Hometown Star

chapter Sixteen

“He’s so beautiful.” From her perch on the side of Trudy’s hospital bed, Star leaned in to touch the soft hair on the baby’s head. Safe in the circle of Trudy’s arms, he moved, emitting a small squeak that brought a smile to Star’s lips. “What’re you going to name him?”

“Daniel,” Trudy said in a dreamy voice. “After Ron’s dad.”

Star smiled. She glanced at Finn and Emma who had climbed up onto the foot of the bed. “What do you guys think of your new cousin?”

Finn frowned. “He’s wrinkly.”

“He’s so cute,” Emma said, reaching over to touch the top of Daniel’s head. “Can I hold him, Trudy?”

“Sure, honey,” Trudy said. “Sit over there in the easy chair. Star, can you help her?”

“Of course.” Star settled Emma in the oversized chair, putting a pillow next to the little girl for support. Star took baby Daniel from Trudy’s arms. Daniel yawned, his mouth making a round little o.

“This sure has been my summer for babies,” Star said as she placed the baby in Emma’s arms. Again, she gave a silent prayer that she wouldn’t be joining the baby club.

Daniel squeaked again, sounding more like a kitten than a human baby. Star scooted in next to Emma, placing her arm around the little girl, her hand near Daniel, in case Emma needed help.

“You look different today, Star,” Trudy said, giving Star a measuring glance.

“How so?” Star asked.

“I’m not sure. You look softer somehow.”

“Well, I have been on vacation, sort of.” Star smiled.

“Hmmm.” Trudy pursed her lips, as if she were trying to figure Star out.

“Where’s Finn?” Star asked, realizing the little boy was no longer in the room.

Trudy glanced around. “I don’t know. He was here a minute ago. Maybe he took off after Ron and headed down to the cafeteria.”

“Here, Em,” Star said. “Let me give Daniel back to Trudy for a minute. I’ve got to go and get Finn.”

Emma offered Star the baby and she moved him to his mother’s waiting arms. “Stay here,” she said to Emma.

In the hall, Star called, “Finn?”

She didn’t see the boy anywhere. She remembered a candy machine near the elevators. Maybe he’d gone there. At the machine, no Finn. Panic fluttered in her chest. A woman in lavender scrubs passed by.

“Excuse me,” Star said, no mistaking the urgency in her tone. “I’m looking for a little boy. He has black hair and blue eyes.”

“I haven’t seen him,” the woman said. “Sorry.”

Star went back the way she’d come. At the nurses’ station, she gave the woman there Finn’s description, but the woman had no memory of Finn.

Star’s heart banged in her chest as she took the elevator to the floor where the cafeteria was. In the cafeteria, she quickly located Ron.

“Where’s Finn?” she asked.

Ron snapped the lid onto his coffee. “He was with you last time I saw him. Why?”

“I can’t find him.” Her heart racing, Star whirled away, running for the front desk.

“Did you see a little boy come by here?” she asked the receptionist.

“Sweetie, I’ve seen a lot of people,” the woman replied. “This is a busy place.”

Ron joined her. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t find Finn,” Star said, panic thick in her chest. “I lost him. I can’t believe I lost him.”

“Get a grip.” Ron took her arm. “He’s here somewhere.”

“He wouldn’t leave the hospital, would he?” Star asked.

“Let’s check the car, just to be sure.” Ron propelled her to the doors. Together they exited the hospital.

Star ran out to the parking lot, looking around wildly. Ron came to a stop beside her.

And then she saw him—them. Finn and Cade. They came around the side of Cade’s truck toward her.

Relief hit Star, nearly bringing her to her knees. She paused, her hand going to her heart. “Finn,” she cried, unable to keep the panic from her tone, “I’ve been looking for you.”

Cade glanced down at Finn. “You came out here without telling anyone?”

Finn shrugged. “I saw you out the window. They were busy with the baby.”

“Star,” Cade said, his expression contrite. “I’m sorry.”

Star squatted down in front of Finn. “I was so worried.” She crushed the little boy to her, her heart filled with fear, relief, and something else, love. Love for Finn left her gasping for air. “I didn’t know where you were.”

“You’re hugging me too tight,” Finn said, wiggling.

Star let go. She felt tricked. How had she fallen in love with Cade’s kids? Had Cade used them as bait to reel her in?

Cade offered her a hand up.

She ignored his hand and stood on her own. “What are you doing here, anyway? You’re supposed to be on the boat.”

“We limited. The Texans wanted to go hiking on their own, so I came see my new nephew.”

Star looked down and realized her hands were shaking.

“Finn, you need to think, little man,” Ron said with a shake of his head. “You can’t take off like that.”

“Sorry,” Finn said, looking at Star. His lower lip trembled.

Cade took Star’s arm. “Come on.” He leveled a stern look at Finn. “We’ll talk about this more when we get home.” Cade’s arm moved to Star’s shoulders. “Relax. This isn’t your fault. Finn runs off all the time. No one can keep track of him, not even me, you know that.”

Cade’s words, while soothing, didn’t change anything. She was growing too attached to Cade and his kids. She didn’t want to care that much. Caring hurt.

They all filed inside and took the elevator up. Back in Trudy’s room, Star just wanted to escape. From all of them. She didn’t want to be responsible for Finn, or for anyone. She needed a valium and a strong martini. No wonder her mother drank.

Losing Finn was Star’s cue to get the heck out of Seward. The sooner, the better.

* * *

Cade breathed a sigh of relief when Star’s car came into view. His hands gripped the steering wheel. She was here, not headed back for Seattle as he’d feared. Losing Finn had done something to Star, awakened all her reasons for holding him and the kids at arm’s length. She’d physically withdrawn from him at the hospital.

When she’d taken off, he’d assumed the worst. It wasn’t until he’d driven back to Seward, to Patsy’s place, that he’d begun to breathe again. Star’s things had still been in the double–wide. He’d waited around for a while, but when she hadn’t come home, he’d headed here, to Eagle Ridge.

He’d been right to think she’d hide from him here. And she was hiding, running away from a past she couldn’t seem to shake. How did he convince her she’d make a good mother? He had no clue, but he knew he had to try. He’d die inside if she wanted to terminate her pregnancy, if indeed she was pregnant.

Cade exited the truck and started up the path that would take him to the Ridge. Thirty minutes later he found Star, sitting at the edge of the Ridge, her eyes on the canyon and the bay below.

Star turned as he approached. If she was surprised to see him, he couldn’t tell. She got to her feet, dusting the dirt from her seat with her hands.

“Hi,” he said, searching her face for a clue to her mood but her features remained calm, giving no hint to her mental state.

“You found me.” The wind blew a stray hair across her cheek and she brushed it away.

“I thought you might come here.”

She cast her eyes toward the canyon. “I feel calm here. The peace clears my head.”

“Let’s talk about today.” He reached for her hand, tugging her around to face him. “About what happened with Finn.”

She shook her head. “I’m over it.”

“Are you?” He studied her. “Tell me what you’re really thinking, Star.”

“I’m thinking it’s time for me to go home.” She reached up, her fingers touching his cheek. “You have to let me go, Cade.”

Her words crushed his heart, the ache deep in his chest. “What if I don’t want to?”

“I’m not the woman for you. You need a caregiver for the kids, a nurturer. I’m neither of those things.”

He stared into her eyes, seeing pain, regret, and love. She loved him, his gut told him that much. His gut also told him he couldn’t fix her. She had to fix herself.

“You’re wrong,” Cade said. “You are both of those things and more, but I’m not going to argue with you. Let’s just make the most of the time we have left together, okay?”

Her eyes brightened. “Really? No pressure?”

He drew her to him, his arms sliding around her. “I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me. We’ll worry about the rest later.” He didn’t bring up the potential pregnancy, didn’t want to rock the boat. Their relationship was a fragile as a spider’s web, easily broken.

“Okay,” she agreed.

He smiled. “Let’s go home. I want to be with you, Star. Nothing else matters.”

“In that case,” Star said, “I’m all yours.”

Cade smiled. Having her with him was enough. For now.

* * *

Star burrowed closer to Cade. They were seated together on the couch in the family room. Around them, the house had grown still. Time was running out for them. They both knew it. Desperation sat with them in the room, wild and reckless.

Star had one night left in Seward, and she wanted to make as many memories as possible to take with her back to Seattle, but privacy was an issue for them.

Cade’s hand toyed with her hair. “You’ve been quiet all night. What are you thinking about?”

“I’m trying not to think at all.” She’d helped out at the O’Briens tonight, for the last time. Together, she and Cade had put the twins to bed. Now, the guests had turned in. Ron had arrived home from the hospital, and he’d agreed to keep an eye on the kids so she and Cade could be alone for the last time.

“Let’s go to your place,” Cade whispered in her ear. “I know you don’t like going there, but we need privacy.”

The brush of his lips against her skin sent a shiver of desire through Star. More than anything she wanted this last night with him. “I agree.”

Cade pulled her up off the couch. Hand in hand, they struck out for Patsy’s.

She was sad to leave Alaska; she was excited to go home. And it was her last night with Cade. She didn’t want to talk about kids, or parenting, or a possible pregnancy. She only wanted him, had the compelling need to memorize everything about him.

They broke through the trees, the mobile home in view.

“When will you mow it down?” Star asked, a pang of nostalgia stopping her in her tracks.

“Soon. I’d like to get the rubble cleared and the foundation poured as soon as possible.”

The mobile home, as run down as it was, was still her home. She’d miss it, and that surprised her. The place meant home, maybe not so much now, but it sure had when she’d been a child. The place was the closest things she had to a childhood home.

“After tomorrow, it’s all yours, O’Brien.”

Cade put his arm around her, rubbing her shoulders. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She smiled at him. “Fine. Come on. I hope you’re going to show me a good time on my last night in town. I need some serious cheering up.”

“You’re not afraid we’ll break another condom?” he asked.

“I don’t think fate would be that cruel twice.”

She broke away, running up the steps and into the trailer, Cade on her heels. He caught her around the waist, and together they fell onto the couch.

His mouth found hers. Their clothes melted away. They came together fiercely, frantically, as if they couldn’t get enough of each other, and maybe they couldn’t.

When it was over, and Star was still struggling back to reality, Cade said, “It’s a miracle, but the condom held.”

“Yeah,” Star said, smiling.

Cade kissed her. “I’m going to miss you, Star.”

“I’ll miss you, too.”

“Any chance at all you could find work here?”

The hopeful note in his voice tore at her. “Zero. I’ve worked my way up the food chain at Update This! I’m in line for a big promotion. My life is in the city.”

Cade ran his index finger along the curve of her cheek. “I’d never ask you to change your life for me. I did it with Marissa, and it was a mistake. She was never happy here. Maybe we’re just too different.”

“Maybe we are.” Star scooted away from him, a hard ache in her belly. She started to rise, but Cade caught her arm, pulling her back down.

“Don’t think tonight, Star,” Cade said softly. “I can see the wheels turning. Forget I said anything. Just be with me. I need you. You make me whole. You make me want to be a better man, a better father.”

His words cut right through the barbed wire wrapped around her heart. Did she really make him feel those things? Love flooded her heart. For tonight, she’d allow herself to love him back. No thinking. Just for tonight.

He led her down the hall to the bedroom. With great care, Cade laid her on the bed. Taking his time, he made love to her. All of her, every single inch. When he was through, Star had trouble remembering her name, much less why she thought her life was elsewhere.

If Cade were childless, would she find a way to make things work between them?

The question haunted her, continued to haunt her well into the next morning while she wrapped up the rest of Patsy’s paintings. She stopped by the post office to ship them to Seattle where she’d go through them at her leisure. She didn’t have the heart to tackle the job now. Once she completed that task, she made her goodbyes with Brandi, Bud, and baby Will. Cade and the kids were waiting for her when she finished.

They followed her to the airport, waiting while she dropped off her rental car, then walked with her as far as they could.

“This is it,” she said when she had to part from them.

Emma threw her arms around Star, squeezing tight. “Don’t go.”

Star’s heart constricted painfully in her chest. “I have to. Don’t forget to daydream.”

“I won’t,” Emma said.

She bent and kissed the little girl, then looked to Finn.

Finn’s lip stuck out.

“Let me know if you catch a bird.” Star kissed his forehead, then ruffled his hair, and he let her, almost leaning into her caress. “Be good, kiddo.”

Emma thrust a package at her. “We made you something, so you won’t feel sad when you don’t see us anymore.”

“Thank you.” Star hugged the brightly wrapped gift to her chest, knowing she’d cherish it no matter what it was. “I’m going to miss you guys.”

She turned to Brad. “Behave, Brad. No more sneaking out.”

“Yeah, right.” He gave her a cocky grin.

“Okay, kids.” Cade pointed to a bank of nearby chairs. “Wait over there. I have some things to say to Star in private.”

Brad ushered the kids away.

“I miss you already,” Cade said tightly.

“I miss you, too.”

“Call me if you miss your period,” Cade said. “I want to know, Star. Promise you’ll call.”

“I promise.” Star rose up on her toes and kissed him. “Goodbye, Cade.” She pulled her hands free and took a step away, but he snagged her arm, stopping her. Before she could protest, his mouth took hers, the kiss scattering Star’s wits. She clung to him, never wanting to let him go.

Then Cade broke the kiss. Without a word, he left her.

Star touched her lips, watching Cade and the kids until they disappeared from view. With an aching heart, she boarded the plane. Once seated, she opened the package the kids had given her. Inside was a beautiful drawing, a picture of Star, Cade, Finn, Emma, and Brad, standing in front of what could only be their big, Victorian house. Star ran her hand lovingly over the crayon drawing, missing them already. She thought about Cade and the kids the entire way home, and when she got too sad, she made herself think about her job, about the promotion she so wanted.

When she reached her condo, she let herself in, inhaled the scent of the new hardwood floors, the fresh paint, and then promptly burst into tears.