Jesus Freaks: Sins of the Father

I keep all of those thoughts to myself, but take some time to share my story. My true story. I spend most of the time telling them about my time on campus this semester, and everything that’s gone on with Roland, including storming out of his house during our first attempted lunch of the school year. I end with waking up this morning to him and my mom in the same house.

“It felt weird,” I admit, my voice growing hoarse with exhaustion and tears. “Like, I never missed him when I was growing up because he was always this mythical creature. I knew he existed, but I never saw him for real. Kind of like…God…” I resign myself to the analogy after the tooth fairy and Santa Claus fail to portray my feelings accurately.

The tears fall fresh and hard now. “This whole semester I heard people talking about God as the ultimate father, one who desires a relationship with us even beyond that of our earthly fathers. And even though Dan has always been my dad, I just…I felt a little gypped, I guess. I don’t even know.” I rest my head on Bridgette’s shoulder. She rubs her hand up and down my back.

Eden clears her throat. “Can I change the subject for a second and ask if you have a crush on Matt?”

You can hear a pin drop in the silence that’s overtaken the room. I can’t help the rumble in my chest that escapes as laughter, allowing my roommates to follow. Wiping under my eyes, I sit up and draw my knees to my chest.

“I don’t know, and I’m not even lying. With everything that’s happened the past few days, he’s definitely become my best friend here—that I can say.” My mind spins, reminding myself it really has only been a couple of days since Matt and I really connected. Not a lifetime, like it certainly feels. Eden and Bridgette look a little wounded, so I continue. “At first it was because he seemed to get me on a secular level. But it turns out he really got me.”

“I can’t believe he knew this whole time,” Bridgette says.

“Or that his dad was a pastor,” Eden adds.

“Don’t tell anyone,” I plead. “I’m not sure who knows and I didn’t even think it was a secret until I was telling you guys.”

“I guess it’s not a complete secret. Jonah mentioned talking with him at the PK student group,” Eden replies nonchalantly. “I just still can’t believe it.”

“What PK student group?”

Bridgette gets a comical smile on her face. “The one you’re now a president of,” she teases.

Apparently there is, in fact, a student group that meets a few times a month where kids can sit around and talk about the good, bad, and ugly of being the child of the church’s elite.

There’s a soft knock on the door. “Kennedy,” Mom coos from the other side, “we’ve gotta get back to Roland’s. More people are starting to mill around the dorm and I swear the reporters are multiplying. Word that you were here traveled fast.”

“I wish you guys could come with me,” I bemoan, rising to my feet.

“How long will you have to stay there?” Bridgette asks. “You’re not leaving school, are you?”

Her question knocks me backward. How about that? The thought of leaving CU all together hasn’t crossed my mind in the last forty-eight hours. Seems my surroundings are a lot easier to swallow when I admit who I am, even if I don’t know what to do with my freshly uncovered identity.

“No,” I assure them, “I’m not going anywhere. I assume I’ll stay at Roland’s until after the Today interview. I’m hoping that will be Monday. Make sure you guys come to New Life on Sunday, okay?”

“Ha!” Eden laughs. “Like everyone else on the planet?”

Of course, if Asher knew it would be a tall fence to scale, Eden would know, too.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you guys can get in. Trust me. But promise me you’ll be there?”

“Honestly?” Bridgette states. “We wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

I give them one final hug before escaping my dorm like a convicted felon into the semi-safe confines of Mom’s Prius.

“How’d it go?” she asks after we clear the parking lot.

“Mom?” I question, ignoring hers.

“Yes?”

I reach my hand over to the one she always leaves on her lap while driving and grip it tightly. “I’ve got something I’ve gotta do on Sunday. At New Life. With Roland.”

Her hand tightens, but I continue. “And I need you to be there. I don’t care if you’re backstage or out in the congregation. Just don’t leave me, okay?”

“Never,” she whispers, her eyes unmoving from the road.

We ride in silence back to Roland’s estate on the New Life grounds. Eyeing the clock on my phone, I note that we have roughly 36 hours until the ten o’clock Sunday service. I have much to do in those precious hours. Quickly, I send a text to Matt.

Me: Thank you for last night. I can’t … just thanks.

Matt: Anytime.

I laugh and text him back.

Me: I don’t intend to make this a habit. It’s kind of a one-time revelation.

Matt: LOL. Have you read the Book of Revelation? It’s never really over.

His words make my stomach drop, mostly because he knows more about what he’s talking about than I do.

Me: Please come to New Life on Sunday. I’ll make sure Roland gets you in in case it’s busy.

Matt: In case? You’re adorable. It’s like…I don’t know what it’s like, but it’s big.

Me: Please?

Matt: Of course I’ll be there. Stay in touch until then, k?