*****
The smell of paint and lacquer were heavy in the air. It was a potent aroma that appealed to me. My CD player clicked a few times as it came to life and I flopped down on the small couch against the back wall of the attic. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes as the music helped me drift into my zone. In spite of my fatigue, it was useless to even think about napping. My eyes drifted from one painting to the next as I thought back to the incident in the lunchroom. I focused in on a piece I’d completed about a year ago that was inspired by my feelings for Antonio before he became aware of how I felt about him. There were clean lines and solid images that I later came to associate with the simplicity of our relationship. Everything was effortless. He and I had so many things in common and many of the same goals in life. We just seemed to fit together. As my eyes danced over the vibrant blues and reds before me, I suddenly felt inspired to create a new painting that arose from a very different inspiration. However, it would have to wait until some other time because I hated starting a picture and not being able to devote my undivided attention to it.
As I got ready for our date that night, I tried not to think about Antonio’s behavior as we’d parted ways that afternoon. Hopefully, he’d be in a better mood by the time he showed up to get me. Maybe that was too much for me to ask. Truth be told, I deserved much more than for him to be giving me the cold shoulder.
I appraised myself in the mirror and tried to prepare for whatever was to come that evening. The doorbell rang and I heard Daddy let Antonio in, so I took one last approving glance at the mirror and made my way downstairs. I hesitated before finally looking to meet Antonio’s gaze. It seemed as though he’d found some sense of peace since our last encounter, but he still didn’t look like his usual easygoing self. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Daddy gave me a hug and whispered me a reminder about my curfew before releasing me from his arms.
Antonio was silent as we pulled away from my house. I searched for something to say, but he beat me to the punch. “I’m sorry for earlier.”
“It’s fine,” was all I could say without allowing him to see the guilt on my face.
“I was just trying to keep my cool. That AJ dude was real close today.” I froze in my seat as he continued. “I ain’t no punk and he’ll find that out real quick.”
Antonio had a different side to him that only showed up when he got angry. He’d never been mad at me, but I’d witnessed it once before during the summer when we visited a water park not too far outside of Fairfax. I’d never been as scared of anyone as I was of him that day.
There was some random guy there with a group of his friends and they felt the need to make some really obscene comments about me in my swimsuit. I ignored it mostly, but Antonio lost all sense of reason. It happened so fast that I don’t even remember how it started, but Antonio grabbed the guy by the neck and held his head under the water, nearly drowning him. It took about five guys to stop him. Lucky for him, we made it out of there before the cops showed up. When he realized that his outburst had me shaken, he apologized, but I decided that day to always stay on his good side. That wasn’t something I wanted to see again.
I wanted to hurry and think of something to say before he interpreted my silence as guilt……which wouldn’t have been too far off. “I honestly don’t think he likes me at all, let alone in the way you’re thinking. You heard Leslie, he’s rude to me…..doesn’t even really speak.”
“Trust me. I’m a man just like he is and I know what he was thinking. He’s feelin’ you, Sam. Trust me!” Antonio insisted.
“Well, I think you’re wrong.”