“No!” I replied a little too dramatically. “I’m just trying to make sense of everything, but I know that’s not the answer.” I couldn’t even consider it.
“Look, I’m really, really starting to like you, but I understand that you’re already involved with this Antonio guy. So, if you want me to leave you alone, I’ll do my best to give you your space.”
My thoughts drifted back to when I’d been so sure of everything, but even my desire for that peace to return was not enough to make me want him gone. I was past the point where that was even an option. I smiled at him reassuringly, and after staring into my eyes searching for any trace of doubt, he smiled back at me.
Our conversation went on flowing smoothly for the remainder of our visit together. We’d talked about our families a little more, our friends at school, our career plans for the future and the list goes on and on.
2:26…..I didn’t have to remind AJ about the time. He sat up and slowly rose to his feet and in that same instant my nerves got the best of me again. It was time to say goodbye and I wasn’t clear on how that was supposed to go. Would he kiss me, or would he simply pat me on the back on his way out the door? I didn’t have to wonder for long. He reached for my hand and pulled me up off the bed. The next thing I know, his arms wrapped around my waist as he hugged me gently. I closed my eyes and tried to commit the feeling to memory, but it was almost too much for me to handle. If it weren’t for my parents coming home soon, I could have stayed this way with him for hours and still wouldn’t have grown tired of it. Eventually we separated ourselves and stood there only inches apart staring at each other for a long while.
“I guess I should go,” AJ said. He was standing close enough to my face that I could’ve easily reached his lips, so I backed up a step to break the spell. He stared a moment longer before looking away. I turned to lead him down the stairs; neither of us speaking another word. Through our embrace, we’d already said so much without ever opening our mouths. I stood in the doorway watching him climb into his car and back out of my driveway. In an instant….he was gone.
Once inside my room, I closed and locked the door behind me. I sprawled out across my bed and inhaled his cologne that still lingered in the air. Lying there, I imagined that he was still with me. AJ was absolutely unbelievable, and I loved that he seemed to like me too. While basking in this thought, I reached over to turn my radio on and let the soft music become the soundtrack to my thoughts. He was all I could think about. I wanted to call him already, but I didn’t want to come across as overly anxious. So, I forced myself to refrain but continued to let my thoughts wander.
The rest of the evening seemed mundane compared to the hours I’d spent with him. Dinner was at 6:30. My parents and I discussed how the dance went. Daddy spoke of the sermon at church from that morning. I did what little homework I had, watched about an hour of TV with my parents and retreated to my room at about 10:30. I had trouble settling down for bed because I was starting to feel uneasy about school the next day. A thousand and one questions ran through my head. What would it be like now that AJ and I were in limbo somewhere between friendship and…..whatever was coming next? Is this a huge mistake? Could I stand to leave AJ alone and never know what could’ve been?
Chapter Three