Flat-Out Celeste(Flat-Out Love II)

Leveling Up

The Andaz Hotel in West Hollywood was suiting Celeste surprisingly well. It was eclectic and historic—so that part easily matched up with who she was—but she even quite liked the rock-and-roll art that hung on the walls. And West Hollywood was undeniably full of characters. Yes, it was showy and she could hardly count the number of spray-tanned bodies that had paraded past her in shocking outfits today, but the truth was that the people were actually quite friendly.

Which was good, because it was giving her the confidence she needed to approach strangers to assist in the plan.

The hotel lounge was buzzing this Friday afternoon, so she had plenty of potential people to target. The ceilings were nice and high, and that helped ease the claustrophobic feeling that her nervousness was bringing on. Celeste took a sip of her ginger ale and then hopped from the bar stool and smoothed down her navy dress. She had to get moving. An hour better be enough time. She picked up the stack of poster board sheets that were leaning against the stool and tossed her hair back. She could do this.

The couple at the corner table looked friendly enough, although Celeste was hesitant to judge based on looks alone. A young man with long dreadlocks and a sleek, stylish suit sat with a woman whose hearty laugh had been echoing through the room for the past ten minutes. So at least one of them was in a jovial mood. Next to them were two Austalian women, and Celeste had been delighting in their accents since she’d first entered the lounge. She would start with this section of the room.
   



But her phone rang. “Dallas!”

“Hi! How’s the plan moving along?”

“I am glad you called. I am zeroing in on my first set of candidates. Do you have words of support?”

“Kick. Ass.”

“I do believe you have captured the spirit needed for this endeavor,” Celeste said. “Dallas?”

“Yeah?”

“I apologize again for my sour attitude this past month. You have been patient with me, and you stuck by me when most wouldn’t have. Thank you.”

“We’re friends. Friends go through rough stuff, and they come out better friends.”

“I like that sentiment very much.” Celeste smiled. “Send my greetings to Zeke, and I will report in with the results of today’s event.”

“Check ya’ later, kid. Good luck!”

The poster board sheets were rather awkward to carry, but she did her best to look self-assured. Amusingly ironic, she thought, that she’d just rid herself of one cardboard item only to replace it with this stack. These cardboard pieces were for the future, though, not the past.

Her heels clicked across the wood floor, alerting the hotel guests to her approach. She cleared her throat. “Good afternoon. My apologies for disturbing your evening, but I am in need of cohorts who might wish to join me in a clandestine caper of the most fun sort.”

“A caper!” The woman with the laugh clapped her hands together. “I’m intrigued!”

The man elbowed her. “By ‘intrigued’ she means ‘tipsy.’”

“So then perhaps she’ll be inclined to help?” Celeste asked with hope.

“What sort of caper?” The brunette Australian asked. “Is it illegal?”

“No, no. Nothing like that,” Celeste promised. “It is more of the… fairy tale sort.”

Her girlfriend scooted in closer. “Like Rapunzel?”

“There will be height involved, so you could say that.”

“Well, grab yourself a seat, and do tell us all about this fairytale caper.”

“Oh. Really? Thank you.” She glanced out at bustling Sunset Boulevard. Sunset Boulevard! How could one not be inspired to go after one’s dreams? It was then, as she looked at the wild chaos of honking cars, flamboyant locals, flashing billboard signs, and nightclubs, that she knew the plan was going to work out. Celeste sat on a bench between the two tables. “I will need to gather more volunteers for this to play out perfectly, but here is the story. It all started many years ago…” She detailed the best parts of what she felt to be a true epic saga, thanked her now-enthusiastic assistants, and with their help, found the necessary additional people.

At precisely two o’clock, she moved to the front lobby and took a seat on one of the leather loveseats—very much a fitting place to wait. She crossed her legs and watched her ankle bounce up and down. The minutes ticked by. Celeste frowned and clapped her hand down on her knee. It took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves.

But then the person she was waiting for appeared. The plan was now fully in motion.

She leapt from the cushion. “Julie! You made it!”

Julie was in red heels and a black sheath dress, looking glamorous with her hair and make-up done and a wide silver bracelet around her wrist. She rushed over and embraced Celeste. “You weren’t kidding when you said to get dressed up, were you? Check you out, all glammed up for Los Angeles!”

“And you look stunning, as well. I am so glad you agreed to meet me while I’m here looking at UCLA. After that terrible visit in San Diego, I am pleased to the utmost degree that you are willing to show me around town and allow me to take you dinner.”

Julie squeezed her hard. “I’m so sorry about that day, Celeste. I feel just awful. About so much.” She sat down and patted the spot next to her. “Tell me how the college trip is going. Where are Roger and Erin?”

“Oh, my parents wanted to give us a night alone. You know, just us girls!” Celeste sang out too loudly. “You and me, hitting the town,such as it may be!”

“Well, okay, then…” Julie said with a somewhat worried look on her face. “Should we get going? Where are we eating? I don’t know why you didn’t let me make reservations. I live here after all, silly.”

“I just had a particular spot in mind, and it was fun for me to browse online through all that this city has to offer. Did you know about something called Yelp? Quite useful, that site.”

She laughed. “I do know about Yelp.”

“Do they have Yelp for London?” Celeste asked pointedly.

“Ah. You heard.”

“I think it is wonderful for you.”

Julie paused. “Matt told you.”

“Matt told me a lot of things. Anyhow… I would very much like to show you my room here at the quirky and unique Andaz before we depart. Shall we?”

“Oh. I guess so.” Julie followed Celeste out of the lobby, past the front doors, and to the area in front of the elevators.

Celeste hit the button and looked at the floor numbers as they lit up, as the elevator came to the lobby. She stared straight ahead. “Elevators are always so interesting, are they not?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“One never knows who one might encounter, what wild adventures might happen.”

Julie bit her lip and looked down, pretending to examine her shoes.

“Huh.” Celeste touched a hand to her cheek. “I do believe that you and Matt had a rather unusual elevator experience, did you not? When you were trapped in a broken one and having a bit of a panic attack. He was pretending to be Finn, for whom you had feelings, and I do believe there was a rather titillating message exchange.”

“Oh God, Celeste. He told you about that?”

“Yes. I gather a thinly veiled skydiving metaphor was used to in an effort to conceal an intense romantic and sexual attraction?”

“Celeste!” But Julie could not help laughing as she pushed the elevator button again. “Come on, come on….”

“How does one begin a conversation like that? Just out of curiosity.”

“Technically, it was two messaging sessions. One then, one a few months later.” Her face sobered a bit now. “But I don’t know how it started… I don’t remember. It was ages ago. It doesn’t matter.”
   



“You must remember something,” Celeste prompted softly. “A back-and-forth series of progressively heated prose, the outpouring and confessing of love? Those cannot be easily lost, no matter when they took place.”

Julie allowed the hint of a smile to touch her lips. “I was scared. In the elevator, I was scared. Matt tried to reassure me. Distract me. Make me feel safe.”

“And did he?”

“Yes. He asked… “ Julie took a breath and then her eyes focused from the memory. “He asked if I’d forgotten that he was a superhero.”

“How fascinating. Well, that situation is all dead and buried now, isn’t it? And lucky for you, you won’t have to see Matthew ever again. I know how you are thoroughly finished with all of that nonsense. Delightful! Our elevator has arrived.” Celeste gestured for Julie to go ahead and then followed. Celeste swiped her room key to activate the elevator and then punched a bunch of floor level buttons. “There. Look at all those pretty lights. Like a Christmas tree.”

“What the hell, Celeste? Why are we stopping on so many floors?”

“Because this is a wonderful hotel, and we must appreciate what it is that various floors have to offer.”

Julie was sullen as they rode to the third floor. “You know, I never said that I couldn’t stand ever to see Matt again,” she said without hiding her irritation.

“Whatever. Cool beans and all.” When the doors opened, she pushed the button to hold them there.

Julie started to step off the elevator, but stopped sharply when she was blocked by the brunette Australian girl who stood in front of her on the landing. In her hands she held up one of the cardboard poster signs that Celeste had given her.

It took Julie a moment. Then she stepped back, wobbly on her feet, catching her balance on the rail. She was visibly shaking.

“Read it,” Celeste encouraged. “Read aloud what the sign says.”

The shock poured from Julie’s entire being. She looked at Celeste with such confusion and wonder that Celeste had to nod and again tell her to read it.

“It says,” Julie started. But she had to stop and close her eyes for a moment before she continued. Even then, her voice broke. “It says, Have you forgotten that I am a superhero?”

Celeste nodded to her sign holder and then pushed the button to close the doors.

“What is happening?” Julie whispered more to herself, it seemed, than to Celeste.

They rode to the next floor. And when the doors parted, another helper was there with a sign. This time the man with the dreadlocks, and enthusiasm for his part in this had him struggling to stay still. Celeste widened her eyes at him, and he settled down.

Julie read the words printed on the poster board. “Tell me that you trust me.” They rode to another floor, and Julie reached a hand out to Celeste for support.

Celeste could barely take her eyes from her friend, but she had to focus on her role as director of this show.

The doors opened again, and Celeste held her finger on the open button.

Now Julie’s eyes were wet as she read another quote from the messaging session that may have left her head, but never her heart. “As much as you’re terrified right now, you’re also starting to feel the rush. The thrill from being on the brink.”

Another floor, another sign. “I want to feel like this forever, lost in this experience.”

Julie was now leaning against the back wall of the elevator and holding Celeste’s hand so tightly that, were it not for a good cause, Celeste might have shaken her off.

And the next floor. “I want to drift together.”

On the next floor, Julie laughed through her shock. “I want to give you the slow version. The hot version.”

They were lifted higher. The next floor couldn’t come fast enough for either of them now. Julie read the sign held out for her. “Right now, only one thing scares me. That you’ll get up and walk away from me.” Julie was shaking her head as she made Celeste look at her. ”No, I won’t. I couldn’t. Oh God, where is he? Where is he?”

Celeste wiped Julie’s wet cheeks. “Soon.”

The hum of the elevator echoed around them as they rode to yet another floor. “I think about you all the time, and I can’t get you out of my head.”

They were getting closer to the top. “Julie, right now, today at this hotel, I am asking you to ignore everything you think you know and listen only to your heart, without doubting anything.” Julie’s hands were over her face as she shook, the full impact of what was happening hitting her now.

“You have to look up,” Celeste instructed. “Do not cry so much that you cannot read. You are going to want to pay particular attention to this next one.”

The doors parted and Julie let out a beautiful sob. “Will you marry me?”

Celeste was in awe. How could she not be? She was in the middle of life–changing bravery. Julie leaned into her, and Celeste put an arm around the friend who had once saved her. It felt remarkable to finally be able to repay—even if just a bit—what Julie had done.

And then—at long last and many years overdue—the final floor.

The elevator doors slide apart. And Julie nearly collapsed.

Matt, in a full suit and tie, was down on one knee. And in one hand he held a ring.

“Julie.” He radiated relief. And love. “You… You stayed through every floor.”

“Of course I did,” she said through tears. She flew forward, and he stood, catching her in his arms. Matt held her, his body trembling because he was back with the person he belonged to and who belonged to him.

Now, through her tears, Julie reflected back more words that Matt had written to her. “And then you kiss me. Matt, then you kiss me, and make me feel everything that you feel.”

So he did.

Celeste slipped out from the elevator and moved off to the side, watching from the edge of the waiting area. She didn’t want to miss a moment. With her hands clasped with excitement, she welled with pure happiness for her brother and for Julie. They were going to get their happy ending.

But the kissing went on and on until Celeste was tapping her foot with impatience, and she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “You must respond to his question, Julie! You must say yes, or it is not official!”
   



Julie dropped from her tiptoes, but kept her hands in Matt’s hair as she moved her mouth from his just enough to respond. “I have to check something first.”

“You do, do you?” Matt asked, so deliriously in love that Celeste almost didn’t recognize him.

“This hotel is not you, but it’s very me. And these clothes are not you, but they are very me. And I appreciate those things, I really do. But I just need to make sure…” Julie nodded mischievously and slowly slid her hands to the top of his shirt and began undoing the top buttons.

Matt raised his eyebrows. “Look, I seriously can’t wait either, but to be completely honest, you shouldn’t have high expectations because it’s been a while, so the phrase ‘eternal voyage’ may not come to your mind when—”

“Matt!” Julie laughed, but continued undoing a few buttons and pulled open his shirt. She sighed with happiness. “Good. You’re still my superhero under these dress clothes. You have on your Nietzsche is My Homeboy shirt. As handsome as you look in this suit, now I really know that everything is as it should be.” She started to kiss him again.

Celeste tossed up her hands. “ANSWER THE QUESTION!”

This time Matt pulled away. “Yeah, let’s hear it.” He bunched his shirt closed. “No answer, no Nietzsche!”

Julie pulled open his shirt again. “I say yes to Nietzsche and yes to my favorite homeboy.” She looked up at Matt. “That’s you. Yes, yes, yes. I will marry you, Matthew Watkins.”

Celeste jumped up and down and cheered as Matt slid the beautiful ring onto Julie’s finger. It was not, as engagement rings often were, a diamond, but rather a purple stone much the color of one that Matt had given Julie years before. It was the perfect ring. Celeste could not stop clapping and celebrating. Not that Matt and Julie noticed at the moment due to the resumption of the kissing. And the groping. Granted, it was a little creepy watching her brother make out with someone so passionately, but she did know what it felt like to love someone so much that—

Oh no.

She couldn’t do this now.

Or could she? Maybe it was the perfect time. Maybe there was a lesson here.

Celeste backed down into the hallway and walked the corridor to her room. Her suitcase sat on the bed, and very slowly she unzipped it. It was time. She rooted through her belongings until she located what she was after. Then she walked to the window that took up most of the far wall and sat down in the chair that faced Sunset Boulevard.

In her hands was the box from the Christmas tree. She’d felt compelled to toss it into her luggage, and now she knew why. She lifted off the top and took out the two pieces of paper, slightly water damaged and wrinkled, but still intact.

She reread hers first.



Live the life you’ve dreamed.



It was a quote from Thoreau. The sentiment had been her intention. That night she’d been at the top of the tree, so filled with the hope and the delight that came with Justin’s romantic gesture, and she had meant with all her heart to do just that: to make the dreams she’d only just started to allow herself to have to become her reality. But instead, just when they were falling into place, she became filled with terror. That was when she should have known that she was on the brink of great change. That was when she should have bitten the bullet and continued on.

Justin’s paper was folded into a small square, and she slowly pulled apart the paper, careful not to tear it. Celeste inhaled sharply and held her breath. He’d also written down a quote. Of course he had. They were both quote people. His was an Emerson quote. One she knew well, but had never thought to apply to herself. But Justin had thought to.



To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.



Celeste stood, paper in hand, and walked to the window. Justin believed in her. She touched her forehead to the glass and looked down at the street. Out there, there were characters, and personalities, and interesting people. Some would be wonderful and magical; some would be awful and cruel.

And some, she understood, would not only love her, but would teach her to love herself.





The Power of Celeste

Celeste pounded on Matt’s hotel room door. Well, Matt and Julie’s door. “I am terribly sorry to disturb you. Really, terribly, horribly, mightily sorry, but this is of an urgent nature!”

“Are you on fire?” Matt called after a minute.

“Well… no.” Celeste admitted. “Not in a literal sense, but figuratively and emotionally, I am very much on fire!”

If this hotel had crickets, their chirping would be ricocheting off the walls.

“Matthew!” She hammered her hand on the door. “Julie! I am fully aware that I am interrupting you both, but in the name of love, I am begging you to open the door!”

She heard scuffling sounds, and Matt whipped open the door. “I do not see any figurative or emotional flames shooting from your head.”

Celeste kicked her foot between the door and the doorjamb before he could shut it. “Julie!”

Julie laughed. “Matt, let her in.”

He sighed and grandly gestured for her to enter. She covered her eyes and slithered past him. “I do not wish to witness anything I should not witness. I am simply here to retrieve the car keys.”

“Where you going?” Julie asked.

Celeste paused. “I am going to San Diego.”

Matt pulled her hand from her face. She loved the adoring look he gave her. “Are you really?”

She held up a hand, palm out, to partially block her view.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Shielding my eyes. You do not have on a shirt and we are not at the beach.”

“Well, don’t come knocking on the door an hour after a guy proposes marriage. And it’s not my upper half you should be hiding from.”

“Matthew, gross! I realize this is an inopportune time, but you’ll have plenty of chance for that after I am gone. And for the rest of your lives. I need the car keys!”

“You’re really going to San Diego?”

She held up the piece of paper with the quotes and waved it frantically at him. “I found my hinge, Matty.”
   



He nodded. “Okay.” Matt turned to Julie. “We gotta go.”

“On it.” She was thankfully still dressed, and immediately hopped off the bed and picked up her shoes from the floor.

“No.” Celeste stopped them. “I want to do this alone. I need to. You two must remain here and allow me to handle this myself.”

“I know you can handle it,” Matt said. “We both do. We just want to support you. Besides, you drive like a damn maniac, and you should arrive there in one piece, not eighty-seven.”

She put her hands on her hips. “You will drive fast, though?”

“Yes,” he agreed.

“Very, very fast?”

“For you, yes.”

“We have that outrageous Tesla sports car that you insisted on, so you best not attempt to blame the car for any inability to break speed limits. I need to be there by sunset and that is at six minutes after seven.”

“Understood.”

“Drive as though your life depended on it,” she ordered.

He shrunk back exaggeratedly. “Based on the look you’re giving me, my life does depend on it.”

“Suck it up.” Julie appeared next to Matt and tossed his geeky T-shirt at him. “Let’s go get her man.”

Matt did as he promised, and he drove them to San Diego with the speedometer well over the legal limit. Granted, it would be difficult for anyone not to make good use of the car’s capabilities.

Except for the music blaring from the speakers, the car was silent. Julie kept her hand on Matt’s shoulder for the entire ride, occasionally running her fingers up into his hair and back down. They were both whole again.

Celeste needed to think.

Actually, what she needed to do was feel. The words that Julie read out loud today rang through her head. Ignore everything you think you know and listen only to your heart, without doubting anything.

Matt had it right, but she would not wait years to implement what she saw so clearly was the truth. She would act now. But she would need help.

Celeste started to text Michelle, Justin’s roommate’s girlfriend, whom she’d met that day at Barton. Then she stopped. A text was safe and impersonal. This called for a phone call. So she dialed her number. Michelle was surprised to hear from her, but friendlier than Celeste would have expected given what had happened.

“Michelle, I realize hearing from me may be odd, but I am throwing myself on your mercy.”

Michelle’s voice immediately soared. “Are you calling for the reason I think you’re calling?”

“I am. I need your help, if there is any chance that you are willing.”

“If you are going to restore order to my world, then I’m all yours.”

“I am going to do my best.” Celeste hesitated. “Thank you. Thank you so much. It means a tremendous amount that you are agreeing to facilitate this.”

“We all screw up. We all run from stuff when we shouldn’t. It’s okay, Celeste. I get it. Maybe not exactly what you’re going through, but I get it still. Everybody runs from something good sometime. Tell me what you need.”

They talked for ten minutes, and then Celeste tucked her hands under her legs and looked out the back window of the car. She shut her eyes. There was no stopping now, and she didn’t want to.

Matt got them to San Diego in under three hours. He made the stop at Starbucks that she requested and continued with the directions from the navigation system until they reached a spot on the coast. Matt and Julie got out of the car.

“It’s going to be dark soon. You okay?” Julie asked.

“I will be, yes. Either way, I will be.” Celeste scanned the area at the top of Sunset Cliffs. They were just past the spot where she had stood a month before. “You can go.”

“What? We don’t get to stay and watch?” Matt stomped his foot and pretended to have a fit. “You interrupted us just as things were about to—“

Julie clapped a hand over his mouth. “Call us if you need us. We’re going to get dinner. And you know what? I’m proud of you. Really, really proud. You’re doing what I couldn’t do.”

“Thank you, Julie. Matt?” She stepped toward her brother. “Matty?”

“You can do this.” He was done joking now. “It’s going to be fine.”

“Okay.”

“You can. You’re the bravest sister anyone could have.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Celeste.”

She fell against him and let him hug her and rub her back. “I love you, too, Matty. You are going to have a wonderful life.”

“You are going to also.”

“But nothing has happened yet.”

“A ton has happened,” he said.

She squeezed her arms around him. “Yes. You’re right. A ton has happened.” He took the Starbucks coffee cup from Julie and gave it to Celeste. Then he tousled her hair and smiled.

Celeste crossed the street and watched Matt and Julie drive away. But they were riding away together, and that was perfect. She waited only a few minutes. A car pulled up not far from her, stopped by the cliffs, and then drove slowly as it passed. Michelle waved and winked.

Celeste had to compose herself before she could look at the boy who was now less than fifty feet from her. Finally, she lifted her eyes.

Justin stood with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, a backpack slung over his shoulder, his hair blowing in the ocean breeze, and a look on his face that she couldn’t read. It took all of her might, but she walked to him and he to her. They met in the place on the rocks where they had been once before. Her heart clenched when he was before her. Now she could see clearly that Justin’s eyes were wet, his face pained.

Celeste struggled to hold back the immeasurable reaction to seeing him again, but it was impossible. After everything she had been through over these past months, with him and with herself, she couldn’t. So she gave in, sobs erupting from her as she hung her head. She dropped her head as the tears fell.

Justin stepped in and put his hands on her waist. He didn’t say anything, letting her get the worst of it out.

She finally spoke through her heartache. “Hey, Justin?”
   



He took forever to reply, but finally he said the two words that saved her from collapse. “Hey, Celeste?”

She looked up. This look from him? This one she knew. “I brought you a coffee.” She held out the cup to him.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” She sniffed hard. “I had to special order it.”

Justin knew what to do. He took off the lid and looked down. When a smile broke through, she knew that he understood. “This is the most beautiful peace sign I’ve ever seen.” Then he read the marker writing on the side, scrawled in wobbly cursive.

Make love, not war.

Now he sniffed. “I told you that you were a pacifist.”

“I won the battles, Justin. And I won the war. And now there is no more fighting. Now there is peace. You told me to let joy win out, and I am choosing to do that.”

Justin took a deep breath. “This coffee looks, like, totally amazing and delicious, but I really want to kiss you. And for that I need two hands because I’m going to have to hold you up. That’s how hard I’m going to kiss you.”

Without hesitating, Celeste batted the cup from his hands.

He stepped in and immediately wrapped his arms around her waist. “I missed you. I didn’t think you’d come back to me.”

“But I did. And you waited, didn’t you? You didn’t give up.”

“No, I did not.”

“You could have. You likely should have. That would have been fair. I imagine that I hurt you significantly, that you were very angry with me, and for that, I am profoundly sorry. I pushed you away because I thought I needed to protect us, and instead I threw away what was protecting us, what was making us both stronger. Justin, I am so sorry. I will do whatever I can to make things better.”

“Things are already better. You don’t need to apologize, Celeste. I knew, even during that wretched talk on the beach, that what was happening wasn’t really about us. It was about you. So I wasn’t angry. Hurt and sad, yes. My heart shattered, yes. But you had stuff going on that was greater than us, and you had to go deal with that. I didn’t know if that was really going to be the end or not. And when you never picked up the phone, or replied to my emails, or… Well, I really got worried when I texted you the coffee froth picture of the Mad Hatter that I, like, really labored over. Fine, I know that picture sucked, but you must have seen the effort that went into it, because I even used a toothpick and tried to swirl the chocolate into an expressive face, but—”

“I loved it. I absolutely loved it.” Then her mouth was on his, and she drowned in the immeasurable scope of what it meant to be back with him. She touched his face, ran her hands through his hair, felt the skin on the back of his neck in the way that he loved so much.

When Justin stepped back, she almost whimpered, wanting more. Wanting everything. But he turned her to face the ocean. “We can’t miss this sunset.”

So together they followed the sun as it dropped, both imperceptibly and all too fast. Justin stood behind her and held her close, his chin resting on her shoulder.

Celeste took an empowering breath. “I’m submitting my acceptance to Barton.” Before he could say anything, she continued. “It’s where I want to be. Not because of you. Partially, of course. But truly, it’s because I’m choosing a more important path for myself. Matt helped me see that. Just because I assumed that I would go to an Ivy does not mean that is the right choice for me. It’s not what I want. Not anymore. In fact, I don’t think I’ve wanted that for a while. I refuse to be left behind in this world, so I need to catch up. This is a smart step for me.”

Justin’s hold on her tightened. “I’m so happy for you.”

“You have taught me, Justin…” She took some calming breaths. “You have taught me that I am allowed to like myself just as I am, at whatever stage I am in. I can change, I can stay the same, or I can be whoever it is that is right for me; but I can be satisfied. No, more than that. I can be proud. I can celebrate. That is what I am going to do.”

“And you are going to do that brilliantly. I have no doubt.”

“I have hope that you and I will continue this relationship, because I care so deeply for you, Justin. So much so that I withdrew. But I know that not every love is forever. That’s the practical side of me talking. I do not want you to feel a responsibility because I am going to Barton. I am, very sincerely, going for me.”

“And I want to you know that I get this, Celeste. I really do. Your choice comes from strength, not from dependence.”

“Yes.”

“And now I have a very important question for you,” he said. “Why do I have a backpack? Michelle made me take it and wouldn’t tell me anything. I thought maybe she was dropping me off for some sort of vile reality show survival game where I’d have to kill a pig in order to eat dinner.”

Celeste laughed. Oh, how she’d missed him. “I was hoping that you would lead me down the steep rocks and to the beach.”

He kissed her cheek. “You want to sleep down there?”

“She brought me appropriate shoes, and a blanket and… I don’t remember what else I asked for. I don’t care what we have. I just want to sleep on the beach with you.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.”

“And I am considering something else.” She stepped from his arms and walked forward, closer to the edge of the rocky cliff. The view just before night hit was incomparable.

“What’s that, my brave girl?”

Celeste watched as the sun threw the last of its light across the water. “One day, when the color of the sky is perfect, when I have spent the night in your arms, and when I am fully back where I belong, I may just jump from the cliffs to the water below. Maybe. Maybe I will; maybe I won’t. But in either case, I will still be just fine.”

She could feel Justin studying her. “You’re going to do it, aren’t you?” He clapped. “You are. That is the power of Celeste.”

Celeste smiled without reservation and peeked back at him. “Maybe,” she said coyly. She winked and raised both hands in the air, flashing the peace sign to the world before her. The world that used to terrify her and the world that now welcomed her.
   



“I am choosing a love that defies boundaries and a life that defies boundaries. That is the power of Celeste.”





Acknowledgements

Sydney Delores Herring and Maddie Round are two very special young women. They wrote me in December 2013 and absolutely gushed over the Flat books and me, and they did so at a time when I was discouraged and utterly confused and uninspired to write. After messaging back and forth with them one evening, I fell asleep hearing Celeste in my head. It was borderline creepy how clearly she spoke to me, but it was then that I knew I could—and had to—write Flat-Out Celeste. How could I not? Sydney and Maddie call me “the author,” Flat-Out Love “the book,” and Matt “the character.” I’m humbled and curtsying like crazy over these girls.

This book would never have been possible without the endless help that Rebekah Crane gave Celeste and me. The hand holding, the yelling of, “Let it land!”, and the unwavering championing were the reason I could write. Without Rebekah, there could be no Flat-Out Celeste. Smart, brilliantly funny, and loyal, she is everything one could ask for in book advisor, and even more important, in a friend.

Liis McKinstry, Mo Mabie, Whitney McGregor, Aestas, Whitney McGregor, Rob Zimmerman, Marlana Grela, Maryse Coutier Black, Jen Halligan, Jamie McGuire, Tracy Crawford Hutchinson, Rebecca Donovan, Tammara Webber, and Tracey Garvis-Graves have extended themselves in so many ways. All have proven to be generous, loving, and supportive over the past few years, and I thank them with all of my heart for their dedication to me and to my books. They continue to cheerlead enthusiastically when I am discouraged and whiny and have certainly earned wild applause.

There is not enough praise to throw Autumn Hull’s way. What a stupendous job she’s done for me with Celeste’s promotion! As talented a publicist as she is, Autumn is equally kind and caring on a personal level, and I am very thankful to have her in my corner.

Antoinette Woodward pulled me from a ledge just before I jumped, and she has my eternal love.

Without Maria Milano, Justin would not have a last name. Also, she has a true knack for proofreading and can spot a missing word a mile away, and Celeste and I owe her dinner.

My friend Tom, while in the battle of a lifetime, still insisted on hearing about Celeste and giving me his time and creative input. I needed that hand-holding desperately, and he got me through a few huge struggles and desperate days. His patience for my babbling and thinking out loud cannot be underestimated.

Not a day goes by that Andrew Kaufman does not support me, challenge me, make me laugh, and offer me the most layered and remarkable friendship a girl could ask for. He knew what it meant to me to get this book written and published, and he never once gave up on me. Andrew manages to be the voice of reason and calm during my frequent hysterics, and he has the ability to talk me through even the most crazy of thinking. I would be, without question, lost without him.

Carmen Comeaux is so smart and fabulous that I was scared to send her my manuscript. Her sharp eye and immeasurable editing skills are much appreciated. College may be far behind, but friendship is not.

My longtime friend Alexa Lewis did a wonderful job line editing and included amusing comments, such as, “This line sounds like a Celine Dion song. Change? Unless you’re going for that.” So she caught typos and catastrophic word choices. I couldn’t ask for more.

Thank you to Dawn Abby Gil and Dallas Fryer for letting me borrow their names. I hope I did them justice.

John Vosseler talked me through Sunset Cliffs, and on my next trip to San Diego, I’m there!

I’ve got a core group of twenty women with whom I fight the good fight each day. The publishing world is not easy, and it means everything that I have them to catch me when I fall and celebrate with me when I climb. I’m throwing handfuls of glitter at them right now, and each one of them looks positively stunning.

And as always, gratitude to my ever-patient family for allowing me to disappear for days and picking up the slack during crunch time. Apologies to my son who continues to suggest that I “should really think about writing something else.” Perhaps one day I will write that epic science fiction book…

My readers and bloggers: Man, am I lucky. They give me more than I ever understood possible with their encouragement, and humor, and sending of unicorn paraphernalia and Wonder Woman pictures. They are the reason that I have a career, and I don’t forget that for a second. Special love out to my Facebook and Twitter followers who are the most wild and wonderful crowd imaginable. Clearly I cannot list you all here (although I’d love to!), but I know so many of your names from our frequent interactions, and you all rock my world hard. See you soon, my friends.

And finally, thank you to The Coffee People for making Black Tiger k-cups, to Amazon for delivering my fuel at near light speed, and for the baristas at my local Starbucks for knowing to add an extra espresso shot to everything.