Hold On

I’d barely straightened when he hooked an arm around my waist. I swallowed a yelp, noting he’d thrown back the covers, because when we hit the bed, we were in bed.

Merry tossed the covers over us, rolling so I wasn’t on top of him but we were on our sides, face-to-face. The roughness of his jeans gently scored the skin of my legs as he wound his in mine, leaned his weight in to me, his arm remaining around me, the other hand coming up to cup the back of my head.

He shoved my face in his chest.

It took a lot, but I didn’t rub it there. I wanted to, feeling him, smelling him, knowing he was there for the reasons he was, wanting to believe that what he was giving right then could be mine for eternity.

He’d made it clear he wanted me to take hold of that.

I just doubted his ability to really give it.

Not in the way I needed.

Not in the way that needed to be for Ethan and me.

I heard his head move on the pillow, then I felt his quiet words stir the top of my hair.

“Like your room.”

This surprised me.

For mental health purposes, I’d never allowed myself to consider the environs that would surround an at-home Garrett Merrick. But in that moment, I pictured lots of wood, some seascapes, a gun rack, and a very large TV.

“Don’t believe in ghosts but evidence points to the fact that the spirit of Janis Joplin puked all over your pad.”

I didn’t have a lot of room to move, but I was me, so I managed to sock him right in his tight stomach.

He emitted a soft grunt right before I heard chuckling.

I shifted so I could press my hands into his hard heat, not to push him away but to absorb the feel of him right there.

Life had not given me much, so I knew to take what it gave when it offered me a boon. Since it had offered me a boon, I was taking it. Tomorrow, I’d face the consequences.

Now…

Well, this I was taking for me.

I got the sense that Merry knew I wasn’t pushing away because he pulled me closer and leaned more of his weight into me.

I felt his hand tangle in my hair and I closed my eyes tight, taking that boon too, no matter how risky.

“You know I’m teasin’,” he whispered. “It’s cool and warm and all you.”

God, he had to stop. If he didn’t shut up, I’d start believing, and I’d believed before—twice—and except for getting Ethan, it had not lead to good things.

“I thought you said you were tired,” I noted.

“Yeah,” he murmured.

“So shut up and sleep,” I ordered.

“Cher?”

“Callin’ my name isn’t sleeping, Merry.”

“You shut up and listen for a sec, we both can get some sleep.”

I shut up.

“No matter what, no matter how things go down—in life, with you and me—no matter I piss you off, no matter anything, sweetheart, promise me you’ll never block me bein’ able to get to you again.”

My eyes flew open.

Merry went on, “I don’t think I gotta convince you that you mean somethin’ to me. What I want you to know right now is, no matter the future, that’ll never change. If I gotta know things are good with you or with Ethan, I just gotta know. In the world we live in, don’t make it hard for me to get that information, baby.”

“I unblocked you about two seconds after you left us, Merry,” I whispered.

“All right. Good. But now I’m askin’, don’t block me again.”

“I won’t block you again, honey.”

The arm he had around me gave me a squeeze.

Shit, I had to give it to him.

Shit, shit, shit, there was no choice.

“I was pissed and I had reason,” I muttered into his skin, kinda hoping he couldn’t hear me. “But you were right. Callin’ in Tanner and the way he played it was what was needed.”

I didn’t get a squeeze at that.

He kissed the top of my hair.

He said no more. He didn’t rub it in. He didn’t push things to take advantage and gain more ground.