"Nah, I’m good thanks," Luke replies smiling as he stands there watching me.
I pick up one half and gesture to the other. "Help me out," I say to him.
Luke smiles at me again before leaning over to pick up the other half of the sandwich. We stand in silence, facing each other on opposite sides of the counter, sharing this sandwich Luke has made me. Between us is the fish tank and I can’t help but stare at it, sitting right here in front of us. I watch the two fish swim aimlessly around in circles, the old goldfish and the new black one, and I risk another quick glance up at Luke. He’s standing there watching me still, with a half smile on his face as he eats.
"What do you think?" he asks me, gesturing to the food in my hand.
I nod, finishing my mouthful. "Yeah it’s really good. Thanks for making it for me."
Luke’s smile gets a little bigger as he says, "No problem, I’m glad you like it. I thought I’d try something new and wanted to see what you thought." He’s watching me intently now and I get the feeling he’s going to say something else, but he doesn’t, just takes another bite.
I blink.
Suddenly, I’m not sure that the sandwich is the only thing we’re talking about here, but I can’t let myself read too much into it, it’s definitely not a sign.
∞
For two weeks we had lunch every day. Every day Adam would come to the library and get me, and we’d sit out on the lawn under a tree and have lunch together. At first I didn’t talk much, I was too nervous now we were out in the open and could never think of anything to say, but Adam just filled the silence. He talked and talked, telling me about his classes, playing basketball, anything. I loved listening to him, the sound of his voice, the ease with which he spoke, all of it. Gradually he took away my nervousness, gradually I started talking too, first only asking him questions, but eventually telling him things about me. For two weeks we did this, and then everything changed, again.
He kissed me and suddenly it all became very real. And he did it in the hall, at my locker in front of everyone, like he didn’t care who saw it. He just stepped in, his hand gently brushing my cheek as he pressed his lips to mine. I was so surprised I don’t think I did anything at first. I remember he pulled back a little and smiled at me. I remember he whispered, "I’ve been dying to do that for ages," before leaning in and gently kissing me again. I kissed him back this time but it wasn’t until much later that I thought about the words he’d just whispered to me.
The day after that kiss, Adam took me out on a date, even met my Dad. I was nervous as hell, but Adam was very cool about it all, shook my Dad’s hand, promised to have me home by midnight and didn’t touch me until we were in his Mom’s car. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he rested his hand on my leg as we drove off. He took me to a burger bar and then a movie. By the time we’d reached the movie theatre we were holding hands and I was finally starting to relax.
Before the movie was over we were making out and I was feeling positively magic. It was like everything just went away and I became someone else when I was with him. I don’t know how he did it but the shyness disappeared, my nervousness about what would happen, somehow Adam took all of that away. Everything disappeared and it became just me and him, just us.
When he leant over as the credits rolled and whispered in my ear, "I really like you Ash," I nearly melted. After that night Adam was officially my boyfriend and I was no longer so afraid.
By the time Adam and I had been together for six months, things went a lot further. I was pretty sure Adam had done it before, but me, it was my first time. I wasn’t scared about doing it though, not with him. So the night my Dad went out on one of his rare dates, I invited Adam over. I’m sure he guessed my intentions as soon as I opened the door, but he was good about it, and didn’t rush me when I told him, "Dad is out for the night, and won’t be home until much later."
He just smiled and asked if we should order some pizza. About two hours later though, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, so when I suggested we go upstairs, Adam looked at me and said, "You sure?"
I smiled at him, pulling him up as I answered, "Yeah I’m sure."
"Ash," he said holding my hand. "I don’t want to rush you, or do anything you don’t want to do."
I stepped towards him then and kissed him quickly before answering, "I want to do this Adam. I really want to do this with you."