“There’s no reason you can’t begin this problem, Cadence,” Mr. Connelly said. “The beginning isn’t even the hard part.”
I heard rustling behind me, like students shifting uneasily in their seats. The class knew that Mr. Connelly was picking on me. And they didn’t like it.
“Well?” Mr. Connelly asked.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“Um, Mr. Connelly? Maybe I could help Cadence?”
I turned around to see Jacob standing by his desk.
Jacob. He’d had a crush on me since seventh grade.
“Sit down, Jacob,” Mr. Connelly ordered. “Cadence needs to learn how to do this on her own.”
“I don’t know how to do it,” I repeated. My voice shook. My body shook. It was all over in a matter of seconds. I could feel it.
“What’s the limit, Cadence?” Mr. Connelly asked. “The limit. We’ve been reviewing it all year. Perhaps you need to pay more attention in class.”
I brought the marker to the board and wrote a number three.
“I’m not even sure what that means,” Mr. Connelly replied.
I erased the “3” and wrote a number five.
“Try again,” he sneered.
I erased the “5” and wrote a number I couldn’t even say out loud. All the way across the white board from left to right, and in the end, it was about 45 digits long.
I’d reached my limit.
Mr. Connelly glared at me before saying, “You come to tutoring twice a week, Cadence. That’s an extra four hours each week of instructional time. So why can’t you solve this problem like your classmates can?”
My eyes welled instantly. I placed the marker on the white board tray and walked to my desk. I saw the tears plop on to my open notebook. I closed it, gathered my books, and walked out of the room. I closed the door quietly, making sure it was shut securely before letting out a racking sob. I’d never been so humiliated in my life, not even when I stood in front of the judge for my sentencing. This was far worse because Mr. Connelly was supposed to care about me.
I walked to the girls’ bathroom and pulled out my cell phone. I opened my text messaging.
Me: I need to leave. Now.
Avery: What’s wrong?
Me: Really bad day.
Avery: Can you hang on until after fourth? I’ve got a test.
Me: Yes.
Avery: K.
I wiped the tears off my cell phone screen and placed my phone back in my bag. Then I cried for the rest of first period until the bell sounded.
“I have to tell you something,” I said, sitting beside Avery on a bench outside the auto shop where Gavin worked. He was getting off in fifteen minutes, and we planned to hang out at his place.
“Is this about Mystery Man?” she asked, licking her chocolate ice cream cone.
“Yes.”
“All right. Spill it, even though we’re totally breaking the rules. I still can’t believe I brought you here,” Avery said.
I couldn’t believe it either. Avery had kept me completely separate from her world with Gavin until today. I guess she felt sorry for me when she approached me at my locker after fourth period. I tried to hold it in, but I burst into tears immediately when I saw her. She grabbed my book bag and purse and led me out the side entrance of the building. I was surprised when she took me to the auto shop.
“Avery, you have to swear to God you won’t say a thing,” I said.
“Cadence. How long have we been doing this little arrangement?”
“A while.”
“And what have you learned about me in all that time?” she asked.
“Pretty much nothing,” I confessed.
“Exactly. If I don’t want people to know my business, then they don’t know it. And if I have a friend who shares her business with me and doesn’t want others to know it, then they’ll never know it,” Avery said. “Look at my boyfriend, for Pete’s sake. You think my parents know anything about him?”
I shook my head.
“Then relax. Your secrets are safe with me,” Avery said, biting into the rim of her cone.
“I’m seeing Mr. Connelly,” I blurted.
Avery dropped her ice cream cone. “Damnit, Cadence! A little warning!”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She scowled at me and then looked at the ground. “Man, I don’t even know what to address first! I can’t . . . you’ve gotta . . . what the . . .? Look at my ice cream!”
I looked down at her feet.
“I really wanted to eat that!” She kicked the dirt-crusted cone.
“I’m sorry about your ice cream. I’ll buy you another.”
She looked at me again. “Cadence, I cannot believe you’re sleeping with your teacher!”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “First, I like how the ice cream won out. Second, we’re not having sex.”
“Yet.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not just a physical thing. I really like him. I . . . I think I might love him.”
“What about him?” Avery asked.
“I think he feels the same about me, but we got into an argument yesterday, and today he made fun of me in front of the class,” I said, feeling my eyes water again. “That’s why I needed to leave.”
“What a jerk,” Avery said.
I nodded.
“How did he make fun of you?” she asked.
I wiped under my eyes. “He made me go to the board to work a math problem he knew I didn’t understand.”
“Freaking ass! Why would he do that to you?”
“Because I told him we were over. Well sort of. I mean, I kind of left it hanging.”
“Ohh. So you made him angry,” Avery said.
“I guess,” I whispered.
“And if he had that kind of reaction, it means he really likes you and wants to be with you.”
“He humiliated me, Avery! How does that show me he likes me?”
“Cadence, men have pride. It’s like one of their main characteristics or something. And you hurt his. I’m not saying what he did was right, but at least it shows the amount of power you have over him. That’s got to make you feel slightly better, huh?”
I was confused. I didn’t think I had any power over Mark. And I certainly didn’t want our relationship to devolve into a power struggle. I didn’t know much about it, but I was certain a relationship like that wasn’t healthy.
“I don’t wanna talk about this anymore,” I said.