Hard to Resist

chapter FIFTEEN



TINA CAMPEON was everything the captain had promised. She was beautiful, sweet and seemed to be a devoted mom. She was an attentive date, but not clingy.

A man would have to be in his grave a year not to find her attractive. And under other circumstances, Ethan would have counted himself lucky the captain had chosen to fix him up with his sister.

But these weren’t other circumstances. Ethan was in love with Kat, and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

Unfortunately, Tina knew nothing about Kat—and she’d made it pretty clear that she was enjoying Ethan’s company and wanted more of it. She touched him at every opportunity and smiled until his face hurt just watching her.

The captain caught up with Ethan as he went to get himself and Tina fresh cans of soda.

“So, how’s it going?” he asked anxiously.

“Uh, fine, Captain. Your sister’s very nice.”

“Are you having a good time?”

“Sure. Her kids are really cute, too.”

“I had a feeling you were a family man,” the captain said, thumping Ethan on the back so hard he almost dropped the sodas. “So, do you think you’ll ask her out?”

“I don’t know.” He couldn’t lie about this, though his answer produced an immediate scowl on the captain’s face. “I’m still on the rebound.”

“Fine. Take your time.” The captain stalked off, obviously not having gotten the answer he was looking for. Ethan knew he better watch out, or Captain Campeon would have him and Tina married off before Ethan knew what was happening. And if the romance fizzled, Ethan could look forward to years of grout and toilet scrubbing.

He returned to the table, cut up some chicken for Eva and asked Tina to tell him some stories about the beauty pageant circuit, which she seemed happy to do.

Ethan laughed often. She was really a funny, delightful woman. Maybe Tony would ask her out. She certainly deserved better than Ethan, who would never be able to focus all of his attention on her while his heart was somewhere else. Yeah, Tony was dating Daralee, the woman from the church fire, but the end of that relationship was already in sight.

“So what’s it like working for my brother?” Tina asked.

Pure hell. Fortunately, Ethan was saved from answering when the alarm went off.

He put down his knife and fork. “That’s my cue.”

“Oh, Ethan, be careful.”

“I’m always careful.” And with that he was gone, to the apparatus room to don his turnout gear.

His adrenaline surged as word came over the radio—there was a real fire, a house fire, fully involved.

So far, Kat’s apartment building was the only serious fire Ethan had fought. He realized it would be years before he would go on a call like this and not be terrified.

It took them only three minutes to reach the fire, and it was a beaut. A large frame house had smoke pouring out almost every one of its boarded-up windows. He hoped the place wasn’t occupied.

Engine 59 was the first to arrive, and Captain Campeon was right behind him driving the ladder truck. Campeon assumed command of the situation. “The structure isn’t even stable at this point,” he barked out. “Neighbors report the house was unoccupied, and the house itself probably isn’t salvageable. Our highest priority is to keep nearby structures from igniting.”

He might not be the most pleasant man in the world, but he thought fast on his feet.

Other engines arrived, but Ethan focused on his task. He and Murph McCrae, who’d finally reconciled himself to having a rookie at his elbow, were to locate the utility shutoff valves and disconnect them all.

These big, old houses sometimes had more than one cutoff, if the place had been broken up into apartments. Fortunately, Murph went right to the gas.

“You work enough fires, you get an instinct about where to look.” He stood back and let Ethan do the actual work.

Ethan had just turned the valve when he heard something—coughing, a strangled cry—coming from inside.

They’d been told the house was empty. Had he imagined the sound?

He looked at the lieutenant. Murph had heard it, too, and he was already grabbing for his radio.

“Engine Fifty-nine to Incident Command. There’s someone inside, I can hear him. Request permission to execute a primary search.”

“Engine Fifty-nine, affirmative,” came the reply.

Murph had an ax, and he used it attack the rotting plywood covering one of the windows, quickly reducing it to splinters. Smoke wafted out.

Ethan hoisted himself up onto the bottom of the window frame and tried to see in.

“I can see the guy,” Ethan said. But the smoke was getting thicker, and soon all he could make out was a pair of bare feet attached to someone who was clearly incapacitated.

Murph cursed. “Wait for me, eager beaver. I’m bigger than you.”

Ethan waited, but he called to the victim, trying to get a response.

There, he heard it again, the feeble groan. The guy was alive. Ethan dropped to his hands and knees, and Murph was soon beside him. Down low, it was clear enough to see with his flashlight. He spotted the bare feet again.

“Over here,” he said. He and Murph crawled to the victim, who appeared to be an old man who’d been squatting in the vacant house, if a pile of nasty bedding and garbage sack of aluminum cans nearby were any indication.

He was still conscious, and Ethan grasped him by the shoulders and started dragging. When the old guy yelled in protest, Ethan realized the floor was covered with burning embers. They dropped from above like hail from hell.

Ethan hoisted the man over his shoulder. It seemed the fastest way.

“Let’s get out of here,” Murph yelled. “I don’t like the looks of that—” Before he could even finish the sentence, something cracked overhead. Ethan went as fast as he could toward the window, then realized he couldn’t see it. He’d become disoriented, and standing up where the smoke was thicker, he couldn’t see a thing.

Murph grabbed his arm. “This way.”

The ceiling was about to come down. Embers had turned to burning chunks of wood and plaster.

They reached the bright light of the window, which appeared out of nowhere. Murph climbed through first, and then Ethan shoved out the old man, who was making enough noise to let them know he was still breathing and not very happy about leaving behind his stash of aluminum cans. Murph cursed as the old man kicked at him and they both fell to the ground outside. Not the prettiest rescue, but mission accomplished.

Ethan had just braced his hands against the window frame to climb out himself, when an unholy noise from above made him look up. Too late he realized he should have just dived through the hole. A four-by-four beam was heading straight for him.

That was the last conscious thought he had.

* * *

THE MOOD OF THE Fire Station 59 picnic had grown somber. The smaller kids, not realizing what was going on, still ran and shrieked, but the adults had gone quiet.

Every firefighter and paramedic on the C shift had cleared out to help fight the fire, and even some of the off-duty guys had taken off, leaving their families to wait.

By now, everybody knew it was a pretty big fire. They could see the smoke in the distance. And all Kat could think about was that Ethan was there.

What if he was hurt? What if something happened to him, and she never had the chance to tell him she loved him?

Tina Campeon sidled up to her. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Tina.”

“Kat Holiday.” Kat did her best to smile. It wasn’t Tina’s fault that she was gaga over Ethan. She probably had no way of knowing Kat had a history with her new boyfriend.

“I’m Eric Campeon’s sister,” Tina said. “What’s your connection?”

“I’m a firefighter’s roommate,” Kat said.

“You’re not married to one of them, then?”

“No.”

“I don’t know how the wives do it. I mean, I guess if you’re at home, you don’t know when the alarms go off. You don’t see them run for the trucks and ride off to risk their lives. This is kind of freaky.”

“I agree, it is.” If she and Ethan got back together, she would worry about him every time he walked out of the house to work. But even if they didn’t work things out…she still would worry. She hoped she got the chance to learn to live with it.

“At least we don’t have as many serious fires as in the past. Eric said they use safer building materials now.” Tina drummed her fingernails on the table. “But it doesn’t make this waiting any easier.”

Kat found herself liking the woman. At least they had something in common—they both had a thing for Ethan.

No one went home. Some of the smaller kids flopped down on quilts and napped in the heat, but everyone else hung around.

An hour passed, and then two, which was way too long. Some of the off-duty firefighters had gone in to listen to the radio, and whispers soon filtered back to Kat.

Someone was injured. A firefighter was down. No one seemed to know who it was, however.

A profound sense of misery descended on Kat, and somehow she knew—she just knew—that it was Ethan. And she vowed that if he came through this, when she saw him the first words out of her mouth were going to be, “I love you.”

When the engine returned, its crew grimy, stinky and exhausted from fighting the fire, Kat stayed well away from it. She didn’t want to know. But after a few minutes, Priscilla came and sat next to her, ominously silent. Her face was smudged black and she smelled of smoke.

“Pris,” Kat said, “tell me.”

“Ethan was hurt,” Priscilla finally said, the words coming out as if they’d been dragged. “We don’t know how bad. Something fell on him. They took him to the hospital. Tony’s with him. That’s all I know about his condition.”

Kat closed her eyes and let the fear wash over her, rather than fighting it. Ethan was injured. But he wasn’t dead—the news could have been worse. “Was it arson?” she asked. From hanging out with firefighters, Kat knew that the serial arsonist was never far from their minds. Everyone was wondering if or when he’d hit again.

“They think it was a squatter’s cook stove.”

“Was anyone else injured?” Kat asked.

“Just the squatter, an old man. No one knew he was there. Ethan heard him. He and Murph went inside after him and Ethan carried him out. He was almost out himself when the ceiling above him came down. He probably shouldn’t have gone in.”

“I doubt anything in the world would have stopped him,” Kat said. “Not his training, not fear. He can’t stand to see anyone in pain.”

“I know.” She paused, reflecting on something. “The engine hit a squirrel once. After we got done with the call, Ethan wanted to go back and see if the squirrel was okay.”

“Was it?”

“No, it was dead. Ethan hardly talked to anyone the rest of the day.”

Kat couldn’t help smiling through the tears. Ethan did notice the dead squirrels. He always felt a little bad for them.

“Pris, I’ve made a terrible mistake,” Kat said. “I should never have let Ethan go.”

“It’s not too late to change your mind.”

“But what if it is?”

Priscilla grew solemn at the grim reminder. “Maybe you should go to the hospital.”

* * *

ETHAN FELT AS IF someone had put an ax through his head and maybe landed a few blows on his neck and shoulders, too. He had no idea where he was or what had happened to him, but he didn’t dare move or open his eyes.

It seemed much safer to lie very still. Maybe he would drift back into the place he’d been before, the place where he didn’t hurt, where every breath wasn’t an effort.

But he couldn’t reclaim oblivion. In fact, the harder he tried, the more he became aware of various sensations—an annoying, insistent beeping coming from somewhere behind him. The smell of disinfectant. The hard surface beneath him.

And the fact he couldn’t move.

He reached the inevitable conclusion he was in a hospital. That or hell. But he preferred the more optimistic choice. He still had no idea how he’d gotten here. But he recognized a painkiller haze when he felt one. He’d been given morphine once before, when he’d had his appendix out as a teenager.

He also recognized that the haze was lifting. His thinking was becoming more clear. And the pain was getting worse. He wondered if he would have to ask to get more drugs or if they were giving them through a drip. He focused on his arm. He tried to move it.

To his surprise, the muscles responded. But the arm was restrained. And yes, he could feel the needle.

“Ethan?”

An angel. What was an angel doing here? This could be very bad news.

“Are you awake? I saw you move.”

It wasn’t an angel. It was Kat. Nothing could have motivated him more to return to the land of the living.

“Mmph.”

“Oh, Ethan, you are awake.”

“Sort of.”

“Good. Okay, just listen for a minute, because I swore that the moment you were conscious, I had to tell you something, so here it is. I love you. I guess I’ve loved you all along, but I got confused about whether I really loved you or just needed you.”

This was heaven, pain and all. Unless he was hallucinating.

“Wha—” His voice cracked, his throat dry as a drought-ravaged field. He tried again. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

Would he be asking, if he remembered?

“You went to a fire. You rescued a homeless man.”

He did? No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t recall anything about a homeless man.

“The Fourth of July picnic?”

No. He remembered getting ready for the picnic. A checkered tablecloth, a pile of uncooked meat, waiting for the grill.

“How about Tina Campeon? Remember her?”

Tina. The captain’s sister. “I don’t remember her.”

“Good. Let’s keep it that way.”

Ethan was finally brave enough to crack his eyes open. It wasn’t as bad as he’d feared. The light was low in his room or cubicle or wherever this was. And there was Kat, her face inches from his, looking more beautiful than he’d ever seen her look.

He tried for a smile. “Kat.” Had she said she loved him? Surely that was his memory playing tricks on him. He’d been clunked on the head. He couldn’t trust his mind to work properly.

“I was supposed to have a date with Tina.”

Kat sighed. “You did have a date. And I can’t lie—Tina is gorgeous, she’s very nice, she has two darling children, and you two were getting along like—”

“Like a house on fire?”

“I wasn’t going to say that.”

“I only talked to her to make the captain happy.” He winced as a spear of pain shot through him.

“Oh, Ethan, you’re hurting. I’ll get a nurse.”

“No. No, I don’t want any more drugs right now. I want to understand what happened.”

“The alarm sounded during the picnic,” Kat said patiently. She looked so cute in her little pink T-shirt. Born to Shop. Yeah, right. “You went to a burning house. A man was trapped inside—”

“Yeah, I got that part. Why are you here?”

“Because I care about you.”

“That’s not how you said it earlier.”

“Because I love you.”

Ethan closed his eyes and settled back against his pillow. He hadn’t imagined it. Everything would be okay now. He drifted off again.

The next time he awoke, the experience was far less pleasant. There was a doctor shouting questions at him, as if he were hard of hearing, and a nurse messing with his IV and changing a bandage on his head. He did learn a little more about his injuries—a severe concussion and a compressed vertebra, which explained why he was immobilized. His turnout gear—and Murph’s quick actions—had saved him from any serious burns. The doctor expected him to make a full recovery.

He still had no memory of the fire, the old man he’d dragged out of the house or even the barbecue, other than the early preparations. The doctor said he might never regain any of those memories, but that that was normal with a severe concussion.

He wondered how his date with Tina had gone. He wasn’t sure he could trust Kat’s impressions. She loved him, after all. He grinned as he recalled her obvious jealousy.

“You look pretty happy for a man in your shape,” said his nurse, who’d been entertaining him with wisecracks since she came on duty.

“I’m in love,” Ethan said. “I feel no pain.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m taken.”

“Well, my loss.”

Another female voice chimed in. “If you’re talkin’ about Kat, she’s been haunting this place like a ghost. I can fetch her, now that you’re awake.”

“Mom? What are you doing here?”

“Tony called me.”

That figured. “He shouldn’t have bothered you. I don’t like for you to worry.”

“Don’t you be tellin’ me if I can worry or not,” she scolded. “And I’d worry a lot more if I thought no one would call me when you’re hurt.” Her voice softened. “Are you okay? Need anything?” She leaned into his line of vision, and he wished she hadn’t. She looked like she’d just come off a hard night of drinking, except he knew she was a teetotaler.

“Mom, I’m okay.”

“I know, Ethan.” She smoothed the hair off his forehead. “You’re always there for everyone else. Now, I hope you’ll let others take care of you.”

“Doesn’t look like I have much choice.” He had feeling in his arms and legs, much to his relief, but he was literally tied down to the bed. “Mom, I need to see Kat, if she’s still around.” He hadn’t been at his most eloquent the first time she’d visited, but he’d do better this time.

His mom left, and a few minutes later someone else entered his cubicle. He couldn’t turn his head to see who it was, so he inhaled. Ah, yes. Kat.

“I love you, too, you know,” he said without preamble.

“Oh. Oh. Ethan, at least give me some warning.” She grasped his hand, her fingers warm and reassuring, and he did his best to squeeze back. Then she sobbed, and he didn’t know what to do.

“Kat, don’t cry. You know I can’t stand it when you cry. Aren’t we supposed to be happy?”

“It’s just that I came so close to losing you.”

“I wasn’t going to go off with Tina.”

“How do you know? You don’t remember her. Maybe you instantly fell in love with her, and the two of you were planning your elopement.”

“She’s not here, is she?” He didn’t want to face Tina, no matter how beautiful or sweet the woman was. He didn’t want to have to tell her that it wasn’t going to work out between them because he was madly in love with someone else.

“Anyway, I mean I almost lost you, literally. The fire.”

“I wasn’t hurt that bad.”

“Yeah, sure. You have to promise me you’ll stop being such a hero. You know what they’re calling you? Mr. Rescue.”

He laughed and it hurt, so he stopped. He wondered if he had broken ribs on top of his other injuries. The doctor hadn’t mentioned it, but maybe broken ribs were considered inconsequential, given everything else.

“You’ve had two big fires in your whole career, and both times you saved people’s lives. You’re making the other guys look bad.”

Ethan doubted that. He’d probably done something stupid. He was probably going to get yelled at for weeks on end—if not for getting injured, then for being a lousy date for the captain’s baby sister.

He didn’t care. Kat loved him.

“Kat, if getting injured made you realize you love me, I’ll get hurt every day of my life.”

“Bite your tongue. And that’s not what did it.”

“Then what changed your mind?”

“My mind never changed. I always loved you. I think it started the day you told me you’d given Bashira a bath. But I didn’t trust myself. I’d deluded myself once before, and it was so unfair to Chuck. I couldn’t bear the thought of repeating that mistake. You’d rescued me—literally saved my life and my daughter’s life. Of course I would have very strong feelings toward you. But how was I to know if it was real love or something else masquerading as love because I needed you?”

“So when did you figure it out?”

“At the barbecue. I realized that for the first time in years, I was safe and secure, and I didn’t need anyone to take care of me or feed me or shelter me. Yet I still felt exactly the same way toward you. I saw you with that little girl, Tina’s daughter…”

“I was with Tina’s daughter?”

“She had a tummy ache. You were carrying her around, trying to make her feel better, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. And I went straight for you. I was playing bridge with Pris and Tony and Otis—”

“Otis was playing bridge?”

“I dropped everything and made a beeline for you,” she continued, ignoring the interruption, “because I was going to tell you I loved you. And then there was Tina, and the alarm went off… And I swore that the next time I saw you, I’d tell you straight away.”

She was adorable. “If I could get out of this bed and put my arms around you right now, I would, and I’d never let you go. Ever.”

“Even if I’m a flake who doesn’t know her own mind?”

“You’re not a flake, and I love you. There’s just one problem.”

“What?”

“No, never mind, I’ll take care of it. I’ll move out.”

“What?” she said again, only more emphatically. “Why?”

“Because you have this thing about living in your boyfriend’s house. Bad example for the StrongGirls. I don’t want to break up again. So I’ll move out.”

“No! That’s ridiculous—it’s your house. Samantha and I can rent that cute bungalow across the street.”

He thought about that for a moment, thought about his house without Kat, without the whisper of her scent in every room, the sound of her humming while she cooked, without Samantha’s laughter. It wasn’t a pleasant picture.

But how could he stop her? The answer came to him immediately, and it made perfect sense. “I have a better idea. Why don’t we just get married?”

Silence. Ominous silence. He’d blown it. Wasn’t that just like him? He finally got Kat to admit she loved him, but that wasn’t good enough. He had to push.

“Kat, forget I said anything.”

“Forget it?” Her voice came out a squeak. “You’re taking it back?”

“You didn’t respond.”

“Because I was so overcome. Because Samantha will be delirious. I’m not a StrongGirl, after all. Look at me—I’m a mess.”

“I can’t look at you. I can’t turn my head.”

“Good. My nose is probably all red, and my eyes are puffing up.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”