I came upstairs a couple hours later, having exhausted my anger by throwing myself into my workout. Bear was gone from the hall, so I assumed he was in the bedroom with Rabbit. I added some logs to the fire and lay down on the couch, trying to get comfortable. My mind would not let me rest though. I kept tossing and turning and worrying about Rabbit. Was she okay? Was she still scared? The whole time I was downstairs, I kept hoping she would appear. As I did my exercises and worked out in the pool, I kept an ear open, listening for her soft steps. When I sat in the hot tub, rubbing the sore muscles, I remembered her soothing massage and how good it felt when she worked on my leg. The leg she had simply asked about, wanting to give me the chance to talk about it. I had plied her with questions all afternoon but as soon as she asked one of me, I had become angry. I groaned, thinking about my behavior. What a complete ass.
Finally, I sat up. I needed to check on her, and then I could go to sleep. Once I was sure she was okay, I would relax. Quietly, I made my way down the hall. I tried the door; grateful it wasn’t locked, and slipped into the room. It was far colder in the bedroom and I immediately went over to the fireplace and added some logs to get the fire going again. After it was blazing, I went over to the bed where Bear was watching me from his usual place at the bottom. His expressive eyes told me he agreed with my assessment that I was an ass. Rabbit’s eyes were shut, but I could see the dampness still on her cheeks from crying. Wordlessly, I got another blanket and tucked it around her. I stood looking at her sadly for a moment, and then turned away. The sudden feeling of her little hand clutching mine stopped me. I turned back around and saw her eyes were open, looking at me. I knelt down beside the bed. “I’m sorry I frightened you. I was already … angry and your question just caught me off guard.”
“Why were you angry?”
“Because someone hurt you. I hate seeing that.”
She stared at me for a moment.
“Still, I shouldn’t have pushed you. You’re right. It’s none of my business,” she replied quietly. “I am sorry … for imposing. I’ll stay out of your way.”
The look in her eyes was heartbreaking. I drew in a deep breath. “You’re not imposing, Rabbit. I was an ass. I didn’t mean it. You’re not in the way.”
She didn’t say anything. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”
I began to walk away when she whispered, “Wait.”
I looked back and saw her moving. I watched as the covers lifted in silent invitation. Even as my mind was screaming at me to walk away, I crawled under the covers and pulled Rabbit into my arms, sighing with soft relief at having her there.
“Why do I feel so safe here in your arms?”
“Because you are. I would never hurt you.”
She looked up at me. I couldn’t stop myself from stroking her warm cheek. “I’m sorry, Rabbit. I know I scared you. I might get angry and say stupid things but I would never, ever, touch you in anger.”
My hand cupped her cheek, “And, you are not imposing. I’m so sorry I said that.”
Her eyes gazed into mine. “What am I doing then?”
The words were out before I could stop them. “Saving me from my loneliness,” I whispered.
Her eyes widened. “Joshua …”
Then my lips were on hers. She opened her mouth and my tongue slipped in, tenderly exploring. I groaned at the sweetness of her and her low moan spurred me on. Her hands slipped up into my hair, holding me close. I tilted her head and deepened the kiss, needing to be closer to her. Her velvet tongue, which seemed hesitant at first, grew bolder and soon our tongues danced together, swirling, hot, and wet.
Stroking. Savoring.
Deeper and deeper.
I felt like I was drowning in her. I wanted more. I wanted her. Hot pulsating desire tore through me. I pulled her even closer, needing to feel her, but the gasp that came out of her mouth this time was not one of pleasure but rather of pain. I pulled back in horror. I had forgotten about her injuries.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I hurt you. Oh, God …” I ran my hands frantically over her torso.
“Joshua. Stop. I’m fine. It was just a little too … tight.”
I gazed at her, her lips swollen from mine; her hair mussed up from my fingers and leaned forward, kissing her again, this time tenderly. I nuzzled her cheek and then I lay down on my side and pulled her close to me, stroking her hair while our breathing calmed. The quiet of the night and the soft pulse of her breath were so peaceful as we lay together. It was as if the events of the evening which had opened up something inside me and, suddenly, I wanted to answer her question from earlier.
“I was attacked.”
Her hands tightened on my shirt as she reacted to my sudden words. “Where?”
“Outside my apartment building in Toronto. I was walking home from dinner one night. I was jumped and dragged into an alley … and beaten. Badly.”
Her hands released my shirt and wound around my waist, holding me. “When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had been in a coma for two weeks.”
“Oh, Joshua,” she breathed.
“I was pretty much a mess. My face was beaten, my nose broken, two broken ribs, a ruptured spleen … and my leg …” I drew in a deep breath. “It was literally in pieces. They had already operated on it and it took more surgeries and months of physiotherapy before I could begin to walk again.” I shuddered, remembering the pain when I had first woken up.
“Are you in pain a lot?”
“Some days. There was so much damage and not all of it could be repaired. Add in the pins, screws and whatever else they pieced it back together with, I feel it every day.”