I Love You to Death

Then he kisses me, softly, slowly and I’m drowning again, drowning in him, in us. And I don’t care. I know I could stay here forever, in this single moment with him, and be completely happy. It scares me, how easily I find myself doing this, scares me, how much I want him, how much I want us. It terrifies me that I could lose it.

His hands brush my hair back, cradling my face as he lifts his head and looks down at me. I watch him as I run my fingers lightly up his back before trailing them slowly down his sides. I see the change in his eyes, the sexy smile that appears on his lips.

"You are the most beautiful sight to wake up to," he whispers to me, his eyes darkening again. I smile as my fingers continue to move over his warm skin, my own body coming alive as I touch him. I pull him back to me and kiss him again.

No matter how scared I am though, I can’t seem to stop. I know I’m falling. Falling and falling and falling and I don’t even care. I’m in trouble, I should be afraid, and buried deep inside of me, that fear is there, alive and kicking, wanting to get out. But right now I’m not letting it, I’m pushing it further down and holding on to all the other feelings instead. I can’t ignore them anymore. I don’t want to ignore them. He’s all I want and I just can’t get enough of him.



Later that day when everyone is awake we head to the beach one last time. I decide to talk to Mia about Jared. We’re walking along the sand while the guys try to catch waves. When I ask her, "What’s the story with you and Jared then?" I smile as she blushes. So it isn’t a one sided crush after all.

She ducks her head as she says, "There is no story, not now anyway."

"So why don’t you make one?" I suggest.

Mia links her arm through mine, "Because he’s Luke’s best friend."

I laugh. "So, Luke wouldn’t care, doesn’t care actually."

She looks at me. "You’ve talked about us?" she asks, her cheeks getting redder.

I can’t help but laugh again as I tug gently on her arm. "Maybe, but like a smart person once said to me Mia, it’s pretty obvious to everyone."

"Shit," she says. "Shit, shit"

"What’s wrong, why don’t you do something? You obviously really like him and he clearly likes you. He’s a really nice guy."

She smiles now. "Yeah I know he is."

"So?"

"Ahhh, I don’t know, it’s complicated!" she says frustrated. "A part of me thinks I shouldn’t because of Luke, but another part of me is scared, of doing something about it, especially after so long, after everything that’s already happened. I don’t know, I don’t want to lose him as a friend if it doesn’t work out. Plus, there’s the little issue of me living in Chicago."

"Minor details Mia, minor details. And from what I hear, it worked once, so surely it can work again. There’s nothing that can’t be overcome for the sake of true love."

"Spoken from the woman who is in love of course," Mia responds pinching me.

I suddenly stop walking, Mia pulling on my arm as she keeps going. I feel as though I’ve just been hit with a sledge hammer. I feel as though my whole body just stopped working and then everything inside me started up again, only at ten times the normal speed.

And that’s when it hits me.

I am.

I am in love.

With Luke.

I am in love with Luke.

My hand comes to my mouth as a shocked noise escapes. My heart is racing as I stand here, watching the water run up to our feet and back out to sea again. I watch my toes as they slowly sink into the wet sand and I wonder; how is it that I didn’t see this coming? How did I not know this was happening?

"Ash?" Mia asks quietly. "Are you alright?"

"I’m in love," I say back to her, not thinking about the words I’m speaking out loud.

Mia just laughs, pulling me into a hug. "Of course you are you idiot, you both are!"



Tonight we’re home alone, and Luke decides he wants to show me how to cook. After my previous attempts at cooking him dinner, he jokes that I could use some help. He’s right, but I’m not sure if what we end up doing is going to change that.

It’s nearly the end of summer now but the evening is still warm. All the windows in his apartment are open and we are both barefoot in jeans and t-shirts.

Ever since our trip to the Cape, things between Luke and I have only intensified. Neither of us has said anything. Those three words I said out loud to Mia remaining unspoken to Luke. But I’m sure of it, sure that things are different now. For me, it’s as though every feeling and thought I have about him is magnified. How he only has to look at me for my heart to start pounding. How a single touch from him gets my blood racing. How he is all I can think about night and day, even when he’s lying right there beside me.

He has to know what he’s doing to me.

Natalie Wa's books