chapter 9
Trista
The next day, I woke up alone in bed. My eyes were stuck staring at the dent Taylor’s head made on the pillow. My fingers softly trailed the outline while my thoughts brought me back to the events of last night.
All he needed was a little nudge and things would’ve have turned out hot and heavy, but I knew I couldn’t go there. Dragging my body off the bed, I took a long shower. Once done, I managed to style my hair and put some make-up on. Memories of Taylor the night before made my heart skitter inside my chest throughout the routine of getting ready.
I had decided that today I would pretend like last night wasn’t awkward at all. Taylor was a decent guy. I suppose, he could be slotted in the “gentleman” section.
I gave my reflection a once over and found satisfaction in what I saw. I perked up before I left the bedroom. What greeted me, though, was not what I had expected. There were four girls outside enjoying the mid-sized pool, overlooking the sea. What caught my interest was the fact that Taylor was with them. Engaging and obviously enjoying the attention these women gave him.
The outdoor dining table had food and pastries scattered about. Lindsey was on the other end typing her fingers away. She looked up when she saw me pull up a chair and join her. “Hey, you missed lunch again!”
I gave her a small smile. “Nothing new there. Go back to whatever you’re doing. I’m going to eat and go through my phone.”
Lindsey quickly glanced at the playful women. “Those were the New Yorkers I met last night. They seem to have taken a major interest in Taylor. I think they’re trying to see who gets him first. It’s like a competition.”
I don’t care about him and his stupid women. “That’s awesome! The guy needs some lovin’, too.” I may not mean it, but it sounded believable. No matter how loud they got, I trained myself not to look in their direction. Instead, I poured myself a cup of coffee and loaded my plate with food.
“You don’t sound that convincing to me, but okay, whatever you say,” said the doubtful woman as she typed away on her keyboard.
I didn’t even try to argue with her, I simply wasn’t in the mood. In dire need of some distraction, I pulled my phone out of my purse and turned it on. There was a message from Mom, Amber and lastly, from Harry. My hand shook at the mere sight of his name on my phone for the first time in a month. Truly, I never expected him to contact me again. Like the true masochist that I was, I opened his message first.
Check your email, please.
H
What did he want to say to me that he couldn’t have sent on a text message?
Curious, and certainly dying of desire to know what his email might be, I turned my attention to the woman still tapping away on her computer next to me. “Linds, is it okay if I could use your laptop? I need to check my email really quick.” My data plan for my mobile didn’t work around here. I forgot to inform my carrier that I was traveling abroad.
“Yep, I have to call home, anyway. Not to mention, Carter’s been really annoying. I have to call him back.” Lindsey saved her work, and after a few clicks, she got up and handed me her laptop.
I made sure she left before I checked my email. The noise the people in the pool made could barely mute the loud, thudding sound my heart was making when I clicked to open the electronic letter.
There’s no excuse for my actions. I know it hurt you, for that I am deeply sorry. You must see how complicated my life would be if I hadn’t asked that of you. I hope someday, you can find it in you to forgive me.
I think you of everyday. There’s never a day that I don’t. I guess that would be my punishment. To love someone I can’t have.
Are you having a great time in Greece? I try to convince myself that you’re probably around men who are vying for your attention. I want you to be happy.
A small part of me, hopes that you aren’t. I don’t blame you if you’ve moved on, though. You’re young and free.
You’re free now… free of me.
Goodbye my love.
I reread it again, my breathing ragged, my body slightly shaking from anger and his audacity. With all this pent up emotion, I knew I couldn’t just email him back. I needed to talk to him. My phone may not have I i nternet, but I surely have the capacity to make calls and send messages. I made sure I logged out of my email first before I strode towards the other side of the small cliff. It led towards the shore, and would provide the amount of privacy I needed.
The steps heading to the shore were steep, but my purposeful determination didn’t even make me pause to be cautious. How could Harry be so selfish? After weeks of not hearing from him, he comes knocking like what he did wasn’t that big of a deal. Was the email supposed to be a band - - aid to the damage he had caused? But the most disconcerting part was that amidst all these hateful and furious emotions that had me strung out at the moment, I felt a little hope flourish. It was pitiful, pathetic and absolutely absurd, that I—after all that’s happened to me—would still be pining and hoping that he might want to rekindle our relationship.
Once I was safely on the sand, I was glad to find that there was no one around. The small strip of sand was nestled in between two huge boulders. I tried to gather as much strength and rationale before I decided I was ready to hear his voice again. My fingers trembled when I touched the screen to send the call. My heart shot up manically once I heard the first ring echo in my delicate ear.
“Trista,” Harry breathlessly said after the second ring.
Oh, God. I could feel my barriers slowly sliding off, easing at the mere sound of his voice. F*ck, I cursed repeatedly. Think of Emma and how she reacted when she found out about Carter’s betrayal. She broke down, but persevered. Think of what Lindsey would’ve done, if a guy messed with her. She would have made them pay.
Harry had to know the kind of pain and hurt he inflicted on me. Loving him only gave him the power to hurt me this badly. He had to know that I could survive without him in my life. He had to realize that.
“I just read your email.” I sounded terse and brisk . , T t he total opposite of the raging chaos that was happening inside of me.
“I’m sorry. I felt like a total dick—” he was going to try to justify his cruel actions, but I wouldn’t let him.
I gave a harsh laugh at his attempt. “Yeah, you were a total dick. You were shitty, cruel, heartless, unfeeling; a brutal son of a bitch, Harry. You let me face it, and go through it, all on my own. No support or remorse came from you. That shitty love you kept throwing in my face was an absolute lie. And to answer your question, yes, I will be moving on. I don’t care how I will achieve it, but rest assured, I will get over you, Harry. Bastards like you don’t deserve to be loved.”
“I know you’re angry, but you don’t mean that. You love me, Trista, and I love and miss you like crazy.” He sounded like he meant it, but what did I really know? It ticked me off that his words stole my breath away.
A big part of me wanted to go back and be with him, but then I flashed to the moment that despair had overcome me the other night. I couldn’t keep hurting myself. I had to move on. It was pathetic that I kept making excuses not to, but I had none left. If I didn’t do it now, I might never get a chance again. “We’re really finished, Harry. I’m dead serious about this. I will make it a mission if I have to, so please, stop reaching out to me. Goodbye.” I hung up without even caring if he wanted to talk my ear off about his reasons.
It was for the best. Nothing good could ever come out it. With shaky breath and legs, I decided that it was best to sit it out on the sand for a while and wait for my turbulent emotions to calm down, before going back up to the villa.
Huh, he’s sorry. How trite and obnoxious could he be?
“Hey, you okay?”
I spun sideways and found a serious looking Taylor standing on the foot of the steps. My fingernails dug into the insides of my palm when I clenched my hand. Heck, I forgot about him and his watchful eye. “Were you eavesdropping?”
Taylor’s footsteps headed towards me. I held my breath when I heard him sit behind me. “Come here, let me hold you.” His toned, muscular arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against him. I curled up like an injured animal. My body nestled in between his legs, my head on his chest. His large hand rubbed a small place on my back, soothing me. “Let it out. You’ve held it in for far too long. I’m here just to listen and comfort you, nothing more.”
Dang it, why did he have to say the right things? I didn’t want to break down and cry my guts out, but I ended up doing it anyway. I cried like the broken woman that I was inside. Cried for the mistakes I could have avoided, for the life I could’ve had if I hadn’t become a mistress. But m M ost of all, my heart cried out to my innocent, unborn child—the collateral damage for our forbidden tryst.
“I have to forget him. It’s time,” I murmured, as much to myself as to Taylor. I hoped that the more I spoke and thought it, I would eventually believe it.
I was not aware how long I cried my heart out, but the moment my loud cries turned into soft sobs, I took notice. All of my hair-raising senses were on high alert—conscious, enrapt and aware—of the hard perfection that held me. It left me flustered and dismayed. Why? Possibly due to the fact that I found myself liking being held in his arms, or the way he smelled—sexy with a cool, crisp hint of potent masculinity—that toyed badly with my amplified senses.
Taylor would’ve been the perfect, sexual, rebound man. If he weren’t so connected to Bass and Emma, I wouldn’t even hesitate to lose myself in him. Alas, life wanted to play more ghastly jokes on me, testing my will and limits of temptation.
Like Harry, it all started with curiosity, turned into temptation, which brought me to eternal damnation.
Yeah, I wasn’t ready for another head-to-head match with my mind and body. So, I simply broke myself out of his hold, stood up and silently walked away without saying a damn word.
***
The four “let’s play under the sun” girls joined Taylor down on the shore for swimming and beach volleyball. I don’t know why, but each time one of them tried to engage me in conversation, I turned into a bitter bitch. I noticed them starting to avoid me as much as I was them; I guess the feelings were mutual.
It was just Lindsey and I on the patio. We were on our backs, bathing suits and sunglasses in place, working on our tans, when my phone beeped with a text message.
Amber: I wished I was there with you guys. The only thing that keeps me from walking out of this place is the thought of seeing you all in a month. Since I am miserable in Arizona, please make sure you have twice as much fun. You get my fun card. Double the pleasure, double the fun! Tell both girls I said hi and miss them. I have so much to make up with you all. I love you, Trista Stevens. Thanks for not giving up on me.
“Is that Horrid Harry? You look sad.” Lindsey lifted her sunglasses, her eyes waiting for me to confirm her suspicions.
Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes underneath the sunglasses. I knew she didn’t really like Harry, well no one did, but I was done talking about him. I didn’t want to say or hear his name anymore. I meant it when I told him I was going to do everything in my power to banish him from my thoughts. “No. I told you, Harry wouldn’t be contacting me anymore. It’s actually Amber. She’s saying that she misses you guys and can’t wait to join us back in SB,” I replied, distracted with my quick reply to Amber’s message.
“Tell her to focus on getting better and stop flirting with the doctors and the entire male staff.” Lindsey muttered as she went back to her old position, with a slight frown on her pretty face.
Amber was known for her excessive, sexual appetite. She’s quite open about it to us and doesn’t hold back the details. Knowing how she was, I bet she had the male staff under her thumb.
Me: Hey, love. Wish you were here, too. We’re on the island of Ios with Taylor Montgomery (Bass’s BFF). I’m looking forward to seeing you. BTW, Lindsey said to focus on getting better and not flirting with the male doctors. I know it’s fun and all, but we’re serious. Get better this time. We miss you.
P.S. I’m here for you, always. Love you, Doll.
After sending the message, I laid back and worked on my tan. I looked calm, but it was only a facade. Inside, my thoughts gravitated again to Harry, Taylor and now, Amber. The first two, I could do without. The last one, I couldn’t. I gave a long silent prayer that Amber was getting the treatment that she obviously needed. I also hoped that she took it seriously.