I clutched his tense arms in my hands to brace myself. I’d gotten so absorbed that I failed to realize that the soft rhythmic whimpering that had me mystified was coming from me. When I made the discovery, I placed one hand firmly over my mouth to keep quiet, feeling a little embarrassed. AJ quickly reached up and pulled it away as if to say that I should do or say whatever felt right. The windows were beginning to fog up quickly, making it impossible to see anything outside other than the glow from the moon. My legs were tangled around him, giving him no chance of escaping me even if he wanted to. In the height of passion, I embedded my fingers into the bare skin on his back as our bodies moved together. I stared into his deep dark eyes and let a single tear fall, overwhelmed by such a rush of emotion all at once. Before it could even roll down my cheek, AJ kissed it away. The idea that I could love someone this much was beyond belief. That night, something in me changed. He’d taken me from being that scared little girl who wasn’t sure about much of anything, to a woman who knew that the one thing she needed was him.
AJ stammered for a moment, trying to speak, and then exhaled, “This is how it’s supposed to be.” It was then that I realized that this was a first of sorts for him too. He’d missed something when he’d been with Leila that he was apparently able to find with me. Initially, I was concerned that this wouldn’t mean as much to him as it did to me, but he’d just washed away all traces of doubt.
For hours after I got home, I lay in my bed that night, and AJ was all I could think about. I fantasized about him every time I closed my eyes; the very thought of him made my body tremble. I felt alive in a way that I’d never experienced. Even as I lay there in the dark I had goose bumps. In one night he had me thoroughly addicted.
My thoughts were averted when my phone buzzed on my nightstand at nearly four in the morning. It was AJ and the message was simple.
“I Love u.”
The words put a smile on my face, he was thinking about me too. I fought to keep my eyes open so that the night wouldn’t end, but I was exhausted. I drifted off to sleep quickly and dreamt of him.
When I awoke in the morning, I had to convince myself that any of the night’s events had really taken place. I slid down deeper into my covers and decided not to get out of bed just yet. This would have been the perfect morning to wake up and find AJ next to me. As I laid there imagining this, I could almost feel the warmth of his body at my side. For now, I’d have to be content with my thoughts because I wouldn’t see him again until we hooked up with Karl and Deanna to go to the movies later.
I was in no rush to face either of my parents. What if they notice that something’s different about me? What if I can’t stop smiling and they can tell that something’s up? Hiding until they left out to run errands seemed pretty smart. I jumped up to take a bath and soak for a while. While I wasn’t in much pain when I was with him, there were parts of my body that I didn’t know existed that were throbbing now. Just the thought of him made me weak enough that I had to steady myself on the wall to keep from falling.
As I relaxed deep beneath the warm water, my thoughts drifted back to Leila. While the hurt she’d caused me was now dulled considerably, I found myself still angry. This was far from over. If she had gone out of her way to break AJ and I up already there was no telling what else she would do. She was unquestionably obsessed with him. I laughed to myself as I suddenly thought of one possible reason why she was so fixated on AJ She was the only other girl besides myself who had ever experienced him intimately and I could definitely understand what it was about him that had her mesmerized. He had a way of making every part of me feel like it was electrically charged. Every nerve was on edge with anticipation as he touched me. Even after it was over it still didn’t feel like I’d had enough.
Here I was with all these new emotions to deal with and no one to talk to about it. This would’ve been a time that I counted on Leslie for her support, but under the circumstances, that wasn’t a possibility. Things between she and I should’ve been different. I now felt like my best friend didn’t even really know me anymore because over the course of a few weeks, she’d missed some major things in my life because she’d closed herself off from me.
Maybe I could talk to her. Not about last night with AJ of course, but just have a little girl time before I met up with AJ later. She could come over and hang out here with me just like before. We didn’t have to get into anything too heavy, just talk and laugh together like we used to.