Hollow (Perfect Little Pieces)

chapter Four





I was late to the tournament.

I meant to be on time, but after dinner, Elias stopped me in the hall to let me know that I’d be getting a new roommate tomorrow. I wasn’t sure how to take this new information. I had sort of gotten used to the silence and had never shared a room before. Would my new roommate be suicidal, like me? Or something else? Would she be friendly or aggressive like Nesto?

I was a little distracted when I walked into the common room, so it took me a few minutes to realize that there were a lot of people at the tournament.

A large ping-pong table sat off to one side of the common area, away from all of the chairs. About twenty people stood around the table, whooping and shouting. I immediately scanned the crowd for Jayden, but couldn’t find him. Frowning, I made my way over and pressed through the sea of bodies. Where was he?

I eased to the front of the crowd. A tall auburn-haired man stood on one side of the ping-pong table with a determined look on his face. I recognized him immediately from Rec Therapy the other day. He held a paddle in one hand and a ball in the other while scowling at his opponent. “You may be in the lead, McCray, but you’ll never win.”

“You’re all talk, McKenna. Put your swing where your mouth is.” Jayden smirked and focused on the table. He swayed back and forth, as if ready for action.

Jayden was playing? He had made it seem as if he was only watching. I blinked at the pair as tension filled the room. Flynn paced back and forth on his side of the table, looking for a weakness in Jayden.

Good luck with that. Jayden was one hundred percent male perfection in his low-riding jeans, form-fitting T-shirt and shaggy mane. I caught a flash of his tattoo once more and imagined the intricate design under his shirt. Would I ever get to see the full tat? It would be such a shame if I was destined to only catch a glimpse.

Jayden shook his head back, flicking his hair from his face. Once again I saw the scar along his temple. What gave him that scar? Was it related to the tattoo? Was he part of some gang in his former life?

There were so many questions I didn’t have answers for. Not yet, anyway.

I leaned over to the patient next to me. “What’s the score?”

“Jayden is up by two. One more score would win the whole tournament.”

I glanced around the room at the curious onlookers. They all seemed riveted to the game before them, everyone except one.

The same tall, burly man that had been watching me during Recreation Therapy was staring straight at me. God, I wish he wouldn’t do that. What the hell was he looking at? It was almost as if he was hungry and I was his favorite dessert.

As long as he just stared and didn’t approach me, I suppose there was nothing I could do. What could I tell Dr. Polanski—that one of the male patients liked to look at me? She’d laugh. Everyone in here was quirky. As long as he didn’t touch me, I suppose there was no harm in it. It was better to just ignore it.

I wrapped one arm around my belly and bit the nail of my opposite hand. Flynn raised his paddle in the air and got ready to serve. Jayden seemed relaxed, as if ready for anything.

Flynn served and I, like the rest of the audience, held my breath. The room was silent except for the knocking of the ball against the table. I counted the number of times Flynn and Jayden hit it back and forth. Three, four…twelve. Sweat beaded on Flynn’s brow. Jayden was concentrating but much calmer than his opponent. He kept his eyes fixed on the game, as if searching for an opening.

Within the next few seconds he found one. The ball hit the corner of the table, and Flynn had to move to one side to get it. When Jayden got it once more he hit a straight shot down the opposite edge of the table. Flynn dove for it, but couldn’t get it in time. The match was over.

The room erupted into cheers. Patients slapped Jayden on the back and engulfed him in bear hugs. He barely had enough time to shake Flynn’s hand before the big, burly patient lifted him up above the crowd and paraded him around like a trophy. Other patients followed, creating a sort of victory parade.

I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. At least that creepy patient wasn’t looking at me anymore.

As the crowd thinned around Flynn, I decided to approach him. He was Jayden’s friend, and therefore probably knew a lot of things about him that I didn’t. There was something about Jayden that drew me to him, but the fact that he was a patient made me nervous. What was wrong with him?

“Good game.” I lowered my arms and smiled as I approached.

Flynn glanced up from the bag of ping-pong equipment. “Yeah. Would have been better if I had won.”

“You put up a good fight. The game was close.”

“Not close enough.” He zippered up the bag with the paddles and glanced over at the parade. “This is the second time Jayden has won the tournament. His luck has got to run out sometime.”

The big, burly patient put Jayden back on the ground. Patients clapped him on the back and offered their congratulations.

Flynn cast a sideways glance at me. “You’re the girl he saved the other day, aren’t you?”

I could feel my cheeks heat but was determined not to let Flynn intimidate me. “Yeah.”

He nodded, as if he suspected as much. “Jayden’s a good guy, always looking out for others like that.”

I inched closer and lowered my voice. “What’s wrong with him?”

Flynn stiffened and turned to face me. “Nothing’s wrong with him, why?”

I shrugged and tried to backpedal. “I don’t know. I just thought that since he was a patient that he’d…” My voice trailed off as I suddenly became unsure of what to say.

“I’m his roommate and I can assure you, he’s fine.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

Flynn waved his hand between us. “That’s all right. Jayden has already mentioned you. The new girl, right? Lucy Something-or-other?”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around my middle. “White.”

“Then you don’t know.” He leaned in close and put a finger on the side of his nose. “Don’t ever ask someone in here what’s wrong with them. It’s bad manners.”

“But I didn’t ask what was wrong with you—ah, okay.” By the look in his eye, I knew it was pointless to argue, so I decided to change tactics. “What happened to Nesto? Is he okay?”

Flynn sighed. “You’re a nosy one, aren’t you?”

“Not nosy, just…curious.”

He grinned. “You’ve got spunk. I like that. Jayden needs someone who can challenge him.” He nudged my arm. “Don’t you worry about Martinez—or what other people say about Jayden. The three of us will be fine. Always have been.”

“People have been talking about Jayden?”

“I just thought—” He glanced over his shoulder at his roommate who was fast approaching. “Never you mind. Jayden’s a good egg. He might have hurt people in his past, but he’d never hurt you.”

“Hurt?” I tugged on Flynn’s shirt, dragging his attention back to me. “Who did he hurt, Flynn?”

“It was self-defense, you see. He wasn’t shooting to kill, just to get away. Jayden was more stunned than anyone that the son of a bitch died. Took him years to finally stop blaming himself.”

Holy shit. Jayden killed someone? I let go of Flynn’s shirt, stunned.

“If you two keep whispering like that, people are going to get jealous.”

Flynn jerked away from me. “Hey, Jayden. We were just, uh, talking.”

“I can see that.” He turned to me. “Did you catch the tournament?”

I forced my thoughts back to the moment. “Yeah. Congratulations.” Jayden killed someone? How? Why?

“I need to get back to the room,” Flynn mumbled. “Later, Jayden.”

“Later.”

How unfair of Flynn to drop a bomb on me like that and leave. I frowned as I watched the Irishman’s retreating back. Why did Jayden kill someone in self-defense? Was he protecting himself, or someone else?

“Hey beautiful—you up for a tour?” Jayden asked.

“Um, yeah.” It was pointless to dwell on it. I couldn’t very well ask Jayden about his past. I didn’t know him well enough. Besides, if Flynn was right, then asking Jayden about the murder would be rude.

Oddly enough, this new information didn’t make me afraid of Jayden. Instead, it made me feel safer. I fought with thoughts of death on a daily basis. He had battled death and won. In my eyes, that made him even more of a hero.

“I’m ready.”

Jayden grinned and took my hand in his. “Come on.” He introduced me to each of the patients as we exited the common area. “And this one here is Carter.” He clasped the shoulder of the big, burly patient who had lifted him earlier. “How are the voices today, big guy?”

Carter glanced at me then widened his eyes in recognition. Just like before, I saw something untamed moving just beneath his golden orbs. “Struggling a little today.”

Jayden patted him on the shoulder. “That’s too bad, buddy. You should bring it up to Polanski. She might need to adjust your dosage.”

I’ll say. I inched back from Carter. It wasn’t normal, the way he looked at me like that. What were the voices inside of his head saying? Did it have anything to do with me?

I didn’t have time to dwell on it. Jayden swept me away from Carter and introduced me to the other patients at the tournament, calling them all ‘sweetheart’ and ‘beautiful’ and ‘honey’. He asked each of them how they were doing and seemed genuinely interested in their answers. Although he never openly mentioned their sicknesses, I could tell from his questions why each patient had been admitted. By the end of the introductions, the only person’s illness that was still a mystery was his.

“Come on, beautiful.” Jayden tugged on my hand and dragged me out into the hall. He showed me the Communications Room, the common bathrooms and the art room.

“So for every activity you participate in, you get points,” he said as we walked. “You can turn these points in for privileges.”

“Like, what kind of privileges?” I already knew, but he seemed so caught up in the moment. I didn’t want to burst his bubble.

“Coffee downstairs, visitors, walks in the courtyard, stuff like that.”

There was a certain bounce in Jayden’s steps. He spoke with a sing-song quality I found soothing. He high-fived Elias as we passed in the hall, calling him ‘dude’. He did a secret handshake with another and called her ‘sunshine’. Was he always so familiar with everyone?

I noticed that besides introducing people to me, he never mentioned anyone by name, preferring instead to call them things like ‘sweetie’ or ‘buddy’. People warmed to the nicknames—and him—instantly. My mood also brightened. It was hard to be around so much warmth and not be affected by it. The man was like a cresting wave of light, and I was caught up in his wake.

“You mentioned something called Sedation Therapy,” I said after a few moments. “What’s that?”

We rounded a corner and stopped. Jayden’s smile fell and his expression turned serious. He glanced up and down the hall, then lowered his voice. “Yeah. They use Sedation Therapy when they feel you’re a danger to yourself or others.”

“What is it?”

“They fill you up with mood suppressors and tranquilizers until all of the aggression is sucked out of you.” He let out a long breath. “It feels like hell.”

“Is that what they did to Nesto?”

He pressed his lips together as some indefinable emotion crossed his features. In that moment I knew that not only did the staff put Martinez into Sedation Therapy, but sometime in the past, they had done the same to Jayden.

Jayden glanced over his shoulder. “Have you ever tried Tai Chi?”

I furrowed my brow. “No.” My mother was into all of that mystical meditation crap. Not me.

“A class should be starting right about now. They like to do the meditative stuff at the end of the day. It helps calm people.” He tugged on my arm. “Come on, it will be fun.”

“I don’t know. I’m not really the exercise type.”

He dragged his gaze down my body, making me feel warm all over. “Could have fooled me.” He tugged on my fingers. “Let’s go. We don’t want to be late.”

He dragged me down the hall toward the Tai Chi room. With each step it felt as if a new weight had been placed on my heart.

“Jayden, stop.”

He didn’t seem to hear me.

“Jayden.” I tugged on his arm until he paused and turned to face me. “I don’t want to do this.”

He frowned. “Why not?”

How could I tell him that I didn’t want to do it because my mother liked holistic healing and crystals and shit—which was the same thing as Tai Chi in my mind—and all this class was going to do was remind me of how much I had hurt her?

When I was silent, he softened his features and cupped my cheek with his palm. “If you really don’t want to do it, then we don’t have to. But believe me—you’ll be missing out. I swear, Lucy, this stuff clears the head and makes you feel amazing.” He slid his thumb across my cheek, heating my skin.

I noticed he said my name again—just as he did in my room yesterday. Knowing Jayden was someone who called everyone by silly nicknames, made the use of my real name feel so intimate, like a caress.

I wish I could just follow him into the room, but things weren’t that simple.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against my forehead. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. Promise.”

I closed my eyes and leaned into his warmth. Slowly, his strength seeped into my skin. What was it about him that made me feel as though I could face the world?

“Okay,” I whispered.

He leaned back and studied my face. “Okay…what?”

“Okay, I’ll go—but just this once.” Once, and then it would all be over. Besides, I rather doubted that the Tai Chi lessons here were the same as the aura-realigning sessions my mother went to on Thursday mornings.

“Great.” He grinned and tugged on my hand. “You won’t regret this. I swear.”

I certainly hoped not. My chest tightened as he dragged me into the Tai Chi room. Could I really go through with this? It looked like I didn’t have a choice.