Hard to Resist

chapter NINE



“HOW MUCH IS IT going to cost?” Kat asked her regular mechanic, thinking she hadn’t heard right.

“Twelve hundred, give or take,” said the mechanic, repeating what he’d already told her once, disregarding the note of panic in her voice. “You got a cracked head gasket, and your cam and crank sensors have been damaged, too.”

She had not a clue what all that meant.

She’d started out that morning feeling pretty optimistic about how the week had gone. The company that handled her renters’ insurance had finally come through with a check. She’d thought, since she’d lost everything, she would get the full amount of her policy. But no, there were loopholes. Still, the check was enough to let her pay off a good chunk of her credit-card balance and sock away a few hundred for emergencies.

Samantha was doing better. Her teacher reported that she was back to her usual self. She’d been helping Ethan take care of Winnie, and the two of them had walked the pup down the block and back. Jasmine had taken Sam under her wing, too, and the two girls had played together several times.

Kat had new StrongGirls groups forming for the summer, and she’d hired two wonderful new counselors. The Dallas Morning News had run a small article on Kat, and as a result she had several schools calling to get more information.

And then there was Ethan. He’d been terrific, seemingly happy to spend time with Kat, though her daughter had constantly been their chaperone. He’d bought and installed a large window-unit air conditioner, which she hadn’t yet turned on because they’d been treated to a rare May cool spell. But other than that, he’d not tried to give her anything, help her with anything or in any way tried to tell her how to live her life.

She’d been on her way to an appointment with a school principal at Woodrow Wilson High that afternoon, singing to the radio. Then her car had started to make the most god-awful racket, clattering and smoking. She managed to get it off the freeway and coast to a stop on the service road, before she’d called the auto club.

Twelve hundred dollars. Could that be right? But she had no reason to doubt the mechanic, known as Mr. Bill, who’d been taking care of her little car for two years. He knew it inside and out and he was honest, if not terribly fast.

“You oughtta just get a new car,” Mr. Bill said. “I could sell you that sweet little Mustang over there for forty-five hundred.”

“Mr. Bill, if I had forty-five hundred, I wouldn’t be sweating the twelve hundred for the repairs! But never mind. Just fix my car—I’ll have the money for you.” Even if she had to run up her credit card. Again.

He required a down payment, so she drained her checking account.

What was she supposed to do for groceries? A couple of days ago she’d deposited her insurance settlement check and her paycheck, but they wouldn’t clear until Monday at the earliest.

Mr. Bill loaned her a clunker—an ancient station wagon in a peculiar shade of green—to use until her car was fixed. She had to doubt her mechanic’s abilities as she drove away from the garage. Her loaner sounded as if it might have hamsters in the engine, running on little wheels.

She’d rescheduled her afternoon appointment, but still she was almost late picking up Samantha from after-school care.

“Whose car is this?” Sam asked as she climbed in and fussed with the seat belt.

“Ours is in the shop. This is a loaner.” She didn’t want to dwell on that, however. “So how was your last day of school?” Kat asked, forcing some enthusiasm into her voice.

“It was good. We had a party with cupcakes, and I’m officially a second-grader. We played Red Rover and I didn’t have to use my inhaler even once.”

The good news cheered Kat considerably. “That’s great, Sammy. Maybe you’re outgrowing your asthma. Wouldn’t that be nice?” Kat could only hope. “I’m very proud of you for graduating from first grade.”

“Me, too. So that’s my good thing. What’s yours?”

Oh, boy. Kat usually had an answer ready, but today she was unprepared. “Mmm, let me think about it for a minute. Oh, okay, I know. I made every light on Jefferson.”

Samantha laughed. “You can’t do better than that?”

“Okay. I’ll try harder.” She thought a minute. “I know. I have a new StrongGirls group forming at Woodrow Wilson High.”

“You used that one yesterday.”

“I did?” She thought some more. Surely something good happened. She’d been in a good mood before her car had broken down. “Oh, oh, I really have it this time. I got a phone call from the mother of one of the StrongGirls. She wanted to thank me because for the first time in three years, her daughter had passed all her classes and doesn’t have to go to summer school.”

“That’s real good,” Samantha said. “Mommy, I’m proud of you.”

“Me, too.” She reached over and squeezed Samantha’s hand.

“So, what are we having for dinner tonight?”

Yikes. A trip to the grocery store was out of the question until Monday. She had some odds and ends, and they could get by, but she’d been planning to fix a nice meal.

Sam cocked her head quizzically. “Does this mean we can have frozen waffles again for dinner?”

She couldn’t do that to her growing daughter, not again. She could put her groceries on Visa, but she hated to do that.

“How about Everything Stew?” she suggested.

Sam wrinkled her nose. “It turned out kinda weird last time we made that.”

“But that’s the fun of Everything Stew. It turns out different every time.” She’d learned about Everything Stew from one of the foster families she’d stayed with briefly. When you had people to feed and not enough of any one thing to make a meal, you put it all together in one pot. As long as she had some canned broth to start with—and she did—it usually turned out pretty good. Except for the most recent batch. The eggplant had been a mistake.

“Okay,” Samantha agreed. “Can we put waffles in it this time?”

Hmm, waffle dumplings. Might not be as bad as it sounded.

Samantha giggled. “Ick, Mommy, I’m just kidding.”

“Oh.” Phew. She was glad to see Samantha recovering her sense of humor.

When they pulled into the driveway, they found Ethan trimming bushes in the front yard. Winnie was tethered to the porch railing. As little as she was, she still had a tendency to wander off.

Samantha barreled out of the station wagon and ran toward Ethan, then skidded to a halt just before ramming into him. They weren’t yet at the hugging stage. Sam had never been quick to trust new people and she wasn’t a natural hugger. But Kat hadn’t started out in life a hugger, either. Instead, Samantha dropped down to pet Winnie.

“Ethan, guess what?”

It hadn’t escaped Kat’s attention that her daughter had started referring to Ethan by his first name, instead of Mr. Basque. She supposed that was okay. He’d probably told her to do it.

“Hey, Sam!” he greeted her. “Wait, let me guess. Today’s your last day of school?”

“Well, yeah, but that’s not what I was gonna say.”

“Then what?”

“Mom and me are making Everything Stew.”

“Everything Stew? I never heard of that.”

“It’s easy. You just throw in a little of whatever you can find. Except not eggplant. And not waffles.”

Kat was getting more embarrassed by the minute. She’d just as soon Ethan didn’t know about her pathetic excuse for dinner plans.

Ethan put down his tools, straightened, and walked up to Kat, who had opened the back door of her clunker to retrieve her briefcase and purse.

“Where’d this car come from?”

“Oh, well, I had a little car trouble today. This is a loaner.”

“Why didn’t you call me? I was home, I could have come to get you. And you could borrow my car. I’m sure it’s safer than this thing.”

“Hey, don’t insult my wheels,” she said, trying to keep the mood light. “It’s safe. My mechanic is a good guy. He wouldn’t loan me a car that wasn’t safe.”

“Does it have airbags?”

“No, but my car doesn’t have them, either. That’s why we wear seat belts.” She waited, wondering if he would challenge her further, insist she do better. But he didn’t. He must have been biting his lip, but he didn’t pursue the argument, and she wanted to hug him for it. Chuck, bless his heart, would never have shown such restraint.

Maybe there was hope yet.

“C’mon, Sam,” she said, “let’s go see Bashira and get our dinner started.”

“Are you really going to fix Everything Stew?” Ethan asked.

“We are,” Kat said emphatically. “Would you like to join us?” Please say no.

“Actually, the guys next door are having a cookout. Jasmine is here, and she’s staying the next two weeks. They’re celebrating school letting out.”

“Oh. Well, have fun. It sounds like a good time.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I wasn’t telling you so you could send me off with your good wishes. You’re invited, too.”

“Can we, Mommy?”

Kat had to admit, the prospect sounded better than Everything Stew. Her mouth watered at the thought of grilled hamburgers. But she wondered whether Tony had really invited them, or if Ethan just assumed they would be welcome.

“All right, that would be really nice.”

“Things’ll get started about six. We can walk over together.”

* * *

WHEN THEY ARRIVED at Tony and Priscilla’s house a little after six, Jasmine answered the door. “The party’s out back on the deck,” she said brightly. “Hey, Samantha, want to see my new Barbie?”

Sam nodded in mute adoration, and the two girls rushed off to Jasmine’s room.

“I’m glad they’re getting along so well,” Ethan said.

“Me, too. In our old building, there weren’t any children even close to Sam’s age.”

They wandered through the apartment, to the kitchen and out the back door to a gorgeous two-level deck, where a partylike atmosphere prevailed. The Gypsy Kings blared from a boom box. Tony presided over the grill, where hamburgers and hot dogs sent out mouth-watering smells. Priscilla was there, too, lounging in a hammock. Another couple whom Kat had never met were laying out the buns and condiments on a picnic table. Ethan, who’d brought Winnie with him, turned her loose in the backyard to play with another little spotted dog, undoubtedly one of her litter mates.

Kat felt a little bit like a gate-crasher, until Tony put down his spatula to give her a bear hug. “I’m glad you could come.”

“Thanks for including us. I brought brownies.” She hadn’t wanted to show up empty-handed, so she’d thrown together a batch of brownies from a box. They’d gone over pretty well the last time she’d served them, at the fire station.

Ethan introduced her to the other couple, who were Jasmine’s mother, Natalie, and her stepfather, Paolo. Kat thought it a bit strange that Tony socialized with his ex and her husband. Kat and Chuck got along pretty well—better than most divorced couples—but she would have found it awkward to attend a dinner at his house. She found the lack of tension refreshing.

A few minutes later, Ethan’s mom arrived with a macaroni salad and a big smile for Kat. “Are you getting settled into your new place okay?” she asked. “Do you need anything?”

“We’re doing well and I can’t think of a thing we need, but thanks for asking.”

Gloria elbowed Ethan. “She’s so polite. Did you know she sent me a thank-you note?”

Tony laughed. “She sent me one, too.”

“Me, too,” said Priscilla.

“Well, it was just so nice,” Gloria said. “Your mama must have raised you right.”

Oh, if she only knew. Chuck’s mother was the one who’d taught her how to write a thank-you note. Her mother-in-law had been very kind to the socially awkward waif her son had married.

Despite the party atmosphere, Kat was subdued during dinner. Maybe it was just the end of a long week. But she kept thinking about the Everything Stew and what Ethan must think of her, resorting to feeding her daughter something that sounded so unappealing. The stew really turned out pretty good most of the time, and it was one way to get Sam to eat her vegetables. But Ethan didn’t know that. Once again, Kat had given Ethan the impression she couldn’t take care of herself.

And maybe she couldn’t. Right now her budget was stretched to the limit, and the unanticipated car repair was a blow. Chuck had offered to take Samantha for the summer, to save Kat the cost of da care. Brenda was home with the new baby, anyway. But Kat had declined the offer. Brenda had enough stress with a baby, and Sam was just now getting used to her new living arrangements.

Was that the right decision? Chuck wasn’t wealthy, but he earned a decent amount as a pharmaceutical sales rep. She’d be willing to bet Chuck and Brenda never ate Everything Stew.

“You’re quiet tonight,” Ethan commented after dinner. The others had gathered in the den to watch a new reality show, but Ethan and Kat remained outside in the hammock, enjoying the breeze. Summer was around the corner, and soon cool evenings would be but a memory.

“I’m okay,” Kat said, not wanting Ethan to worry. “This yard is really nice.” Tall pecan trees gave the space an air of seclusion, providing a thick green canopy that was highlighted with a few landscape lights. The lawn was thick and lush, with a winding stone path and a birdbath at the end of it.

“Tony’s been working on it. You know, before, he always lived in big, generic apartment complexes and he never cared about grass or trees. But the second he moved in here, he went crazy. It was a jungle back here when he started a few weeks ago.”

“How long have you guys known each other?”

Ethan smiled fondly. “Since we were ten. I jumped in to ‘save’ him when he was getting beat up by a gang of big kids, and I ended up getting beat up myself. We’ve been best friends ever since.”

Somehow, the story didn’t surprise Kat. Ethan had probably been rescuing people since he could walk.

“So what happened to your car?” he asked. “You weren’t in an accident, were you?”

“No. It’s an engine problem.”

“You could have let me take a look at it. Between us, Tony and I are pretty good with cars.”

“Can you fix a cracked head gasket?”

“Oh.” He let that sink in. “That’s bad. It’s gonna cost a fortune. Why don’t you let me—”

“No, Ethan, I can manage. I’m not destitute.”

“You can’t buy groceries. How’re you gonna pay for a cracked head gasket?”

“I have money,” she said, a bit hotly. “I deposited two checks this week, but they haven’t cleared yet—that’s all.”

“How are you going to eat the rest of the weekend? And please don’t say Everything Stew. It bothers me, just thinking about it.”

If she were honest, it bothered her, too. She’d been so relieved to have a hamburger instead. But what about tomorrow? She had tuna fish, but no mayonnaise. Macaroni, but no cheese. Peanut butter, but no jelly.

Her face grew hot and her eyes smarted. She was a StrongGirl. This was a short-term problem, and everything would be fine on Monday. But the tears came, anyway.

“Oh, Kat.” Ethan enfolded her in his arms. “You don’t have to cry. You can come over and eat at my place, or you can raid my pantry—or we can go out.”

“I hate this,” she said as she pulled herself together. “I shouldn’t fall apart just because I’ve had a long, hard day.” She tried to pull away, but he continued to hold her close.

“Kat, honey, you can fall apart on me anytime.”

“No.” She tried, again, to put some physical distance between them and almost fell out of the hammock. “I’m grateful for all your help. You’re the most generous man I’ve ever met. But I don’t want our relationship to be that way. I don’t want to always be the one who needs help, who needs comforting. I know you think I’m a nut about this, but this has to be a two-way street.”

“I’m willing to make it whatever kind of street you want.”

She sighed. “It’s impossible.” She pushed herself up and out of the hammock and crossed the deck. One of the puppies chased her feet, attacking her shoelaces.

“It’s challenging,” he corrected her, coming up from behind and whispering in her ear. “But not impossible. You’re worth the effort.”

Kat tried stepping away from Ethan again, but she was right at the deck railing. “Maybe this isn’t the best time for me to get involved with someone. A couple of weeks ago I said I needed to take things slowly, but maybe we should cool things altogether until I’m in a better place. It’s hard for me to devote time to a relationship, when I’m still in survival mode.”

“So you want to wait until your life calms down?”

Did she?

“Kat, no one’s life really calms down. You always think it’s going to, but it doesn’t. And you keep putting plans off—that dream vacation, taking up a hobby, having a relationship—until pretty soon you’re old and you haven’t done any of the things you wanted to do. If you keep putting your life off until tomorrow, pretty soon you’ve got nothing but a whole pile of dreams you always wanted to realize, but didn’t.”

He was right. Should she shy away from a good man because the relationship was challenging? That seemed stupid.

Resigning herself, she leaned back against him. “You’re too smart for me.”

“Nah, I’m just irresistible.”

The back door opened, and Jasmine and Samantha bounded out onto the deck hand-in-hand. Jasmine, with her long, coltish legs, was head and shoulders taller than Samantha, but the younger girl kept pace.

“Ms. Holiday,” Jasmine said in her most polite voice, “can Samantha sleep over?”

Kat felt a momentary panic. Samantha had never managed a sleepover before. The one time she’d tried it, she’d been in tears at ten and had wanted to come home. But that had been last fall, and Sam had matured some since then.

Kat tried to gauge whether her daughter was in favor of this plan—or whether it was all Jasmine.

“Please, Mom?” Samantha said, answering that question. “I can go get my toothbrush and come right back.”

“She doesn’t even have to do that,” Jasmine said. “My dad always keeps extra toothbrushes around. And she can borrow a nightgown from me. My dad says it’s okay.”

“C’mon, Mom,” Ethan said. “Don’t be a wet blanket.”

Kat cast him a withering look that told him she didn’t like her maternal authority being usurped. “Okay,” she said, with misgivings, and both girls cheered. “But, Samantha, I need a word with you.”

Samantha looked a little wary, but she took Kat’s hand and allowed herself to be led to the other side of the deck. They sat on a built-in wood bench.

“You sure about this?” Kat asked.

Samantha nodded enthusiastically. “Jasmine has the best collection of Barbies I ever saw. And she’s nice to me. Most of the girls at school won’t even talk to first-graders. She said she always wanted a sister.”

“That’s very sweet of her. You’ll be extraspecial good?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“You called me Mom, a minute ago, instead of Mommy,” Kat said. “What’s up with that?”

“Jasmine calls her mother Mom. Only babies say Mommy. I want to call you Mom.”

Her little girl was growing up. Kat wanted to scream no, no, no! “Okay. You are getting very grown up.”

She sent Samantha on her way, and the two friends ran back into the house giggling.

“It’s good to hear her laughing again,” she said to Ethan. “When I was a kid, I never did sleepovers.”

“Why not?”

She shrugged. “No one asked me. And I sure wasn’t going to ask someone over to my place.”

“Since Sam is with Jasmine, maybe we can do something together,” Ethan said.

Kat looked a bit startled by Ethan’s proposition. Even though she had to have known it was coming. He’d made his intentions abundantly clear, but he was still wary of moving too fast and scaring her away. No matter how impatient he was to take things further with her, he didn’t want to go where she wasn’t ready to go.

“We could just watch a movie or something. Preferably one that doesn’t involve animated woodland animals.”

Finally, he got a laugh out of her. “I guess our dates have been pretty kid-centered so far.”

She took his hand. “Maybe we can pretend, for the evening, that I’m not psycho.”

He clasped his hands at the back of her neck and leaned down until their foreheads touched. “You’re not psycho. You’re going through some adjustments, that’s all. You’ll come out on the other side and you’ll be just fine.”

“That’s the thing, though, Ethan. Maybe I am going through some adjustments, but I was confused about men before the fire. I’m confused about when it’s okay to lean on a man, when it’s okay to let myself be taken care of, and when it’s not. Where’s the line that I shouldn’t cross, if I don’t want to be weak and whiny and clingy?”

“Trust me, you’re not any of those things. I’ve never seen anyone so determined to handle everything by herself. But didn’t you tell me that you teach the StrongGirls teamwork?”

“Well, yeah, I do.”

“So how about we’re a team? And we work together on things. We help each other.”

“What could you possibly need help with?”

“Well, now that you mention it—I’m into my paramedic training and, frankly, it’s killing me. Book learning isn’t my greatest strength. But you’re smart. You have a master’s degree. You could help me study.”

Kat was taken with the idea. “I would love to help you study. But you aren’t just making this up so I’ll feel useful, are you?”

He smiled. “Would I do that?”