Hard to Resist

chapter FOURTEEN



ETHAN SAT OUT ON the deck with the newspaper, keeping an eye on Samantha as she practiced her first karate form. Kat had signed her up for martial-arts classes at the rec center—something to balance out the Barbie obsession.

Samantha’s focus was intense for a seven-year-old. When she got halfway through and forgot which way to kick, she stopped, and he could see her mentally reviewing the sequence of movements before starting again.

She reminded him so much of Kat, his heart ached. Would she grow up as tough on herself as Kat was? Would she learn from her mother to be strong and independent? She already showed signs of Kat’s stubbornness and her compassion. Someday, would Samantha put some guy through the ringer because he loved her too much? Because he wanted to fix her life when it didn’t truly need fixing?

He heard the back door open and turned to see Kat standing there, a dazed look on her face.

“Everything okay?” Ethan asked. “You look kind of funny.”

Wordlessly she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a blue piece of paper, which she handed to Ethan.

It was a check. Ethan unfolded it. It was made out to StrongGirls, Inc., and it had a lot of zeroes on it.

“Those are gonna be some nice books.”

“And that’s just for starters, a stopgap measure to take some of the pressure off, while Mr. Breckenridge gets the paperwork started. He’s going to give me office space and support staff. And he’s going to pay for everything. Everything on my wish list and stuff I hadn’t even thought to wish for. And he’s giving me a salary. A huge one. I mean, ridiculous. But he said if I’m to put all my energy into growing the StrongGirl program, I don’t need to be worrying about how to buy groceries or new shoes for Samantha.”

Ethan looked at the check again. He’d never seen one that big before. “Can you really cash this thing?”

“I’m almost afraid to try. What if it’s all a cruel joke? I feel like I’ve won the lottery or something.” And then she burst into tears.

“Kat. Oh, honey, don’t cry.” He couldn’t help it. He went to her and put his arms around her. Boy, how he’d missed this, the feel of her, the smell of her perfume.

“It’s okay,” she said, her voice muffled against his chest. “They’re good tears. I’m relieved, I’m grateful, I’m…overwhelmed.”

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

Ethan had forgotten about Samantha. She stood at the edge of the deck, watching her mother falling apart, her eyes big with fear and worry.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Ethan said. “For a change, everything’s going right.”

Well, not everything. Kat pulled away, embarrassed, wiping tears and streaked mascara from her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I got mascara on your shirt.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Moooo-om,” Samantha said, drawing the single syllable out to about four. “What happened?”

“You’re looking at the new executive director of StrongGirls, Inc.”

“Huh? What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t have to wait for granola bars to go on sale!”

“This calls for a real celebration,” Ethan said. “Like a party. It’s not every day a bazillionaire philanthropist hands you a huge check.”

“I can’t have a party,” Kat said, looking suddenly panic-stricken. “I have so much work to do. I have to redo all my budgets and pick out office furniture—I have to hire an assistant. I have to go shopping.” She walked back into the house, muttering to herself about everything she had to do, Ethan and Samantha forgotten.

Samantha gave Ethan a puzzled look. “What’s a philanthor—philander— That word you said.”

“Philanthropist. It’s a person with a lot of money who wants to give it away to good causes. Mr. Breckenridge is that kind of man, and he’s decided StrongGirls is a good cause.”

“So he’s giving us money?”

“A lot of money.”

* * *

KAT WAS ALMOST ready for work one day, a week later, when Samantha came bounding into her room holding a fistful of red, white and blue ribbons. “Can you help me put these in my hair?”

“Of course. But we’ll have to hurry. I have to meet the Sunset StrongGirls and I need to get you over to your grandmother’s.”

Samantha gave her a funny look. “You’re doing StrongGirls on the Fourth of July?”

Kat’s mind, which had jumped ahead to the fifth task she had planned for the day, came to a screeching halt. “July fourth? Today?” She looked at the calendar from the tire shop she’d stuck up on her wall. Sure enough, it wasn’t just a weekday. She sank onto her bed. “I forgot all about it.”

“Mom, how could you forget? Today’s the barbecue.”

Oh, right. Fire Station 59 was hosting a barbecue for all the firefighters and their families. Though Kat and Samantha weren’t exactly anybody’s family, Priscilla, Tony and Jasmine had insisted they come.

“We’re counting on you to bring your famous brownies,” Tony had said the week before, when they’d talked about it.

“Samantha, you can go,” Kat had agreed at the time. “But I’ve got so much work to do. I think I’ll take advantage of the quiet house and work on my curriculum guides.”

She wasn’t sure, but she thought Ethan looked relieved that she’d decided not to attend the barbecue herself.

Now, Samantha wiggled so much that Kat had a hard time braiding the ribbons into her hair, but at last the task was finished.

“Mom, won’t you come to the barbecue?” Samantha wheedled. “You’re always working.”

“I know, but—”

“Mother-daughter time,” Samantha said.

Kat groaned. Her little girl sure knew which buttons to push. “I’ll go for a little while, okay?” She’d pay her respects to the guys, make sure Samantha was having fun, then sneak back home.

Kat was happy to change into a pair of denim shorts and a pink T-shirt that said Born to Shop, which she’d thought funny when she bought it because it was so not her.

It felt good to shed her professional persona, and she vowed not to think about StrongGirls for at least a couple of hours and focus on being a good mom and a good friend to the people who had taken care of her and protected her during her time of need. The past week, she’d been a woman obsessed, wanting to do everything at once. She wanted to show Mr. Breckenridge that his faith in her was not misplaced, that she was going to do everything she had promised to do and more, that she was going to do great, incredible things with the money he was giving her.

She’d talked to him on the phone seven times that first day, and then promised she would stop calling him as it gradually sank in that he really was giving her the money with no strings—totally trusting her to spend it wisely. And during their last conversation, he had admonished her to relax and have a nice holiday.

She couldn’t imagine how she’d forgotten. But now she was determined to have a good time.

Kat had brownies to bake. She’d promised. Her brownies weren’t anything special, made from a box, but somehow she’d gotten this reputation for making spectacular brownies. Even Priscilla, whose high-society mother was a renowned baker, had asked her for the recipe. If they only knew.

Kat and Sam set off for the fire station on foot, but they detoured to a convenience store to buy a couple of gallons of ice cream. For the first time in a very long time, Kat didn’t have to calculate the cost of everything and anguish over whether she could fit it into the budget. She just bought it.

Samantha was quivering with impatience, annoyed to miss even one minute of the party.

“You know,” Kat said as they headed back out into the heat, leaving the cool shelter of the convenience store behind, “the last time we went to the fire station, you were scared to death. You wouldn’t talk to any of the firefighters. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Was I really?” Samantha asked. “I don’t remember.”

“Right after the fire. Remember how Ethan took you out back to show you Daisy’s puppies?”

Samantha thought about it. “Oh, yeah. The puppies were a lot smaller.” And that was all she had to say about it. As they arrived at the door and a smiling man in a Dallas Fire and Rescue T-shirt welcomed them, Samantha showed not the slightest signs of insecurity.

“Well, look who’s here,” said Captain Campeon, who was officially greeting everyone as they came in. He seemed not one bit more relaxed than he had the first time Kat had seen him, his smile worn uncomfortably, as if he had to force himself to pretend to like having all these strangers wandering the fire station. He directed them through the station to the back door, where both Priscilla and Tony greeted them.

“Kat,” Tony said, “we didn’t think you were coming.”

“Samantha twisted my arm. It’s okay, isn’t it?” she asked uncertainly. Maybe she wasn’t welcome, after all. Maybe the invitation had been only a token one.

“Of course, you’re welcome!” Tony said, showing a bit too much enthusiasm. Priscilla escorted Samantha outside to where someone was making balloon animals, but Tony all but blocked Kat’s way. “Are those your brownies?”

“Yup. Still warm from the oven.”

“Let’s take them back to the kitchen and slice them,” he said, taking her by the elbow and physically turning her around. “I don’t think we have a knife outside.”

Tony spent a ridiculous amount of time cutting up the brownies, claiming he wanted to get each square the same size so no one would feel slighted.

“Tony, I never noticed this perfectionist streak in you before.”

“There. Done.”

“Finally. Knowing you guys, if I don’t get out back soon, all the barbecue will be gone.”

“Not much chance of that. Jerry’s parents own Wilson Meats, and they donated, like, fifty pounds of brats and chicken and ribs.”

As they left the kitchen, Priscilla appeared again. She shrugged at Tony, who rolled his eyes.

What was going on with those two? Was it possible… Could they be…? Nah. If any chemistry existed between Priscilla and Tony, they’d kept it well hidden.

The fenced yard behind the fire station was seething with activity. There was a moonwalk for the kids. Daisy and her two remaining puppies were darting among the guests, a line of children chasing them. Several picnic tables had been added to the original one and covered with a red-checked oilcloth, and it was topped with enough food to feed the Dallas Cowboys for a week.

There was, indeed, a man making balloon animals. Kat recognized him as one of the firefighters she’d seen when she brought her first batch of brownies to the station.

Two teenage girls were off in a corner of the yard, hunkered down and exchanging confidences. They’d probably been dragged here against their will and thought the whole thing supremely uncool.

Kat was automatically drawn to them. In every teenage girl she saw a bit of herself—wanting to be grown-up, scared of adulthood, stretching for freedom, then shrinking back, longing for security that didn’t exist in her home. She wanted to grab every teenage girl she saw and enroll her in StrongGirls. If someone had taken her in hand when she was fourteen or fifteen and given her some advice, her life would have been a lot different.

She started to drift toward the girls, but a hand on her arm stopped her.

Ethan.

“Hey, no work today. This is a holiday.”

Oh, he looked good. His face was tanned from all the yardwork he’d been doing, his hair bleached out by the sun.

She wished he wouldn’t touch her. The feel of his hand, even during an innocent moment like this, made her blood sizzle.

“I can’t help it,” she said. “Look at those girls. They’re miserable, all alienated and angry. They need me.”

“Aren’t all teenage girls like that?”

“Not my StrongGirls. Maybe those girls need a job to do. Could we get them to organize some games for the younger kids?”

“Your funeral, if you want to ask them. Me, all that hormonal angst scares me to death.”

“Let’s just see what I can do.” And she marched over to the girls, who eyed her with overt suspicion.

She plopped down on the grass next to them. “Hi, I’m Kat. What are your names?”

“Libby,” came one sullen answer.

“Erin,” came another.

“Y’all look kinda bored.”

“Duh.”

“This party is so lame, but my dad said I had to go.”

“Mine, too.”

“I was wondering if you girls might help me. All the younger kids are running wild, and they need a little adult supervision. Some games or something. Think you could organize a game of Mother, May I or Red Light, Green Light?”

The girls looked at each other. “I don’t know how to play either of those games,” said Erin.

Libby looked at her friend in stark disbelief. “You’re kidding. You never played Mother, May I?”

Erin shook her head.

“It’s easy,” Libby said, her sudden enthusiasm chasing the sullenness from her face. “Come on, I’ll show you.” The girls jumped up, and Kat followed, helping them gather up the smaller kids and explaining that Erin and Libby were their new play leaders.

“I can’t believe you did that,” said Ethan, suddenly reappearing. He had a little girl who was about five in his arms. The big-eyed girl had a face damp from a recent bout of tears.

“It was actually easier than I thought it would be. Who’s your friend?”

“This is Eva. She’s Captain Campeon’s niece. Eva, this is Kat.”

“Hi, Eva. Do you want to play Mother, May I with the other kids? It’s easy.”

Eva said nothing.

“Eva has a tummy ache,” Ethan said. “We’re just hanging out.”

Priscilla approached, looking anxious. “Kat, I’m teaching some of the guys to play bridge and we need a fourth.”

“Bridge?”

“I’ve been threatening for weeks.”

“Uh, okay.”

“Yell if you need rescuing,” Ethan whispered in her ear as Priscilla dragged her away.

Tony and Otis, whom Kat had gotten to know at the lake party, looked like unlikely bridge players. They sat across from each other at a card table, pondering their hands.

“Two hearts,” said Otis.

“Three spades,” Tony shot back.

“Oh, yeah? Five hearts.”

“Six spades!”

“Seven hearts!”

“Guys, guys. Chill.” Priscilla looked at Otis’s hand. “You don’t even have enough points to bid anything, much less a slam. Anyway, you two are partners. Let’s start over.”

“What’s the use?” said Otis. “You’re gonna beat us at this, too. Never seen anyone so lucky at cards.”

Priscilla gathered up all the cards of the dog-eared deck and shuffled. “You know what they say. Lucky at cards, unlucky at love.”

Otis puffed out his barrel chest. “Well, then, I oughtta be real unlucky at cards.”

Kat listened to Priscilla’s instructions with half an ear, her gaze wandering back to Ethan, who toted Eva around, carrying on a conversation with her. He grabbed a potato chip from a bag as he passed the picnic table, traded barbs with one of his coworkers and endured a good-natured punch on the shoulder.

Eventually, he put Eva down, and the child toddled off to join the games Libby and Erin were organizing. He joined two men presiding over the grill, engaging them in a heartfelt discussion about how to tell when a bratwurst was done.

A tightness built in Kat’s chest, until it felt like a ball of raw nerves spinning where her heart was supposed to be, and then a warmth from her chest spread throughout her body, down her legs and arms and up into her face until she was sure it radiated out her ears.

“Kat?” Tony said.

“She must have some awesome cards,” Otis said, “if that silly grin on her face is any indication.”

Priscilla turned to see what Kat was looking at, and when she turned back, she had a knowing look on her face.

Kat was so stunned, she could barely think.

She loved Ethan. There was no doubt.

For the first time in years she and her child were safe, with no money worries. She didn’t need anyone to help her with anything. She certainly didn’t need Ethan to be her white knight. There was a lovely little bungalow for rent across the street from Ethan’s house. Kat had already talked with the rental agent, and it was well within her budget. She could move there tomorrow, if she wanted.

And yet, her feelings for Ethan hadn’t diminished at all. In fact, they were stronger than ever. How could any woman not love him? He loved kids and animals, knew how to cook, and his working life was spent saving lives and property.

She’d thought she loved Chuck. He was a good man, too, and when he offered her an escape from poverty and a future on the street, she’d jumped at the chance. He’d asked her if she loved him, and she’d said yes—even though she didn’t, not quite. She’d told herself over and over that love would grow, that she couldn’t expect fireworks like the ones in the movies, that that was fantasy and this was reality.

She’d been grateful to Chuck.

But the moment she’d realized she was finally secure, that she wouldn’t ever again have to sleep in a homeless shelter, she also realized she didn’t love Chuck and that she never would.

She loved Ethan, however, with a pure, white-hot intensity that was almost frightening. And she’d been completely stupid for breaking up with him. What had she been thinking?

“Kat, are you going to bid or not?” Priscilla asked, almost desperately. She’d been trying to distract Kat from Ethan ever since she’d arrived at the barbecue. Tony had, too, she realized, perhaps in an effort to save Ethan from any more heartache she might have in mind to dish out.

“I’m sorry, you’ll have to excuse me.” She was going to tell him, right now, how she felt. She was going to tell him how sorry she was for breaking things off with him. She was going to confess to being a complete idiot, and throw herself on his mercy.

She put her cards down and stood, and Tony and Otis took that as a signal that they could escape Priscilla’s bridge lesson, too.

“Aw, come on, you guys, we were just getting started.”

Kat extracted herself from the picnic table and headed for Ethan. He was way across the yard, which was so crowded by now that it wasn’t a quick journey.

Priscilla was right behind her. “What are you doing?” she asked in a loud whisper.

“What I should have done a long time ago. I’m going to tell Ethan how I feel about him.”

“Uh, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea right now.”

“Why not?”

But then Kat saw why not. An absolutely gorgeous Latina woman approached Ethan, and they started chatting in a friendly way.

Kat froze in her tracks, almost stumbling.

“Priscilla, who is she?”

“Tina Campeon. She’s the captain’s younger sister.”

“Are they… She and Ethan…” What if Kat was too late?

“No, they’re not,” Priscilla said firmly. “They only just met today. And I can safely say Ethan has no interest in her beyond being friends. But the captain is trying to play matchmaker.”

Okay, she got it. It wouldn’t be cool to barge in on the captain’s setup and throw herself at Ethan. But the first time she managed to get him alone…