I wanted to go with him more than anything, but I was terrified.
“I’m afraid you’ll hurt me again,” I whispered. And then I let the tears fall. The tears I was determined not to cry. I let him see how fragile I really was.
“Cadence Miller,” Mr. Connelly said. He took my hand and held it gently. “You have all the reason in the world to hate my guts and walk away. But I’m asking you right now, please don’t walk away. Come with me. Let me show you how much I love you. How much I’ve always loved you. Let me apologize. And I swear, I’ll make it up to you forever. Just come with me.”
I took a deep breath.
“Come with me,” he urged.
I hesitated for a moment, thumbs poised over my phone screen before I sent a short text to Tate. I told him I had a girl emergency with my friend, Avery. I couldn’t tell him I was going home. He might call the house phone to see if I made it home safely. I dropped my cell in my bag and looked at Mr. Connelly.
I nodded.
He leaned over and kissed my cheek. I didn’t pull away when he took my hand and led me out of the theatre. Thank God we never ran into Tate. I didn’t think about the other people there watching us.
***
I had to wait outside his apartment while he “took care” of a couple of things. When he finally opened the door, he instructed me to close my eyes, leading me in carefully so I wouldn’t trip over the threshold. I smelled the lit candles immediately, and I smiled.
“Cadence, this is just the beginning,” he said. “Open your eyes.”
I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was an explosion of love, and it was all for me.
“How did you do this?” I breathed, taking in the details.
Red and pink balloons tied off with white ribbons bobbed around the ceiling. Candles cluttered the coffee and dining room tables, emitting a romantic glow. Bouquets of flowers decorated every surface of the living room. There were roses, carnations, tulips, daisies, lilies. I noticed little boxes wrapped with pink ribbons placed strategically throughout the room.
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Mark said.
I walked around the room slowly, taking in every detail. Pink confetti littered the coffee table. I pressed my forefinger to a piece and lifted it to show him.
“Where’d you get these hearts?” I asked.
“Party City.”
“And the balloons?”
“Party City. They only had two heart-shaped ones left,” he said, pointing to the corner.
“One for you and one for me?” I teased.
“That’s what I hope.”
I glanced around the room.
“Gosh. What would you have done if I’d refused to come home with you?” I asked.
“Killed myself,” Mark replied. “Seriously. If I had to walk in here alone, I’d kill myself.”
I laughed. “You really went overboard.”
“And I’d do it again,” he said. “And again and again.”
I flicked the heart confetti off my finger and picked up one of the little boxes.
“May I?”
Mark nodded.
I opened the box to one piece of chocolate wrapped in a thin pink piece of paper. I opened it slowly and read the message: “I’m an idiot.” I looked at Mark and nodded, then popped the chocolate in my mouth. I moved to another box and opened it. Another chocolate wrapped with a message: “You can punish me however you want.” I looked at Mark.
“Really?” I said, handing him the paper.
“Yes, Cadence.”
Well, maybe I could have a little fun with this.
“Get on your knees.” I didn’t actually think he would. How demeaning. But he did, and he waited for further instruction. “Umm . . . kiss my feet.”
Mark grinned and leaned over. I jumped back.
“No! Don’t kiss my feet. Germs. Germs on my shoes. That’s gross.”
“I’ll kiss them, Cadence,” Mark said, looking up at me.
I shook my head.
“Then what do you want me to do?” he asked.
I considered him for a moment before replying, “I want you to make me trust you again.”
“I’ll do anything to make you feel that, Cadence.”
“I want you to tell me why you kept saying that I needed to trust you, and when I did, you left me.”
Mark looked me straight in the eyes. “I was a coward. I was afraid. I thought my life had become more difficult when in reality, it became unbearable the moment you walked out of here.”
“I know it’s hard for us,” I whispered.
“But it won’t be forever, Cadence. And I always knew that. I was just afraid. I have no other excuse,” Mark replied.
“You said you didn’t like feeling out of control. That I made you too emotional or something.” I looked at him expectantly.
“I haven’t . . . felt things in a long time. I forgot what it was like. You stirred up all these emotions, and I didn’t know how to handle them. I thought I didn’t like them, and when you left, I realized I didn’t like not feeling them.”
I smiled. “So you are human.”
He nodded.
I thought for a moment. “Why haven’t you felt things in a long time?”
I watched him tense just like he did that day at church when his mother almost revealed a secret.
“I . . . I really don’t wanna talk about that right now. I want to share with you. I really do, but not now. Is that all right?”
I nodded though I couldn’t stand that there was a part of him he was unwilling to share. But I respected him enough to drop it.
“You don’t think I’m drama?”
Mark smiled. “I think you’re the best kind of drama. And I want you to be my drama, and make me feel all the time, and turn me inside out, and do to my heart and mind whatever you want.”
I jumped into his open arms, and he fell backwards onto the living room floor. He wrapped me in a desperate, chest-crushing hug that left me breathless.
“I love you, Cadence,” he whispered into my ear. “I never stopped loving you.”
“I believe you,” I said, burying my face in his neck.
And I did.
***
“I had sex with someone else.” I thought I should tell the truth before he made love to me like I was and had always been solely his.
Mark furrowed his brows like he didn’t understand my words. I opened my mouth to repeat them.