A fluttering sensation began in my stomach as I considered that statement. Finally, with my chin resting in my hands, I turned to her and responded. “No. Not love… I don’t think we know each other well enough for love, but at the same time, love doesn’t feel like a strong enough word. Whatever it is, it’s as if it lingers between us, telling me I want him around, and I want him to touch me. And when I do get around him, I feel energized, and I’m so wrapped up in being there that nothing else matters. And the sex… my God, it’s nothing like I’ve experienced with anybody else. It’s not just a sexual experience with him, it’s… euphoric. So it’s not love… it’s deeper than that.”
“Or…,” Renee said, leaning forward to place a hand on my shoulder. “This is the first time you’ve experienced real, profound love. The things you described… Tee, that’s love. How is it you can recognize it in your clients, but can’t in yourself?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know… I guess it’s just… different to experience it for yourself.”
“True. So… what makes you send the man you love into the arms of another woman?”
My mouth went dry as I let out a huff of air. “Resignation. Avery was looking for somebody who could give him a relationship, and later down the line, become his wife, maybe have kids. I had to accept that no matter how I felt about him, it would be completely selfish of me to pursue something with him, knowing I couldn’t give him what he needed. I put him with somebody who could.”
There was silence between us for a moment until Renee let out a bark of laughter. I looked at her, confused as she continued to giggle, then responded. “Is that the story you’re telling yourself? Girl, please. Don’t act as if hooking him up with Maya was all about doing something for him. It was selfish! You’ve never had a relationship work out, so you were scared to give this one a chance. As soon as you realized what was happening, your ass ran.”
“Well, I… damn. I guess… you’re kinda right.”
She lifted an eyebrow at me. “I know. But… what are you gonna do now?”
I shrugged. “He’s happy. I’m not gonna interfere with that, so what else can I do other than try to get over it?”
So that’s what I did, I tried to get over it. In the short term, that meant having a blast in San Diego with my sister and friend. We saw the seals in La Jolla, went clubbing, and ate Mexican food until I thought I would pop. I let them drag me to a hookah bar, we went sailing, and biking, and we people-watched at Oceanside Pier. On our last night, we found ourselves on the beach, building a bonfire in one of the fire pits.
Renee snuggled in close to her husband, giggling at something he was whispering in her ear. Melanie had found herself a young tender who looked like he belonged in an ad for Aeropostale, and I… I felt eyes on me from a distance. I looked up, staring along the beach until finally, my gaze landed on the culprit. Our eyes locked, and I watched as he continued his approach, stopping to speak to Renee and slap hands with Eric before sauntering toward me, looking every bit as sexy as he always had.
“Tori Kennedy. Girl, you get finer every time I see you,” he said, pulling me into a warm, tight hug as he lowered himself onto the sand beside me.
I laughed, squealing a little at the end when he playfully lifted me off the ground. “You say the same thing every time I see you, Brandon.”
Brandon Jensen was good friends with Renee’s husband, Eric. We met at one of their get-togethers when I was down for my yearly visit, and since then, Brandon always made it a point to spend as much time as he could shamelessly flirting with me. I wasn’t blind, so of course I’d noticed that he was incredibly handsome, with creamy caramel skin, heavy lidded eyes, an impeccable smile, and my personal weakness — great facial hair. It also didn’t hurt that underneath his tee shirt, there was a body that he’d constructed masterfully in the gym, covered in gorgeous tattoos. Yes, Brandon was certainly a remarkable sight
“I missed seeing your pretty face last year. Ren said you didn’t come down?”