Illusions of Love

chapter 29



India turned the piece of paper over and over in her hands, part of her wanting to tear it up and throw it away, get rid of it forever, and another part of her scared to let it go, because letting it go really would signal the end. Of another chapter in her mixed-up, crazy life.

‘Are you alright, honey?’ Martha asked, sitting down next to her on the steps of her trailer.

They were on location out in the Nevada desert, and even though the sun was fiercely hot, so hot India could feel it burning her shoulders, she didn’t want to go back inside. She wanted to be out there.

She looked up at Martha, trying to return the warm smile she gave her. ‘I’m fine.’

‘You sure?’ She looked at the sheet of paper in India’s hands. ‘Your dad told me, sweetie. About the divorce.’

‘It’s all final now,’ India said, looking straight ahead of her as people ran about laying cables and positioning cameras, the busy film set doing nothing to make her feel any less lonely. ‘JJ Foster. Ex-husband number three.’ She looked back at Martha. ‘How do I manage it, Martha? I mean, Joe is a wonderful man. He’s beautiful and kind and romantic… He’s a fantastic father to Ellie, he did everything he could for me, he loved me so much, y’know? And all I could do was throw that back in his face.’

‘Hey, come on, sweetheart.’ Martha took her hand, squeezing it tight.

‘I really did love him too. No matter what anyone says. I loved him so f*cking much sometimes. Before… before I had the accident I was falling apart, and I was falling apart because I thought I’d lost him. I’d thought that was it, that he was never going to love me again and yet he was there when I woke up, the first person I saw; the only person I really wanted to see…’ She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, finally screwing up the sheet of paper, throwing it behind her, back into her trailer. ‘I messed it up, Martha. I threw all of that away, and for what?’

Martha pulled her in for a hug, stroking her hair as she clung onto her. ‘Things happen for so many different reasons, sweetheart. We can’t always control them, we can only follow what our heart tells us to do.’

India pulled away slightly, looking at Martha. The woman she’d told everything to, so she must know how confused she really was about all of this. ‘You know why I couldn’t stay with Joe, don’t you, Martha? You know why.’

Martha nodded, reaching out to wipe a stray tear from India’s cheek. ‘Yes, I know, honey.’

‘Michael Walsh – forever destined to f*ck up my life.’

Martha smiled at her, squeezing her hand again. ‘Only if you let him, sweetie.’

India smiled back. ‘Yeah. Only if I let him.’

‘Is everything okay?’

India looked up to see Dominic standing there, his hands in the pockets of his worn-out, faded jeans, his dark brown hair all messed up and unruly, his ice-blue eyes concerned as he noticed India’s tear-stained face.

‘Everything’s fine,’ India said, smiling at Martha as she squeezed India’s hand before leaving them to it. Dominic took her place on the trailer step. ‘It’s the divorce. JJ and I… it’s official now. Another marriage – over.’

Dominic looked down at the ground for a second before finally meeting her eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. I mean, I’ve got no right to be upset really, have I? Not when it was me who instigated the whole thing. Me who decided the marriage was over.’

Dominic looked straight ahead of him, resting his elbows on his slightly open knees, clasping his hands together. ‘I can make it better.’ He turned to look at her. ‘If you’ll let me.’

She couldn’t help smiling at him. They hadn’t slept together the night before, they’d gone their separate ways after filming had finished. India had spent the evening with Kenny at one of their favourite bars inside The Mirage, and as far as she was aware Dominic had stayed in The Amber Palace, a guest of Vince’s at the casino. But she’d missed him. Despite what she was feeling now – that ridiculous, empty feeling at the thought of not having JJ around in that way anymore – she’d missed Dominic. Missed sleeping with him beside her, missed waking up with him there. She’d missed morning sex and a shower together. She’d missed all of that.

‘You sure you want that job?’ she asked, her stomach doing a million tiny somersaults as he turned to look at her, that movie star smile coming into full effect.

‘Well, it’s a tough call, but somebody’s gotta do it.’

‘You think you’re up to it then?’ India went on, the heat of the Las Vegas desert sun matched by the heat of his body as it closed in on hers. ‘Because, the hours can be tough. And the work can be pretty gruelling. I’m one hell of a task master.’

He smiled again, and India had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from gasping out loud, so active were those butterflies in her stomach.

‘Well, y’know, that’s kinda what I like,’ Dominic whispered, his mouth almost touching hers now, those piercing blue eyes boring right into her. ‘A tough task master.’

She smiled too, reaching out to touch his face as his mouth finally met hers, kissing her so slowly and so gently it made her skin tingle and her heart race.

‘Then you got the job, mister.’

He ran his hand lightly up her thigh, up under the leg of her cut-off denim shorts and she didn’t stop him. She didn’t want to. All last night she’d missed being touched by him so she was going to grab what she could while she had him here.

‘So, when do I start?’ he smiled.

She burst out laughing, throwing her head back. ‘Jesus, I really missed you last night.’

‘Come here,’ he whispered, pulling her astride him, his fingers sliding up under the tight white T-shirt she was wearing. ‘I missed you too, beautiful. All I could think about was you, naked and sexy-as-hell…’ He kissed her again, a little harder this time, a little longer, her fingers buried in his hair, his hands stroking her skin, sliding down the back of her shorts. ‘So, we on for tonight then?’

‘Yeah. Why not?’ she smiled, suddenly feeling a whole lot better than she had done a few minutes ago. Was this man finally going to be the one to really make everything better? Who could tell? Maybe it was just time to kick back and see what happened.

He smiled too, feeling ridiculously happy that he’d managed to make her smile, because he didn’t like to see her sad, didn’t want her to be unhappy. And all of a sudden he realised that this incredible lady wasn’t just someone he wanted to be around because she was amazing to look at or because he needed her for the out-of-this-world sex they had. He just needed her. End of story. Dominic MacDonald finally needed somebody.



***



Charley took a deep breath and pushed open the heavy black door of the slightly run-down Bail Bond office in downtown Las Vegas. Situated between a bar advertising 24 hour strippers via a huge flashing neon sign, and a pawn shop, this was an area Charley wasn’t used to hanging out in, and she couldn’t help but feel more than a little intimidated as she walked inside, flinching slightly as the smell of stale sweat and cigarette smoke hit the back of her throat.

She stood still for a second, looking around at the sparse and unfeeling space with its wood-effect walls, carpets that had seen better days and bars on the windows. Loud thrash metal music blasted out of a huge TV screen on the far wall, and apart from that the only other items of furniture were two shabby brown sofas and a small black wooden coffee table, along with an old and almost empty soda vending machine. It was a place that gave her the shivers, but she had to keep her wits about her. She had to stay in control.

‘Hey, lady. Can I help you?’

She swung round at the sound of a deep, rasping voice, holding tightly onto her bag as she walked over to the blue and green plastic reception desk, behind which stood a large-built man with very little hair and the remains of a cigar hanging out of the corner of his mouth. ‘Is, erm, I’m wondering if… Is Jimmy here?’

The man looked her up and down, slowly taking in everything from her scraped back hair to her old jeans and shirt, her almost make-up-less face doing its best not to look as nervous as she was feeling.

‘Jimmy?’

She swallowed hard, desperately hoping that he couldn’t see how much she was shaking. ‘Jimmy Cash. I… I was told he has an office here.’

The man continued to stare at her with bloodshot eyes and it was all Charley could do not to turn around and walk out of there, but she needed to do this. She had to do this.

‘Who wants him?’ the man asked, spitting the remains of the cigar out onto the floor beside him.

‘Charley… Charley Maine.’

The man gave her another long, slow look up and down before exiting a door behind the reception desk, closing it quickly behind him. He reappeared just seconds later, holding the door open and indicating with his head for Charley to go through it.

Taking a deep breath she walked towards the reception desk, squeezing past the small amount of room the man had left for her to walk through, trying not to gag as her body brushed against his, the smell of stale sweat, beer and cigar smoke emanating from him.

‘Last door on the right,’ he said, giving Charley one last, leering look before closing the door behind her.

Charley stood still for a second, closing her eyes, mentally pulling herself together, trying to regain that control that she needed to have in order to do this. She couldn’t appear weak; she couldn’t let him see that he had the upper hand. Even though, at the minute, he very much did.

Half of her wished that she’d let Kenny come with her because she’d been a little surprised, to say the least, when he’d come back to her with the news that Jimmy was running whatever business he was involved in at the minute from the back of a somewhat notorious Bail Bond office in downtown Las Vegas. She’d imagined he’d have some flash office somewhere, just like he’d used to have, back when he’d fooled her with that suave, cool exterior that had started out with him treating her like a princess and ended up with him controlling every move she’d made.

He was an evil, calculated man who’d done time for murder. A man who’d been released far sooner than anyone else in his position would have been, but he was a man who knew people who could pull whatever strings had needed to be pulled in order for him to gain a freedom he didn’t deserve. He was a man who’d learnt to keep a low profile yet still manage to do the utmost damage. So why would he want to bring attention to himself? A place like this was perfect for someone like Jimmy. A place like this suited his cold, dark personality. But a place like this scared the hell out of Charley. She just had to make sure that he didn’t see that.



***



Kenny pushed the chip onto red and watched as the roulette wheel spun round and round. He wasn’t even all that keen on gambling. It had never been high on his list of favourite pastimes, never been something he’d spent a lot of time doing, despite his affinity with Las Vegas. But he needed a distraction this afternoon, and hanging around the casino was at least helping to take his mind off things for a little while, just not as much as he’d have liked.

As the tiny white ball landed on black Kenny sighed, getting up and walking away. He’d had enough. He was bored. None of it was filling him with any kind of thrill, unlike the crowd packed around the table – the tourists full of eager excitement at being able to play in such a fantastic casino at 2.30 in the afternoon, and the more seasoned gamblers, their faces full of concentration, eyeing that white ball as though it was something magical that was suddenly going to bring them unending joy and happiness. Kenny guessed it might, to some. But to him, even being here, in another of Vince’s amazing casinos in another of his incredible hotels, it was doing nothing. And probably because the guilt he was feeling right now was overtaking everything else.

He’d sent Charley out there, on her own, to face Jimmy Cash in a meeting that was more than likely doomed to only make things worse, but what else could he have done? If he’d done nothing – which had been his preferred course of action – she would have only gone out there to try and find Jimmy on her own, he had no doubt about that. And although he’d found it quite easy to locate him, that was only because he knew people that Charley should never go near. Kenny had connections, he had friends, he had people who knew everything that went on in this city. But so did Vince, and that was something Kenny was acutely aware of. Vince was – to all intents and purposes – Mr Las Vegas, and Kenny found it hard to believe that he hadn’t tried to locate Jimmy himself, tried to speak to him, tried to warn him off. But then, given Jimmy’s past actions, maybe it was best that he hadn’t. And maybe Vince himself knew that.

Kenny headed towards the bar, sliding onto a stool and ordering a beer, turning round to look at everything going on around him, the usual buzz of a typical Vegas day. He loved this city, but right now he wished he was back in L.A. because all he was experiencing here at the minute was a bad feeling that things were going to change, and not particularly for the better.

‘Hey there, stranger.’

Kenny swung round on his stool, his face unable to hide his surprise as he saw Layla Boyd standing there, all blond and pretty in tight white jeans and a pink T-shirt.

‘Hey… what are you doing here?’ he asked, a part of him more than happy at this almost heaven-sent distraction.

Layla slid onto the stool next to Kenny, ordering herself a pink gin. ‘I’m here for one reason and one reason only, Kenny.’ She turned to him and smiled, crossing her legs, clasping her hands over her knees. ‘I’m here for Michael.’



***



Charley pushed open the battered looking brown wooden door at the end of the dark corridor, flinching slightly as it squeaked, the noise making her jump but she quickly composed herself, taking one long, last deep breath before closing the door and turning to face him.

‘So, sugar. You finally decided to come. I’ve been wondering how long it’d take you to get here.’ That deep Texan drawl that she’d used to find so sexy now just made her skin crawl, but she had to stay focused and make sure she did what she’d come here to do. Whatever that was, because she wasn’t so sure anymore.

She stood still, lifting up her head to look at him. He was sitting behind a huge dilapidated desk, his feet up on the table as he leant back on his chair, which was balancing on its two back legs. His now ever-present Stetson was pulled down over his eyes and she could see a cigarette in his mouth, the smell of smoke pervading the already dank, musty air.

‘I need to talk to you, Jimmy. I need to know why you’re doing this to me, why you…’

He sat upright, the chair clattering to the ground as he leant forward, pushing his Stetson back on his head, his steely eyes meeting hers in a stare that sent a chill right through Charley’s heart.

‘Do you not remember what you did to me, sugar? How you humiliated me? How you took me for a fool? And nobody takes Jimmy Cash for a fool, honey. Nobody.’

She couldn’t say anything. She wanted to, but all of a sudden she just couldn’t get the words out. And she couldn’t help but feel a tingle of fear shoot through her as Jimmy stood up and walked slowly towards her, his hands in his pockets, his eyes never leaving hers, even though she wanted more than anything to look away. But that would make her weak, wouldn’t it? That would let him know he was getting to her. But this was turning out to be so much harder than she’d ever anticipated.

‘It pains me to do this to you, Charley,’ Jimmy drawled, throwing his half-smoked cigarette onto the floor, stubbing it out with the heel of his heavy black boot. ‘But I really have no choice. You betrayed me…’

‘It was so long ago,’ she managed to whisper, every fibre of her being concentrating so hard on keeping her voice steady.

‘It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, sugar. Y’see, I’ve got a long memory. A very long memory, and I don’t forget. And you can’t be seen to get away with what you did to me. How would that make me look, huh?’

She stared at him, every second she had to look at him making her feel more sick and more scared, but she was here now. She had to see this through.

‘Can’t we… can’t we come to some arrangement, Jimmy? Please?’

He gave a low, deep laugh, tipping his hat further back off his head, his handsome face now fully visible. A handsome face, but a face with cold, unfeeling eyes. The eyes of a man who could plan and carry out murder. The eyes of a man Charley really didn’t want to be around.

‘What do you suggest, honey? Get your rich husband to pay me off? I mean, why would that work? I already have more money than I’ll ever need…’ He came closer, reaching out to touch her cheek and it was all Charley could do not to throw up as his cold, clammy fingers stroked her skin, ‘… thanks to girls like you and your dirty, perverted ways. You made me a heck of a lot of money, Charley Miles. A heck of a lot of money.’

‘I don’t deserve what you’re doing to me.’ Her voice was no more than a whisper, and surprisingly steady, given the circumstances, but inside she was terrified because she knew what this man was capable of. She knew he had no morals, no boundaries. No conscience. ‘And I don’t want to beg, but please, can’t you just stop this? The past, it’s gone. We can’t change anything, it’s happened… Jimmy, please…’

He laughed again, pulling his hand away from her face and she inwardly breathed a sigh of relief, even though he made no attempt to move away from her.

‘You really think that you coming here is gonna change anything? How naive my beautiful Charley still is. How stupid, still, after all these years.’

‘I don’t deserve this!’ she spat, anger suddenly taking over, but all that did was make him laugh harder. He threw his head back, the room filled with a sound more sinister than anything Charley had ever heard and it sent a shiver right through her, like an icy cold hand stroking her spine. ‘What gives you the right…’

He reached out and slipped a hand round the back of her neck, yanking her towards him. ‘I have every right, Charley.’ He spat the words out, his face right up against hers. ‘Because I’m making the rules this time around, sugar.’

With a force that sent her crashing against the wall he pushed her backwards, sneering at her as she ran a hand over her neck, the shock almost overwhelming her. She was out of her depth here, Kenny had been right.

‘You really want to destroy me that much?’ she asked, keeping her back against the wall, partly because she needed to steady herself, and partly because she didn’t want to get any closer to him. She wanted him to stay as far away as possible. ‘You really want to hurt me that badly?’

He walked back over to his desk, opening the draw, taking out a packet of cigarettes and slipping one out, lighting it up, taking a long, deep draw on it, blowing smoke up into the air before he looked at her, that sick smile still on his face.

‘Hurt you? Yeah, now, there’s an idea.’

She watched him as he took another drag, leaning back against the desk.

‘Don’t you think it’s time to stop this, Jimmy?’ Charley was almost pleading now, but it was all she had left. She was lost, she was scared, and she had no idea what else she could do, except get out of there. ‘Haven’t you made your point? Haven’t you achieved what you set out to do?’

‘Have I?’ he asked, raising an eyebrow, flicking ash onto the already filthy floor around him. ‘You really think I’ve achieved everything I wanted to?’

Charley felt any strength she had left slowly fading away as exhaustion flooded her body. She’d never wanted to get out of a place faster than she wanted to get out of there. ‘How can you possibly hurt me any more than you already have?’ she whispered, trying to keep her voice steady as she spoke.

‘I thought you’d know the answer to that one by now, honey.’ He fixed her with one more cold and determined stare, his eyes never leaving hers as he spoke. ‘By hurting others, Charley. By hurting all the others.’