He waited until I went inside. Waited until I closed the door and he disappeared from sight. I wondered if he heard me sag against it on the other side. My whole body was trembling and all I could think was; open the door and ask him to come in.
But I didn’t and eventually I moved and stood at the window and watched him walk away. He turned back once and I thought I saw him smile. I went to bed thinking of him, but sleep didn’t come for a long time, my body too tightly wound to relax. All I could think of was Luke, of Luke kissing me again and again. I put on his CD and let his voice pull me into sleep.
Today my lips are still tingling. I run my fingers over them, trying to remember the feeling.
And I know I want to kiss him again.
∞
The day drags on. Their show doesn’t start until ten but it seems like the clock actually stands still as I wait for it to arrive. The day feels endless. After work, I go home to get ready. This time I pay attention to what I wear, pulling on my favourite jeans and a tight black top. Black wedges instead of my usual boots. I make an effort with the make-up I put on, with my hair. I want him to notice me. I get to the bar early, hoping to see him, but none of them are around, so I wait at the back, alone. I can feel my heart pounding, my pulse racing. I feel alive tonight, really alive and I know exactly why.
Luke.
When they finally come on, they are amazing. Something is different with them tonight and I wonder again why this show is so special. They play for nearly two hours and they are intoxicating. I watch him for all of it.
I watch his eyes as they find me in the crowd.
I watch his lips as he sings into the microphone.
I watch his fingers as they play his guitar.
I watch his body as it moves around the stage.
And I imagine his eyes, his lips, his fingers, and his body all over me.
I want him.
After the encore, I think they’re going to finish. The rest of the guys walk off stage, but all Luke does is switch his electric guitar for an acoustic one. He walks slowly back to the microphone and looks at me.
Right at me.
"This is for you," is all he says.
And then he starts to sing.
Beautiful, beautiful girl
I can see the sadness you hold in your eyes
Beautiful, beautiful girl
I see all of the pain you bury inside
Beautiful, beautiful girl
How much I long to make you smile
Make you feel happy for a while
Bring back the light to your life
Beautiful, beautiful girl.
Have you let me love you for a while
Beautiful, beautiful girl.
It’s just Luke and his guitar. Just Luke’s voice as he sings the most amazingly raw and beautiful lyrics that I have ever heard. And he sings them only to me. His eyes close sometimes, but whenever they open, they are looking right at me. I’m standing so still at the back of the room, transfixed by the words he’s singing, by what he’s saying to me, by what he’s doing to me. I feel like there’s no one else in the bar except for us.
Mia was right, so right, because he does see me. He sees the real me, everything I’ve kept hidden, everything he has slowly been unravelling. All of my secrets and all of the pain I thought I’d buried. Luke has somehow unearthed it, seen it and not run. I don’t know how he’s done this, but he has and he still stands here and wants me. I feel so very exposed to him now he’s seen the real me, but I want to see all of him too. So badly.
After he finishes, the room erupts with applause. Luke just nods and leaves the stage. The rest of the band and Pete join me at the back and I’m still unable to speak. Both my head and my heart are racing, everything inside me moving at a million miles an hour and I can’t seem to control it. I think they know because they don’t ask me anything, Jared just hands me a drink and smiles.
Eventually Luke joins us. He watches me as he walks over and I can’t take my eyes off him. Someone hands him a beer and he comes and stands next to me. I can feel heat radiating from him and still I don’t say anything. People come up and congratulate them. Girls push closer to try their luck with them. Luke doesn’t move but his arm rests against mine and my skin feels like it’s burning from his touch.
I need to get out of here.
I know what I want now.
I’m not thinking about anything else anymore.
I reach for Luke’s hand. It feels like a ball of electricity in my grip and as it shoots up my arm he turns to look at me, his eyes dark. I stand on my toes, press my lips to his ear and whisper, "Take me somewhere else."
He nods at me and then turns to quickly speak with Jared. We are still holding hands and then we are outside walking. Neither of us says anything as we walk back to his house. The cool night air does nothing to the heat circling around us. The tension feels explosive.
At his apartment, he silently unlocks the front door. I walk in ahead of him and go straight into his room. He wordlessly follows me and closes the door behind him, shutting us in. It is just me and him, alone in his room.