chapter 1
About a month ago…
Trista
“Congratulations! You’re going to be a new mommy!” The enthusiastic, middle-aged doctor announced. I sat there, immobilized and speechless as her words rang in my ears.
“Oh… I am?” I whispered, wholly aghast. Pregnant… with Harry’s baby… The thought alone brought happy and sad tears into my eyes.
The doctor dimmed the lights before she started to prep me for the ultrasound. She was telling me a story about some pregnant woman, but I could barely hear her. Quite simply, I was distraught and horrifically panicked. When the doctor lifted my gown and exposed my belly, she kindly warned me that the gel would be a little cold. I moved my head to the side, away from the small screen, as the realization of what my thoughtless actions had borne with them. Before I knew it, the whole room was surrounded by a loud whooshing sound.
A heartbeat.
My baby’s heartbeat…
“Let’s, see. You’re about thirteen weeks,” The doctor continued as she started to point on the screen, telling me which part was what.
She pointed out the baby’s head and told me what was developing at this stage. Curious, I made an effort to watch the tiny screen. I barely nodded at her while I stared blankly at the screen, seeing the tiny seed that was my baby, but really not seeing it. How had this happened? We were always careful. Harry always wore protection. Every. Single. Time.
“Do you have any questions for me?” The jovial doctor asked, while she maneuvered around and studied the screen closely.
Tons, I had so many to ask, but no answers for her to give. “I think you’ve explained everything,” I responded flatly. This was the worst possible outcome of our affair. All the possible bad scenarios played in my head as the doctor did her own thing. The first one was Harry’s reaction. The second one was the outcome of this pregnancy.
I barely registered what the doctor was talking about as she carefully cleaned my belly off and slowly pulled my gown back to order. While giving me some sort of pregnancy advice, she was jotting down a prescription for my pre-natal vitamins and whatever else she thought I needed. The doctor was rather oblivious to the horrified expression I have had ever since she announced the pregnancy less than an hour ago. When my period didn’t come as scheduled, my intuition pointed towards stress, but never pregnancy.
I was about ready to leave, when the doctor immediately got up and handed me a few of the ultrasound pictures. “Here, I forgot to hand these to you. Be safe now and don’t forget to stop by at the pharmacy to get your vitamins. I will see you some time next month at your next appointment, when you’re in your second trimester.” She smiled kindly at me, blind to the turmoil I was emotionally going through. Could she not see the sadness in my eyes?
I murmured my thanks without glancing at the pictures before leaving the room. My legs felt like jelly, numbed inside. With utmost determination, I huffed out a deep breath and started to walk out of the medical building. My off-white Mercedes SUV was parked closely. Once I was in the safe confines of my car, I summoned all of my energy to brave it out and look at the ultrasound photos.
The two by two black and white photos stunned me. My finger traced the tiny white form on the picture as tears gathered in my eyes again.
Harry and I were always careful.
What the hell do I tell everyone, most especially my parents? This was going to be a big mess. A mistress with a baby. My mom will die if she finds out her first grandchild is going to be a bastard. She will say it and see it as such.
My thoughts ceased as I heard my phone ring.
Harry.
I wiped my tears away before I took the call. “Hey!” I tried to sound as normal as I could.
“I’m at the hotel. Where are you? I only have a few hours and I want to make use of those hours buried inside you.” Harry tried to sound seductive, yet he failed miserably. He used this tone when he was stressed out. I knew for a fact that my cousin Becka was having a hard time with her pregnancy, and she always lashed out at him because of it.
“I’ll be there in twenty. See you.” I started the engine before I ended the call. For the entire ride, my thoughts provoked me.
Truth be told, I wasn’t sure what Harry would really feel or think. Maybe when he’s made his choice, maybe then, I can allow myself to think what I really feel about the whole pregnancy. Because as of right now, the only feeling I have is indifference—numbness.
I was meeting up with Harry in our usual hideout, in the Four Seasons cottage, always booked every two weeks for two nights. I used to count down the days until he was mine again. Before Becka got pregnant, I used to get two nights with him. In these nights, we were simply a man and a woman, but now, I only get a few hours a week, or a night here and there. I wasn’t happy about it, but I didn’t have a say in it. It’s either I end it with him or stick to what he could offer me, and I always chose to be with him. Always.
It took me approximately twenty minutes to get to the hotel. Add another ten to park and walk towards the cottage. I took three calming deep breaths before my finger pushed on the buzzer and the door was opened after only a few seconds.
Harry stood there wearing his grey suit and I paused to drink him in. He looked polished and put together. He was about six feet tall, dark, slicked-back hair with chocolate eyes. His build was on the lean side and he had that roguish sex appeal.
“You’re looking at me like you haven’t eaten for days. I promise I will feed you, Trista.” Harry laughed as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me thoroughly.
He was right , , I was hungry for him. I showed him how much I hungered for him through my kiss. As I pressed my body against his, he made a deep growl against my lips. Harry swiftly pulled us inside without breaking lip contact. It was always like this.
Crazy hunger took me over. It was in charge of my body, and I ached to be with him and only him. He hastily used his foot to shut the door closed. I was moaning against him when he lowered us both to the foyer floor.
“Trista…” he grunted, still kissing me.
With one hand, he swiftly took care of his pants. I could hear the tear of the condom packet before he brashly lifted my skirt up. His fingers hooked the sides of my thong, pushing it to the side and I buckled when he parted my wet folds; stroking me passionately. It took him less than a minute of foreplay before he was sliding inside me. Harry kept saying my name each time his cock entered me. His lovemaking was hard and fast; like he knew our time was running out and he wanted to get as much as he could from me.
“Harry!” I sobbed when I felt my release run through my body. On cue, he started to pummel me more. I felt him tense. After a few more hard , rough strokes, he came.
He took my lips and kissed me a few more times. “I’ve missed you.” He smiled at me with love in his eyes. With the back of his finger, he gently stroked my cheek.
I love him so f*cking much it hurts.
I think my heart started to crack from then on. That smile he usually gave me—the kind where it showed how much I meant to him—might be the last he’ll ever give me after I tell him the news.
I lovingly looked at him and smiled back. “I’ve missed you, too… very much.” I started to get choked up, knowing what I was about to tell him would make or break us. Yet, I knew I had to. I had to tell him the lowdown of what happened at the doctor’s office.
Harry softly chuckled against my neck before he started kissing it. He was still buried deep in me, but it was obvious that he was starting to get hard again. I was ready for another round, always. “We have to talk… it’s very important…” I trailed off as he started to slide in and out of me. F*ck, he felt so good.
“Can it wait until after we finish? I can’t help it if I always want you. You’re so beautiful, baby.” His hand found my breasts, roughly caressing them. “I love these,” he rasped out as he started to pick up his pace. “I love you.” He growled as he went in and out of me.
My betraying body responded to his lovemaking, but I knew I had to do it now. Although the idea of waiting appealed more, I simply couldn’t wait to spill the news any longer. I needed to tell someone, now. “It can’t wait… I have to tell you…” I paused and shut my eyes, but Harry seemed to be too occupied with his rapid strokes to hear me. “I’m… pregnant.” I waited a few more seconds for it to dawn on him, but he was still f*cking me.
Did he not hear me at all? Goodness gracious!
“I’m thirteen weeks pregnant!” I yelled at him, loud enough for him to hear me through his labored pants and grunts. That did get his attention.
“For f*ck sake, are you serious?” Harry looked incredulous.
Dead serious. Like I would joke about something like being pregnant? F*cktard!
“Yeah, because I have a sick sense of humor, idiot. Of course I’m serious!” I spat back at him. He immediately looked stony before he pulled out of me and got up, pacing. As he paced he took care of the condom, throwing it in the trash bin.
“F*ck! F*ck! Becka is pregnant! You’re pregnant! F*ck! Becka will kill me. Shit, your entire family will murder me—your father will be the one to stab me first!” He purposely knocked the vase on the foyer’s table over before he started to cuss and pace about again.
Granted, I expected him to freak out, though I didn’t see him acting all paranoid. I gathered myself up and fixed my clothes before I walked to where he stood. He needed my reassurance and I needed him to calm down before we could discuss things like rational adults.
“You have to get rid of it. There’s no other way to fix this and solve the problem. That baby will be the end of me—end of us—and my marriage.”
Yeah, I was always the second place. I knew that, but it hurt every time he chose to remind me. “What if I want to keep it? We could move and live somewhere, just you and me, and our baby.” I suggested mildly. The idea never occurred to me before… but now that I think about it, it made perfect sense. I wanted to be with him. I loved him without a doubt, I’d give up everything just to be with him.
Harry glared at me like I suggested the most horrid thing. His dark eyes sliced me in two. “Don’t be stupid! I will be taken out of my parents will if I do. I stand to lose more than you do.” He inched closer to me, eyes hard. “Prove this love you speak so highly of, Trista. If you truly do love me, you will do this for me and your family and me . I will arrange everything. All I need you to do is say yes.”
I stood there frozen. Torn between my child and the man I loved, but deep down, I knew he had a point. My family would disown me. Or, they would hate me and I would never live it down for the rest of my life. The shame, the humiliation that it would bring to my family, would be hard to endure. Harry impregnated cousins, a few months apart. How does one fathom the idea? It was inconceivable.
“Give me a few more days to think about it,” I murmured not looking at him.
My response got me another menacing glare. “You have until Sunday. I will have everything set up the following day to get rid of it. This is f*cking serious, Trista. Think of Becka and what this will do to her. If it comes down to it, I will choose my marriage over this. I never wanted this to end, but it’s inevitable now.” Harry walked off towards where he left his pants in the foyer. He quickly dressed and stood a few feet behind me.
“No, don’t say that…” I was crumbling inside, but he didn’t seem to care. My tears flowed and I couldn’t be bothered to wipe them away. I was beyond caring. I wanted to scream, yell and reason with him, but his cold-hearted demeanor stopped me. He already made his point clear. His family comes first. I simply couldn’t compete with that.
“Expect my call on Sunday. I will not speak to you until then.” Harry stood there for another minute before he sighed and walked out of the cottage.
I felt betrayed by him. I understood what I needed to do, but what I couldn’t fathom was his harsh treatment of me. For the very first time, I really felt like a mistress. Harry’s sex puppet, something to be used and abused until it was time to be thrown out.
I had no clue how long I stood there, silently crying. There was no one to blame except me. Being a mistress was always a disadvantage. Every woman knew that. It didn’t stop me, though. The temptation was too hard to resist. Harry’s seduction was difficult to refuse.
At the end of it all, I stood at the losing end. No matter how you looked at it, I was irrevocably defeated.