Everyone seemed to be holding their breath.
“I will never treat you like that again,” he said, eyes locked on mine before he addressed the entire class once more. “And I will never treat any of you like that. I don’t want you to be scared of me. I don’t want you to fear my class. I want you to feel like you can come to me and ask for help.”
And then everyone expelled the breath they were holding at the same time. Students relaxed, and the tension vanished.
“Please forgive me, Cadence,” Mr. Connelly said, looking at me once more.
I nodded even though I was still hurt. But I was also impressed that a grown man and teacher had the balls to admit his wrong in front of an entire group of students and ask for forgiveness. It might have been a terrible mistake—showing vulnerability in front of seventeen-and eighteen-year-olds—but something told me that the class would respect him more because of his apology.
***
I stood in his doorway unable or unwilling to walk inside. He stared at me shamefaced.
“I’m so sorry,” he said softly.
I walked in then and closed the door.
“Cadence, I am so sorry for the way I treated you. It was disgusting. Just disgusting.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
He looked shocked.
“I . . . I was manipulative on the phone. I said those things to make you angry—those things about not being able to touch me anymore and how we probably shouldn’t be together. I didn’t mean any of them. I said them to be hurtful.”
He looked at me confused.
“I didn’t realize how much I hurt you,” I continued. “At least, I didn’t realize it until class yesterday.”
He grimaced. “Please don’t try to justify my behavior, Cadence. It was sick.”
“I’m not justifying it,” I said. “But I understand where it came from. I was a total bitch.”
“Don’t call yourself that,” Mark said, and then he paused for a moment. “I . . . I confess you made me crazy all day Sunday. And the longer I went without talking to you, the angrier I got. But I should have been more mature.”
“I should have been more mature.”
“Cadence,” Mark said, exasperated. “Please stop blaming yourself, okay? I was a jerk, and I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me any time soon, but I hope in the future—”
“I do forgive you,” I interrupted.
Mark smiled. He didn’t look happy, though. He looked sad and defeated. “I shouldn’t have gone on a date with Tiffany.”
“I understand why you did,” I replied. “And you’re right. It’s not as though we can go public with our relationship. Your mom would want to know who you were dating.” I hung my head. “I wish it weren’t so hard.”
Mark walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. He lifted me off the floor, cradled me like a baby, and walked me over to the couch. He sat down carefully, holding me close to his chest, and kissed the top of my head.
“It won’t be hard forever,” he said. “You’ll turn eighteen and graduate. I’ll be finished teaching at Crestview. The whole world will open up to us.”
I smiled. “I turn eighteen next Friday.”
“I know.”
“You remembered?”
“Cadence, you think I’m an idiot? Of course I know your birthday,” Mark said.
I nuzzled his neck. “I want to tell you a secret.”
“You better,” he replied.
I cupped his ear and leaned in to whisper, “I liked you from the first day of school. That’s why I acted so weird around you.” I pulled away and grinned at him.
He leaned in and cupped my ear, whispering, “I know.”
I smacked his arm. “Mark!”
He chuckled. “I know because I felt the same way.”
“Then why did you wait so long to tell me?”
“Not exactly the easiest thing to do, Cadence. I mean, what we’re doing here is . . . dangerous. I thought maybe my attraction to you would fade with time, and that’s why I didn’t say anything. I almost wanted it to because I knew how difficult it would be.”
“But then why did you do all those nice things for me if you were trying not to be attracted to me?”
Mark chuckled. “Because it’s impossible to not be attracted to you. I couldn’t help myself. Every day after school, I would resolve to start over the next, to ignore how cute you were, to try to be unaffected by you. And then you’d come into class the next day, and my resolve would melt to nothing. I felt powerless, but not in a frustrated way. I liked the feeling. I still like the feeling.”
I smiled and sat up in his lap. “I’m glad your resolve melted to nothing.”
“Me too. Because I couldn’t imagine you not in my life.” He took my hands and held them, palms up. “Do you remember when I cleaned your hands?”
“Yes.”
He leaned over and kissed my open palms. “That’s really when I knew there was no going back.”
He tried to kiss my hands again, but I placed them on either side of his face and made him kiss my lips instead.
“I’ll never belittle you again, Cadence,” he said into my mouth. “I swear to you.”
“I believe you.”
And with each kiss, the soreness faded until my heart was healthy again.
“I love you.”
I dropped the plates with a loud crash. One broke, and I grimaced. I bent down to pick up the pieces.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, squatting and scooping and replaying his words over and over in my head.
“Cadence, it’s all right,” Mark said. “I can get more plates.” He squatted beside me and grabbed my hands. “Stop. Listen to me.”
I froze, unable to look him in the face. I stared at the broken plate pieces instead.
“I love you. I realized I loved you last week. I know the exact day and hour.”
“You do?”
“Mmhmm.” He stood up and pulled me to my feet. “It was last Monday at 4:37 P.M. You sat on my lap and whispered your secrets into my ear, and that’s when I realized I love you.”
I buried my face in his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me.
“Why didn’t you tell me then?” I asked.
“Because I wasn’t ready to.”
“Oh.”
“I don’t expect you to say it back, Cadence,” Mark said.
“Okay.”
“I want you to say it when you know.”
“Okay.”