Jesus Freaks: Sins of the Father

Exiting the car, I hear my name called a few times, but mainly turn all the words into background noise. I have no interest right now in people that have had no kind of interest toward me all semester. The weird, unsaved girl. Yes, I allow an unforgiving thought into my brain—sue me.

Maggie is waiting at the back door, and opens it right as Mom and I approach.

“Thanks,” Mom whispers to her.

Walking up the stairs, I note that the halls are quiet for a Friday—a day most students don’t have classes. I wonder if everyone’s been quarantined to their rooms, as Matt suggested last night when he got back to his dorm.

“Where is everyone?” I ask out loud.

“At lunch or in their rooms for the next half hour,” Maggie replies, confirming my suspicions.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

“We will have a floor meeting later,” she adds.

Mom stops in the hallway. “Will that little—Joy be there?”

Joy.

In all of this, I’d forgotten all about her. In the midst of the truth, I forgot about the lies that cracked it all wide open.

“Mom.” I put my hand up, and turn to Maggie once we reach my door. “Where is Joy?”

“In her room. The administration hasn’t really decided what to do with her yet. This is kind of…unprecedented.”

I snort and unlock my door. “Where are they?” I ask of my absent roommates.

“Lunch,” Maggie answers. “They’ll be back soon. I wanted you to have a minute.”

I walk to my bed and sit on it for a moment, wondering what my roommates must have faced last night. Were they questioned about their knowledge of my family tree? Does anyone even actually care? Do people still think I’ve had an affair with Roland, oblivious to the revelation of my paternity all together?

Standing, I leave my brain-to-mouth filter somewhere on the ground. “I don’t want Joy to get in trouble,” I blurt out.

Maggie’s lips part, but Mom’s voice fills the room. “You’ve lost your mind, Kennedy. Of course she’s going to get in trouble. Suspended, I hope.”

My cheeks heat and my heart races. “No.” I shake my head a little too quickly, making me feel dizzy. “I just…no. Please.” I turn my gaze to Maggie. “I’ll write a letter to the administration. I’ll make a speech. Anything. Just…I don’t know. Write her up for distributing non-approved materials or something.”

Mom walks over to me and grips my shoulders, eyeing me with her teeth clenched. “This girl could have very well ruined your life, Kennedy. And you want her off scot-free?”

Suddenly, I can’t look at Joy as the nasty co-ed with something against me. For reasons I don’t understand, I can only see her anger and hurt at something not fully clear. I know nothing about her, yet the reasons behind her actions are somehow less about me and more about her.

Grace, the Voice whispers.

“Grace,” I nearly shout toward Maggie. I swallow hard, but my mouth has run dry. “I… This is really between me and her, right? I’m not ready to talk to her, but…please. Her getting kicked out of this school will ruin her life more than a few thousand people thinking I’ve slept with the pastor would ruin mine.”

Now Mom’s mouth falls open while Maggie’s forms a small smile. “We’ll talk later, okay?” she encourages softly.

I nod, then turn to Mom. “Can you go wait in Maggie’s room or something? I want to talk to my roommates alone when they come back.”

Mom, seemingly still speechless about Joy, shakes her head and follows Maggie down the hall.

Grace, Grace, Grace.

I repeat the phrase over and over in my head while I sit in the silence of my dorm room. I’m asking God to keep my reserve filled for Joy, and praying that he offers me some when my roommates return to the room. I know enough about them to know that my withholding of this information from them has certainly caused hurt feelings and a loss of any trust they’ve had of me.

Grace, please, I repeat again as the doorknob turns and my roommates enter to face me for the first time since I pulled them off the front steps of Planned Parenthood.





CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE


I Will Praise You in this Storm


“I’m sorry,” I say before the door has even closed all the way behind them. “I’m so, so sorry I didn’t tell you.” My voice trembles and my eyes fill with tears.

I’m standing, but just barely, on wobbly legs, watching their faces for certain condemnation. I know they shouldn’t condemn me. But I shouldn’t have hidden my secret from them. Or myself. With my hand forced, I wish I would have had them by my side in Mission Hall yesterday. Or maybe they could have stopped Joy, somehow, before she went bananas.

Just when I think their lack of response highlights that I’ve lost them completely, they lunge forward and hug me at the same time, knocking me to my butt on my bed. I burst into tears. Neither one of them says anything for a long time; we just sit in the silence punctuated by my sniffs. Then theirs. They seem to be crying, too.

“I’m sorry.” Eden wipes her nose on her sleeve as she pulls away. “I should have known…”

“How?” I exclaim through ragged breath.