House of Ivy & Sorrow

FORTY-THREE





The cement is cold and wet against my face, but I don’t care. I lie there in a ball, holding Winn’s flowers, now marred with oily droplets. I’m pretty sure normal people can’t see the black, but that’s all I can see. Endless darkness. Death. Evil. It’s all around me, and it will never leave. It’s driven away and killed everything I love.

I hate magic. I hate being a witch.

Levi’s shadow hangs over me, though he doesn’t say anything. His shoes scrape against the path as he kneels down next to me. When he puts his hand on my shoulder, its warmth proves how cold I am.

I don’t have the strength to push him away.

“Don’t be sad. I swear I’ll protect you, because that’s what my mom begged me to do.”

I turn to him. “What?”

He won’t look back, as if the shame of his words is too much to bear. “You’re going to get sick, lying here in the rain.” His arms come around me, and he picks me up off the ground. He carries me to an old, shaggy willow tree where the rain can’t break through. As he sits at its roots, he doesn’t bother to put me down. “Better?”

I’m so tired. Of fighting. Of this life. I lean my head on his shoulder. “Finish your story.”

He gulps. “This is my fault. I waited years to earn magic, years to see what my mother had left in her history, and you and your mom were in it more than I was. She knew my dad was sucking her dry so he could break the protective barriers she put around Carmina. She knew Carmina would only leave your dad if she was pregnant. She wanted more than anything to protect you both, but by then she was too weak to break free from my grandmother’s house.

“The last pages of her history are all letters to me, telling me to protect you, the innocent, from him. She said we owed you because of Carmina’s unwavering friendship. And . . .”

He leans his head on the tree, squeezing his eyes shut so tightly they wrinkle like raisins. “I didn’t listen. I was mad that she sacrificed her life for you and then asked me to do the same. She should have been there for me—she was my mother—so I ignored everything she said and tried to live my life.”

I bite my lip, the weight of his pain familiar. “What changed?”

He sighs, and it’s heavy with guilt. “When he Cursed your grandmother. He was so pleased with himself, laughing at the kitchen table about how it would break you into a million pieces. I couldn’t help but think of my mom, wonder if he enjoyed putting me through that pain. It was then, finally, that I realized it wasn’t your fault my mother wasn’t there for me. It was his. It was always his.

“But by then it was already too late to protect you like I should have. I messed everything up.” He puts his hand on my cheek, and I look into his eyes, filled with regret. “I’m sorry this is all I can offer you now. I’ve made too many mistakes to count, but I swear I will make it up to you for the rest of our lives.”

My voice catches, so many what-ifs running through my brain I don’t know what to say. What if he had come earlier? Warned us? Told us what we were up against? We could have prepared. We could have been ready to fight. What if I had met him years ago, not as an enemy but as a friend? What if . . . I had fallen in love with him?

“Tell me about your steward,” I say.

He looks surprised. “What?”

“You have a steward, right? A girl you take magic from?”

“Yes.” He looks away. “Of course I do.”

“I was just wondering . . . I mean, Stacia and Jeff had you, and you had to kiss me to take my magic. Is she your girlfriend?” The idea makes me squirm. He shouldn’t be holding me like this if she is, and I really, really don’t like the idea of sharing. I’m not a good sharer.

“She’s ten years older than me,” he says. “Her name is Abigail. Some of the Blacks encourage a relationship, the ones who like these power games. But the more prudent part of the family overruled the Consumed ones and deemed me ‘too dangerous to reproduce,’ thanks to my father.”

“I see.” My heart pounds at the thought that even the Blacks consider Levi dangerous.

“Abby is nice, I guess.” He shrugs, and his cheeks go slightly pink. “She’s kind of like a big sister, and she’s proud of how I turned out, all things considered. I don’t see her often these days.”

I nod. Everything seems surreal all of a sudden. Levi isn’t so bad—he was just dealt a crappy lot in life. He really is trying to make the best of his situation, and I can respect that.

“I know this will totally kill the moment.” He takes my hand, his hold gentle and yet strong. “But we don’t have a lot of time.”

I jump. “Oh, right.”

“So?” His eyes plead with me, full of hope and longing. “Will you help me stop him? Will you give me your magic?”

Fear washes over me anew. My magic curls up inside, as if to say it’s perfectly happy where it is. Deep down I don’t want to give it away again. I don’t want to feel empty and ashamed and powerless. But what choice do I have? I’m out of options and out of time. Levi wouldn’t do it if there were another way. He’s only trying to make amends for his past, too. We both have a stake in this, and who am I to refuse him his part? Maybe I’m being selfish, wanting to keep it to myself.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

Just say it. Say it, and everything will be fixed.

But my mouth won’t work! Why can’t I say it?

Someone clears their throat behind me. I tumble out of Levi’s lap as I attempt to see who it is. My brain feels like it’s melting under Kat’s and Gwen’s furious glares. Gwen puts her hands on her hips, and I shrink a little more. “This is pretty much the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, Jo.”