She places her palms against my chest and tightens her legs around me, pulling me closer.
I tighten my grip on her hair, desperation filling my every vein. “Didn’t you promise me forever? This is forever to you? Leaving me a mere few months before our wedding? I guess you got everything you wanted, huh? You used me and now you’re discarding me.”
She looks into my eyes, looking so damn heartbroken. “I love you, Alec.”
I freeze and she smiles mirthlessly.
“I love you. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I’m irrevocably in love with you.”
I pull away from her, staring at her in disbelief. She laughs, but there’s no humor in her eyes.
“You find that harder to believe than me cheating on you?”
I run a hand through my hair, unsure of what to say or think.
“Tell me you love me, Alec. Tell me you love me, too, and I’ll rip these divorce papers up right now. Hell, tell me you feel anything for me, that you think you might love me someday, and I’ll stay.”
After everything she and I have been through, after everything we’ve seen… how could she even believe in love? How could she ask it of me?
“Alexander,” she says, her voice trembling. She slips off my desk and straightens out her clothes, her head hanging low. “I’ve spent my entire life loving people that didn’t love me back. I won’t do it again. I won’t. Not even for you.”
She looks back at me before she walks away, her eyes dropping to the divorce papers on my desk before the door closes behind her.
Chapter 58
E lena
I stand at the entrance of the house I grew up in, everything feeling unfamiliar. I walk up the stairs to what used to be my childhood bedroom and pause in the doorway, shocked. My entire room has been converted into a walk-in closet, not a single one of my belongings remaining.
I walk into the room, my fingers tracing over the brand-new dressers that replaced all my furniture. There are over a dozen rooms in this house—there was no need whatsoever to wipe away every memory of my childhood.
I sink down to my knees in the middle of my room, tears filling my eyes. My head drops down to the thick carpet, and I let myself fall apart for the first time in years, hot tears streaming down my face. A sob tears through my throat and I try my hardest to keep it in, but I fail. All I accomplish is choking on my tears, my lungs burning. All the while, my heart feels like it’s in physical pain. I’ve never felt this broken .
I curl into a ball, my heart shattered beyond repair. I’ve lost so much in the last couple of years, and every time my heart broke, I lost a little part of it, leaving my heart forever incomplete. It wasn’t until Alec that I dared to hope.
“Honey?”
My mother strokes my arm, and I look up. I sniff, and she holds her arms out for me. I hug her, and she holds me tightly.
“Mom… it just hurts so much.”
She nods and holds me closer, my head against her chest, both of us seated on the floor.
“I know, honey. I know it does. You’ve been so strong, so brave, for so long. Elena, my darling, I’m so proud of you.”
Her words just make me cry harder. I almost lost my mother too. What would I have done if I did? I’d have been all alone, without a single person who truly loved me. Without anything to live for.
“Honey, you’re breaking my heart. What happened, Elena? Why did you suddenly want to move out of the Kennedy’s residence? What’s going on with Alec and you?”
I sit up and wipe at my tears furiously, unable to stop them from falling. “I… he doesn’t love me, Mom. Maybe I’m foolish for leaving, but it’s all I want. I just want to come first to someone. For once, I just want to be the center of someone’s universe. I want to be all someone can see. And maybe it isn’t possible, maybe that doesn’t exist, but being with Alec, knowing that he used to love someone that way, and perhaps still does, knowing he can’t give me even a fraction of what he used to feel for her? It killed me slowly, Mom.”
Mom leans in and brushes away my tears, a smile on her face. “I see,” she says, her voice soft. “And does Alec still love this girl?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know, Mom. I don’t think so. I don’t know. All I know is that he doesn’t love me the way he loved her, and he never will.”
She rises and holds her hand out to me. I take it from her, inhaling shakily, trying my best to stop my tears from falling.
“Come on, sweetie. Crying on the floor of your old bedroom isn’t going to help you. Let’s go.”
“Where are we going?”
Mom smiles. “To Jade’s room.”
She pulls me along and walks to the room that used to be hers. My heart twists painfully. I’ve been so absorbed in my own pain that I didn’t even stop to think about how hard this must be for Mom. Being confronted with the evidence of my father’s affair, with all the years she’s lost, it can’t be easy. Yet she smiles as she enters her old bedroom.
She looks around and laughs. “God, so tacky,” she says, her eyes roaming over the room. I grin, my tears forgotten. She isn’t wrong. The frilly bed sheets are so gaudy.
Mom picks up some of Jade’s cosmetics and stares at them. Then she smiles and pulls her arm back, throwing it all against the wall with as much force as she can muster.
“Come on,” she tells me, smiling. I stare at her with wide eyes but follow her lead. Before long we’re both throwing Jade’s belongings against the wall, wide smiles on our faces.
Mom picks up a small jewelry tray that smashes into hundreds of pieces, and we both burst out laughing.
“Mom, there are a couple of things I’ve always wanted to smash,” I tell her, my lips tipping up in a smile.
Mom looks at me with raised brows, and I grin. “Come on.”
I lead her down the stairs to the hallway. My heart twists painfully when I see the photo frames that used to house photos of us, every trace of Mom and me removed.
I hand her one and then pick up another. We grin at each other before throwing both frames against the wall, enjoying the way they shatter.
Mom sighs, looking like a weight was just lifted off her shoulder. “That felt so good,” she says, wrapping her arms around me. “Feel better?”
I nod and drop my head to her shoulder. “So much better.”
“Good,” mom says. “Now that you’ve got that out of your system, you might finally be able to think clearly.” She grabs my shoulders and looks into my eyes. “There’s no way that boy doesn’t love you, Elena. He looks at you like you hung the moon. Every time you were in pain because watching me relearn how to walk was difficult, he was hurting right along with you. And don’t get me started on the way he helped you regain everything we lost. Alec took every one of your pains personal, every grudge you had, he settled. Every step of the way, he’s been trying to mend your heart.” She smiles and brushes my hair behind my ear. “Now, don’t get me wrong. The boy is stupid. Too stupid to see just how much he loves you. I can’t even blame him, because he’s been burned so badly, and it can’t be easy for him to admit to himself that despite his best efforts, he fell for you. But he did, Elena. Alec is so in love with you, and he doesn’t even realize it. Nor do you, for that matter.”
I stare at my mother, my heart hopeful. “Mom, no… if he loved me, he’d never have let me go.”
She cups my cheek and smiles at me. “Give it time. Give him time. The best things in life are worth waiting for.”
Mom presses a kiss to my forehead, and my eyes flutter closed. Time… I don’t think time can solve our problems.
Chapter 59
A lexander
I walk into my bedroom and pause. I’ve always loved solitude, so why does this room suddenly feel so… empty?
I tug on my tie and walk into my closet, my eyes pausing on the empty shelves. There are traces of her everywhere, even the faint scent of her perfume lingers. I sigh and walk toward my bed, but that just makes things worse.
When I look at my bed all I can see is the way her hair spreads out on our pillows, the way she rolls toward me in her sleep, clinging onto me. I’ll never have her in my arms again.
I sit down on my bed and run a hand through my hair. I grab my phone against better judgment, a photo of Elena and me staring back at me. I’m pressing a kiss to her cheek and she’s smiling, her eyes twinkling with happiness.
I can’t do this. I sigh as I walk back out of my bedroom and down the stairs, needing a fucking drink. I can’t get her out of my damn mind. Everything reminds me of her. No matter where I look, there are traces of her everywhere. I see her kissing me in the lobby of my office, laughing with my family in the kitchen, smiling at me from our bed. She’s tainted every single space, continuously torturing me with the memory of her.