just admitted that you love me.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. This is not a lie. I do love Landon.

I let him deepen the kiss, allowing myself to escape in the moment. This was what was supposed to happen. This was my chance at happiness. Gabe was taken, promised to another. Landon was here and completely devoted to me. Landon was the smart choice. I was supposed to be in the parking lot of an Indian food joint making out with him next to his Harley. This was exactly the life I was meant to have. Landon and I were the perfect couple. We matched, for heaven’s sake. We looked the part.

Landon nuzzled into my hair a bit. This was it. He needed to hear it. He needed to know where I stood.

“I love you.” I closed my eyes and turned my face away from his.

My head buzzed as Landon pulled me back a few inches and looked at me like I just announced that he’d won the lottery. His eyes were moist, and his grin was wider than ever.

“You love me.” He yanked me into a hug so tight it felt like my ribs were going to crack. Another couple emerged from the restaurant, and Landon called out to them. “Hey. Check it out. She loves me.”

Oh, good Lord, I thought, as the couple waved at us and called, “Mazel tov.”

Again, Landon kissed me, his mouth opening mine, sending swirls of excitement through my body. I returned his affection, holding him by the back of his neck and tilting my face to his. After a few heated moments against his bike, Landon pulled away, offering me a crooked smile with his swollen lips. “Where to now?”

Shoving all thoughts of Gabe to the back of my mind, I looked at Landon through heavy eyelids and purred, “Your place.”