House of Ivy & Sorrow

FORTY-NINE





Even under the freeway, we can’t escape the summer heat. Gwen, Kat, and I lick at Popsicles. The cool grass tickles my arms. A mosquito flies overhead, and Gwen zaps it with a flick of her finger. She giggles. “That will never get old.”

“Seriously,” Kat says.

“I would say it’s already old, but I don’t miss the mosquito bites.” I throw my Popsicle stick at her. “Though I’m kind of jealous the white-hair side effect looks like highlights on you. I just look middle-aged.”

“No way.” She shoves me. “It looks like you had a few chunks bleached.”

Kat pulls out more grass, her hands unable to keep still. “You look punk.”

I laugh. “Yeah, I’m so hard-core.”

“Hey,” Gwen says. “You are pretty badass. Don’t tell me you already forgot what happened a few months ago.”

I sigh, wishing they wouldn’t bring it up. I am proud of what I did. I mean, I love having real sisters, that I get to share my whole life with them, that we get to learn and grow together. I adore having my dad around. I’m grateful every day that Nana is still alive and well. But there’s something missing. Someone missing. I’m not sure the feeling of loss will ever leave now that I’ve given up a piece of my soul.


“Hello?” Kat waves a hand in front of my face.

I jump and then cringe. “Crap, was I doing it again?”

“Longing for Winn?” Gwen lies down and crosses her legs. “Yup. Aren’t you ever going to talk to him about it?”

Now I’m the one picking at the grass. “What am I supposed to tell him?”

“Uhh, the truth?” Kat says.

I want to talk to him. I really do. Nana said I could, that we shouldn’t blame him for what happened in our shared past. But every time I try, I can’t even make it up the lane to his house. What if he’s already moved on? I’m too afraid to find out. “I wish—”

“Jo!” Dad calls from the house. “Get in here! You have a letter.”

“Coming!” Dad has been trying his best to cheer me up with favorite foods and, yes, even a car, but I think he knows that I won’t ever be the same. “What is it?” I ask when I get inside.

He holds up the envelope. “I don’t know, but it’s from an L. Anderson.”

My eyes go wide and I grab the letter, ripping it open. I can’t imagine what he’d send, but it must be important.


Dear Josephine,

I know I’ll hate myself for this, but it will make you happy and that will have to be enough for me. I looked into Cordelia Black, and it turns out she’s listed as a traitor in the Black records. There’s no death date, but she and her Shadow, Phillip Carter, ran away after refusing to hunt down—wouldn’t you know it—the Hemlocks.

I’m thinking that clears lover boy, but it still doesn’t answer my questions about why he’s different. I think you’ll have to get the rest of the story from him. That’s all I got.

Take care,

Levi

P.S. You so owe me for this.


I put my hand to my heart, its pounding threatening to break down my rib cage. Winn. He said I’d never forgive him, and yet Levi’s words prove that his family was on our side. Clearly, I am missing something huge.

“Jo, are you okay?” Dad asks.

I walk past him, nodding. “I’m going to Winn’s.”

“It’s about time!” I hear Nana call from the apothecary. “Bring him back when you’re done so I can hear the story, too.”

“Fine.” I roll my eyes, though I guess I should be glad she isn’t going to spy on us.

I take my car, mostly so I have time to compose myself. When I pull up in front of his house, I still have no idea what to say, but my feet walk forward until I’m standing at the doorstep. Somehow I manage to knock, and I know those are his footsteps coming to answer.

The door opens, and his stormy blue eyes meet mine, shocked. He’s tanner, probably having spent every day in the fields since we parted. His mouth is still the most beautiful in existence. He doesn’t speak, and now that the surprise is gone all that’s left is sadness.

“Cordelia didn’t kill Fanny?” I say.

He gulps. “She may as well have.”

I frown, holding out Levi’s letter. “But the Blacks say she was a traitor, that she refused to hunt us and ran away.”

“That part is true.” He sighs, as if being in my presence is painful. It makes me want to cry, because seeing him makes me want him more than ever. “C’mon, let’s go to the swing.”

“Okay . . .”

We walk next to each other, close enough that I want to reach out and grab his hand. Many of my daydreams have looked a lot like today, him and me and the late summer sun peeking through the trees.

He leans on the trunk of the oak tree and gestures for me to take the swing. It’s hard to sit there, the place where we first kissed, but I do.

Winn takes a deep breath before he starts. “My great-great-grandmother Cordelia did run, and she even found Fanny and told her the truth about what the Blacks were doing. She and Phillip didn’t want any part of it—they were so in love that Phil wouldn’t even take Cordelia’s magic. Your aunt Fanny, she was more concerned about protecting them than herself. She was worried they’d be punished for divulging Black secrets.”

“So she stayed here with them and put up all those spells?” I ask.

He nods. “A lot more than that. Fanny, well, she became obsessed with trying to stop the Blacks. She kept it very secret, because she knew they’d all be dead if word got out. Once she created a spell she thought would work, Cordelia and Phil became the test subjects.”

All I can do is nod because I’m too riveted by his words to speak.

Winn looks away, shame flooding his features. “It worked. Fanny was able to seal Cordelia’s and Phil’s magic. It’s still sealed. I can’t use it, but all of us Carters can feel it a little. It worked out great for Phil and Cordelia because they were pretty much regular humans after that. Except for one thing . . .”

“Fanny died,” I whisper. I put my arms around myself, the truth filling me to the brim. Cutting two people off from magic? Of course she did. How reckless, and yet noble at the same time.

“I’m so sorry, Jo. They never meant for it to happen, but after it did they were helpless. Cordelia was afraid to go to Fanny’s sister, and it seemed like she didn’t even recognize her as a witch. They couldn’t tell others what happened without the Blacks coming for them, and they had nothing to defend themselves with. They were scared—hell, I’m still scared. So it became a secret.”

“Why are you scared?” I ask, the information still sinking in.

“Because you deserve to seek vengeance. In Cordelia’s history it says killing a witch is unforgivable. She always felt horrible for what happened and said we should never forget the price that was paid for us to be free.”

He crouches down and puts his head to his knees. “I don’t have to be what Levi is because Fanny died, Jo. At first I thought I could tell you—was even excited to tell you—but then I saw the fear in your eyes when you came into the house. It scared me, and then I didn’t want to tell you and lose you. But you found out anyway.”

“You’re such an idiot.” I gulp back tears. Stupid, stupid boy.

He looks up at me. “What?”

I stand, furious. “You should have told me! I thought you were a Shadow—I thought you were the bad guy. You made me break up with you over something that doesn’t even matter!”

“It doesn’t?” Finally, I see hope in his eyes, and it fills me with courage.

“No! I’m glad Fanny sealed your powers. I’m sorry she died, but she gave me a huge gift because now I can have you.” I shrink back, my face suddenly warm. “I mean, if you still want me.”

He’s already on his way over, and I gasp when he grabs me. His lips meet mine, hot and urgent and so happy I can feel them stretch into a smile between kisses. We fall into the grass, his weight on me the most exhilarating sensation in the world. He pulls back enough for us to look at each other.

“I can’t believe that’s even a question.” He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “Of course I want to be with you. I thought you didn’t want to be with me.”

“Ridiculous.” I laugh and kiss him about a thousand more times.

We lie there, hand in hand, watching the stars come out one by one. And with them, the fireflies, just as alive and twinkling. I put my hand to Mom’s pendant and pick a particularly bright star. With all my heart, I promise to live my life like she did, treasuring every perfect moment.





ACKNOWLEDGMENTS





I owe so much of this story to the legacy of my grandmother and the example of my mother, who taught me how to pick myself up after grief tore through our family. Mom, thank you for your unfailing love, your quiet strength, and your endless understanding. We may have lost grandma too early, but I see her in you everyday.

I wouldn’t have been able to write about friendship without having friends I’d give everything for. To Kiersten White and Kasie West, thank you for being my Kat and Gwen. (In writing this, I totally just realized how apt that comparison actually is. Dude.) To Michelle Argyle, Renee Collins, Jenn Johansson, Sara Raasch, Shannon Messenger, Sara Larson, Stephanie Perkins, and Candice Kennington, thank you for always listening and laughing and sharing a piece of your lives with me.

My family is everything to me and my husband most of all. Nick, thank you for supporting me through thick and thin, for your undying patience, and for making me laugh at the most random times. To my Benji, Kora, and Gil, thank you for being such good kids and letting me squeak in writing-time.

I’ve been so lucky to have the amazing Curtis Brown agency looking after me all these years, and I particularly have to thank Anna Webman for selling House of Ivy & Sorrow and Ginger Clark for being the amazing agent she is. I have never felt so well taken care of. I’m the luckiest writer ever!

Speaking of incredible luck, I also have the best editor alive—Erica Sussman. Thank you so much, Erica, for falling in love with Jo and her story as much as I did while writing it. Thank you for helping me find the missing pieces I’d tried so long to discover, and for helping me take this book to the next level. It’s everything I ever wanted it to be. And thank you to Tyler Infinger, too, whose happy faces and giddy comments always make me smile just as much as Erica’s.


And finally, a big thanks to all the people at HarperTeen who have helped turn my story into a real live novel. I never stop being grateful that you have let me live my dream.